𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄;
MORE SCULPTURE THAN GIRL
— REESE LOGAN COULDN'T REMEMBER the last time she felt alive; truly alive she means, not whatever she was now — a shell of the person she was before. Maybe when she was freshly nine, when her parents had thrown her a surprise party and saved up their money to buy her a digital camera; maybe when she was fifteen and had passed her permit test; maybe when she was sixteen and her mom did her makeup before she went on her first date with Matt Craine. Reese had been living in a sort of purgatory since her parent's deaths, more ghost than girl most of the time, and that feeling had only grown tenfold since becoming a vampire. But sitting with Emmett on the porch swing, basking in the kind of silence that only came at daybreak (when the neighbors were still in their beds, dreaming happy things, and the birds were stirring but had yet to start chirping) the two of them watching the orange glow highlight the mountains, Reese Logan felt more alive than she had in a long while. She wanted to freeze time; stop the clock and let them remain in that moment forever — like a picture from her camera.
But Reese couldn't control time; so as her neighbors began dragging themselves out of bed and getting ready for the day ahead of them, they subsequently shattered the picture perfect moment Reese had been basking in. Reese heaved out a heavy sigh as the influx of noise hit her all at once, lifting her head from Emmett's shoulder and watched his expressions. His face was the picture of serenity, but Reese could read him — she knew the thoughts that were swirling around in his head despite not being able to hear them, and she knew that he was thinking the same thing she was: just one more minute of peace, just one more minute of the two of them in their own little world.
"It was nice while it lasted," Reese hummed softly, her soft words bringing him back to her. He sent her a soft smile, taking her hand in his and pressing a soft kiss to her temple. Reese wanted nothing more than to stay there forever, surrounded by a quiet world with the man that made all the pain and worry in her life obsolete. But the universe had never cared about what Reese Logan wanted.
The universe only proved Reese's point further as Flynn's snores faltered and Elizabeth's mumbling quieted, her family was waking up too. She listened to the sounds, closing her eyes to better concentrate, and picked up the sounds of her sibling's little feet padding on the upstairs carpet towards the staircase. They would certainly come looking for her, wanting to make sure that she hadn't abandoned them for a second time. Reese winced at her own inner thoughts, unintentionally hurting her own feelings. With urgent movements, Reese untangled herself from Emmett's embrace and peeled herself off the swing. Emmett didn't say anything, he didn't question her motives, he moved in sync with her — Emmett knew Reese too.
Reese cast one last look out towards the mountains, towards the sun that rested on the summit like a golden halo, before following Emmett back into her house. The twins were just coming down the stairs, their doe eyes still groggy with sleep and the pattern of their pillows imprinted on their chubby cheeks. Reese took in a deep breath, and forced the smile back on her face as they spotted her. Annmarie rubbed her eyes with little fists and yawned, dragging herself towards her big sister. Reese squatted down to her level, reaching out and lifting the little girl into her arms. Annmarie pressed her face into Reese's neck, her thick eyelashes like a butterfly's wing on Reese's shoulder.
"Did you have a good nap, sweetheart?" Reese asked softly, letting a soothing hand stroke Annmarie's back.
"Mhm," Annmarie answered, still tired. "I had a nice dream."
"You did?" Reese cooed, rocking lightly side to side. "What did you dream about?"
"Poppy and Garfield," Annmarie told her. "They were playing in Auntie Elizabeth's living room and Emmett was making pasta and you were making flowers grow with magic."
Reese's heart clenched in her chest. Magic, the one thing she wanted more than anything else; the one thing she couldn't have. She felt her fingertips twitch subconsciously, desperate the feel the warmth that spread through her body when the magic flowed through her; a futile attempt to feel the euphoria that encased her when the elements moved in sync with her. Reese clenched her fists tightly, careful not to hurt her sister, as she forced those feelings away. Thinking about magic wouldn't bring it back, it would only hurt her more. So she plastered the sickeningly sweet smile back on to her lips. She glanced towards Emmett, wanting to see his golden eyes that would bring her back from the brink of despair, but he was sitting on the ground with Taylor, her little brother showing him the two toy trains that had come with him from Minnesota. The swirling feeling of distress that was forming in her chest like a hurricane calmed at the sight, an unfamiliar warmth settling in her stomach. Emmett shot her a quick glance, making sure that she was okay before turning his attention back to Taylor.
Reese answered after a moment, trying not to sound as shaken up as she felt. She kissed Annmarie's cheek. "That sounds like a lovely dream."
"It was. What did you dream about, Reesey?" Annmarie asked. "Did you have a good dream too?"
Reese swallowed thickly, taking a deep breath to clear her mind of the memories that hit her. "I did," she lied. "I dreamt about the lake we used to go to with Mommy and Daddy when you and Taylor were little. Do you remember that?"
Annmarie shook her head and Reese's heart sunk, sometimes she forgot how little memories of their parents the twins had left. They didn't remember the summer trips to Lake Minnetonka, when their parents would wake them up before the sun had properly risen and carry them to the car. They would stay there all day, playing in the sand and on the playground, they would swim in the water with Mallory and Paul. They would eat their lunches on the towels, under the umbrella their overly prepared mom would bring to keep them out of the sun, and then when it would begin to get dark they would walk the short distance to the little ice cream parlor. Reese had always cherished that memory, and it hurt her to think that the twins never would.
"I'll tell you all about it later, how's that sound?"
"Can you tell Taylor too, I don't think he remembers either."
"Of course," Reese blew a raspberry on Annmarie's cheek making her giggle and then set her back on the ground. "C'mon, let's go wake up Auntie Elizabeth and Flynn so we can make some breakfast."
Annmarie ran over to their aunt, Taylor right on her heels, and the two pounced on the couch. Elizabeth let out a yelp, her eyes shooting open as she grabbed her racing heart. Reese let out a small laugh at her aunt's reaction and made her way towards Emmett who easily lifted himself from the floor. He leaned against the marble island, his arms opening in an invitation. Reese accepted it and moved to position herself in front of him, resting her back against his chest, letting him hold her tightly.
"You okay," he asked her softly, resting his chin on the crown of her head.
"Yeah," Reese replied in a soft voice. "Yeah, I'm fine."
The two of them watched as the twins abandoned Elizabeth, who flopped back down on to the leather cushions once they were out of sight, and bolted up the stairs, their feet slapping against the carpet floors as they rushed towards Reese's room to wake Flynn. Reese heard Flynn's cry of surprise and then the sound of a head hitting the wall, Reese couldn't help but smile as the sound of the twin's giggles carried into the kitchen.
"I can see why you love them so much," Emmett said, his chest vibrating as he laughed.
Reese turned around in his grasp, letting her arms wrap around his neck. Her lips tilted upwards as she caught his gaze, and Emmett grinned back in return. "They're easy to love, aren't they?"
"I can think of someone else who's easier—"
"Alright, alright," Elizabeth grumbled, dragging herself into the kitchen. "I just woke up, let me have some coffee before you two lovebirds start looking at each other with heart eyes. You're gonna make me sick."
Reese cleared her throat and pulled away from Emmett hastily, her face flushing a light pink. He chuckled at her reaction, grinning widely at her. Reese hated how her cheeks burned red when he smiled at her like that, like she was the best thing in the world; she hated how easy it would be to fall for him, to let herself fall back into his arms. If she let her mind wander, Reese could see a future with Emmett. A life of love and laughter — a love that could rival her parent's. And a part of Reese wanted to embrace that image, she wanted happiness, but there was another part of her that whispered somewhere deep in her mind that Reese didn't deserve to be loved; she didn't deserve to be happy. Not after everyone who involved themselves in her life came out the other side a mangled mess of who they were before. She'd heard Elizabeth mumbling in her sleep, whimpering for Reese to stay with her; she'd seen the black lines that marred Flynn's arms like tattoos when Reese's emotions got the better of her; she'd seen the look in Emmett's eyes every time she fell asleep, the fear that she wouldn't wake back up; she'd felt the twin's fear as they walked away from her, afraid that if they were gone for too long she would disappear on them again. Reese was the Chosen One, the breaker of curses, the prophesied, and while it should have been her burden to bear — her burden alone — everyone she loved got dragged into it. How could Reese expect anyone to willingly love her with a track record or pain like that?
Reese numbly pulled ingredients from the fridge, hoping that no one would notice that way her hands shook and tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She should have known better than to let herself get swallowed by those kinds of thoughts; the kind that drowned her in a tidal wave of darkness. She grabbed the gallon of milk with weak arms, a splitting headache pounding behind her eyes. She took a deep breath in, holding it in until she felt her lungs twitch uncomfortably, and then she released. It was a trick her mother had taught her when she had nightmares, a tool to stop the panic attack before it had even begun. She reached for the eggs and felt Emmett's hand wrap around her shaking one, he took hold of the carton and passed it to Elizabeth who sent him a knowing look. Reese knew the consequences of letting herself fall into Emmett, but she did it anyway. She knew that despite the risk involved, he would always be there to catch her.
He lightly tugged her away from the beeping fridge and shut to door soft enough that it wouldn't create a harsh noise that would cause Reese any pain in her sensitive state. Elizabeth silently maneuvered around the stove, mixing the pancake batter and pouring small amounts onto the hot pan. He held her in his arms, blocking the rest of the world out. She could have stayed there forever, but the sound of the twins dragging Flynn down the stairs broke the spell Emmett's hold on her created. She took in another deep breath and forced the rising wave of churning emotions back into the pit they crawled out of. Reese plastered the sickeningly sweet smile back on her lips just as Annmarie and Taylor raced into the kitchen, Flynn, still half asleep, at their heels.
Flynn looked at her and Reese knew she could see through the facade Reese had carefully crafted. She looked almost unsure of how to respond, normally she would have reached over to hug Reese, but Emmett had that covered; she might have tried soothing words, but Reese's reaction was a hit or a miss these days. Flynn cracked her usual easy smile, but Reese could tell it was just as fake as her's, and forced out a huff.
"Oh, great, I take a nap and wake up looking like a troll and you wake up like a freakin' Disney princess!" Flynn dramatically rolled her eyes. "That's just my luck."
Reese knew that it was meant to lighten the mood, that she was meant to laugh, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Flynn's words only made her feel worse, like an anvil had just dropped into her gut; a painful reminder than by societal standards Reese was perfect, not a hair out of place or any indicators that she had gone to sleep. She looked like a statue, perfectly perfect. She tried her hardest to forget that she was different now, being home had made her almost forget that venom flowed through her veins and the edges of her teeth were sharper than that of a broadsword. Almost. Because Reese was nothing like them, not anymore. One look in the mirror by the door could confirm that. Flynn realized quickly that she'd made a mistake by trying to joke around with Reese at that moment, her smile cracked and she moved to comfort Reese, to apologize, but Emmett shook his head. He knew Reese, and he knew that the feel of a human's touch would likely send her spiraling over the edge she was barely holding on to.
"Breathe, Reese," her murmured in her ear, so only she could hear. "It's alright. Do you need some air?"
"I'm okay," she answered, but they both knew she was lying.
Reese was as far from okay as one could get. She was miles from okay. She wanted to laugh and joke with her family and friend; she wanted to toss back an equally sarcastic quip, but she couldn't. She wanted everything to go back to the way that it was, but Reese wasn't there yet; she wasn't ready to laugh with Flynn, she wasn't ready to admit that she wasn't herself. Reese curled into Emmett's side, his fingers running through her hair. Reese knows that she's not the girl she was before, no longer more ghost than girl, but rather a handcrafted statue; nothing more than a slab of marble, chipped away at until she vaguely resembled the girl whose image she was crafted in. An echo of something she had once been; a way for those around her to keep her close. She knew it in the way that her skin could crush an oncoming truck without effort; she knew it in the way that she could stand still for so long that she could seamlessly melt into the background of life. Reese was a sculpture — a picture of perfection in everyone's eyes but her own.
□ □ □ □ □ □ □ □
— REESE LOGAN KNEW FROM first hand experience that good things couldn't last forever; life was like a pendulum, constantly rising and falling like the ocean tides — and regardless of how much Reese wished that time would simply freeze when it swung upwards, she also knew that whatever goes up must eventually come back down. Down, for Reese, was the clock on the wall that read nine o'clock.
Their day together had been as close to perfect as Reese could get it. She played in the fresh snow with her siblings; she helped built a lopsided snowman that made them all remember their dad; she played hide-n-seek, and always let them win; Reese even buried all of her pain and jealousy and let Annmarie and Taylor show her how to make snowflakes float with magic, she laughed and cheered despite how terrible the sight made her feel inside. Reese almost felt normal again, she didn't want to leave right when she was beginning to feel like herself for the first time since she'd woken up to her new life. But even perfect days must come to an end, eventually.
The sky had long since turned dark, the stars peaking through the breaks of cloud cover. She sat on the love seat in the living room beside Emmett with Annmarie on her lap. Reese's fingers worked through her sister's wet hair, weaving the strands into a braid. The twins were dressed in a set of clean pajamas, freshly bathed and ready for bed. Taylor was curled up on the carpet, his head resting on Poppy's soft fur as the two watched the rest of the VHS tape they'd put in the previous night. Reese took as long as she could on Annmarie's hair knowing what would come as soon as she tied it off. But Reese couldn't braid forever; the twins would eventually have to go to bed and Reese would have to return to the Cullen's home. She was just trying to prolong it for as long as she possibly could.
Reese could feel Elizabeth's eyes on her as she slowly sectioned off another strand of hair, intricately twisting Annmarie's hair into a french braid. Her little sister stifled a yawn, her eyes blinking slowly as she began to fall asleep as Reese did her hair. Guilt ate away at Reese, she was keeping her siblings up for her own selfish reasons at this point. Besides, she tried to convince herself, it wasn't like she would never see them again. She had done well back home, she would dare to say perfect, and there was no way that Carlisle and Jasper wouldn't let her return; she would see her siblings again. But there was that sinking feeling in her gut, a swirl of what if's and who know's that made her second guess her hopefulness. What if, one the off chance, they didn't let her come back home and Reese said goodbye sooner than she should; what if they decided that because the other's didn't get to go back to their families Reese shouldn't be able to either. Reese didn't think she could handle that.
Annmarie yawned a second time and Reese forced herself to finish the braid. She ever so slowly wrapped the hairband around the end of Annmarie's hair, making sure that it was secure enough to last the night and tomorrow if her sister wanted to wear it to school. And when she finished that, Reese let her hands fall to her side in almost a defeated manner. It took everything within her to say the words that fell from her lips, they tasted like vinegar and burned on the way out.
"All done," Reese whispered.
"Does it look pretty?" Annmarie asked drowsily, raising her hand up to touch her head.
"It looks beautiful," Reese attempted to smile but fell short, instead she urged Annmarie towards the mirror so that she could see for herself. The little girl slid off of Reese's lap and moved to admire her new hairstyle.
"You did it like mommy used to, Reesey," Annmarie told her, grinning widely.
Reese wanted to feel proud, but the words were like a knife to the gut; she was, by no means, good at braiding, while her mother's nimble fingers easily worked through her daughter's hair, Reese struggled. There were still spots that looked a little messy and she'd missed a couple hairs that hung loose along Annmarie's neck. Reese's work was nothing like Mallory's, and it nearly killed her that her little sister though it was. How much did she remember of their mother? It worried her that the older they got the more they would forget. Reese didn't think that she could handle the day when one of the twins forgot something so significant about their parents. What would she do if they forgot how much Paul loved board games or how terrible Mallory was at cooking. Those thoughts along were enough to send Reese into an emotional frenzy. How could she make sure they remembered every little thing about their parents?
Emmett sensed her distress, leaning over to wrap his arm around Reese's shoulder and hold her tightly. "It's okay, Reese, just relax."
"They're too young," Reese whispered. "They're too young to remember them."
"That's why you're here," Emmett soothed. "You'll help them remember."
"What if I forget?" Her voice was filled with fear, she couldn't handle the idea that she would forget her own parents; after all she had eternity ahead of her, there was no way that she would be able to hold on to only seventeen years of memories for the rest of her immortal life.
"You won't forget them," Emmett's hand rubbed up and down her arm, attempting to calm her down. "They're your parents, Reesey, you'll never forget them."
Reese couldn't answer, fear flooding her system and sending her mind into overdrive. She tried to bring up every memory that she had of them; the way Mallory looked when she smiled, how her eyes nearly closed as her cheekbones rose; Paul's favorite tie that he wore to every formal event, the funky pattern sticking out like a sore thumb among all the others. Reese held on to every single memory that came up, desperate to hold on to them — refusing to let them slip through her fingers. Reese would never forgive herself if she let the memory of her mom and dad fade; if she let her siblings forget.
Reese knew that she should have known better, after everything she'd gone through she should have anticipated the feeling that followed when she thought about her parents; the stinging sensation that hit her heart when she remembered Paul and Mallory, and yet she did it anyway. The ache that flowed through her shouldn't have been a surprise, but as Reese felt the painful twang deep within her chest, the kind that burned like her soul had been set aflame, she let out a gasp of shock. The sound caused Emmett to turn her head towards him so he could look at her, worry evident in his golden eyes, but the pain was gone as quickly as it came. Reese took a deep breath and coerced her subconscious to push her thoughts back into the depths of her mind. Reese took in a few steady breaths and rested her hand on Emmett's cheek. The tension in his shoulders lessened at her touch.
"I'm alright," she told him. "Thinking about my parents just makes my heart hurt sometimes."
Emmett didn't look convinced. "Reese, the last time you started feeling pain when your thoughts got the better of you—"
"Emmett, I'm fine," Reese quickly cut him off, not wanting to hear where his sentence was heading. "I promise."
Emmett looked like the last thing he wanted to do was let it go, but then Elizabeth let out a heavy sigh and he had no choice but to drop the subject. Reese turned to her aunt who heaved herself up off the couch, groaning like a woman twice her age as she did, and she turned off the television which had gone from the lovable cartoon dog to a colorful credits sequence, the screen crackling as leftover electricity fizzled out. Elizabeth ignored their pleas of just one more episode and pointed to the electric clock that sat atop the stove. Reese knew what was coming next: the metaphoric drop of the pendulum — the goodbye.
"Do you see what time it is?" Elizabeth queried, rhetorically. "It's time for bed, you two have school tomorrow and it's already past your bedtime."
"But I'm not tired," Taylor argued, though the yawn that interrupted his words contradicted his statement.
"Reesey doesn't have to go to bed now," Annmarie chimed in, using her puppy dog eyes and sweet little pout, but Elizabeth was impervious to her charm by now.
"Your sister is older than you," Elizabeth reminded them. "So her bedtime is later than yours."
"That's not fair," Taylor grumbled. "She goes to school earlier than we do, why doesn't she go to bed earlier?"
"Kid's got a point," Flynn shrugged and then grimaced under Elizabeth's stare. "I mean, uh, I'm tired too guys."
"See," Elizabeth motioned to Flynn who stretched and rubbed her eyes. "Even Flynn is going to bed."
Annmarie didn't look too convinced, and cast a look at Reese, gauging her sister's expressions. Reese sealed off her emotions, not wanting her siblings to see her upset and forced out a subtle yawn, mimicking Flynn and stretching her arms up over her head. Elizabeth shot the twins a pointed look, and they gave two little sighs of defeat. They murmured a chorus of goodnight's, hugging everyone in the room. Reese didn't want to let them go when they'd made their way into her arms. She wished that she could stay with them all night, let them curl up in her bed and tell them stories as they drifted off to sleep. Reese didn't want to leave them again, she didn't think her heart could take it. But Reese would be back in the morning, this wasn't like last time, she wasn't going to abandon them. They wouldn't even know that she left. She wouldn't let it be like last time.
"I love you both more than you could possibly know," Reese whispered to them, kissing their cheeks softly.
"We love you too, Reesey," they told her back, burying their faces into her shoulders and clinging to her tightly, as if they were afraid that if they let her go she was going to leave them again. That thought alone nearly made Reese crumble into a thousand pieces. She held onto them as long as she could, but after a few minutes Reese pulled back. They looked reluctant to leave her, to let her out of their sights, Reese let a soft smile rest on her lips.
"Don't worry," Reese spoke in a comforting voice. "I'll be here when you wake up."
"Promise?" Taylor asked, looking up at her with his sweet, brown eyes.
"I promise."
"Pinky promise?" Annmarie said, holding out her tiny finger and Taylor did the same.
Reese wrapped both of her pinkies around theirs and gave a light squeeze. "I pinky promise."
That seemed to be good enough for the twins who followed after Elizabeth, dragging their exhausted little bodies up the stairs and to bed. Reese watched them go, wanting nothing more than to stay in her home; to sleep in her own bed. She listened to their heartbeats, slowly becoming softer as sleep quickly took over. Reese lifted herself from the couch, standing on shaky legs as Elizabeth returned. Her eyes were watery, goodbye was hard for her too. Reese quickly reached for the aunt, holding her as tightly as she could without hurting her.
"Don't be a stranger okay, kid," Elizabeth sniffled, drying her eyes with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. "I expect to see you here tomorrow morning, bright and early."
"I'll be here," Reese enforced her promise.
Leaving her aunt and siblings was the hardest thing Reese had ever done — almost as hard as leaving Minnesota. It took every ounce of self control she had not to run up to her room and barricade the door shut, to refuse to leave. But Reese knew that this was just as hard on Elizabeth as it was on her, so she decided against making a scene. Elizabeth held on to her for a moment longer, before she stepped back. Reese felt her heart clench painfully at her aunt's expression, tear streaked cheeks and a wobbly bottom lip. Maybe Elizabeth had the same fears as Reese: that the Cullens would decide that she couldn't come back ever again. Reese tried to be strong, she tried to force a comforting smile on to her lips to ease her aunt's worry, but she must have done something wrong as Elizabeth broke out into another round of quite sobs and pulled her back in for another hug.
Reese was the one who had to pull away that time, knowing that if she didn't she would convince herself to go through with her absurd plan. I'll be back tomorrow, Reese reminded herself, the Cullens wouldn't stop her from seeing her family again; they couldn't keep her from her family if they tried. Reese was glad that it was Emmett who was with her instead of Jasper or Edward, either of which who would have certainly known what Reese was planning and tried to stop it. Emmett was the only one who knew how much her family meant to her, and Reese was certain that if Carlisle tried to keep her away that he would find a way to get her back home.
Reese took Emmett's hand as they walked out of the door and back towards the Jeep. She turned around to wave goodbye one last time, waving at a sniffling Elizabeth who was being comforted by Flynn. She didn't let the mask fall until she was comfortably seated in the passenger's side of the Jeep, her chin quivered as her own tears stung her eyes when Emmett backed out of the driveway. She stared at her house until it was out of sight, taking note of the soft golden glow that shined through the twin's bedroom window. Just as Emmett turned the corner off of Mormont Lane, Reese caught sight of her parent's dancing figures spinning around the twin's room. Reese began to cry.
authors note: so,,uh,,it's only been like three (3) months since i last updated this book but i'm back now ((: i was having a really hard time writing this chapter and kept having to restart it but i finally got it so yeah buddy ! anyway i gave you guys a long chapter as an apology for my lack of updates and i promise i'll have one up in the next couple of days !! i'm going to salem tomorrow so i might get some witchy inspiration for reese,,,also reese and emmett are literally the cutest couple i've ever written but when i put slowburn romance in the trigger warning i meant that shit,,anwyay hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and i promise in like the end of the next one reyna will be making an appearance . . . don't forget to vote and comment if you love this book as much as i do bc seeing you guys' comments and votes is pretty much what inspires me to continue (((: anyway here's my dedication to kara who is literally my biggest supporter and loves emmett and reese just as much as i do ily bby (':