I followed Logan down a plushly carpeted hallway, Alex and Nick bringing up the rear with my bags. I'd brought all my worldly possessions with me, but I didn't have much. Everything I owned, including my few books, my precious teddy that I couldn't ever remember being without and my clothes, only took up two bags. Most of my clothes didn't even fit me properly any more, but they were all I had, so I brought them along. The only pair of shoes I had were on my feet. I wondered if my brothers would get me some more, but I wasn't going to ask them. Even though Alex had literally just finished telling me to ask for anything I wanted, I wasn't going to. I didn't want to be a burden. I didn't want to do anything that might make them regret bringing me here, and asking for new shoes and clothes might make them wish I'd never come.
There was a huge, elaborate staircase off to the side of the hallway and Alex and Nick put my bags down at the base of it. The curved banister wrapped all the way around the staircase and I pictured myself sliding down it in my head, just as I'd read about in books. I'd always wanted to live in a house with stairs, ever since I saw in a movie once when I was little, some girls sliding down the stairs on a mattress, bumping their way from the top to the bottom. It looked like so much fun! But I'd never been able to try it. The only stairs that had ever been inside any building I'd ever lived in was the horrible, communal stairs in the dingy apartment building we once lived in, where I'd had to share a bedroom with Mom. Well actually, she'd had the bedroom. I'd slept on a pile of clothes on the floor, mostly. And there was no way I was doing anything on those stairs. I avoided that staircase as much as possible. I suppressed a shudder at the memory of what had happened on those stairs and looked at the stairs in front of me, instead. This staircase would be perfect for playing on.
But I kept my imaginings to myself. Somehow, I didn't think my brothers would approve of me sliding down the banisters and bumping down the stairs on a mattress.
"You're thinking of sliding down the banisters, aren't you?" Logan turned around and stage-whispered to me.
Holy moly do these boys read minds?
I was too embarrassed and shy to reply, but I felt my face heat up and I knew I was blushing red as a tomato.
"It's fun," he whispered again, a bit softer this time. "Just don't let Damon catch you."
Somewhere, from deep within me, just enough bravery to reply, came forth. "I've always wanted to bump down the stairs on a mattress," I whispered shyly, "but I've never had the chance."
Logan didn't reply, but he did wink and give me a big grin.
The house, or mansion really, was super flash. I'd never been in anything so fancy and I was almost too scared to breathe. What if I touched something and it broke, or got dirty? I couldn't imagine ever feeling comfortable enough here to truly relax. It was huge, and flash.
I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Just relax." Alex spoke gently, reassuringly. "It's just a house."
I nodded, still completely awed by my surroundings. In front of us was a massive marble foyer with a huge crystal chandelier dangling from the ceiling. My eyes widened. This was just like I'd seen in the movies! I never, in my wildest dreams, thought I would ever get to live in a place like this.
"Come on, just through here," Logan said, pushing open a door that led outside, to a big stone tile patio. Beyond the patio was a massive kidney shaped pool surrounded by a well tended garden. Logan turned to me and grinned. "See? Pool. And the rest of our brothers."
I followed Logan out the door to the left where three men sat on deck chairs around a large outdoor table.
Alex stepped forward to stand beside me, slightly in front of me, and Nick rested his hand on my shoulder protectively. Could they tell I was just the tiniest bit scared?
"Damon, Jack and Rocco, we've brought Carrie home," Alex said.
The youngest of the three men was covered in tattoos and wore a scowl, but he lifted a hand in greeting. I guessed he must be Rocco. I couldn't really remember him at all, and when Mom had taken me away he would have only been a little boy. Not a grown, tattooed man like now.
I recognised Jack instantly. He was a lot older, obviously, but his face was familiar and when he smiled at me I wanted to run into his arms, but the brother next to him stopped me.
Damon. His piercing eyes stared right through me, but that wasn't what made me tremble. He oozed power, authority, and danger. Far more dangerous than the rest of his brothers put together. He was far more dominant. He was clearly in charge, and demanded respect. But that wasn't what made me freeze in fear, either.
He stood up, his sheer size making him even more intimidating. But I didn't notice any of that. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the cigarette in his mouth. I reacted out of sheer terror, the memories still so fresh in my mind. I stuffed my fist into my mouth to stifle my scream, my whole body shook in fear. I wanted to run, but my feet were rooted to the floor. Panic welled up within me and I could feel myself start to hyperventilate. I took fast breaths, trying to drag enough air into my lungs but it was too thick to breathe and I couldn't do it. I was going to suffocate from fear, right here.
"Carrie, what's wrong?" Alex crouched in front of me, a look of concern on his face, but I was too frozen to speak.
Damon approached, probably wanting to take charge and help, but the closer he got with that awful cigarette, the more freaked out I became. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't do anything.
Fortunately, Jack noticed.
"Damon, sit back down," he ordered firmly, rising to his feet. "Give her some time."
Damon glared at him, but slowly he did what Jack had suggested, taking a few steps backwards so he was back behind the table.
"Carrie, look at me," Alex commanded, but I was too terrified to move. I couldn't meet his eyes because I couldn't tear mine away from that cigarette and the awful, horrifying memories it evoked.
None of my brothers seemed to know what to do and I couldn't tell them. I was too afraid. My tongue wouldn't form the words I needed to say.
So we all stood there, frozen, waiting.
As if he could read my mind again, Alex stood up and took my arm, holding me still. He needn't have bothered, I wasn't going anywhere. I wanted to, but my feet were frozen to the floor.
Beside me, he tugged my shirt out of my jeans and slowly slid it up my back. I didn't even fight him, I was too afraid. Slowly, he peeled my shirt all the way up to my shoulders, exposing my entire back. Desperately, in my head, I begged him to stop. But I was powerless to do anything, and I knew it was too late anyway. He'd seen it. Not all of it yet, but enough.
Behind me, I heard my brothers suck in a breath.
"Damon, put out that fucken cigarette," Alex snarled. "Now!"
"Holy fuck!" Nick breathed.
Immediately, Damon crushed the cigarette into the ashtray that sat in front of him on the table, squashing it down so I couldn't even see it. I should have relaxed then, the threat was gone. But I couldn't. Because now they knew. They'd seen. Part of it, anyway. They knew what had been done to me. I could feel their anger. At me? I didn't know. But they wouldn't want me now; of that, I was certain.
I was broken.
I was burnt.
I was abused.