•Steven's POV•
My phone dings in my pocket and I pull it out to look at the message on the screen.
- 'I'm here.'- D
I quickly text back that I'm heading out then I tuck my phone back into my pocket and grab ahold of my suitcase before making my way towards the exit.
I wasn't going to ask Damien to pick me up from the airport but he offered, much to my surprise.
He called me in tears last night, incoherently trying to tell me what the problem was and begging me to come back to California.
And there was no part of me that could deny him.
Or that really wanted to.
I asked him the question that decided the layout for this trip though, of course I did, and he said he was done with Otto for the most part and that he'd explain everything once I landed.
In fact, he even bought my plane ticket, despite my objection over him spending his money on me.
He sent me the ticket and told me he'd pick me up at the airport in the morning.
So here we are, about ten hours later, 6 o'clock in the morning and I'm looking past the small group of people wandering about outside the airport in the early morning light as I attempt to spot Damien's car.
Eventually I find him, leaning against his car and his attention soaring into his phone that he's tapping on furiously.
He doesn't notice me as I head towards him, the frown covering his face becoming more visible the closer I get to him. His light brown hair is a mess atop his head, and I get the feeling he's been carding his fingers through it endlessly.
''What's got you pouting?'' I ask, the sound of my voice making him look up quickly.
I expect him to look up and have my presence wipe the frown from his face but instead he just arches a brow, shaking his head. The worry lines prominent on his forehead and I can see the pinkness lining his eyelids that encloses those vibrant blue eyes of his.
He's been crying.
A lot.
''It's a long story,'' He says, standing up straight and reaching for my suitcase. When I notice the sadness in his eyes my urge to argue about putting my own suitcase in the car dissipates, I simply hand it over to him. He tosses his car keys to me after he opens the trunk. ''Could you drive please? My address is already in the GPS.'' He asks while putting my suitcase into the trunk.
''Um, yeah, sure,'' I agree with a shrug. With as much attention as he's giving to his phone, I'd have offered to drive anyway. And he better not had been on his phone like that while driving here.
What the hell is eating away at him? He seems so displaced.
I walk around the car, getting in and putting my seatbelt on. He climbs in a few seconds later doing the same as I start the car up and head in the direction that the GPS instructs.
''So—'' I start, about to ask him what's bothering him but he starts speaking at the same time, and I glance over to see he's talking on his phone.
''Have you found him yet?'' Damien asks, a sense of urgency in his voice. A sigh leaves his lips at whatever the other persons response is and I hear him take a deep breath. ''Well I just texted Skylar for the tenth time and he's still saying he hasn't heard from him and his calls are also going straight to voicemail when he tries to get in contact with him...Yeah, yeah I know, and it's only because if I don't stay calm I'm going to fucking flash out...I just hope he didn't do anything stupid, I hope he's okay. He's been pulling away from me so much lately, and I know how easy it is for him to feel alone when he gets in his own head and goes to thinking the worse.''
A bout of worry fills the pit of my stomach when I realize that he's talking about Cody.
''Hey, what's going on?'' I demand from Damien.
I know firsthand how screwed up Cody's life has been, and I know just how closed in he can start to feel when he thinks that he's alone and has no one.
I know how easy it is for him to push people away, and then to crash when the people he wants to pull closer don't want to be there or can't be there.
I know how dark it's been for him, and unfortunately, I know how dark it can still get.
I pulled him out of that pit of darkness so many times before I left for college. But each and every time, despite my efforts, his parents managed to push him back in.
What the hell has sucked him in this time?
He seemed fine when I saw him in New York.
Life needs to cut this kid a break. He's been through way too fucking much, way too young.
''What happened?'' I ask again.
Damien simply shakes his head in my direction, going back to the phone call.
''Okay well I have to drop Steven off at my house and then I'm going to finish driving around to look for him,'' A loud sigh leaves Damien's lips, ''Yeah...I know...I get that Javier, I do. My priorities are straight. Obviously, I hadn't planned for this to happen but I'd rather us focus our energy on finding him than talking about this right now.''
''Damien,'' I urge him once he's done with the phone call, ''What the hell is going on? Talk to me, please.'' I plead.
Another heavy sigh leaves his lips and I glance at him to see him looking at me with weary, drained blue eyes.
''Cody's missing,'' He says quietly, looking away from me.
''What?!'' I yell, my hand tightening on the wheel as my head begins to spin with the worst thoughts possible.
I shake my head, clearing my mind of all of the negativity.
This can't be as bad as it seems, yet from the look in Damien's eyes, I highly doubt that.
''When I got home last night, after I called you, he still wasn't home yet. So when I called his phone and didn't get an answer I assumed he was with either Skylar or Scarlet, but a quick call to their parents let me know that they were both at home and that Cody hadn't been over there at all. So after I blew up the phone of every single person he's ever hung out with and they hadn't heard from him since school either, I lost my shit. I called Javier and we've been looking for him ever since.''
''Does he usually just run off like this?'' I ask.
Not that I get runaway teen vibes from Cody but that's just it, I don't really know Cody.
Not as well as I use to.
Not anymore anyway.
And I have a feeling the part of him I did know at that time is long gone. He's been through so much; it'd be crazy of me to expect him to be the same person.
''Never.'' Damien answers quickly, ''Being far away from me, even a couple of hundred miles gives him chronic anxiety. Which is what's wrecking my nerves the fucking most, something had to have happened. He never just runs off; he never ignores my calls or my texts.''
''Well did you call the police?''
''They won't do shit. I called them right after I called Javier and the moment I told them the last time anyone saw him was at school five or six hours prior I could basically hear them rolling their eyes over the phone. They're convinced he's just crashing at a friend's house and they won't do anything until a full twenty-four hours have passed by, even though I told them that every fucking person he knows hasn't seen or heard from him since school ended, and that it's not like him to stay out without calling. Not to fucking mention that his phone is going straight to voicemail. Javier's security team has been trying to track it but since it's off the most they can do is find the last location he was at before he turned it off and even that is taking them a million damn years to do.'' Damien shakes his head, and I see him squeezing his eyes shut tightly, prohibiting any tears from leaving his watery eyes.
''Look you don't have to drop me off first, we can go looking for him now—''
''No, no, it's fine, really. Javier and a handful of his security agents are scouring the streets as well and I know you're probably tired and ready to rest after your flight—''
I shake my head, throwing him a muddled glance.
What the hell is he thinking?
Why would I take prime time away from finding Cody to go rest? I wouldn't care if I hadn't slept in days, my priorities are all aligned for the most part and finding Cody is definitely a priority over sleeping.
''Damien I can sleep after we find him, my rest isn't more important than ensuring his safety.'' I argue.
''Please,'' Damien sighs out, ''Please I just need a couple of minutes to not think the worst things possible. I need a couple of minutes to let this anxiety and worry and fear of him not being found alive sink away from my mind. So please, let me close my eyes and feel like shit, please just drive.'' He begs. And the crack in his voice nearly tears me apart.
''Okay,'' I say, shaking my head in defeat. ''Okay, we'll just take the long route. Do you want to pass through your old neighborhood, you think he'd go there?'' I ask.
''I don't know,'' Damien groans out.
I stop at a red light, my eyes darting over to him quickly.
''Damien,'' I call out. He refuses to look at me and instead brings his hand up to cover his face. ''Damien you need to pull it together,'' I tell him seriously. ''I know you're going through it but get your shit together because your brother needs you right now!''
I hear a car horn blaring behind me and I glance up at the traffic light to see that it has turned green. I roll my eyes as the horn continues blaring and I step on the gas, continuing in the direction of Damien's house.
''Yeah, well I don't believe you!'' I hear Damien yell.
I look over at him to see him holding his phone up to his ear, his brown brows are raised skeptically and his blue eyes full of anger.
''Skylar this isn't a joke, and you're not going to get in trouble or anything, just tell me if something happened between you two,'' Damien pleads, and it's almost as if you can hear the tears dangling onto his words.
He's barely hanging on.
''Well I know for a fact that he wouldn't just disappear and I also know that his therapist was pushing him to solve whatever issues you two had going on. This is me being nice Skylar, I'm asking you nicely right now to tell me what the hell went on between you two at school because I know something happened. And I would hate for you to go through what's going to happen if I have to make my way over to your house and—''
''Oookay,'' I say, stretching out the word as I reach over and yank the cellphone from Damien's hand.
''Let's not get arrested for threatening a teenager,'' I tell him.
''Oh I plan on doing a lot more than just threatening him if he doesn't tell me what the hell happened.'' Damien states, and the severity of his tone lets me know that he isn't at all joking.
He's dead fucking serious.
I bring the phone up to my ear, keeping my left hand gripped tightly on the steering wheel.
''Skylar you don't know me, but as a lawyer, trust me that it's in your absolute best interest to tell us what the fuck happened between you and Cody. Let me tell you that if he is somewhere hurt, or God forbid dead, I'm more than capable of finding a way to make you an accessory to the fact.'' I state seriously.
''Look, I've said it a handful of times before and I'll say it again, Mr. Convenient Attorney, I don't know where the hell Cody is. He isn't answering my calls either, not that he even would on a regular basis.'' Skylar claims.
I roll my eyes.
I put the phone on speaker before speaking again.
''Well tell me what you two talked about the last time you saw him, and when that was exactly.'' I request.
I hear a tired sigh leave Skylar's lips, but a response follows soon behind nonetheless.
''Yesterday at the end of the school day he called me over to talk to him in the parking lot.'' Skylar explains.
I wait a minute and then when I realize he isn't going to continue I speak.
''About...?'' I inquire impatiently.
''About him and I and stuff. And I told him I couldn't be a part of his life anymore until he got the help that he needs. I highly doubt any of this is relevant though considering he took it surprisingly well. And by well, I mean his fist didn't come spiraling at my face, so yeah.'' Skylar tells us. ''Look, I'm getting into my car now, I'll see if I can find him and call you guys back if I do.''
Skylar hangs up.
I hand Damien back his phone, gripping the steering wheel with both hands as my mind races, trying to come up with any possible words capable of soothing him.
But there are none.
And I can't tell him it's all going to be okay, because I don't know that it will be.
And I don't want to lie and hurt him more.
So, what do I say?
What can I say?
There are no words left in me to soothe this man that I care so much about as he's breaking into a million pieces inside.
So, I say nothing.
And we take the long way back to his house, scouring the streets of his neighborhood, but much to our dismay we didn't see Cody or his car at all.
I pull into his driveway, turning the car off and unclipping my seatbelt. I open my door, climbing out and making my way around the car and opening Damien's door.
I pull him out of the car and embrace him in a tight hug.
In seconds I feel his tears coating my shoulder, his arms winding tightly around my waist as he releases all the emotions he's been trying to hold in.
His entire resolve melts and he comes undone right there in my arms.
''Come on,'' I say, breaking our embrace and grabbing his hand in mine as I began to pull him along towards the door. ''We can make some coffee and then head back out.'' I assure him, letting his hand go and moving aside as he steps ahead to unlock his front door.
''I hate coffee,'' I hear him mumble as he enters the house.
I follow behind him, shutting and locking the door behind me. ''Well, tea then.'' I offer instead. ''You can go get cleaned up, and change. I'll let you know when it's done.'' I tell him, noticing that his clothes do look incredibly worn, and a good cold splash of water on his face will definitely do him some good right now.
I head into the kitchen as he wanders off deeper into his house.
Searching the cabinets, I quickly find two cups and a pot to bring some water to a boil in. I step into the pantry, getting some tea from the shelf before turning around and nearly losing my shit.
The air in my throat gets sucked up and I find it hard to speak as the silent presence of Javier standing in the archway of the kitchen scares the hell out of me.
He's eyeing me with those dark cold blue eyes of his, his arms crossed over his chest and the expression he's wearing definitely isn't the slightest bit welcoming. I'm pretty sure he's looking at me like I'm his least favorite person in the world.
Well fuck, he isn't exactly on my list of top five favorite people either, so I won't take it personally at all.
''Where's Damien?'' He asks stiffly. His tone as though making conversation with me is a tedious task.
Besides the obvious crisis going on right now...what stick got put up his ass to give him this attitude?
I'm definitely not his biggest fan, and yeah, I turned down a job from him, but I never personally did anything to this man to make him dislike me.
I clear my throat, willing myself to keep my tone neutral instead of full of attitude.
Right now isn't the time.
''In his bedroom I'm guessing,'' I reply, walking towards the stove as I go to take the pot of hot water off the burner.
I feel his eyes on me for a few moments more, and after a minute I glance near the corridor to see him gone. I roll my eyes, deciding to keep my thoughts at bay.
There's more important shit to stress about.
I pour the hot water into the cups, placing a tea bag in each cup and bringing them over to the island. I have a seat on one of the stools.
A few minutes go by and the increasing volume of their voices has me tempted to go back there and find out what the hell they're yelling about but I have a feeling that won't end well.
I didn't realize Cody was dealing with this much shit. How could I have though? I've spent no time with the kid since I came back into their lives and I feel a huge weight of guilt on my shoulders because of that.
Because maybe if I would have given some time towards my relationship with him I could've helped.
Cody and I got really close when Damien ran away years ago. He's practically a little brother to me as well and even though we bonded so long ago, there's not many people who knows all the shit he went through back then.
I don't think we could ever not be as close as we were. And I just wish I could've helped him through whatever the hell he's dealing with right now.
He's too young to let that trauma take over his life.
When I look at him I see so much of Damien in him.
The strength, the vigilance, stubbornness, the fearlessness and determination.
The brokenness...
He's shattered on the inside just like his brother.
And it's a fucking shame.
But it doesn't make either of them any less fixable. They're good people. And they want to be better people.
That's what matters.
I get up from the stool and walk over to the hall. Just as I'm about to get lost on a journey to find Damien's bedroom I hear the front door opening.
I make my way over and see Julia entering, her dirty blonde hair unbrushed as it falls slightly past her shoulders.
She's in a pair of dark sweatpants and a vintage old t-shirt. She must've just rolled out of bed and went straight out the door when she got the news.
I can see the bags beneath her green eyes from where I stand. She sits her coat and bag down on the table near the door, glancing behind her quickly and my eyes follow her gaze as I see another person entering the door.
And it's Cody.
Cody steps into the house, his eyes connecting with mines immediately as he slams the door behind him. Julia notices me as well, her light brows furrowed as she offers me a quiet good morning in a soft but tired voice.
Before I have a chance to return the greeting Cody begins to storm off.
Or at least I thought he was storming off but I was clearly wrong as a few seconds later he was in front of me, his fist flying forward too quick for me to move as I feel the pain from the impact expanding across my jaw like the rays of light through a kaleidoscope.
Damn.
''What the fuck?!'' I groan out, my hand clutching my face as I take a few steps back.
Okay.
Not the welcome I was expecting.
What the hell did I do to him?
Does no one in this house like me?
''Oh my god! Cody!'' Julia's voice shrieks through the room as she runs over and pulls him back. ''What the hell?'' She yells, standing in between the two of us. I spit out the blood pooling in my mouth, watching as she reaches for the hand that he just used to demolish my fucking jaw.
I see that it's wrapped in white bandages stained with blood at the knuckles. His clothes are wet, not soaking wet, but wet enough to be able to tell that a one point he was submerged in water. His shoes are clearly still drenched as water puddles around them.
What happened to him?
''It's always you,'' Cody says in a bitter tone. His voice angry and raspy. It sounds as though he's either been yelling for hours or coughing all night.
For obvious reasons I feel rightful in assuming that his comment is meant for me and not Julia, after all my jaw is still pounding in pain.
''What?'' I ask for clarification, instinctively taking a step back as he moves Julia aside and steps towards me with every word that leaves his lips.
I'm not about to hit him back. I would never. I'm honestly worried to even restrain him with the state he's in right now. Touching him might make it even worse.
''It's...always...you.'' He says slower this time, heavily emphasizing the words as Julia's hands wrap around his arm to stop him from coming any closer.
''Cody,--''
''You,'' He says again, cutting Julia off as she begins to speak. ''Of course, you're here. It's like he can't live without you,'' A sad scoff leaves his lips, and I already know the direction this conversation is headed in.
And it fucking hurts me that he feels this way.
Cody shrugs, shaking his head. ''But me? Drop of a fist and he's gone,'' He says, sounding so fucking destroyed by the words leaving his own lips that it's obvious to me he believes it's true.
But it's not.
And why would he even feel this way?
His brother loves him.
Damien loves Cody more than anything in this world. Damn right more than me, more than his own damn life!
''Do you know why I fought so hard? You know I fought back for him...you know that right?'' I notice as his hands ball into fists at his side and I see Julia's hand tighten around his arm.
I doubt she'd be able to really restrain him though. At this point he's only still in the same spot because he's allowing her to hold him there.
''You had to know that it was my fault half the times I showed up at your house bloodied and bruised. I know you knew. I didn't care how many times my father hit me, I didn't care how bad it hurt, I didn't care about myself at all, but the moment you left and took the last little memory of my brother that I had left with you, all I felt was anger.''
I opened my mouth to speak, to interject and tell him that's not how it happened, to attempt to comfort him with the truth somehow but he continued to speak.
''I fought relentlessly, I fought carelessly, and I fought selflessly because I wanted to give him back every ounce of pain he ever gave my brother,'' Cody says passionately, agony and anger smothering the mossy green of his eyes.
A laugh softly leaves his lips, a laugh void of any humor at all though. It's the kind of laugh you give when the void that's supposed to be stocked with hope has left your body. And it kills me to think that he feels hopeless right now.
''But do you think he cares...? You think he would jump through the same hoops he did for you for me?'' He demands, the strength of the ache in his voice showing he clearly wants an actual answer.
''Yes, he lo—''
''He went to the other side of the country for you! He couldn't even travel a couple of goddamn miles for me!'' Cody screams at the top of his lungs. His voice cracks at the end thus cracking the force I had to stop my eyes from watering.
When he says it like that...damn.
''I would've traveled across the fucking world for you Cody.'' Damien's voice interjects into the conversation and I look behind me to see him and Javier a few steps down the hall.
Damien makes it into the foyer and walks up to Cody. Julia, who's been silent this whole time, whom I'd trade anything with to currently switch places with and have no part in this heartbreaking ass conversation, finally releases her tight hold on him, walking over to Javier at the archway of the foyer.
''The reason it took me so long to get you had nothing to do with you at all...or Steven, or anyone but myself. I was dealing with shit that I should have put aside. I should have prioritized you the moment I got money in my pockets and a roof over my head. I fucked up. Not Steven, not you, me.'' Damien states firmly, yet the fragility of his voice is deafening. He is one more painful response from Cody away from crumbling.
Cody holds an intense gaze with his brother, and although I'm standing behind Damien and I can't see his face I remember his red rimmed tear stained eyes and I can only imagine that their threatening to pool over right now.
''Those weren't your battles to fight, and I'm so sorry you had—''
''They weren't yours either. And you fought them for someone who didn't even give a fuck about us. Why?'' Cody demands. I hear Damien take a deep trembling breath, and silence follows.
Maybe at the time Damien felt it was the right thing to do.
I mean he had to watch his mother get hit over and over again, what child wouldn't want to intervene?
Who wouldn't feel compelled to stand up for someone that seems defenseless?
And it's probably hard for him to explain or even understand himself because I know it fucked him up psychologically.
''Why?!'' Cody yells, his hands spring forward and connect with Damien's chest, pushing him hard.
Damien stumbles into me and I steady him, my hands firmly on his back. He finds his balance, taking a step forward despite Cody's growing rage.
''Why Damien?! Do you think she would've done the same for you? You think she did the same for me?! The one time, the one time I had the upper hand on him and he was beneath me, on the floor beneath me and I was towering over him for once, you want you want to know what she said to me?!'' Cody screams.
''Do you want to know?'' He asks again, his voice less erratic now. His green eyes losing their shade of anger to be replaced by pain and the brimming of tears.
He's falling apart on the inside, and it's spilling out.
All of it, all of his trauma.
It's coating his voice and his face, it's clinging to his exterior like saran wrap, it's secreting from him.
And I think he's collapsing beneath its release.
''She yelled at me to get off of her husband. She begged me to stop hitting him, begged me to stop hurting him. She tried to pull me off of him. She's never tried to pull him off of me before. Never. The moment her hand touched me I had to stop my fist from spiraling into her face. I wanted to break it,'' A miserable huff of air leaves his lips.
He hates himself.
Cody hates himself.
He hates himself and I can hear it in his voice.
The shame and the disgust, the fear...the fear of himself.
It's all so sad.
''I wanted to break that unloving, condescending, heartless face of hers.'' He admits, shamefully.
''And it took everything in me not to. Everything, Damien. So I packed my shit up and I went to stay with a friend until I found you. And thank god I did, because if I hadn't and I had to go back to that house I know I wouldn't be capable of walking away a second time. And I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hit her, hell I can barely live with myself now.'' He speaks, shaking his head.
''And now I'm like a fucking runaway train, destroying everything in my path that hurts me because I refuse to ever feel that type of pain and loneliness again. And you hurt me, Damien. And you're out here breaking your neck to be a part of Steven's life when I had to find you. I had to break my neck to be apart of your life. I had to find you when you knew where I was the whole entire fucking time! I sometimes wonder how you can sleep so peacefully at night knowing what I was going through just a few miles away. I close my eyes at night, and I can't breathe Damien! I feel our fathers' hands around my neck every second I find a moment of relief and I hate him for that, and I hate her...and deep down...deep down I hate you too.'' Cody admits, tears leaping from his eyes and saturating his face.
He turns towards the front door.
Damien reaches out to pull him back, and with that same fist he no doubt gave me a concussion with, he aims at Damien. Except Damien catches Cody's fist in his hand, forcing it down and in response Cody pushes Damien back attempting to take another swing at him, forcing Damien to tackle him to dodge the hit.
And everything in me wants to step forward and break this up but as I move my feet to step forward Javier speaks.
''Don't,'' Javier's deep voice warns, his cold cerulean eyes serious.
And a part of me wants to say fuck him and intervene anyway, but I will myself not to.
Damien wants to handle this himself, and if he hadn't there's more than enough people here he could've called to interfere.
So, despite my better judgment, I remain where I stand, and I turn my attention back to the chaos in front of me.
''Stop! I love you, stop! We don't fight each other Cody, that's not what we do, we're not him! We're better than that!'' Damien screams out.
Yet it seems regardless of Damien's best efforts to calm his brother down, Cody doesn't want to listen, and as soon as he gets his hand free his fist comes flying up quicker than Damien can react and smacks him right across the jaw. Cody uses Damien's few seconds of recoil from the hit to knee him in the gut, shoving him off and making a dash for the front door.
And despite the grip he has on his freshly bruised stomach, Damien stands, chasing him out the door.
• • A/N • •
Before you speak (type)....read!!!!!!
:( I didn't want to update, I feel like I have hit a terrible plataeu in my writing capabilities/skill and honestly I really can't stand half the stuff I write these days.
So, if these upcoming chapters suck, know I'm writing it for y'all because sucky writing or not y'all definetly deserve an ending to this story. <3
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Posted: August 13, 2021.