TW ||abuse, self harm, suicidal thoughts/attempt||
⚠️⚠️Please stop reading if the topics listed above trigger you. This chapter may not be safe for you to read and I ask you not to take the risk if you think it may be too much. If you do continue reading, I appreciate your continued support.⚠️⚠️
If you guys need me to, I will make a chapter with just help lines/ lifelines for various things, whether it be self harm, suicidal thought, abuse or something else. I'll try to find numbers for the UK and America and if I have any viewers in a different country that would like me to include their country, leave a comment or dm me.
__________________________
Y/n POV
You separated only at the end of the hall to go into our respective rooms. You opened the door, expecting it to be about the same as you had left it. It wasn't. It was a completely different room. The walls had been painted a pale gray color, and the room was almost empty. There was a small mattress on the floor in the corner and a cheap desk in the opposite corner facing the door.
Once you put your bags down you walked over to Wilbur's room. It was as if he never left. The room was clean, every surface had been dusted and the floors vacuumed. The posters on the walls had remained and all the little toys and trinkets had stayed in the same spot.
Wilbur walked down to the dining room with you, walking in first. Our parents had been quietly arguing about something, no surprises there. We all sat down at the table, Wilbur next to you and your mother across from me. There was an uncomfortable silence that sat heavy in the air.
"Welcome back Wil." Your father had spoken first. They hadn't necessarily treated him well when he was growing up, but he was treated better than you were. He had better grades growing up, and a better tolerance for their shit. Oh, and of course, he wasn't "a fucking faggot". You hated your parents with everything you had.
You never resented or blamed Wil for being treated better than you, it wasn't his fault. If anything, it was yours, but you knew better than to say that.
Wilbur's voice broke through your thoughts. "Why'd you make us come here?" His tone was sharp, getting straight to the point. "Don't use that tone with me." Your father pointed a calloused finger at him.
Your mother placed her hand on his arm, giving him a look that said 'remember what we said' if you hadn't known better, you would say she was trying to tell him not to lose his temper. Luckily you knew better. Your father took a deep breath before continuing as if nothing happened. "Well, as we have not been talking for the last couple years, you don't know this.. but your mother is sick."
As if on cue your mother coughed quietly. It seemed planned.. fake. You looked over to Wilbur who was leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. He scoffed. "Okay, and what do you want me to do about it?" He said with a tone that was dripping with venom.
Wrong move..
It happened so fast that you didn't have a chance to react until after it had happened. Your father stood up quickly and smacked Wilbur across the face. He reached up to touch the red mark already forming before standing up too. He was taller than your father.
Wilbur grabbed you and pushed you behind him. "Trying to protect the fag are we?" Your mother snarled. "Shut up." Wilbur said. God.. sometimes you wish he kept his mouth shut. Your father tried to hit him again, but this time he backed away before he could connect his hit.
Your father took a deep breath. "Look. Wil, were your parents. We love you. We just need a little help." He said not making eye contact. His hands were balled up in fists that were resting on the table holding him up.
"You may be my mother and father, but you're not my parents. You don't love me. You only say those things so that maybe I'd give you money." Wilbur said angrily, but managing to keep himself together. "You were horrible to us. And your own sons. How could you treat your children like that?"
You mother grabbed you arm and pulled you away from Wilbur. "Sons? We have a daughter and a son. D/n is a girl. Always will be. Just a stupid little girl." Your mother said pushing you to the floor. Wilbur came to your side. "I'm not giving you a dime. We're leaving." Wilbur helped you up, only for you father to kick your feet out from beneath you.
You fell hard to the ground. Wilbur tried to push your father back, but your father was quicker, he pulled a knife on Wilbur.
Wil stood still, not daring to move, terrified of what might happen to him or you. "You're not leaving. You're going to stay here for the night, and then maybe tomorrow, if your civilized enough to talk with us like the adult you claim to be, we can figure something out." He grinned, knowing he had the upper hand in this situation.
It was around midnight at this point. Wilbur helped you up and you both walked to the end of the hall once more, splitting into sperate rooms. Once you shut the door, you slid down, sitting on the floor. You started sobbing. You couldn't help it.. not this time. Tears fell down your face and you silently let out everything you had.
You were done. This was your limit. You looked for anything that would do something. You pulled out your phone, about to text Toby, hoping he could stop you from making a choice you would regret.
You phone was dead. Great. You looked through your bag to find your charger. You couldn't find it. You dumped out your back, desperate to find it, you needed it. Instead, you were met with something else. Something that you had forgotten about.. but something that would work.
You pulled the bottle of painkillers up from the pile of stuff emptied out of the bag. Your mind went to tubbo. How much you loved him. How much you cared about him. But your mind kept going back to your parents. Kept going back to their words. Kept going back to the pain they had caused. The bruises they had left in the past.
Your mind went to all the times you had to skip school because the cuts and bruises on your face were too bad and too obviously from someone, and not an accident you could play off.
You had escaped them for a while.. living with Wilbur. Having a safe home where you could be whoever you wanted to be. Love whoever you wanted to love. It was a place you could talk without a fear of being slapped. But eventually you had made your way back here. Deep down you knew you always would. If they didn't make you come back, they would come find you. This was the only true way to escape them, escape the torment and pain.
You were desperate. The tears in your eyes made you vision blurry. The reality of what you were about to do made you hand shake. You found the full bottle of water you had purchased at the airport. You uncapped it, placing it on the ground as you shakily opened the bottle of painkillers.
You tried to think of some reason, something that was strong enough to stop you in this moment, but you couldn't. You loved tubbo and Wilbur more than anything.. but the pain your parents had caused you was stronger in this moment.
Last warning ⚠️
You poured a handful of pills into you palm, staring at them. You had made up your mind. You popped them into your mouth and drank some water to wash them down. You took another handful, doing the same thing again.
The tasted of the pills was disgusting. The feeling of so many pills going down your throat at once made you want to throw up. Despite this, you took two more handfuls, until the bottle was empty.
It was almost like a wave. A wave of serenity, of calm. You stopped crying, you stopped shaking. You took a deep breath, already starting to feel the effects. You were numb. You could tell it was going to work.
You laid down on the floor, holding the empty bottle in your hand. You stared up at the ceiling, not looking at anything in particular, but just staring. Thinking. You hoped tubbo wouldn't blame himself. You hoped he knew how much you loved him and how much he meant to you.
Your eyelids started getting heavy, you were exhausted. At least you were at peace. You closed your eyes, replaying tubbos voice in your head. Replaying his laugh. You remembered the night he read to you, how calm it had made you. You wished he was here, in this moment with you, holding you.
You heard your door open as if someone was rushing in. You couldn't find the strength to open your eyes, but you could hear Wilbur's voice.
It was distant... Quiet. "Y/n? Oh my god- y/n- fuck fuck fuck" you felt him scoop you up, holding you, resting your head against his chest. "Please hold on- y/n.." you could hear him sobbing.
You managed to find some strength to talk. "I love you Wil. Tell Toby i love him too.." you could hear Wilbur talking frantically on the phone. He said the address you were currently at and hung up.
"Tell him yourself y/n please" he was rocking back and forth slightly. He pulled you closer to him. The world seemed to get darker. Seemed to fade.. get farther away.
The last thing you heard was Wilbur letting everything go, crying loudly and screaming with so much pain.. it broke your heart.
Then your world went dark. Quiet.
_________________________________
Holy shit- sorry for that one folks. I PROMISE THIS ISNT THE LAST CHAPTER! It's just y'know.. angst 😅 if someone writes a comment saying how "that's not how it is" or "that's just inaccurate"
A. It's a fucking fan fic.
B. I'm just writing what I have felt. Writing my personal experiences. If it wasn't the same for you, then - idk but just please don't bother writing a comment like that.