Savannah James
Present Day
Mature Content
Everything felt too good to be true when I woke up on Thursday morning with Josh's arm wrapped around my waist, just like old times. Except that Riley should've been in the middle of us, posing as the barrier I needed until I remembered that she'd requested a sleepover with Beth for her last night before we headed home.
My heart stung when I remembered who was waiting for me back in the city.
I needed to end things with Nathan.
There was no simple possibility to invalidate how I felt about Josh. And yet I found myself remembering that if he wanted me as much as he confessed to, we would be together again no matter what. So what was still stopping him?
I felt the still embrace of his hand against my stomach, feeling every inch of his skin contact as if every nerve was lit up by his touch alone. Immaturity struck as I shuffled myself back against him, already feeling his hardness that used to greet me most mornings.
"Do that again and I won't be able to stop what I really want to do right now." His breathless whisper was close to my ear, igniting my arousal as easy as a light switch.
With a steady hand, I reached up to his own caressing my stomach and grabbed hold of his wrist, promising my body something I desperately needed this morning. I felt him tense for a sheer moment, anticipating what I was about to do as I brought his wrist downwards to a place I needed a release from.
The feeling of his hand caressing it's way down past my shorts with my own guidance was the confirmation I needed to know that I never wanted to lose how he made my body feel.
His fingers soon reached the heat that had pooled between my legs in such a short amount of time. "You're so wet, Savannah," Josh established as my other free hand reached back to weave his hair between my fingers and pull his head down close to my neck.
As soon as his fingers entered me, I knew I was gone for. My body ached for his touch as he delicately rubbed my clit in unison. I allowed him to take full control as I arched back once again, rubbing up against his growing hardness.
"Josh," I whispered in an attempt to keep our escapades a secret, but there was little to deny how much I truly wanted to scream his name right now.
"Shhh," he whispered close to my ear and sped up simultaneously, bringing me to a climax in a time quicker than I'd ever experienced. "Jesus, Savannah," his voice was close, "how turned on were you this morning, hm?"
"Shut up," I smirked and relaxed back against him, still feeling what I so desperately wanted inside of me instead of his fingers, now sliding out.
However, just as heat began to climb back through my body, the warning sound of my mother's voice, just like when we were in high school, sounded from downstairs. "Josh, Savannah, I've made you both some breakfast before we drop you off at the airport."
"They really know how to spoil the fun," Josh spoke as he kissed my cheek before rolling over and sitting up in bed. I repositioned myself before sitting up as well and coming to the short and yet devastatingly honest conclusion that I wanted to get used to this; to waking up beside Josh again as if nothing had changed.
"Tell them I'll be down in a sec, I need to shower."
"And pee." Josh mumbled.
"Hm?"
"Nothing." His smirk was knowing as I smiled to myself and shut the bathroom door behind me.
The moment alone gave me time to think about what I'd do once I was back in the city. Nathan would be my first port of call, telling him that if I still felt this way about someone else, then I shouldn't be pursuing anything remotely romantic with anyone else.
Selfishly, I wanted the fairytale ending that I knew wasn't possible. I wanted to finish things with Nathan and still keep a respectable position at work, all the while, pick things back up with Josh as if the past was just that, the past.
But real life could never mirror the fairytale I'd dream about most nights.
Real life was sharing custody of a daughter with someone I was just as in love with now as I was back in high school. It was the impending notion that I would begin working under my ex, making my time at work a living and breathing hell. It was knowing that my life could be better but it was practically impossible.
I showered in record time, mostly because I knew that Nathan was coming over this evening once I arrived back home, and smelling rather indiscreetly of pine and honey, Josh's scent in particular, would give me very little leg to stand on in whatever I said to him.
The smell reminded me of times when we lived together, long before Riley was born. Josh would always follow me down to the laundry room in our apartment building, no matter what, which reassured me more than I could explain. Our shared basket would mostly smell of him, and as much as he'd hear me endlessly complain about his usage of clothing, I secretly loved that I could smell him more often.
In finally emerging from the bathroom, I changed into a simple travel outfit and made my way downstairs, craving breakfast now that it had been mentioned.
Upon exiting my room however, I could just about manage to make out the activities of downstairs. Josh was sat with my parents, just like old times and getting along with the both of them as if nothing had changed. If there was any type of confirmation that Josh was truly the one, it was this.
My father laughed, actually laughed, at something he'd said while my mom stared longingly how a mother would to a son. She'd always wanted us married, even back at our high school graduation. She would smile at the photos and tell me 'you'll marry that boy' before it was something I would unfortunately question.
"Hope I'm not interrupting anything?" I grinned as I emerged from the bottom of the stairs and immediately made my way over to the coffee machine, my priority over everything.
"We were just talking about how much Riley is like Josh," my mother was the first to say, "her eyes are a complete replica."
"They are," I confirmed as I poured myself a cup of dark coffee, "they have a very similar temperament too."
"I'll take that.." he moved his chair out and stepped closer to where I was, holding out his cup for me to pour him more coffee, "as a compliment."
"You take it however you'd like."
"I can't simply begin to understand why the both of you separated. Valentina's mother told me about her and Harvey, I'm sure the same could happen for you two."
"Mom." I glared over to where she was seated while Josh situated himself beside me, at a distance.
"I'm just telling the truth, hon."
And yet, the truth still hurt.
— • —
Riley was sleeping soundly in Josh's lap when the cab pulled up to my apartment building. "Are you sure you'll be ok with her tonight?" I asked in already knowing that I needed to be alone this evening, especially with Nathan coming over in a matter of minutes.
"She'll be fine," he whispered back as his features softened, "I'll drop her back tomorrow afternoon."
"Thanks."
My heart eased itself at a steady beat as I climbed out the taxi and watched as it peeled away from the curb and out again into the evening light.
I was still completely in the dark about Josh and I's situation. Nothing had been clarified about his current position in the matter of us, but I had more hope than before. He couldn't have simply said all those things to me over the week and yet still tell me that nothing could happen between us again.
There was very little time between dropping my bags off in my room and the knock sounding at my apartment door.
"Coming!" I shouted out as I wrestled to pull my shoes off and jacket, attempting to rid any signs or the scent of Josh from Nathan's mind in the sense that I'd recently been travelling with him.
Nerves briefly seeped its way through my veins when I stepped up to the door, preparing myself for his oblivious standpoint in this whole entanglement of not knowing what I wanted, once again.
Nathan, however, was the picture of a true gentlemen and someone I would feel genuine pain with what I was going to tell him this evening. He was standing at the other side of my door, flowers in hand and a smile reaching his eyes.
"It's so good to see you." Were the first words uttered from his lips before he connected them with my own.
I felt almost at a loss for words as I allowed him to take the lead in the kiss that now felt foreign to me. "It's good to see you too, Nathan." I muttered with hidden dejection. "These flowers are so beautiful, thank you."
White roses. He'd only gone and picked my absolute favourite flower out of them all and yet in the next hour, I was to tell him why his knowledge of my likes and dislikes would soon just become a distant memory to him.
"All to match the person I bought them for."
I escaped his grip soon there after as a sad smile reached my features. I distracted my hands by searching for a vase, one I could use for the guilt ridden gift now sitting in my hands. "Do you want a drink?"
"Red wine if you have any," his tone was all but dejected as I pulled out two glasses, unbeknownst to the fact of how much my hands were now shaking. "God, I've missed you more than you know." He positioned himself down onto the couch, reaching an arm behind and turning his body to face me.
"I missed you too."
The words were forced, and it was because I didn't miss him; I never had the thought enter my mind over the last week to miss him.
When I brought the drinks over, everything suddenly felt like a business exchange. After tonight, he would be just that, someone I worked with and someone I needed to keep things professional with. "How was your thanksgiving?" I asked in an attempt to divert conversation and prepare myself for what I was going to actually tell him.
"It wasn't too bad, I had dinner with my father and then we just spent time with a few family friends, nothing huge. How was yours?"
"It was pretty good," the conversation was already turning stale and yet Nathan still seemed none the wiser. I placed both our glasses down on the table before sitting down opposite, keeping a safe distance between us despite his hand finding my knee and caressing every nerve present.
"Pretty good, meaning?" There was anything but rejoicing in the chuckle that left his lips. "I mean that, you were there with your ex. Couldn't have been that good."
I felt almost offended at his statement, but I knew that I needed to approach the subject without anger. I'd only hope our conversation could be placid and standard, lacking the grievance I knew there would be at my upcoming admission.
"Look, Nathan—"
"That doesn't sound good," he shifted in his seat as I already found myself growing irritated at his interruption.
"Nathan, I really, truly like how things are going with us. I couldn't have asked for anything better from someone over these last couple months," my heart hammered, "you told me before that you were all in, and that you didn't want us going into anything when I wasn't all in it too, when there was still part of me uncertain about everything."
His hand retracted from my skin like a burn.
"I thought I was all in," I twirled my finger around the rim of the glass now back in my hand, attempting to concentrate on what I was saying, "but over thanksgiving—"
"That's it?" I furrowed my brows at his sudden outburst and yet irritatingly repetitious interruption. His voice reached a higher octave than expected and he still had no idea what I was about to say. "All it took was a thanksgiving weekend and that sleazebag manages to weasel his way back in?"
"Nathan, that's not—"
"And you fucking fell for it." He stood up now and began pacing, his anger reaching a peak I hadn't expected until later on in our conversation. But he had every right to be angry.
"I promise you Nathan, nothing was planned the way it happened," I continued to dance around the subject, inadvertently avoiding what I really needed to just come out and say. "I—I slept with him."
His pained features reflected what he already knew to be true. I emotionally flinched in expecting the worst. I'd hurt someone who never deserved to be hurt and I'd also hurt myself, in believing that my life would still remain conventional after my regretful actions.
Nathan paced one last time before bringing his fingers through his hair to rest at the back of his neck.
"This was not how it was supposed to happen."