Yeji can't believe her eyes.
Ryujin is there, in flesh, standing just a short distance away, smiling at her.
The woman has indeed lost some weight. Her jawline is more distinct, her already tiny waist looks tinier and her hair has grown much longer. But the smile and those gentle loving eyes haven't changed a bit.
"You okay?" Ryujin asks as she takes a step forward.
Yeji hasn't been able to move or say anything since she laid eyes on Ryujin.
"Sorry I didn't notify you. I wasn't sure I was doing the right thing until the last minute. It's spring break, you see, so I thought..." Ryujin pauses, observing Yeji. "Is it okay for me to be here? Yeddeong? Please say something?"
Yeji finally blinks. "H-huh? Oh. S-sure. Um..." For a moment, she doesn't know what to do with herself. A part of her wants to run and hug Ryujin but another part of her is screaming to control herself because that woman needs to pay for what she has done.
Besides, she's only here for spring break. She's not going to stay for long, says Yeji's logic.
She can barely hear it though because her heart is beating out of her chest and it is winning the ongoing inner struggle.
Ryujin gingerly steps out onto the cold foyer to approach the immobile Yeji. "Yeddeong?" she reaches out to carefully hold Yeji's hand.
The moment their skin touch, both of them feel a tiny jolt, a spark that they haven't felt in a long time.
Yeji nearly retracts her hand by reflex but Ryujin has grabbed hold of it firmly.
"I guess it's been too long, huh?" Ryujin says. "Even our bodies have forgotten each other."
"And whose fault is that?" retorts Yeji.
Ryujin smiles sadly. "Mine. All mine."
Yeji looks down at the hand holding hers, staring at it in awe. It still feels surreal to have Ryujin there again.
"I've missed you."
She lifts her head at the sound of Ryujin's voice.
"You look even more beautiful than I remembered. No painting can do you justice," Ryujin says as she observes Yeji from top to toe.
Ryujin starts to walk inside the apartment, pulling Yeji by the hand. She has noticed how
Yeji's fingers remain tensely unbent as the woman refrains from reciprocating her gesture.
Yeji clumsily takes off her shoes and slowly, awkwardly, follows Ryujin inside. Her hand wants to wrap itself around Ryujin's but she stops it because she's still unsure what to make of this sudden visit.
"Have a seat," Ryujin says as she gestures at the couch and releases Yeji's hand.
Yeji does as she's told, taking off her jacket in the process.
"You said we needed to talk so that's why I'm here," Ryujin begins her explanation. "I know that I've hurt you and I'm very sorry for that. I'm sorry for making you travel to so many countries to look for me only to let me go once you found me. I'm sorry for leaving you alone. I'm sorry for not being there for you like I once said I would."
"But you're not coming back, are you?" Yeji asks, her voice devoid of any emotion.
Ryujin slowly shakes her head. "Not yet. I will, one day. But like I said, I wanted to finish my studies and get a job. As for you," she reaches out to hold Yeji's hand again, grasping it between her two hands. "You can do whatever you want. You can choose to despise me for what I did. You don't have to wait for me. I won't mind. I deserve it."
"You got that teddy bear I sent you, right?" asks Yeji.
Ryujin nods.
"Did you hear the message I recorded in it?"
Ryujin nods again.
"Then you know what I'll do. I'll wait," states Yeji. "Because somehow, by some strange illogical reason, I don't think I can love anyone else. I want to, trust me. I wish I could just kick your stubborn annoying ass and leave you but I can't."
Ryujin exhales in relief. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me yet." Yeji pulls her hand free and folds her arms across her chest as she frowns at Ryujin. "You have a lot of making up to do."
"I'll do whatever you want but we need to clear up one thing," Ryujin says. "Our status."
"Our status?" Yeji raises her eyebrows. "There is no status. You dumped me."
"I did not!"
"You did."
"Well maybe but it's only temporary."
"I don't care. You dumped me and it hurt."
"I'm sorry," apologizes Ryujin. "It wasn't something I wanted to do but I had to. I will ask you to take me back one day but it won't be fair to do so now because I can't stay. Not yet."
"So why did you bring it up if nothing's going to change anyway?"
"I just want to clear things up and not leave you hanging."
"By re-emphasizing that we're not in a relationship anymore?"
"Sort of."
Yeji shakes her head. "Wow. You came all the way here just to remind me that I'm alone and you're not mine anymore. Thanks," she says sarcastically.
Ryujin sighs, feeling lost. She wasn't expecting this cold and difficult Yeji. In fact, she has never seen this cold and difficult Yeji before. Although she knew that forgiveness wouldn't come easy, she had expected a warmer Yeji. This person sitting next to her is very different from the person she talked to on the phone, the person who sent her that cute pink teddy bear and recorded that message for her, the person she was secretly hoping she'd meet. She knows that she's being punished but it's still very confusing.
"I'm sorry."
It's the only thing Ryujin can say.
"You should be," replies Yeji matter-of-factly.
Ryujin then moves to stand. "I'll get going then. I'm sorry again for scaring you like that. If you need to talk to me just call my old number or come over to the house. I'll be staying in Seoul for two weeks."
She's about to walk away when she feels that tiny jolt again. Yeji has grabbed her arm, stopping her from leaving.
"We're not done yet," Yeji says, still in her cold, emotionless tone.
Ryujin stops in her tracks. "Okay. You have all my time and attention. Say whatever you want to say. You can even slap me."
Yeji releases Ryujin's arm and stands up, her eyes locked with Ryujin's. She takes a tiny step closer then surprises Ryujin by throwing herself at her, hugging her. There's a more urgent need than punishing Ryujin and that's having her longing fulfilled. She needs to touch her and feel her touch.
Ryujin exhales, welcoming the sparks that's now spreading warmly inside her. She turns her head and buries her face in between the strands of Yeji's hair. "I'm so sorry," she whispers.
Yeji holds on tight and tries not to cry. She has missed this so much, Ryujin's scent, the feeling of Ryujin's arms around her, Ryujin's voice when she whispers in her ear and basically everything about her.
After almost a full minute of simply holding each other, Yeji moves back a bit to cup Ryujin's face. She traces every curve with her fingers, from her forehead to her eyebrows, to her cheekbones and jawline, to her nose, lips and chin."This isn't a dream, right?" she whispers.
Ryujin shakes her head then leans forward, closing the gap between them. She shudders when their lips touch and tightens her arms, pulling Yeji closer.
The kiss starts off gentle, careful, as they familiarize themselves with each other. But then it slowly grows more intense as Yeji starts to lose control, surrendering to the longing and desires.
Ryujin is the one who breaks the kiss, breathing heavily as she opens her eyes. "Do you... want to continue this?" she asks hesitantly.
"Do you even have to ask?" retorts Yeji. She grabs Ryujin's arm and pulls her towards the bedroom. "One year, Jinnie. It's been one year."
Ryujin smiles when Yeji pushes her down onto the bed and climbs on top of her. She brushes Yeji's long hair aside, tucking them behind her ears as she stares up at her, imprinting her face in her mind.
She strokes her hair when Yeji leans down to place a kiss on her neck and doesn't resist when she starts to unbutton her shirt.
They barely exchange a word to each other in the next hour as they get reacquainted both physically and emotionally.
Ryujin watches Yeji sleep afterwards. The woman is clinging to her, holding her arm tightly as if afraid she'd disappear again and it breaks her heart to see that.
Her eyes soon grow heavy and she, too, falls asleep.
When Ryujin wakes up a few hours later, the room has grown dark but Yeji's still there, lying next to her while tracing lines along her arm.
She turns her body towards her and huffs, feeling dizzy and out of it thanks to the jetlag.
"I forgot how bad your breath stinks after naps."
Ryujin hears Yeji's voice and groans in reply. She takes a moment to get her thoughts together then turns her body once more to lie on her back. "So this is how it's going to be? We're not officially dating and yet..."
Yeji turns to lie on her stomach and inches closer. "I don't mind," she says as she places a kiss on Ryujin's shoulder.
"It's not healthy."
"We've stopped being in a healthy relationship the moment you left without a word."
Ryujin lets Yeji snuggle against her then wraps her arms around her. "I'm serious."
"So am I. I don't mind. We're both single, aren't we?"
"Technically, yes."
"And we're both consenting adults so what's the problem?"
Ryujin presses her lips against Yeji's head. "You know what the problem is. Or what would become a problem should we continue this."
"I don't think it'd be a problem. We won't be able to see each other on a regular basis anyway and as long as we're not seeing anyone else, I think we're free to sleep with each other whenever we want regardless of status."
"How is that not a problem?"
"Are you still bent on making me move on and fall in love with someone else?"
"You wanted to make your own decisions from now on, remember?"
"Exactly so why are we even having this conversation? I'm deciding that I'm okay with this so unless you don't want it, I'd appreciate it if you just shut up and hold me."
Ryujin can't help but laugh. "I need to get used to this new you," she says as she shifts to a more comfortable position. Her arms remain around Yeji's body.
Yeji closes her eyes. "What are you going to do for two weeks?"
"I don't know. I need to tidy up my studio and arrange some things with Yuna but that's pretty much it. My main purpose of coming here is to talk to you." Ryujin tenderly caresses Yeji's back. "I named that pink bear Tippachan, by the way."
Yeji lifts her head and looks at Ryujin. "What? Why?"
"It looks Japanese."
Yeji laughs. "What kind of nonsense is that?"
"What? A teddy bear can't look Japanese?"
"No." Yeji smiles and leans down for a quick peck. "You're cute."
"Thank you."
"But annoying too."
"Is that all?"
"And stubborn, selfish, stupid-..."
"Hey!"
Yeji laughs and rolls off Ryujin, moving to lie on her side of the bed. "I can't remember the last time I laughed because I felt sincerely happy."
Ryujin turns her head and reaches out to hold Yeji's hand. "I'm sorry."
"You should be. You're going to pay for this, Jinnie"
"I will. I'll do anything you want."
"Good. The first thing you need to do is graduate."
Ryujin raises her eyebrows. "I plan to do that."
"Then get a job."
"O-kay."
"And after you have a steady life, you can start trying to win me back."
Ryujin pushes herself up. "Excuse me?"
"What? You think I'm just going to let you waltz back in here as if nothing has happened?"
"Well no, but you said you were going to wait."
"Yes, I am. I'm going to wait until you've shown enough remorse and effort to win me back," replies Yeji. "I told you that you'd have to find me next time and find me you shall."
"I see. Alright. I can do that." Ryujin then hears a low grumbling and grins sheepishly. "I'm hungry. Can we order something to eat?"
"Sure. Order whatever you want. I'm not going to lift a finger for you."
Ryujin chuckles and gives Yeji a kiss on the cheek. "This new side of you is kinda scary and a bit confusing but still adorable," she says before she moves off the bed in search of her phone.
Yeji stays where she is, sighing contentedly. They still have a long way to go before they can officially be together again but she's okay with how they are now.
———————
Yuna observes the woman sitting across from her. "So how long are you planning on staying?"
"Just for spring break," Ryujin says as she chews on her jjajangmyun. It's the second day in a row that she has had the black noodles for lunch because she's been craving it so much.
"Everything's going well with school?"
Ryujin nods.
"What about Yeji unnie?"
"What about her?"
"Are you two back together or...?"
Ryujin shakes her head. "We talked about it and she agrees that I should graduate, find a steady job and then try to win her back. In that order."
"But you stayed at her place last night."
"So?"
"So I assume you didn't just talk all night, did you?"
Ryujin smirks but doesn't answer.
"Then what are you now?"
"I'm not sure. Friends? No. We're definitely more than friends but we're not exactly lovers. I mean, not officially."
Yuna exhales. "Someone is going to get hurt and you know it. This kind of relationship will end up hurting at least one of the two people involved."
"I know but I have no choice. It's her decision and she insisted on it. After what I did, I can't say no to her anymore. I've hurt her enough."
"So you're just going to play along?"
"Yes. At least for the next few years," answers Ryujin. "Then I'll win her back."
Yuna shakes her head. "None of this would've happened if you had listened to me."
"I know. I'm sorry for making you and Ryeong worry about me. But everything's going to be alright. Yeji and I will work things out," Ryujin says. "Now why don't you update me on how you and Ryeong are doing?"
"We're doing fine, as you can see for yourself." Yuna gets up from her seat to take her empty bowl and glass to the sink. Then she starts washing the dishes, obviously avoiding the question.
Ryujin looks at her friend and understands that the two probably still needs more time before they can be sure of what's happening between them so she changes the subject and talks about the city she's living in instead.
———————
The two weeks fly by much too fast for Yeji's liking and before she knows it, she's standing at her door, saying goodbye to Ryujin yet again.
"Don't look so sad. I'll try to come home during winter break," Ryujin says, smiling to hide her own sad eyes.
"Why not during summer vacation?"
"I plan to get a part-time job or a summer internship."
"Oh."
Ryujin cups Yeji's face with her hand and kisses her. "Be happy, okay?"
"You too."
"I'll see you."
Yeji nods and sighs when Ryujin disappears around the corner, going back inside her empty apartment, hating the familiar silence that greets her.
Although she has played the confident, seemingly cool and indifferent Yeji for the past fourteen days, deep down she's still that Yeji who wants Ryujin to be hers again, to come back to her and stay with her. She wants what they had: the fun, cheesy, complicated yet unique relationship that's theirs and theirs only.
But she knows that it's something that they can't have right now. Ryujin needs to finish what she started and Yeji has to prove to Ryujin that she can and will wait; and to teach her a lesson about trust and how to handle fear in a relationship.
Maybe she should've been more honest but being vulnerable is something that Yeji has had enough of. It's time she takes control. It's time she makes sure that she's the one making the decisions for her own life.
Her phone rings just as she lies down on her bed. It's her best friend.
"Hello?"
"Hey. Has Ryujin left?"
"Yes."
"How are you doing?"
"I'm okay."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
"You do know that there's no use playing strong in front of me, right? I grew up with you," Jisu says. "I know you."
"I'm not playing strong," replies Yeji flatly, keeping her emotions under control.
"You're pretending to be okay but I know you're not. You miss her already, don't you?"
"So?"
"So why don't you get back together? A long distance relationship should work better than whatever ambiguous thing you two have right now."
"I don't think she's confident or ready. That's why she left in the first place."
"I thought she changed her mind. Isn't that why she came back? She got worried about you and she regretted putting you through this."
"We just needed to talk some things out."
Jisu sighs. "When are you going to stop being so stubborn?"
"When you have another baby."
"Wha-... My daughter's not even two years old yet!"
"You can start trying now. It's not like he'll be born tomorrow anyway."
"He?"
"Yes. Give me a cute boy godchild please."
"You're insane."
Yeji chuckles. "Thanks for your concern but I'm fine. Ryujin and I are fine."
"Are you going to start meeting new people?"
"No."
"But I thought... Wait. You didn't get back together, am I right?"
"Yes."
"Then what are you two now?"
"Friends?"
"You don't sleep with friends."
"Who says I'm sleeping with her?"
"Are you trying to deny that you've been sleeping with her for the past two weeks?"
Yeji grins as she hugs one of her pillows that still smells like Ryujin. "Nope."
"Then what the heck are you doing?!"
"Leave me alone, Mother."
"I'm serious, Yeji. What are you doing? You're going to get hurt."
"No, I won't."
"What makes you so sure? What if Ryujin meets someone else and falls in love with her?"
"Not gonna happen."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I know her and I trust her. She won't hurt me."
"But you are not in a relationship. Even if you two date someone else, it's okay because it's not cheating, right?"
"That won't happen. I will wait for her and she will stay faithful to me no matter what."
Jisu sighs. "You two are so stubborn. Seriously. I'm done with you. You go do whatever you want. I give up. This drama is turning into a makjang."
"What? Don't exaggerate. This is no makjang. Not even close," argues Yeji.
"Whatever. Like I said, I'm done. Just don't say I didn't warn you."
"I'll be fine, Mother. She'll come back to me."
"So unhealthy," grumbles Jisu. "I just hope you'll give my baby girl good relationship advice when she grows up and goes to you with her dating problems."
"Don't worry. She'll be fine as long as she doesn't date an immortal. That would be a bit more complicated."
"Ew! She is not going to date an immortal!"
"How would you know?"
"But... they're old!"
"Hey! Age is just a number! Look at me and Ryujin! We look younger than you! And even at 403, I can testify that Ryujin is still healthy, strong, sexy and one hundred percent fully functional. As you put it, I've looked under her hood many times and trust me, I really really like what I saw. Do you want me to describe in detail everything I did to test her 'vigor'?"
"Yah! Enough! I don't want to hear about your sexcapades!"
Yeji laughs. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'll be fine. I promise that I won't run off and hide somewhere again without telling you and I promise that I won't be as sad or mellow as I've been this past year. I'll be stronger. I'll prove to her and to everyone else that I can wait for her."
"What if someone better comes along?"
"That won't happen. We've talked about it and we've reached an agreement. Anyway, are you free today?" Yeji stirs the conversation away from her and Ryujin.
"Yes. Why? Wanna come over and babysit?"
"But you're free anyway. Why you do you need a babysitter?"
"I always need a babysitter. Relieve me for a few hours will ya?"
"Okay okay. I'll be there in two hours."
"Okay. See ya."
"Bye."
Yeji hangs up, stretches lazily and nuzzles against the pillow again, thinking of Ryujin and the time they've spent together.
She falls asleep unknowingly after that and only wakes up when her phone vibrates near her head.
Yeji frowns and grabs the device to see a message from Ryujin.
"Now boarding."
Yeji smiles and replies, "So?"
"So are you going to miss me?" replies Ryujin.
"Are you flirting with me?"
"No, I'm just checking. Are you going to miss me?"
"Maybe. Why? Are you going to miss me?"
"Not really. I have this big painting of you over my bed so I can see your face every morning when I wake up and every night before I fall asleep."
"But you said no painting could do my beauty justice."
"Wow. Such confidence, this Yeji."
"Hey, they're your words, not mine."
"And they're all true," Ryujin replies. "I gotta go now. I'll come back for you. I promise. Then I'll win your heart again. Be happy, okay?"
"I will." Yeji unknowingly starts to tear up but she quickly clears her throat, sits up and takes a deep breath, refusing to cry even for a little bit. "Bye, Jinnie. Safe flight."
"Goodbye, my butterfly. Let me know if you see a better flower so I can prepare myself."
"Not gonna happen."
"Okay. I believe you. Bye."
"Bye."