Fuck me p'
These words brought Mew back to his pain.
Fuck me p', he remembered when he uttered the exact same words to Donald.
Mew's tears returned and the pain became even more clearer. He had been used. He gave up a lot but all of it was for nothing. He let go of Gulf and slumbed on the pillow next to him. Gulf saw Mew's shoulders shake and he understood. He covered their naked bodies with a blanket and tried to comfort him. He calmly patted Mew's back as he cried some more. They slept without even realizing.
Gulf woke up first to get some food for Mew. Mew had done the same last time. The mistake he did was forget his phone in the room. It started ringing as soon as he left. It kept on ringing and woke Mew from his slumber.
He felt like he was having a hangover when he woke up. He was having a headache and the noise from the ringing phone was annoying him, only making his headache worst.
He got up and approached the phone. With the intention of turning it off right away but he froze the moment he saw the name on the screen.
P'Mild
Mild?
The Mild from yesterday?
He answered the call and kept quiet.
"Hey Nong, I realized the number that I gave Mew yesterday on my card is the same number I used to send the video. It's different from the one you used to send a text to Queen. Stay alert in case he calls you."
Mew looked at the phone trying to piece together his fragmented mind.
Gulf had sent Mild to him.
What was fake and what was real?
He got dressed and waited for Gulf's return. The wait was getting longer so he looked around the room. He had to find it. It didn't take a while because there ontop of some stuff was a small phone of an unpopular brand. He opened the phone and it had no security. He opened the messages right away and saw a video sent to an unsaved number. He opened the video and saw it was a video of him and Donald at work outside the building. The video of Mew getting seduced.
Gulf walked in to Mew replaying the video for the umpteenth time. He almost stumbled. Mew had found out about the video.
"Mild called." Mew said calmly putting the phone on the night stand. "He said the number on the card he gave me is the same number you guys used to send Queen the video of Phi and I." He was too calm.
"I can explain,"
"Yes please go ahead. I need some explanations Nong. Let's start with how you got hold of this video?"
"I asked the supervisor for a pass to go to the IT offices to get the video."
"And you sent it to Queen to break them off?"
Gulf did not answer that. His silence was confirmation.
"Ok let's move on to Mild, you sent him to me?"
Gulf looked away and walked in the room some more.
"Phi,"
"Everything from yesterday was fake? Was it a lie?" Mew asked stressed out.
Gulf bit his lips guiltily.
Mew grabbed his hair frustrated, "please confirm that for me so I can feel relieved, because I still feel like dying knowing my past was a lie."
Gulf kept quiet.
"Nong?"
"Yess," Gulf said a bit forced. He hadn't wanted to admit that.
"So the revenge was still going on? And here I thought you had learned from your mistakes. Nong why? Why are you doing this to me?"
Gulf sighed, "At first I needed to lose you to find me. Then I realized I couldn't be gay for anyone else. When I sat down for an hour in front of the hospital watching people go in and out, I couldn't find anyone worth it because they were not you. I realized if I couldn't have you I couldn't be gay soI needed to hurt you to love you."
"You broke me Nong,"
"You had to be broken so that we could work again."
"I'm not some chinaware that can be broken and get fixed again. Why can't you understand that you were not the only one hurting from what went down 6years ago. I lost a home, my support system, a boyfriend, everything and as if that wasn't enough, I almost lost myself and I don't feel safe with you right now. Knowing that you pushed me that hard, I just can't trust you with my life."
Gulf stepped forward, "Isn't it over? Are we not starting afresh?"
"That's not how we start afresh Nong. Manipulating me into believing that I was used by my ex for your security is not good way to start afresh."
"So what, you wanna go back to him? Is this why you are mad?"
"We are adults Nong. You are old enough to know what you have done wrong and be responsible for you actions."
"How do you want to be responsible? Am I not doing it right now? Did I not comfort you yesterday?"
"How about apologizing for the mental strain you put me through yesterday? How about showing an apologetic behavior? How about an earnest apology and a promise to better?"
Gulf's hand unconsciously approached his thigh.
"STOP!" Mew demanded dangerously. "Stop it right now. Were not going through that. We're past that. Right now we are two people having an argument, let's solve this with words we're not going there again."
Gulf folded his arms stubbornly.
"Nong,"
Gulf pouted and looked away like a child. Mew was not entertained. "Ok, when you want to grow up and be an adult come and find me." He turned around and approached the door. Before he could open it, Gulf was back hugging him with a soft, "I'm sorry."
Mew let go and stood there helplessly.
"I was scared of seeing you getting back together with him again. I was scared of living as a straight man when I knew how good you made me feel. I just wanted you to myself and I'm sorry I jeopardized your health that so I could have you. I'm sorry I please don't go."
Mew turned around. "Nong you're so selfish it scares me. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's fine or tell you I'm fine. But thank you for apologizing and for being honest. I'm still going to go so I can get some air and heal but when I cool off maybe, maybe I'll come back. But right now you know you have to let me go right?"
Gulf nodded and stepped back to give Mew enough space so he could leave.
Mew opened the door and Gulf pecked his cheek. "Come back soon?"
Mew nodded with a sad smile and left.
Gulf sat down against his door.
Revenge.
He looked at wrist.
Who said revenge was sweet?
There was nothing as sweet revenge. You never get the feeling of satisfaction. When you think of revenging you have to be ready to lose it all. And Gulf realized he almost lost himself in his quest for revenge. Now that it was done, it left a sour feeling in him. It felt like a strange aftertaste in his mouth after eating a good meal.
He looked around and saw the used tissue from yesterday.
He felt empty.
He had no where to go. He had ignored his friends when they came out to him. He couldn't go back to his father. He was not working anymore. He deferred his semester so he was not going to school so what was he going to do with his life now?
He took his phone and opened the call log. He dialed Mild's number and as soon as Mild picked up, Gulf said,
"Hey p' I know I dragged you in my messy life but would you be willing to hangout with me later?"
Mild laughed at the question, "Ofcourse Nong, let's play games at my place today, you just stopped after you left the hospital."
Gulf got genuinely excited.
"I can't wait," he smiled.
"I'll pick you up and maybe we can go shop for some snacks on our way?"
"Sounds like a plan." Gulf would've been suspicious about this whole idea but Mild had made it clear he was straight from the beginning, from the moment they connected when he was admitted in the hospital. And this was just going to be two friends hanging out.
He was taking baby steps towards positivity.