-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eris: "Kazuma, (Y/N), your deaths were really pathetic!"
(Y/N): "That's real fuckin welcoming, Eris."
Kazuma: "You're in a great mood, Eris."
The two found themselves in a familiar room facing a familiar face.
Eris: "Sorry, I've just always wanted to try saying a famous line like that."
Eris squinted with a mischievous smile on her face. Kazuma blushed as the goddess in front of him scratched her cheek.
Eris: "I should let you both know that your comrades are safe, far away from the hydra now. You're corpses have been retrieved by Darkness, she had let herself be swallowed though..."
Kazuma: "Letting herself be swallowed by a hydra, really...that girl's too reckless."
(Y/N): "It all went to shit once Megumin hit it."
Kazuma: "Seriously, what the hell was that? Growing back it's missing heads, really that has to be cheating...There's no way can beat something like that, right?"
(Y/N): "Wait a second, how bad was the damage? On our bodies I mean. We can't go back if it's too severe."
Kazuma: "Give it to us straight, are we dead for good?"
Eris: "N-no it's fine, you can revive! About thirty percent of your bodies are gone, but it'll still work!"
She stared at the dejected boys sitting in chairs in front of her.
Eris: "...After you revive, please don't blame Darkness, ok? I know that she was the one who set up this quest, but...she really haher reasons. She's blaming herself for your deaths, she's taking it really hard. Of course, the ones that suffered the most were you two, but still..."
(Y/N): "We're not mad at her, it's alright."
(Y/N) spoke for the both of them, and Kazuma made no move to object.
Kazuma: "Anyway, didn't you say that you go down to the mortal world every so often to have fun. How about you visit Axel sometime? It feels lonely when I can only meet you after kicking the bucket..."
Eris giggled at Kazuma.
Eris: "Actually, we've met plenty of times before. It's about time you notice me, don't you think?"
Kazuma: "We met? Was it in Axel?"
Both boys went silent, wracking their brains for answers. Eris smiled at the two.
Eris: "I'll give you a hint. Down in the mortal world, my appearance is different from here. I'm more energetic and have a different manner of speech."
(Y/N): "Gee, that's real helpful."
Eris: "And even though I'm a goddess, I don't have to be an Arch Priest like senpai."
(Y/N): 'Well that rule out any Arch Priests. Why she say that unless she wasn't an Arch Priest. Unless she's trying to get in my head? But what if she thought I would think of this and that's why she said that to throw me off? Or what if she knew that I knew that she would-'
Kazuma snapped his fingers and pointed at Eris.
Kazuma: "You're Marise-san that broke Keith's nose when he said something about breast size for Eris priests being in relation with their faith!"
Eris just smiled.
Eris: "Wrong."
Kazuma: "Huh? Well...Oh! After Dust talked about Eris devotees having breast pads and being expelled for having big breasts, Darkness beat him up with the help of another! Celeste-san!"
Eris smiled still, but it was clear she was angry.
Eris: "No."
She looked to the boy who hadn't said anything yet, seeing him deep in thought. She could practically hear the gears in his head starting to turn.
(Y/N): 'Think (Y/N), think! Who is she? Let's go over all the intel. She said her appearance is a little different, but that's just a little. Would she still have her silver hair?...silver hair...Wait a second! Time to run a test!' "Eris, you're really sweet, and I'm happy to see you!"
Eris blushed a little and gave a flustered chuckle.
Eris: "Ehehe...Th-thank you..."
She then did exactly what (Y/N) was looking for. She scratched her cheek.
(Y/N): 'Most people scratch the back of their necks or the top of their heads when they're stuck in an awkward situation, but there's only one I know that scratches her cheek! Darkness even said that it was her nervous tick for when she's in a pinch!' "Oh my god!"
The two looked to (Y/N) expecting an answer, but a familiar voice rang out through the void as he opened his mouth.
Aqua: "Kazuma, (Y/N)! The resurrection is finished, so hurry up and come back. Darkness is really smelly and depressed at the moment."
A familiar bright light started to envelope Kazuma.
Kazuma: "I give up, I give up! Please, tell me who you are! I'm gonna get a dose of divine retribution if I accidentally do something rude to you!"
Eris: "...Really, talking about rude things and divine retribution after all you did when we first met."
(Y/N): 'Well that just confirms it.'
Kazuma: "Huh? What do you mean?"
Eris: "Nothing. My real identity is a secret...Also, please don't listen to everything that senpai says...I-I'm not wearing pads! Right now..."
Kazuma: "Wait, I'm really not concerned with the size of your breasts!"
The light took the panicking Kazuma, leaving (Y/N) and Eris alone. He gazed at the scar in her cheek.
(Y/N): "That explains why I got deja vu when I first met you in Axel."
Eris: "You may think you've figured it out, but I wouldn't be so sure."
The same bright light started to creep up from his feet.
(Y/N): "No, I'd say I'm pretty perceptive. But I won't tell Kazuma, he can figure it out on his own. I'll be seeing you..."
Eris smiled as the light fully enveloped (Y/N). She watched his silhouette give her a small wave.
(Y/N): "Big Boss."
The light faded, and (Y/N) was gone. Eris' eyes widened, but her face softened into a serene smile.
Eris: "You may be more perceptive than I thought, (Y/N)."
.
.
.
Aqua: "Welcome back, you two."
The two boys opened their eyes to see Aqua standing above them, pinching her nose.
(Y/N): "Jesus! What the fuck reeks so bad?!"
Kazuma: "Oh god, that's us!"
(Y/N): "This is such a load of bullshit! And why is it so windy?"
Kazuma: "...Why are we naked? Did our clothes melt?"
Aqua: "They melted. Cover up some."
Megumin threw (Y/N) her robe, which he promptly wrapped around his waist.
(Y/N): "Well I'm glad I left my jacket at home today."
Aqua: "I'd say. You two were digested so much that you became lady adventurers for a little while. Megumin was really concerned about that (Y/N), kukuku!"
A wave of heat shot to Megumin's cheeks.
Megumin: "I-I was not!"
Aqua: "The only thing that survived off of you is that strangely named sword of yours stuck in it's sheath."
Megumin: "I can't ignore the fact that you called the name I gave that sword strange!"
(Y/N): "Wait, did Amelia make it out?!"
Megumin put her attack for Aqua on hold for a moment and turned to (Y/N).
Megumin: "Darkness was able to pull you two out soon enough to stop you from being fully digested, but she also got your guitar before any damage was done. It's miraculous just how well it holds up, like some kind of holy relic."
(Y/N): "Yeah, real strange..."
Kazuma: "Why are you so depressed?"
Kazuma had turned to Darkness, who was stinking and hugging her knees a little distance away. She looked up at Kazuma and (Y/N) with an apologetic look, slightly trembling.
Darkness: "Aren't you angry about me forcing you to fight?"
(Y/N): "I can't speak for Kazuma, but for me? Of course not."
Kazuma: "I'm not angry either. You're the one who wanted to fight this thing in the first place, but it's not like we haven't taken on high bounties before. We've died a few times already now."
(Y/N): "It's an occupational hazard at this point."
Darkness: "I suppose that's true..."
Kazuma: "This isn't like you to be acting like this. Eris told us all about it, so don't worry. You had to be swallowed too to save us, didn't you?"
(Y/N): "And that's an awful lot of blood you're wearing. You don't look melted, but are you really alright?"
Darkness: "The blood is from the hydra when I cut its stomach open to get you two out. Any more time spent in there, and I would have joined you...I'm fine, I'm not hurt anywhere."
(Y/N): "Thanks for dragging us out of the belly of the beast. I'm sorry you had to see us like that, we must've looked like that Toht guy when they open the ark in Indiana Jones."
Darkness was confused, but Kazuma shuddered.
Kazuma: "Oh god, please don't make me imagine myself like that...Whatever, let's not sit around here any longer. Let's all go home and take a shower."
Kazuma gave her a smile to show he didn't mind, but Aqua shot him down.
Aqua: "Kazuma, I get you want to comfort Darkness, and that's nice...but put some pants on first. Asking someone to shower when you're like that is just indecent."
Kazuma: "Oh...We're still naked..."
(Y/N): "Not for long. Teleport."
(Y/N) teleported back to the mansion.
Aqua: "Couldn't he have taken us with him?"
Megumin: "He's enjoying that new spell too much..."
.
.
.
Kazuma sat in the bath at the mansion. He'd let Darkness go first, so it was a little later. (Y/N) poked his head in the door.
(Y/N): "I still smell like fuckin garbage, mind if I join you?"
Kazuma: "Uh..."
(Y/N): "We did it in Alcanretia. And don't worry, as long as we're 5 feet apart, we're not gay."
Kazuma: "I guess so."
(Y/N): "Two bros, chilling in a hot tub."
(Y/N) went to other side of the bath and slipped in.
(Y/N): "So?"
Kazuma: "So what?"
(Y/N): "So fuckin what?!"
Kazuma: "I don't feel like references at the moment. What do you wanna talk about?"
(Y/N): "The whole hydra thing I guess."
Kazuma: "Well at least now we know that the knight corps doesn't kill it. Not because they won't, but because they can't. We talked about it on the way home, and Megumin said that it would take immense firepower to put that thing down. It regenerates, so we'd have to blow it to hell beyond any chance of growing back, or severely wound it multiple times to eat up it's mana. And both methods are impractical, not to mention nearly impossible."
(Y/N): "Yeah, it'd just run back to the lake bottom if we really wounded it."
Kazuma: "Exactly."
(Y/N): "What about Darkness? I know she took it hard before I left, but what about on the way back?"
Kazuma: "She was totally out of it. She's really adamant about taking care of this hydra. But Aqua was actually helpful this time."
(Y/N): "Bullshit."
Kazuma: "No, she said it won't leave that lake any time soon. She purified part of it's home, so it'll focus on polluting it's invaded territory with it's miasma, or whatever she called it. The Knight Corps will be on that thing's ass before that happens."
(Y/N): "When Aqua is confident about something, it usually tends go off the rails batshit insane."
Kazuma: "That's...That's a good point..."
(Y/N): "Anyway, what happened to Megumin and Aqua?"
Kazuma: "Went to the guild to report. They think they'll get a consolation prize."
(Y/N): "Economy sized dreams of hope?"
Before Kazuma could even groan at the reference, Darkness' voice sounded from outside the bath door.
Darkness: "Kazuma, you're bathing longer than usual. Are you really alright?"
(Y/N): "You've got his bathing schedule down? You sure you guys aren't a thing?"
Darkness: "Wha- (Y/N)?!"
(Y/N): "That'd be me."
Darkness: "Where's Kazuma?"
Kazuma: "Right here."
Darkness: "Wh-what are you two doing in there?!"
(Y/N): "Male bonding."
Darkness: "H-huh?"
(Y/N): "I still smelled like trash so I joined him. We're just shooting the shit until we don't smell like it no more."
Darkness: "Ah, ok..."
Darkness went quiet, but it was clear that wasn't all she had wanted to say.
Darkness: "I-it's my fault for being so willful. Maybe things have been going to well recently...and I got impatient and overconfident."
(Y/N): "Don't worry about it, it's not the first time I've dealt with a willful blonde noble."
Darkness: "That said, I still want to defeat that monster no matter what."
Kazuma: "Well we're not gonna see that thing again, so it'll be fine. Anyway, Aqua and Megumin are really slow today. They must be eating something at the guild, so let's join them."
Darkness made a dejected sound that simultaneously made them feel guilty and surprised.
Darkness: "I brought you a change of clothes Kazuma. I'll leave them by the door."
(Y/N): "Can you do me a solid and grab some clothes for me too?"
Darkness: "Yes, I'll go get some now."
Darkness walked off to grab (Y/N) a change of clothes too.
Kazuma: "The girl was already down, then you ask her to do chores?"
(Y/N): "Hey, I've already gone galavanting around naked as a jaybird once today, I don't need to do it twice."
After a minute, they could hear Darkness return.
Darkness: "Your clothes are here too, (Y/N)."
(Y/N): "Thank you."
Darkness: "You're welcome. I'll be waiting in-"
Kazuma: "Do you have some reason to kill the hydra that you can't talk about?"
Darkness: "Ugh...Th-that's..."
Kazuma & (Y/N): 'There definitely is.'
Kazuma: 'Eh, what the hell? I don't wanna fight this thing all that much, but when faced with this depressed girl, I might as well at least say something.' "It didn't work out today, but we'll get that hydra next time. We just need a better plan."
Darkness gave a surprised gasp, giving the two boys an opening to tease her a little.
Kazuma: "You sound surprised. You were just up on your high horse about the safety of the people."
(Y/N): "Does Dustiness Ford Lalatina lack the resolve to follow through?"
Darkness: "Just who the hell do you think I am?! Protecting the people is the duty of the Dustiness house! I'll get that hydra for sure next time!"
(Y/N) and Kazuma smiled at each other, and spoke in a whisper so she didn't hear them.
(Y/N) & Kazuma: "That's the Darkness I know."
.
.
.
After everyone stopped smelling like the stomach fluids of a giant monster, they went to join Aqua and Megumin at the guild. Even just walking into the guild, they walked into trouble.
???: "Why are you lot always doing all these unnecessary things?!"
???: "That's right! Aqua purified the water in the fish tank, then all the fish from the sea died!"
Aqua: "I-I thought it would be better for them! Those poor fish were cooped up in such a cramped tank, so I wanted to at least make their water clean!"
???: "What are we gonna do?! There's no way we can handle some big shot monster like the Kowloon Hydra!"
???: "Mama, I wanna go home!"
(Y/N): 'Mamaaaaaaa! Oooooh! I don't wanna die! I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all!'
???: "We need more wanted posters! Spread them to all the adventurers in town!"
Aqua: "Kazuma, Darkness, (Y/N)! Help me take care of this!"
Megumin ran to the three's side.
Megumin: "What's going on? I know that Aqua is being blamed like usual, but we didn't do anything wrong this time did we?"
Aqua: "That's right, that hydra would've woken up sooner or later even if we didn't try to take it on! There shouldn't be such a commotion..."
(Y/N): "And yet here we are, booze goddess."
Darkness grabbed onto the arm of a guild staff.
Darkness: "What's happened? The subjugation failed, but it's not that bad right? Won't it be fine as soon as the Knight Corps get here?"
Guild Girl: "W-well, there was a big incident in the capital recently. The Knight Corps won't be coming until they deal with that..."
Kazuma: "An incident in the capital? Is my cute sister in danger?"
Guild Girl: "S-sister? No, the incident was quite some time ago, and it was resolved pretty quickly without major repercussions. The Knight Corps were assigned to restore order to the capital that fell into chaos, and to search for the criminals who instigated the incident."
Kazuma: "That's good, I was seriously considering charging straight back to the capital for a second."
(Y/N): "That girl is capable, and you're way too overprotective of her. Especially since she isn't even your sister."
Kazuma: "You wouldn't go if she was in danger?"
(Y/N): "Of course I would go if she were to be in real danger. Something like a hangnail is not an example of serious danger."
Guild Girl: "The danger in the capital has past, but it was definitely real danger. If I remember correctly, the trio that broke into the castle were calling themselves the Silver Haired Thieving Group."
All color drained from Kazuma and Darkness' faces. (Y/N) stayed stone faced, but was both shaking and smiling internally. The staff pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to them.
Guild Girl: "Just the three of them were able to defeat the castle knights and several powerful adventurers, boldly stealing some treasure along the way."
(Y/N) leaned over and whispered to Kazuma and Darkness, who were holding the wanted poster with shaking hands.
(Y/N): "Goddamn, 200 million? Can I turn myself in?"
Darkness: "200 million...200 million eris..."
Kazuma: "Oi Darkness, you're not usual interested in money, so why are you looking at us with glowing eyes?"
Guild Girl: "In summary, the Knight Corps won't be dispatched here anytime soon. But we still have hope! The knights from the capital made a trip to the Crimson Demon village and met with a highly skilled diviner to find where the culprits had fled to...and the the divination showed that the main culprits are right here in Axel! So the adventurers are searching every nook and cranny for the masked criminals!"
(Y/N): 'Oh shit, this may end up being a problem...But on the brightside, I'm on a wanted poster! I'm finally an outlaw!'
Guild Girl: "Anyway, I'm really looking forward to your party's performance. You all seem to run into bounty targets all the time! If you capture the thieves, the Knight Corps will be dispatched here quickly!"
Kazuma: "Yeah."
Darkness elbowed the emotionless Kazuma, signaling him to act casual. The staff sighed.
Guild Girl: "It's really only a matter of time before they're caught. Axel has a diviner even more powerful than the Crimson Demon's diviner!"
Kazuma & (Y/N): 'Vanir?'
(Y/N): 'Fuck. That greedy piece of shit wouldn't lose any sleep if he were to sell us out. Especially if there's a huge sum, like 200 million eris, involved.'
Guild Girl: "Please give us a hand too!"
(Y/N) & Kazuma: 'Obviously, we're gonna stay home.'
.
.
.
Aqua: "One day~ In the forest~ I met a~ Dragon~"
Thre days after the incident at the guild and they still hadn't left the house. Vanir had a hard time divining when the target was around Aqua, so (Y/N) and Kazuma stuck around her a lot, thankful that she was stuck at home incubating her egg. Right now, Aqua was cradling the egg on the couch and sang to it as she stared at the rain, a warm glow from her hands covering it's shell. She'd insisted that this was prenatal education for the child inside the egg. (Y/N) suddenly burst through the door.
(Y/N): "You call that a song for a dragon?! This is a song for a dragon!"
He started to play as loud as he could, shaking the couch Aqua was sitting on.
Aqua: "Stop, you're going to corrupt Emperor Zell!"
(Y/N): "I MET A DRAGON! IN A CAVE BY THE MOUNTAIN! NOW I BRING THE EVIDENCE, THE BEAST IS ALIVE!"
The living room was full of noise right now.
Megumin: "Revenge! I want revenge on that hydra!"
Kazuma just kept brushing Chomusuke's fur.
Kazuma: "You say that, but do you have a plan to defeat that thing?"
(Y/N) stopped tormenting Aqua and her child and gave his two cents on the conversation.
(Y/N): "Me and Kazuma have been over it a few times, but we still can't come up with a plan that doesn't involve us all croaking."
Megumin: "We need more firepower! With stronger firepower, we'll blow that thing's face up! If one explosion isn't enough, then we'll use them consecutively! With (Y/N) and I casting explosions, Aqua's mana, and your Drain Touch, we'll be unstoppable!"
Aqua: "I don't wanna. I'm not gonna suffer through that dirty lich skill ever again. There's nothing you can do to convince me, my holy mana isn't supposed to be carelessly thrown around by everyone."
(Y/N): "What the fuck are you using that 'hOLy mAnA' for then, you moron? I get that microwaves don't exist here, but sticking it on the stove is enough to heat your snack."
Aqua: "Don't call Zell a snack, you'll receive a god blow. I'm injecting mana into the dragon egg right jow. Dragons are the crystallization of mana, so the more mana they have, the stronger they are. This child will rule over all dragons from the peaks. Naturally as it's parent, I'm doing everything I can for it."
They just ignored Aqua's speech about her chicken egg.
(Y/N): "Believe me, I know how you feel about wanting to be a dragon slayer, cause I do too. But there's no way, so why are you so hellbent on killing this fucker?"
Megumin: "I've been thinking...Killing that hydra will make me really happy, because it killed you."
(Y/N): "H-huh?"
Kazuma: 'Ah, so that's how it is. She wants revenge for her lover.'
Megumin: "You too, Kazuma. I'll make an example of that hydra! Anyone who hurts those I care about will be met with an explosion!"
Kazuma: "A-ah, is that so?"
(Y/N): 'Well if she was trying to make us feel guilty, it definitely worked...'
Megumin: "Darkness and I have been going after the hydra together recently. Darkness would draw out the Hydra with taunting skills, then we'd escape after casting-"
(Y/N): "Are you fucking kidding me? You two have been going alone?"
(Y/N) sounded calm, but even Aqua could see the fear in his eyes.
Megumin: "Well yes, but-"
(Y/N): "You two were going alone against the monster that killed two of us while the others didn't stand a chance? What was your plan if you couldn't escape in time?"
Megumin: "I...I really don't know..."
(Y/N): "You two are really fuckin stupid, you know. And because of that, I know you're gonna keep going. So fuck it, I'm going with you from now on."
Megumin & Darkness: "(Y/N)..."
(Y/N): "What? I can't let you get yourselves killed alone."
Kazuma: "You can't go out, remember?"
(Y/N): 'Oh goddammit!'
Megumin & Aqua: "Why not?"
(Y/N): "I made a bet with Kazuma on which of us can cook that egg first. A lot of money is riding on this, but I can give up if I have to."
Aqua: "You better go with them then!"
Kazuma: "Darkness, shouldn't you be the one stopping these idiots?"
Darkness looked away nervously and kept polishing her armor.
Darkness: "Ugh, I...I want to defeat that hydra no matter what...This will help deplete it's mana too..."
Kazuma: "But it's too inconvenient to make a move in all this rain. The enemy lives in water, it's gonna have the advantage in rain like this. So I'll show my true strength when the rain stops."
(Y/N): 'What a poor soul, not confident in his bullshitting, or running from the law.'
Megumin: "It's the rainy season right now though. The weather diviner said it will go on for quite some time."
Kazuma: "I'll show my true strength when the rain stops."
Megumin: "You!"
Megumin grabbed onto Chomusuke's tail stopping Kazuma from brushing. Darkness just kept polishing her armor.
Kazuma: "Oi, don't do that! Stop taking your anger out on Chomusuke!"
(Y/N) scooped up Chomusuke and pointed to the matted hand prints on her tail.
(Y/N): "LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MR. BIGGLESWORTH!"
.
.
.
The rain continued on for the next few days. Aqua and Kazuma holed themselves up in the mansion, but the rain didn't stop the other three. Speaking of them...
(Y/N): "One of you get off your asses and draw a bath!"
The three came back in, (Y/N) piggybacking Megumin, the two of them covered in soot. Darkness was beside them, smelling the inside of a hydra. The armor she took such pride in was covered in scratches and hydra blood.
Kazuma: "So you got eaten. I told you it was dangerous, don't go anymore."
Darkness: "He probably got tired of the daily explosion and struck before I could use my taunt. Megumin was chanting when it attacked, and it was quite a close call..."
(Y/N): "Darkness got us out of there, and Megumin blasted that Lernean face to hell. We ran away when it was regenerating."
Darkness: "...It really isn't that simple after all..."
Aqua rushed to Darkness' side and healed her. Darkness then took off her armor, thanked Aqua, and dragged her feet to the bath.
Aqua: "Hey Kazuma, can't you figure out an easy way to deal with this hydra? Numerous half useful skills and underhanded despicable schemes are your only strong points, right?"
Kazuma: "I've got an idea. We'll bind you up and toss you in that lake. Once the hydra eats you, we'll gather all the adventurers together and drag it ashore. We'll beat on it for a little while before it can crawl back down into the lake...Foolproof right? Eh, not foolproof, the plan involves a fool heavily."
Aqua stared at Kazuma for a moment before she pounced at him. Kazuma took this time to take the egg as a hostage.
(Y/N): "Kazuma, I'm open!"
The two proceeded to terrorize Aqua by playing keepaway with the egg. Megumin watched Darkness trudge on towards the bath with a concerned expression.
Megumin: "I'll never complain about exploding a powerful enemy...but Darkness seems really weird lately."
.
.
.
When Darkness came back, Kazuma was sitting in the living room floor with her armor. (Y/N) and Megumin watched Kazuma as he worked.
Darkness: "Phew, that was- Kazuma, what are you doing?"
Kazuma: "Your armor got real banged up today, so I'm sprucing it up a bit. Besides, I've had nothing to do recently, what with the rain trappng me inside these past few days."
He proceeded to use a wooden hammer and a crafting skill to bang the dents out of the armor. Darkness looked on shyly.
Darkness: "That reminds me...You fixed my armor when we went to those hotsprings too...I'd like to go on another hotsprings trip with everyone one day..."
Kazuma: "I don't wanna, too many crazies in that town."
(Y/N): "I've got mixed feelings...On one hand, I have some memories there that I'll cherish forever...But on the other hand, it's a city full of Axis Cultists...Yeah, I'll take a hard pass."
Darkness' soft reply carried heavy weight and meaning.
Darkness: "Even so, I want to go again..."
.
.
.
Even after Megumin and (Y/N) had stopped going to fight the hydra every day, Darkness still went day after day. As her wounds multiplied and worsened, the others started to keep watch on her.
Megumin: "She isn't here! She had already left by the time I went to wake her up!"
Kazuma: "That girl! I already told her it was too dangerous to go, why won't she listen?!"
(Y/N): "She thinks she's invincible, and that can only lead to more danger."
Kazuma: "You! Why did you doze off?!"
Aqua: "It's really tiring to incubate Emperor Zell, you know! Raising a kid is hard work, let alone raising a kid right! Show me more consideration!"
Kazuma: "Stop with the jokes about child rearing! Hand the damn egg over, I'm making sunny side up!"
Aqua: "You stop! I've warmed this little Emperor for so many days, so it'll be terrible if it cracks now!"
Aqua curled herself around the egg, trying to protect it.
(Y/N): "You'd really choose a chicken over Darkness?"
Kazuma: "The egg comes second! Darkness is the priority! Really, what's she thinking?! Now really isn't the time for the nobility in her to come out!"
Megumin: "Now isn't the time to determine her reasoning in going! The hydra's learning too, that's why Darkness is coming back with worse injuries every day! It's really dangerous!"
(Y/N): 'Goddammit, she probably left before dawn! There's no way we'll catch up!'
Aqua stayed curled around the egg, but still said something they didn't hear from her often.
Aqua: "Hey Kazuma, isn't there a way to take out that hydra? I'll drop off Emperor Zell at Wiz's, then me and Megumin will go after her and lecture her."
Kazuma: 'Even Aqua's resolved to do this...If I'm the only one sitting at home, that's just...Ugh, damn it all!'
Kazuma: "You two go and try to bring Darkness back! Even if you meet the hydra, do not engage! Just run straight back home."
The two girls nodded with serious expressions. They soon left the mansion in search of Darkness, with (Y/N) following not far behind. Kazuma caught his shoulder before he could leave.
Kazuma: "You're coming with me. Grab some eris from your room."
(Y/N) gave him a nod, and he and Kazuma each went towards their own rooms, shoving eris notes into their wallets.
(Y/N) & Kazuma: "This girl is really a handful!"
.
.
.
Aqua and Megumin had met the injured Darkness as she was coming back from the lake. She told Kazuma about the lecture she recieved with wry smile, obviously intent on going back. The next day, (Y/N) and Kazuma set off for the lake in the small hours of the morning. They stood by the lake, waiting for Darkness to arrive, Aqua and Megumin probably not far behind her. At around noon, Darkness and Aqua showed up, the former utterly shocked at the sight before her.
(Y/N): "We figured you could use a little help."
Standing behind Kazuma and (Y/N) were none other than Axel's adventurers.
Adventurer 1: "Oh! You sure took your own sweet time, Lalatina!"
Adventurer 2: "Hey, Lalatina-chan is here!"
Adventurer 3: "Lalatina!"
Adventurer 4: "Lalatina!"
Darkness silently grabbed onto Kazuma and (Y/N)'s collars, tears in her eyes from the teasing.
Kazuma: "S-stop it Lalatina! They were just calling you by your name, so don't start strangling me! Stop...Please stop!"
(Y/N) was too busy laughing to even talk.
Darkness: "What have you two done? If this is just a new way to harass me, you'll receive a piece of my mind."
Kazuma: "That's not what this is! Why would we gather so many people for a stupid prank?"
(Y/N): "We told everyone how you've been trying to kill this hydra, then we asked them to help."
Darkness relieved the two's collars from the Iron Claw and whipped her head around the crowd frantically.
Adventurer 5: "I guess even Lalatina can get embarrassed."
Adventurer 6: "Hey, don't say that. Lalatina-chan may look like that, but she's actually really delicate. We need Lalatina-chan's strength to defeat this hydra, so what are you gonna do if you make her cry and run away?"
Adventurer 7: "Kazuma and (Y/N) have been treating us to food and drinks lately, even the most expensive drinks yesterday! So we're here to go along with Lalatina's willfulness, as a way to return the favor!"
Kazuma: "Take a good look Darkness. All we told them was that you were off risking your life every day, and we managed to pull in quite a crowd to help you."
(Y/N): "We're used to worrying about you, Lady Musclebrains. But you're worrying a lot more folks than us now."
Darkness' face flushed as she softly replied.
Darkness: "...T-thank you..."
Kazuma: "Hmm? What did you say?"
(Y/N): "You're too quiet, you have to speak up Lalatina."
She glared at the two for a moment before shyly scoping out the adventurers again. All the adventurers that met Darkness' eyes either got embarrassed or smiled. Seeing all the adventurers gathered to help her, Darkness smiled too.
Darkness: "Everyone, I'm very-"
Aqua: "Waaaahhhh! The hydra woke up earlier than it should've!"
Looking behind them, they saw that Aqua had already gone into the lake. Megumin stood by the shore, preparing her magic.
Megumin: "I told you it was better to wait for the signal before waking it!"
Aqua: "But I want to go back early to see Emperor Zell's birth!"
Darkness flushed red with embarrassment at being cut off in the middle of her speech of gratitude. The Kowloon Hydra appeared with a giant splash, and chased Aqua through the water.
Kazuma: "Why must you always ruin such heartfelt moments?!"
(Y/N): "We can't worry about that now! Places people, we have a hydra to slay! Take no prisoners, take no shit!"
Kazuma: "You're right! Aqua's drawing it to the lakeside, so phase one is almost complete! Thieves, did you bring your steel wire?! Archers, standby with grappling hook arrows!"
Aqua: "AAAAH, HURRY UP HURRY UP HURRY UP!"
(Y/N): "Vanguards, hold those backlines! You are our shields!"
Kazuma: "Mages, prepare your spells and stand by! Don't even think about holding back, use all the mana you have for one shot!"
Megumin: "That damn hydra will blown away by my explosion for sure this time!"
(Y/N): "We stand in the court of the dragon now! Show no fuckin mercy!"
Kazuma: "(Y/N), follow the plan! Take your position with the mages!"
(Y/N): "Sir yes sir!"
(Y/N) joined the mages and started playing, charging the biggest lightning storm he could muster.
(A/N: Unpopular opinion? This is my favorite Megadeth song.)
Kazuma: "Darkness we're gonna need your decoy skill right in front! Your defensive ability is the key to this battle, so don't die too easily!"
Darkness: "Who do you think I am? My defense won't lose to anyone!"
Aqua tugged on Kazuma's sleeve as Darkness attracted the hydra's attention and blocked it's attacks.
Aqua: "Kazuma, Kazuma. What about me? What should I do?"
Kazuma: "You've casted support spells on everyone already, so nothing unless someone gets hurt! Just cheer them on and don't get in the way!"
Aqua: "I wanna play a big role too!"
.
.
.
Among the mages, (Y/N) did his best to shout above the chaos.
(Y/N): "Hey Megumin, how about a friendly wager?!"
Megumin: "...I'm listening!"
(Y/N): "Whoever gets rid of more heads takes the title of Dragon Slayer!"
Megumin: "You're on! But don't go crying to the Dragon Slayer when this is over!"
(Y/N): "Why would I cry to myself?!"
.
.
.
Kazuma: "Darkness, I leave this to you!"
Darkness: "You can count on me! Decoy!"
With that, all of the hydra's heads snapped towards Darkness. Kazuma took the opportunity to erase his very presence with Lurk. He charged towards the hydra. It was clear from Darkness' frown that withstanding the mighty beasts fierce attacks wasn't easy. Even still, she held strong against attacks that would send literally anyone else straight to Eris.
Thieves: "Bind!"
The second that the hydra turned all eight of it's monstrous heads in one direction, all the thieves used their Bind skill, and tied them with the wires they brought. At the same time as this, all the archers shot out their grappling hook arrows. The hooks bounced off of the hydra's hard scales, but still tangled with the wires from the Bind. Once they knew the hooks would hold, adventurers played tug of war with both sides of the ropes, pulling the hydra far from the lake and cutting off it's escape route. As all this happened, Kazuma ran closer to the hydra, cloaked with Lurk. He climbed onto it's back and pressed his hands to the hydra's scales.
Kazuma: "They say you won't go down until your mana dries up! Looks like I'll have to suck you dry!"
All was going according to plan, right until Kazuma activated Drain Touch. As soon as he started draining mana, the hydra thrashed like it was in a Slayer pit. It kept attempting to break free of the binding on it's necks, but the ropes held.
Adventurer 8: "Get out of there Kazuma! What the hell are you thinking climbing up there?!"
Kazuma: "Don't worry about me! Watch me use my secret skill to weaken this big bastard! Tell the mages to be ready to bombard once it's mana goes dry-"
As Kazuma was talking, the hydra twisted it's body, trying to rub it's back on the ground.
Kazuma: "AAAAAAHHH I'M GONNA GET SQUASHED!"
(Y/N): "Fuck, we were aiming for no casualties!"
Darkness: "What are you doing, you moron?!"
Darkness grabbed onto Kazuma as he was thrown off, and pinned him down to the ground. The hydra's colossal body rolled over and on top of the two, Darkness saving them by propping herself with her arms. Despite the fact that he were inches from certain death, Kazuma still managed to blush dark red.
Kazuma: "A-as expected of Lady Dustiness, the power in your arms are truly marvelous."
Darkness: "Is this really the time to be saying that?! Hnhg! I can't...keep holding on!"
Kazuma, fearing for their lives, reached past Darkness' flushed face and out towards the hydra on top of them.
Kazuma: "Darkness, you can't give up yet! Endure it, stay in that position!"
Darkness: "You're really going for abandonment play now? N-no, I really...can't!"
Kazuma: 'Who am I to just let all of this girl's efforts amount to nothing? That said, she could use a lecture!'
He started multitasking like his life depended on it, because it pretty much did, draining away the hydra's mana and scolding Darkness at the same time.
Kazuma: "You've always been useless! Here's one of the few and far between moments for you to be of use, and you're going to let it end just like that?! You're supposed to defend your title at 6he endurance tournament, but there's no way for you to win when you can't even endure this! How are you going to show your face to all those adventurers, you spineless crusader?!"
Darkness: "Ugh, the hydra's heavy play and verbal abuse from this demonic man, what a reward this is...But of all days, why today?!"
The situation was starting to wear down on Darkness. Her face flushed red as she trembled, sweating buckets and tearing up. Despite all this, she still hung on as Kazuma drained the hydra with all his might. The hydra swung it's necks, struggling against it's restraints.
Adventurer 8: "Pull! Everyone, pull now!"
Vanguards pulled hard on the ropes, trying to save the two trapped under the leviathan. Darkness looked down at Kazuma with a tired smile.
Darkness: "I-I...can't...K-Kazuma...Don't worry...We'll die...together..."
Kazuma: "How's that supposed to stop me from worrying?! I'll be the only one to die! With the buffs Aqua gave you and your defense on top of that, you'll definitely survive a little crushing!"
Darkness: "I-if I give up, Kazuma will die...What's with this situation? Even though you're...ordering me told hold on like a master...your life is in my hands...how contradictory...Just who's the master in this situation? This is quite a new feeling, Kazuma!"
Kazuma: 'She's really enjoying herself in this situation!'
Just a step away from certain death...
Dust: "Hey, the hydra's really weak now, right? It can't move either! The one who scores the last hit can collect the bounty, and I don't wanna share! I'll take the head of the Kowloon Hydra!"
Yunyun: "W-wait, what are you talking about at a time like this?! Even if it's immobilized, letting your guard down can only- Aaah! Dust! DUST!"
With Dust attracting the attention of the hydra, the pressure on Kazuma and Darkness lifted. The two scrambled out from under the beast and ran towards Megumin and (Y/N).
Yunyun: "Light of Saber!"
Yunyun cut off one of the hydra's heads and saved Dust from a terrible fate in stomach acid.
Kazuma: "Oh yeah, she was here too."
(Y/N): "Way to go, Yunyun! Yeah...WAIT A SECOND, SHE STOLE ONE OF MY HEADS!"
Adventurer 9: "Hey, the head that got cut off didn't regenerate!"
They all looked over to a seven headed hydra trying it's damnedest to escape into the lake, and all the heavyweights pulling hard on the ropes to stop it from doing so.
Kazuma: "All mages!"
All the mages focused their mana with Kazuma's yell, waiting with sparkling eyes for the signal to cast.
Kazuma: "...ATTACK!"
Countless spells flew from the mages to the hydra.
Yunyun: "Light of Saber!"
After chopping down on one of the hydra's necks with a blade of brilliant light, Yunyun gave Megumin a smug look. Megumin pointed her staff towards the hydra as her lips curled into a smile.
Adventurer 10: "Anyone near the water evacuate! Explosion coming!"
Adventurer 11: "Cover your ears!"
All the adventurers had gotten used to the routine of covering their ears and bracing themselves, and did so in a practiced fashion.
Megumin: "(Y/N), Kazuma, I'll avenge you now! A bouquet for the ones in heaven!"
Kazuma: "We're right here!"
(Y/N): "Not so fast, I'll avenge myself!"
(Y/N) hit the final power chord and released all his lightning, bolts shooting out like laser beams towards the nearly dead hydra.
Megumin: "EXPLOSION!"
Combining their efforts, they pierced the hydra. The giant beast didn't have a chance to scream before being laid to rest for all time...
.
.
.
After the defeat of the Kowloon Hydra, everyone returned to Axel in high spirits.
Megumin: "This isn't fair!"
(Y/N): "All's fair in love and war! You blew up three heads, and I vaporized the other three!"
Megumin: "That's exactly what isn't fair!"
Yunyun: "Wh-what about me?! I even saved someone bitten by the hydra, that should count for something!"
Megumin: "Saving a delinquent who was trying to hog all the bounty should only count as one point. You're a Crimson Demon too, so you should understand the importance of stealing the limelight!"
Yunyun: "Then we all got three points!"
(Y/N): "I guess that means we're all Dragon Slayers...I'll take it!"
Megumin: "Now hold on. Yunyun wasn't participating in our wager."
Yunyun: "How are you so cruel, Megumin?!"
Kazuma: 'Despite the high bounty monster we fought, we only had one casualty. Even then, they were resurrected by Aqua.'
Keith: "Seems like we're more capable than we thought! But there's no way we'd have made it without Kazuma's party."
Lynn: "That's right, they were great as expected! I know we all agreed to take an equal share of the bounty, but they should honestly take more. There's that moron that said: 'The one who scores the last hit can collect the bounty, and I don't wanna share!' So you guys can take his share with you too."
(Y/N): "No, we wouldn't have made it had we not all worked together. So everyone! I'm dog tired, but I know what'll help! Let's go to the guild and party the fuckin night away!"
Adventurers: "Yeaaaahh!"
The mass of adventurers kept on their way towards the guild. (Y/N) and Kazuma looked towards Darkness. The sad, anxious face she'd been wearing was replaced by a serene refreshed one.
Kazuma: "How does it feel to finally kill your obsession? Won't you be able to sleep soundly now?"
Darkness: "Yeah, thanks to this, all sorts of problems seem trivial to me now. Brooding over it by myself is silly. But that's not because we defeated the hydra...I learned once again just how much everyone means to me...and what I mean to them. Thanks to them, I found my way again. I have nothing to fear, and nothing to regret."
Kazuma: "You really say some embarrassing things sometimes."
She elbowed his side at his teasing.
Darkness: "But really...I'm really blessed."
(Y/N): "It's good to see you smile again, Darkness."
(Y/N)'s remark only made her smile brighter.
Aqua: "Come on, show more reverence to me! Tell me that you're grateful to the great Aqua-sama for granting you a new chance at life! Compliment me more!"
Dust: "Kazuma, (Y/N)! I really am thankful for being revived, but your priestess is really annoying!"
Kazuma & (Y/N): "We know, we have to live with her!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Whoo, this is really refreshing to finish a chapter! Goddamn this took forever, and I'm really fuckin sorry that. I hope it was worth the wait. I worked on the first like 4,500 words for like a month, then wrote the other half in like three days, so I think I've rediscovered the energy to write. But this chapter came out on September 10th, 2021...
You know what that means...
Meme aside, I'd like to share something serious. A new guitar.
Please ignore the wonky ass blankets on my bed. Anyone, I got her for an incredible deal. Epiphone or not, I'd never find another Les Paul of this quality at this price. Plus it came with a hardcase locking strap that's made from real rattlesnake skin, it looks fuckin badass. Anyway, I'm having trouble naming her. I'm considering weebing the fuck out and naming it Geeta or Yui. But if anyone has any name suggestions, please comment them, cause I'm stumped other than those. With that said, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter.