"You okay?" Remus asks, pressing his chin on Sirius' shoulder and circling Sirius' frame with his arms. Sirius leans into him. "Yeah," he replies, "just tired."
They're in the library, having sent Professor McGonagall off.
"Uhm," Regulus says from behind, "I'm just gonna... go."
Laughing, Remus releases Sirius and turns around, just in time to see Regulus' rapidly receding form. "Idiot," Sirius scoffs.
"I heard that, you ass," Regulus' voice comes from outside.
"Isn't he fun?" Sirius rubs his face. "Come on," he pulls Remus over to the divan and sprawls across it, one of his legs loosely hanging over the frame. Remus raises an eyebrow. "Where am I sitting?"
"The floor?" Sirius offers. "Orrrrr," Sirius grins, "Under my head?"
Blushing, Remus sits down and lets Sirius put his head on his lap.
"Hi," Sirius whispers, gazing up at Remus, eyes sparkling in the soft evening light clothing the library. "Hi," Remus whispers back, pushing Sirius' hair out of his forehead. Sirius closes his eyes, pressing a little closer so that his cheek is flat against Remus' stomach. It's a little ticklish, but Remus doesn't want him to move away.
"Aren't you gonna ask?" Sirius asks after a small pause.
Remus runs his fingers through Sirius' hair once more before letting his hand rest on Sirius' chest. Sirius takes it in both of his, and presses a soft kiss on his fingers.
"Ask what?"
"What Professor McGonagall spoke to me about,"
Remus peers down at Sirius. "Do you want me to?"
Sirius shrugs, but doesn't let go of Remus hand.
"Okay," Remus pokes Sirius' cheek with his free hand. "What did Professor McGonagall speak to you about, Sirius?"
Sirius rolls his eyes, fighting a little smile. "Nothing much. Just if I was okay and stuff. Told me to talk to her if... you know,"
"Yeah," Remus says softly.
"She also told me about your... interview," Sirius says, a little carefully like he's testing the waters. Remus sighs.
"Why don't you wanna go?" Sirius asks quietly. Remus looks away, letting his eyes fall somewhere distant which his mind doesn't register.
"Remus," Sirius prompts. When he gets no reply, he tugs at Remus' hand.
Remus looks at him.
"Go to the interview," he says.
"Shouldn't that be up to me?"
Sirius purses his lips. He thinks for a moment, then sits up. "No," he finally whispers.
Remus can't help his smile. "I'll think about it," he says.
"You know it's up to you," Sirius says, nudging Remus' shoulder. "And I'd never force you into something you don't want but I know how excited you used to be about it and I'd hate to see you regret it and I really want you to be happy with—oh,"
When Remus kisses him like this, with his hands on Sirius' cheeks, Sirius goes all soft and helpless. His fingers go lax for a little before they can find their way into Remus' hair, and even his lips freeze up for a minute before he can move them. It's a little like he's offering himself to Remus.
But when he does kiss Remus back, he does it like nothing else matters. A bit desperate, like it's the last time they'll ever get. Pours all of himself into it like he's trying to lose himself, like he's thinking that maybe if he got close enough, he could see himself the way Remus sees him. Like giving himself up to Remus is the only way to make him forget all those things he hates about himself.
Sirius takes so much from Remus, but Remus doesn't mind. Because he gives back everything he has, and all of himself, in return.
They pull away a little messed, hair tousled and cheeks flushed and lips a glorious red, and Sirius hides his face in Remus' neck like he sometimes does when he doesn't want Remus to see him. And that's okay.
Remus wishes he wouldn't do that, but that's still okay. Maybe some day, it'll change.
And even if it doesn't, Remus thinks they'll be alright.
Author's Note
Hi, apparently I'm still alive :(