Cornered in between doom and failure,his two feet started trembling underneath the fabric of his trousers,that thankful was loose enough to cover the condition of his body from the eyes that were surrounding him.
A body which as seconds ticked away,he started growing more and more aware that he would not be able to control till the end of his filming.
He wasn't sure what was wrong with him, but from the moment he had started filming again, his hormones had started acting up in ways he could not understand. Ways that most people wouldn't even understand the change if it wasn't for the fact that he was used to observing his own emotions and hormones like a hack, because of his usual condition. And this time,he was aware that something else was running through his veins at that instant, making him want to act up,in ways that would ruin his reputation.
Some kind of euphoric feeling was dwelling inside his chest, as if he was near grabbing the happiest moment in his life and he wanted to laugh and scream, but that strong feeling was not his and he was able to distinguish that the origine of it was not his mind.
However it did not matter where it had came from, all it mattered was that it was taking over him, in a moment where he can't go hide nor can let himself act on it. And as thus he felt like a pray, standing in between that feeling that was collaring him second by second and his sane thoughts that made him aware that if he was to let himself lose to that feeling, everything was gonna become a disaster.
The sound of the dump slate echoed again in his ears as they took a small break from filming, in order to fix the hair of the actors a bit and Jimin took the opportunity to throw his eyes towards the mirrored place,in search of DongMin or you and thankful both individuals fell on his sight, signaling him about a bottle of water.
Initially he just made the a negative signal with his hand as he thought they were asking him if he needed to drink water but as the two seemed to be aggressive about that bottle, he took a moment to wonder why, till he realized that it did not seem like the water bottles they usually use on set.
I have been drugged!
The realization floated in his brain, giving name to that feeling that was trying to take him over for quite some minutes now.
"Are my eyes looking tiring?" He asked the hair stylist that was fixing his hair at that moment and she replied that they were slightly getting red but they looked okay and all he did was smile back, not having the time to reply with anything even if he wanted to .
After the director's cue they were all once again ready to start, and the familiar sound of the dump slate brought him again on the place that he was. However this time Jimin was aware that he could not fight against this feeling for long for he did not even know what kind of drug was it and what doze. All he knew was that it was not some pain killer or sleeping pill for its effect was way too different.
He had never done drugs in his life so he was unable to tell the difference of what kind they may have gaven him but he sure knew that he was gonna be screwed if he leaves himself appear high in the set, around so many people and cameras. His career would be over in no time.
The thought only made him mad for he had surely gave his all to reach where he was and losing it in such unfair means, felt really frustrating even if it had not happened yet. But it wasn't far, not this time. For no matter how good he is at acting and hiding his emotions, this substance was bound to overpower him and take his self control away,soon enough.
Every minute that ticked away, felt like a knock of an invisible hand in his brain, telling him to open up and surrender. Something he surely didn't want to do, but he found himself drifting away as he was speaking his scripted words.
The world became a haze yet he kept speaking, imagining his own facial expressions which he could not see. However his own imagination started morphing into weird shapes, bring what he considered reality to abstract structures he no longer could comprehend or recognize. Yet he kept talking, despite how heavy his tongue felt or how he felt his own teeth being way sharper than he usually feels them to be.
Just before he strung to something small, he became aware he was consumed however just because he gave himself to that drug,that doesn't mean he did not have others to take his place instead of it.
"Cut!..Jimin, what's wrong?!Why did you froze? Get yourself together,we don't have all night!"The director yelled, a bit annoyed but the sudden halt of movement the actor portrait, acting as if he was some machine that someone unplugged.
It took the snap of the dump slate to bring Jimin back to his normal acting. To his perfect display of the character that all resumed to admire, unaware that the actor was no longer there and in his stead was a personality he pulled out, as a coping mechanism. A personality which was to switch many more times, without none around him actually realizing, how many soldiers he was losing in this mind battle that he was fighting inside of him.
None but you, who could not help but Sense that something was going wrong with him, despite the fact that you had no evidence on it. You had to wait till the filming was done to approach him and that surely felt agonizing, despite the fact that it did not take too long. However those twenty minutes surely were more than long for him.
Once the director called it a wrap and people started scattering around, you and DongMin rushed by Jimin side.
"Hey, hey, you okay?" You asked him as you placed your hand on his cheek, lightly slapping him for he did not seem to be focused on you yet. He looked lost somewhere you could probably never reach him.
Even after your light action however he did not seem to have returned. He was just standing there, saying nothing, like a machine that had no script to speak of any more.
"Call Mr. Jin immediately. And get a doctor." You turned around and spoke to DongMin who was also observing his face with worry and he proceeded to do so quickly, while signaling you to start walking towards the exit, because the sooner you were to get him out of there the better.
You grabbed Jimin's arm and pulled him along with him thankfully not doing any resistance untill you reached the elevator and DongMin pressed the button in a hurry, finding the delay it was taking to arrive, somehow nerve-racking.
"I will take the stairs. See you at the parking lot." He told you, before he run away to go get the car ready and not lose more time and you watched him go, understanding his hurry, as well as the fact that he seemed to care about Jimin's health.
"Either he cares for you a lot or he cares to maintain his job. Would it sound mean if I was to say that the second sounds more like him?" You spoke to Jimin jokingly, in an attempt to make him respond but he did not even look your way.
The elevator finally arrived and you helped him get inside,not leaving his arm not even for a second, scared if he was to collapse or anything but to your surprise, once the elevator close its doors , bringing you both some privacy, he burst out laughing.
A reaction you surely were not expecting and which took you aback, making you retrieve your hold on him and take a step away from him just in case.
His loud laughter was cut out almost immediately for no reason whatsoever and his body stood still for a bit, till it suddenly started leaning forward, making you step before him on reflex, and place your body as a barrier to hold him up.
His body felt heavy as it fell over you and you ended up taking a step back in order to not lose your balance. "It's okay, it's okay. Just a bit more and you will be able to lay down. Keep it together, just for a bit longer."
You tried to encourage him as your arms had found themselves wrapped around his body and his head was leaning against your shoulder, loosely a first but after you spoke, Jimin hid his forehead at the crook of your neck and wrapped his arms around you, bringing you in a tight embrace that you weren't expecting.
"Kill me."His soft whisper reached your ears, making your eyes grow wide while the rest of your entity froze in place.
"Please...I am scared... please..." He continued his words, his hold growing more tight and desperate as he spoke, leaving you to understand a bit the weight of his emotions.
Emotions that none but him could know and understand fully. A weight that no one else would ever be able to understand right and empathize for him.
"Jimin, it's gonna be okay. Really-" You gathered your strength to reply to him as soothingly as you could manage, however he pulled away and let you meet his eyes. A view that brought your words to a halt for they seemed too pathetic to be spoken.
"When?" He asked you with those eyes that somehow were screaming emotions that were too perplexed to be distinguished. In his orbs there was a silent distance, that broke from claws of despair, like ghosts running in the void of eternal death, longing for justice that they will never meet. Longing to be put together in a way that will make him feel whole again.
In front of such a gaze, what words could sound right to say? In front of such a soul, no matter the level of empathy, you could not make him feel understood and you didn't even try.
"Does it matter how long it will take? Does it matter even if it never changes? Can't you... just...exist as you are?" You asked him, just as the elevator's door opened behind you and you both stood there, looking at each other, ignoring the sound of the horn that DongMin was pressing on, wondering why weren't you hurrying towards the van.
A wonder that vanished from his mind as he witnessed Jimin leaning closer to you and capturing your lips, out of nowhere.
An action he was not expecting at all and surely an action you were not expecting way more than him, yet you received that peck, surprised and in shock from the feeling of his soft lips against yours, that pressed softly once or twice before he pulled away, and walked out of the elevator as if nothing had happened.
---To be continued....
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I changed the cover~ let me know of your thoughts on it. I like it so far😂
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