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"I hope you know ,
as I wait - I suffocate."
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[ 10th September , 1976 ]
THE SLYTHERIN girl sat alone , her innards still crumbling like the ashen remains of Pompeii , but her soul at slight peace upon having known the truth. Amaya's braided copper hair shielded her tired eyes , as she rested her chin on her fist and tried to read through the pages of a potions book.
It had been four months since she last encountered her once-favourite Gryffindors.
And it had been the worst months of Amaya's life.
Her limbs felt sore , and the ending of her friendship with the Marauders only triggered the Slytherin's emotions. She felt tired , often letting on a small smile for the sake of Peter. Most of the time , she slept or read books. Her life had fallen into an endless chain of mundane events , and to some extent , she now understood how the other Slytherins felt - shunned by the entire school , overlooked by teachers yet unmatched in their own , unfathomable way. And despite having some peace of mind , she felt suffocated.
Amaya sighed , flipping through the pages that had once excited her so. She cursed herself silently for caring so much about what happened in the past , for feeling uninterested in Potions - what had once been her favourite subject.
A sudden tap on her shoulder pulled her out of her reverie , and she peered up through her dark eyes at an almost familiar face. Haunting green eyes , a pale yet aristocratic face , raven curls and donning a Slytherin tie. He was obviously a Black. Regulus , Sirius' brother and the Slytherin seeker.
"Pardon , but I need the book on the shelf behind you", He spoke in a soft , clipped voice as though he was afraid to let on much.
"Of course", Amaya replied , scooting over with her chair to allow him to pass. She watched through her peripheral vision , as his ring-riddled fingers curled around the golden bound spine of some book , and he took it - seating himself opposite to her.
"You're the sixth year Slytherin Prefect , aren't you ?", He asked , raising an eyebrow at her green and silver hemmed robes adorned with a silver 'Prefect' badge. He had seen her around the school once or twice - mostly moving with the Marauders rather than her own housemates , but he could only fathom that was because they were all a year above him and extremely close. Regardless , if it had been him who had befriended what his family presumed were a bunch of 'low-life mudbloods and blood traitor scum' - his mother would have sent a Howler the very next week and made sure he never as well crossed paths with them.
"Precisely. Amaya Shafiq", She said , extending a hand. He shook it , saying ,"Regulus Black , pleasure to meet you."
As she pulled away , Amaya questioned with a small grin ,"Say , Regulus , are you always so stony-faced ?"
He cracked the barest hints of a smile , shaking his head.
"Aren't you friends with Potter and his housemates ? Where are they ?", Regulus enquired , craning his neck to see if his brother and his friends were around ; and if they were , he should leave immediately.
Surprisingly , when he spoke , there was not a hint of malice in his voice - rather a far-away , longing tone etching into his words as bare as lilting honey.
Amaya's shoulders drooped ever-so-slightly , before she composed herself once forth - firmly shaking her head. Thankfully , Regulus caught onto the hint - not prying any further. They continued reading in silence , neither awkward nor very comfortable. And it was just the first of the comfort she would find in new friends.
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"I HOPE its not much of a trouble", Narcissa whispered anxiously , her stance softening as she watched how Amaya fondled the one-year-old Draco with her love. Amaya was , under normal circumstances , not very fond of little children as she saw them as quite a bit of a nuisance. But Cissa's son exceeded all the norms. And since her Saturday afternoons were hardly amusing , she chose to agree to babysit the year old boy.
The lady stood tall in the private parlour of the Malfoy Manor , dressed in robes of obsidian velvet , her pristine features glistening in the light of the morning sun , hands primly folded in front of her as her charcoal hair was tied in an elegant updo.
Amaya sat on the couch , Draco on her lap as he giggled and hid his face in the crook of her neck. Ever since birth , he had been very fond of Amaya. Narcissa smiled , and waited as Amaya waved her worry off.
"Of course not Cissa , I am free and would love to babysit him", She replied , waving her concerns away.
Narcissa let out a sigh of relief , and heard patiently as Amaya continued ,"Lucius is keeping up with his health much better , and you seem much well-rested now Cissa. You deserve the date with him."
A small smile escaped her cranberry lips , and the light coruscated in her mercury eyes as she stooped forward to peck her son's forehead , caressing his hair before drawing back.
"I hope everything stays this way , I want Draco to be proud of his parents in the near future", Narcissa spoke , before giving a single nod that Amaya returned - and walking across the Tunisian carpet towards the fireplace. She could have easily left him with the numerous house elves - but she decided against that option for it was not very safe , and it would give her an excuse to have Amaya at the Manor.
"Stay safe both of you , and behave well Draco. Do owl me if he misbehaves", Narcissa whispered , and Amaya nodded before watching as the former vanished underneath clouds of rasp green smoke.
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James let out a sigh , maintaining a casual posture although he was inwardly nervous - his palms clammy as he silently revised the apology he had prepared for Amaya.
It had been some time since they had met again , and James had to bear the guilt of having ended his once beautiful friendship with her , simply because she had been forced to be a death eater. His past self had committed many a mistakes , and although James could not correct all of them , he wanted to try again. His heart hurt as his mind repeated the harsh words he spoke to her , even before they even confronted each other at Hogsmeade. His past self probably thought them to be casual utterances , but he realised how much his words could have had affected the Slytherin.
"I am sorry Amaya , let's hang out another time" , and "Amaya , could you please stop bothering us ? Remus and I are trying to work on an essay", were probably one of his most common excuses to avoid having to see her.
"Amaya we partnered up for the last project , could you move over so I can sit next to Padfoot ?" , or "Amaya , everyone has problems - everybody is going through stuff , so stop making it about yourself" - when things got a little more tense. He remembered how she would immediately fall quiet at his words , before leaving him to his own devices.
And the next day , she would act as if everything was fine - as if he hadn't hurt her.
His past self was naïve and foolish enough to believe her faux smiles , but now James knew that Amaya had suffered - possibly worse than any of them in their school days. And he had absolutely nothing to help her , when she had always helped through everyday matters of trivial significance.
It was really James who had been the selfish one. She had trusted him enough to try and talk about her problems , but his words had been sharp as a stab on a lacerated heart - and from then on , she only smiled and continued to pretend ; until that fateful day in Hogsmeade when she finally burst.
But they had so many beautiful moments too.
"Read to me , Chip ?" or "Chip lets sneak into Hogsmeade" , or "Chip lets skip class and plan our next prank. Professor Flitwick will be our target."
James missed his Chip every waking hour of the day. He smiled fondly at the memory of nickname he had once called her by. Chip - since Amaya was obsessed with chocolate chips. He wondered if she still liked them.
So he sat , with a small paper bag of chocolate chips by the window of their designated coffee shop - with a tiny spark of hope in his heart that maybe , maybe Amaya would forgive him. There was nothing wrong in believing , but with the ticking of the clock - he felt more nervous , unsure as to what would happen. He had behaved , when put in the nicest of words , like an arsehole towards her in the past - and she had all the reason to not forgive him.
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It had been towards the evening that Amaya could return home. Narcissa had returned with Lucius in the afternoon , but had insisted that the girl stayed for tea. And tea with Narcissa was always an extravagant affair , and Amaya had been fashionably late in returning home. The sun had set behind the silhouette of crooked buildings , underneath the mercury rain clouds - casting orange shadows upon the puddles of water gathered in the crevices of the street - a trademark appearance of London streets.
Another reason as to why she had returned late -was the fact that she had stopped by 12 , Grimmauld Place. The ancient mansion was concealed to naked eyes , shelved between two buildings and invisible unless one knew how to get inside. Amaya knew that she could go in , she knew how to , but that it wasn't Regulus who lived there anymore. It was Sirius and Remus who resided in the secluded house. Yet , she stood upon the pavement , eyes scanning the crevice where the mansion stood. She had only spent one summer within it's walls when Regulus had invited Barty , Rabastan and herself over along with Cissa and Andromeda. Merlin , she could still hear their laughter echo through the crevices in the walls , and the Queen music blasting as Andy , Cissa , Reg and herself danced to the melody.
Standing there in solitude to the now melody of the scant drops of rain , she could only feel regret. Regret at having accepted the lies Regulus had told to keep his friends safe. If only she had worked up the courage to be more open with him , to actually question him about his troubles. But how could she when she was struggling with the same problems as him , grappling with the tasks and hassles of being a Death-Eater.
After that , Regulus shared the secret to the Dark Lord's downfall - the horcruxes that were the key to his defeat , and Amaya felt that they had begun trusting each other more amidst trying to track down the objects and collect them before destroying them completely. All six parts of his demented soul.
She still wished it were her who had gone to the cave that night , and not him. It was a matter of chance really - they had decided that Amaya would fetch the ring , while he looked for Slytherin's locket.
Exhaling a breath that left a trail of silver mist in the air , Amaya quickly walked towards the alleyway across the street , before apparating with a crack.
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Amaya apparated across from her apartment. She wished she could directly apparate into her apartment , but she had placed wards on it before leaving - so she couldn't possibly get in. Looking over her shoulder for any chance encounter with a muggle car , although hardly any crossed in that part of the city , Amaya crossed the street. The sky was overcast , clad in shades of greys and dull whites - a widow's sky - an old lady wrecking out sobs crystal droplets that fell like churlish , kraken-cruel revenges of the clouds of Zeus. Thankfully , she had casted a charm to keep herself warm and dry.
As she turned a corner towards her apartment , she found a familiar figure lingering there. Despite Amaya's desperate urge to curl up on her chaise lounge chair in front of the cast iron fireplace and switching on the muggle television ( an invention she was grateful for ) - she squinted her eyes towards the figure.
"Potter ?", She called out - as she stood a few feet away from him. James turned around at the call of his name , waving a little as a smile lit up his features. He carried a brown paper bag in his hand that she decided not to question as he hid it behind him.
"What are you doing out here ?", Amaya enquired with the raise of a brow as she stared at James' sheepish expression.
"Uh... nothing really", He replied. Amaya did not believe that , instead only thinking why he would linger there when the Potter Manor was situated on the northern borders of Scotland.
A sudden realisation dawned on her , as she questioned - sarcasm laced in her voice - "You went to the coffee shop didn't you ?"
"No , I didn't. Whatever gives you the idea ?", James stuttered.
"The fact that you are at such an odd place here on a Saturday evening instead of being home."
With a sigh , Amaya folded her arms before saying ,"I thought we wouldn't meet up since it's a weekend. Did you forget ? I am sorry if you were there waiting for me , I wasn't aware I was supposed to be there."
As a matter of fact he did forget , but there was no way in Godric's name that he was going to admit that.
"No , actually , I- I was just visiting Dorcas", James blurted in a lie , and judging by the way she arched her eyebrow , James knew Amaya did not buy it at all.
"Dorcas ? As in Dorcas Meadowes ? Does she live around here ?", Amaya questioned with genuine curiosity , and James only nodded to conceal his blatant lie before saying ,"Okay , um- maybe I should leave."
With that , James walked down the street , before apparating away - but not before mentally noting where she lived. As he entered the gates of Potter Manor , he halted in his steps towards the ancient , gilded house.
"Fuck , I forgot everything I wanted to tell her."
[ a/n : long awaited update. six more chapters to go ]