Ahsoka was no stranger to pain. She'd been fighting in battles and wars since she was fourteen. Physical pain came with the territory. She'd suffered through more than a few blaster burns, some more severe than others. There'd been some broken bones over the years. She'd been stabbed once. A dislocated shoulder. The general full-body soreness that accompanied a long and tiresome mission. But none of the pain she'd experienced so far, not even combined, equaled the pain of labor.
Every time her womb contracted, it felt like her stomach, back, and upper thighs were being stabbed with hot knives, the sensation lasting longer and longer as her labor progressed. And when a contraction passed, she was left feeling every ache of her body. Like she'd been hit by a kriffing cruiser. When her body began to relax in relief, another contraction wracked her body with an increasing intensity that she didn't know was possible.
She was vaguely aware that the ship dropped out of hyperspace and that Luke and Leia were going back and forth while Luke ran the blockade. But as she sat on her knees on an assortment of towels and with a blanket thrown over her that she vaguely remembered Winter placing on her, leaning forward with her head resting on her arms as she suffered through labor pains, Ahsoka couldn't bring herself to care. She was also vaguely aware that Winter was sitting on the floor in the corner of the bunk with her legs folded under her, keeping vigil.
While she had some presence of mind between contractions, Ahsoka managed to pant between shallow breaths, "You don't have to stay for this, princess."
"Mama said as a ruler of Alderaan, it's my job to look after the people of Alderaan. That's what I'm doing," Winter stated.
"I'm not... Kriff," Ahsoka said, gripping the blankets under her as another contraction wracked her body. She didn't know how long it took to pass as she focused on remembering to breathe. When it finally did pass, she managed to remember what she'd been saying before and said, "I'm not Alderaanian."
"You are to me," Winter replied with all the same fervor and stubbornness of her mother.
Ahsoka managed a weak smile before closing her eyes and focusing on controlling her breath to manage the pain. She let out a long exhale as another contraction took her, attempting to mentally detach herself to let her body do this without her worry that for all Winter's company, she was doing this by herself. Without her worry that something might go wrong that put her and the baby in danger. Without her worry that the last time she'd been in such close proximity of a woman going into labor, she'd died just minutes after. Without her worry that Vader could be confronting the Emperor without her. Without her worry that Vader wasn't here. Couldn't be here.
The last thought made her imagine Vader's reaction when he found out. He was going to be in sheer disbelief, no doubt, then awed, and then, when it dawned on him that she'd told no one and gone through labor by herself, livid. The thought caused Ahsoka to laugh a little even as another contraction hit her.
Feeling a little less tense, Ashoka wrapped the Force around her and settled into its comforting embrace. She could get through this.
"Mom," Luke and Leia said, suddenly appearing in the doorway half a dozen contractions later.
"Hey," she moaned.
"Are you... Are you okay?" Luke asked.
Ahsoka heard the sharp sound of Leia's hand colliding with Luke's arm.
"Ow! I mean... Mama knows what I mean," Luke muttered.
"Still," Leia chided.
"I'll be—" Ahsoka cut herself off as another contraction seized her. This one the longest and most painful so far. Suddenly, she was overcome with the urge to sit up at the fierce pressure between her legs. Finally, she said, "I'll be fine. Just... wait outside for a minute. You too, Winter."
"Bu—"
Winter stopped her protests as Ahsoka cried out through another contraction. By the time Ahsoka had her bearings about herself, all three children were gone, and they'd closed the door to the bunk behind them.
She sat back on her heels with her thighs spread. Another contraction seized her entire body, and she tossed her head back and gritted her teeth through the pain and the pressure in her lower pelvis. She gained enough wits about her after it was over to reach between her legs and feel the top of a head. A hairy head. Good. Not feet. Now confident that she didn't have to worry about a more complicated birth, she placed her hands on the top of her thighs. Fire burned between her legs as the next contraction began to push out the rest of the head.
Wishing for some type of comfort, anything that would ease the pain or help take her mind from it or just assure her that everything would be fine, she began to reach out for the familiar coolness where her connection to Vader lay. An instinct for as long as she could remember. When she was in pain or scared or overwhelmed or anything and didn't know what to do, she'd reach out to the one person that would at least comfort her, if not find a solution. So many times during the Clone War, she'd done it. And if she'd been able to reach him, he'd not only respond, he'd drop everything to get to her. Now, she could connect with him across star systems. He'd definitely give her the comfort of his presence from just a few levels up.
She managed to collect enough wits to stop herself. Now was not the time for selfishness, no matter how much she wished Vader could be here right now.
A few more contractions and Ahsoka felt the head come out.
She panted heavily, mentally bracing herself for the next contraction while keeping her body as relaxed as possible.
"Almost there," she panted.
The next contraction came. Ahsoka felt her body give a little involuntary push. The next moment she felt the rest of the body slip out, and then laying between her thighs on the soft towels was her baby.
The world had pretty much slowed and felt distant around her ever since she entered the painful throes of labor. But for one moment, the world disappeared as she looked down at the slimy coated being between her legs. Not crying. But eyes wide open and blinking and body squirming as it adjusted to the new world around them.
And then Ahsoka remembered where they were and what was going on and let out a relieved sigh that it was over and reached down to pick up the baby and hold it against her chest. When the baby let out small whimpers, it prompted Ahsoka into action.
"Are you cold, little one?" she asked aloud, running a warm hand back and forth over the baby's body. She summoned one of the towels Winter had left in the corner to her hands and used it to pat her dry before grabbing another to cover her.
Slowly and very gingerly, Ahsoka managed to sit all the way back on the bunk before sagging half-sitting up against the blankets bunched at the head. For a moment, she tilted her head back and closed her eyes. Then she opened her eyes and finally looked down to inspect the little body in her arms.
She was tiny for a newborn from a singleton pregnancy that seemed to take after her human father rather than her togruta mother. But togruta babies ran a little smaller than humans at first. And Luke and Leia had probably been about this small when they were born. Her eyes were blue, but Ahsoka wasn't particularly surprised by that. She would have been surprised if they were any other color. Her skin was a deep bronze, the color having filled in some in the minutes since she'd been born, but there were no visible markings that she seemed to have inherited from Ahsoka. At least not yet. The most peculiar thing about her was her pale white, wavy locks. Ahsoka was sure that coloring was from her somehow.
"Hello, little one," she said, reaching out her hand to touch the palm of the girl's hand, which had been curled up next to her face.
The child grabbed on, and Ahsoka broke out into a smile.
Bonding with Luke and Leia had been a struggle considering the circumstances of their birth and her very young age at the time. She'd gotten there with them after a couple of weeks when she'd begun to accept that they were her new life whether she'd been prepared for it or not. This was different. All her reservations and worries about this baby aside, the bonding this time was instinctual. It helped that she'd become accustomed to her presence in the Force over the long months of carrying her.
It occurred to Ahsoka that many levels up, there was a battle and/or siege happening. Something that the Force told her she had to be a part of. And it was because she had to be part of it that was the reason her vision had ended in death. But did it really have to?
She didn't have to go. And no one would blame her if she didn't. Not after just giving birth. Not when she had children that depended on her. Not when Vader would undoubtedly be devastated. But the Force was telling her she had to go. She had to help Vader this one last time.
Because the last time he faced the prospect of killing Palpatine or sentencing the galaxy to darkness, he'd chosen the latter. And for a long time, she'd blamed him for it. But now, looking down at her daughter, as she contemplated disregarding the Force entirely, consequences be damned, she understood. Besides, it had been unfair to expect Vader not to break under the weight of that choice when he was making it on his own. When Palpatine had cornered him. Ahsoka was not going to let that happen again. The consequences would be worse than just her death.
Vader would learn to live without her.
Her children would learn to live without her.
None of them would be without anyone to turn to. Sabé and Diya and Rex and Obi-wan and everyone else who she'd eventually trusted with these secrets over the decade would look after them. And as long as the children were fine, Vader would be okay. He'd watch over them and teach them and fight the entire galaxy to keep them safe if he needed to. And when they didn't want him to, he still would. And when they didn't need him to, Vader would still be okay.
She hoped. She had to believe that. Otherwise, she just might stay here and possibly doom the galaxy again.
"You'll be okay," Ahsoka muttered and kissed the forehead of her newborn. "You'll be okay."
But she got this moment. Which was more than she could say for Padmé. Padmé hadn't even been able to hold the twins. Ahsoka got this.
She banished all dreary thoughts from her head as the baby began to root around her chest. With some difficulty, Ahsoka helped her latch onto her breast.
As she ate and Ahsoka stroked a finger across the soft skin of her face, Ahsoka realized that she didn't have a name to give the girl. Nor had she thought about it because the best way to hide her pregnancy and not give herself away was to not think about it. Besides, it had seemed so far off. She hadn't needed one yet.
It didn't take her much thought to figure it out.
"Mé," she said.
After two women. Padmé, without whom she wouldn't even have this child, and May, the first person she decided to trust again when everyone had betrayed her. And next, for the woman that had bravely taken her and the twins under her protection without thought to the consequences and paid for it.
"Mé Breha..." Ahsoka trailed off, hesitating at the last name.
It should be a no brainer. On Shili, her people wore the name of the mothers that bore them. Ahsoka learned on Tatooine that a child took the name of the one who was freeborn, forsaking the name associated with slavery. But Ahsoka didn't want Mé being haunted by the expectations of having to live up to her ghost. Besides, regardless of what Vader thought, his name—the one she'd first known him by—was a good one. A fitting one. And it was going to mean a lot more than just the name of a Jedi turned Sith who was born into slavery. Ahsoka was sure of that.
"Skywalker," she finally said. "Mé Breha Skywalker."
By then, Mé had fallen asleep, and her mouth had fallen off Ahsoka's breast. Satisfied that the girl was at peace, Ahsoka kissed her once more before forcing herself to sit up. In the hour or so she'd been resting, her body had naturally delivered the afterbirth, which made it easy for Ahsoka to maneuver off the bed and lay Mé down on the blankets. She grabbed the medical kit that Winter had brought into the room earlier and used the scissors inside to cut the cord after she'd tied it off with string. Then she reached into a draw where she'd stashed baby supplies long ago in anticipation of being on the run with a newborn (never giving birth) and put her in a diaper and wrapped her in a blanket.
Ahsoka ignored the ache in her legs as she wrapped her nude body in a blanket, balled up the afterbirth in the rest of the soiled towels and blankets, and called Luke, Leia, and Winter to the bunk.
They clamored to the door and paused in the doorway without saying anything. Recognizing that they were asking permission, Ahsoka gestured them over. They crowded into the room around the bunk.
"She's tiny," Luke pointed out.
"You all were that small, too," Ahsoka replied.
Leia gave her a skeptical look but didn't argue.
"What's her name?" Winter asked.
"Mé Breha Skywalker."
Leia nodded her head approvingly. "That's pretty."
Ahsoka ran a hand over Mé's soft hair once before saying, "I need you all to watch her for a minute. I'll be right back."
The children all nodded, and Ahsoka slipped out the room to clean herself up, taking the balled up towels and blankets with her to discard. She used the small fresher to clean herself of the fine sheen of sweat that had dried on her skin and gingerly wipe at the sorest parts of her body. Then she went to the other bunk to dress in the battle wear she always kept on board the ship. The only thing she added to it this time was a wrap to support her weakened core and hide what remained of the belly bump she had before.
Once she was dressed, she sat down on the bed and took a moment to catch her breath. Just that simple task had been exhausting. When she finally caught her breath, she went to the communal kitchen area and took out the formula and bottles she'd stashed months ago and prepared enough bottles to get Mé through the next day or so. When she was done with that, she finally grabbed the stim-shot that she'd retrieved from the med-kit earlier and injected it into her thigh. It was enough to keep her going for one more rotation. The Force told her that was all she was going to need.
The children were dutifully watching over Mé when she got back to the bunk with a spare blaster in her hand. Mé was still blissfully slumbering, oblivious to the chaos and turmoil happening around her. Ahsoka temporarily set the blaster aside. Then, despite her better judgment—because Force knew Ahsoka didn't know if she'd be able to put her down again—she picked up the newborn and held her close.
After a while, she said, "Come. Sit here, Luke."
Once Luke was seated next to Ahsoka, she adjusted Mé to transfer her into her brother's arms. Surprise shot across the bond Ahsoka had with her son, but he instinctively moved his arms to hold his new sibling.
"Always support her head. She can't hold it up herself yet," Ahsoka instructed as she adjusted Luke's hold.
Satisfied that Luke had a good hold on her, Ahsoka retrieved her lightsabers and comm out the pants she'd discarded hours again when her labor had begun in earnest. She clipped the lightsabers to her belt, set the comm on the small stand next to the bunk, and picked back up the blaster.
"I need you all to listen and listen to me carefully," she said in a grave tone. "I have to go help Vader, and I'm going to have to leave you here to do it. Luke, your job is to stay with Mé. Winter, there are bottles in the chiller in the commune. Warm it up for thirty seconds and help Luke feed her every two and a half hours. You have to pat her back or rub her belly until she burps afterward. Got it?"
Winter nodded vigorously and said, "I helped my aunt take care of my cousin when she was born when she came to the palace once. She showed me how to change the diaper too. I remember it all."
"Good." Ahsoka held out the blaster to Leia and said, "If anyone that's not your father or me tries to access this ship, shoot them. Hell, even if you think it's your father or me, shoot. We'll just block the bolt." Because changelings and shapeshifters were a thing.
Leia took the blaster and nodded.
"I'll pay the docking manager to refuel the ship. He won't know you're on it, though. If things go wrong, Luke, you're going to have to get off-planet. Go to Tatooine. Artoo will give you the exact coordinates. Tell them your father is Ekkreth, your mother is Fulcrum, and then tell them your names. Use Skywalker. They'll take care of you."
"How will we know if things go wrong?" Leia asked.
"You'll know. You'll feel it in the Force. You won't be able to miss it," Ahsoka said. She'd felt the shift just over a decade ago. That moment when everything changed, and she looked out the window in Padmé's apartment to see the Jedi Temple on fire.
"Mama," Luke said quietly.
"Yes?"
Luke didn't answer. Instead, he looked down at Mé.
"Luke, if you don't understand something, I need you to ask it now."
"It's not that. It's..." Luke trailed off and then looked back up at Ahsoka. "Mama, you're coming back. Right?"
For a moment, Ahsoka was taken aback by the blunt question. The next moment, she let out a slow breath and blinked to hold back the tears fighting their way to the surface. Now was no time for tears. Not if she wanted to keep the children calm.
Rather than answer, she kissed each child on the forehead.
"I love you all. And remember," she began, only for Winter to cut her off.
"The Force is with us," the platinum-haired girl said.
"Trust it. Listen to it," Leia continued.
"And it will guide us," Luke added.
Ahsoka swallowed and managed to choke out in a whisper, "Always."
Ahsoka turned to leave the ship, forcing herself not to look back as she lowered the ramp and made her way down.
There was nothing left to be said to her children.
But there was one more thing left to do for them.
End the war. Kill Palpatine.