TW: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS
Footsteps. That's the only thing that could be heard after those thunder's and crickets, she walked slowly through the kitchen, blood dripping from her hand. Slow little steps, due to her weakness from passing out, she falls onto the floor, right before exiting the Mess Hall.
Cindy.
Ziggy.
Alice.
She stands on her feet again, and walks slowly towards the Hanging Tree, holding herself on the trees so she would restrain herself from falling. She stops walking, seeing that the tree's were no longer there and it was only plain grass. She falls again and takes a look around.
Is she okay?
She needs to be okay.
Her eyes stop at a spot near the tree, there was three people there. Two on the floor, and one of them were sat besides the other. The girl's head was dizzy, she couldn't see anything clearly so started crawling, getting closer to the scenario. As soon as her vision gets the situation right, she stops moving.
"No! NO!" She yells, Nick looks behind and see's the girl, he couldn't help her, he was trying to save Ziggy. "CINDY!" The girl shouts as she gets up and runs, in pain, towards Cindy's body. She kneels besides Cindy's body and cries in agony, her bloody hands hold Cindy's face in hope the girl would wake up. "Don't you dare die on me Cindy, do you hear me!" She cries as she tries to cover up somehow the huge wound on her chest. "No, no, no! Don't do this to me Cindy, come on! Wake up!" The girl slightly hits Cindy's face a couple of times, there's no point. Cindy was dead. Cassie brings Cindy's dead body closer to her, putting the dead girl on her lap. She held Cindy tightly with her arms, the girl was still warm. Cassie's tears felt right onto Cindy's big cut on the chest, you know that sculpture called Pietá? It's basically Jesus mother, Mary, holding her dead son in her arms. That was how Cassie was holding Cindy right now.
"Cassie. There's no point." She hears Ziggy mutter. At least she was alive, the girl laughs and starts looking around her, while breathing really fast. This isn't happening, this isn't real..
It's my fault.
She sobs hard, not being able to breathe properly. Cassie puts her hand on her chest, trying to get some sort of relief because of the huge amount of pain she was feeling in that moment. She looks at the sky, still not believing what just happened, but within a couple of seconds. It just hits.
She yells the most agonizing scream anyone could ever hear. She was alone, she was so fucking alone.
I promised her, I promised that I would keep her safe.
If I were quick enough.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I could've saved her.
I didn't..
I broke the promise.
She's dead because of me.
She's dead because of me..
She looks at Cindy's blood on her hands.
It's over.
She died.
And Cassie wished she would be dead too.
.-.
ᴄᴀssɪᴇ's ᴘᴏᴠ
I stared into nothing.
The cops had already arrived, they already took Cindy's body. Alice was dead too..I wrap myself around my jacket, with Cindy's blood still on it, it has her smell. Ziggy was talking to Nick and a police officer, I already told them everything, about the curse but they just laughed. I would definetely snap at them, but I was too tired.
From crying, from everything.
Unfair. That's what life is. Right after me and Cindy got back together, life took her from like she was nothing. Why not me?
It should've been me, not her. She has a sister for fuck's sake, I don't have no one, it's so weird. I don't feel like I'm in denial, I saw her there. Dead.
She's gone.
She's fucking gone.
I take a deep breath, trying to recover myself but I fail. I feel like I wanna die.
I want to die.
Where's the point of being here?
I feel some raindrops falling on my face, the amount of bodies right in front of me. The paramedic starts moving me towards the ambulance, he puts me inside the ambulance carefully. A nurse enters there and closes the door, while the paramedic drives the ambulance.
"You're really lucky you know?" She says and I stay silent for a couple of seconds, almost a minute.
"I was supposed to die in that camp." I say. "I promised that I would protect her and she died, while I'm here, alive. My life would've fucking mattered." I could feel my voice shaking.
"You should be grateful for life, for giving you a second chance." The nurse says pissed.
"Grateful?" I laugh ironically. "Life just took the most important thing I had and left me in here to rot. Life is unfair." I respond and she stays quiet, she knew I was right.
.-.
It's been a week since Cindy died. I already got out from the hospital, since I recovered quickly. Me and Ziggy are basically famous in town, everywhere we go they look at us, they feel sorry for us.
Cindy got a proper funeral, I used my cash so she could have the funeral she deserved. Many people from our town were there, as they buried Cindy I could feel Ziggy sobbing against my suit as she hugged me tightly. She lost her sister and I lost a lover. The same person, we shared that pain.
I was driving in my car, it was late and I was just getting home from work, after a night-shift at the supermarket. I was driving nonchalantly, not really being able to focus on anything. That has been happening a lot since the massacre, the radio was on but still I couldn't pay attention to the songs.
"And now, a classic hit-song to keep you company on this cold night." I hear on the radio. " Can't Help Falling In Love by Elvis Presley" Not that song...
I move my finger to turn off the radio but I stop, I haven't let myself feel anything for a week. I need this, for a little while. Just for a couple of minutes, as the song starts playing I feel a strong scent come through my nose, it's Cindy's perfume. I was wearing her jacket tonight but her smell got off since I washed it.
Cindy's perfume.
Her jacket.
The song
It's like, she's here. But she's isn't.
She's not here.
She's gone.
She's fucking gone.
Oh God she's gone.
I feel my breath getting heavier, the tears rolling quickly from my face. I pay attention to the road, but I still sob. God, she never finished the book...she doesn't know Anne dies. After her death I found that she kept a box with many of our stuff, our notes, photos, gifts. She had this whole diary that I read, talking about how she felt about me and how I made her feel special.
Take my hand
Take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you
I wish she could take my life right now, I would be so much happier with her on the other side than here. Anywhere with her is good, even if it's on the pits of fucking hell. I lost everyone. I'll never get to exchange notes with Cindy again, I'll never kiss her again. I'll never go on adventures with Alice nor Arnie, I'll never get to help those kids with Gary nor Joan and I'll never play baseball with Tommy again. They're gone Cassie, they're gone.
I stop the car in my garage and enter my house. My mom is on the couch, and surprisingly she's not drunk. I place the keys on top of the table and she looks at me, finally acknowledging my presence. She looks at me concerned, because of my figure. I litteraly look like I haven't slept in weeks and tears are running through my face right now. She gets up from the couch and slowly walks up to me, she holds my face and I feel her cold fingers cleaning the tears falling from my face. She opens up her arms and I let myself fall into her, I cry hard against her chest as she holds my head and rubs my back. I hold her tightly, I needed this so much, especially from her.
Every girl needs a mother.
And damn it, I needed you.
"Don't hold anything kiddo. Just let it go." She says as she pats my head.
"She's...She's gone Mom." I struggle to say because I can't breathe properly. "She's fucking dead." I grab her even harder as I feel myself getting weaker, she brings me back up, lifting me. "I should've saved, I...I could've saved her. If I were fast enough..I.."
"You've done everything you could my child." She replies as I break down in her arms.
This was the first night I slept besides my mother after years, she held me every night as I cried like a child. And if I'm being honest, I never slept so well in my life, probably because I was so exhausted from all the crying and I slept right where I dreamed of for years. In my mother's arms.