Alberto,
Only 57 more days and then summer! And then will never be apart again. Massimo told you about school and I know that it probably was not the best news, but I'll be so happy to see you! I've had a growth spurt too! You probably won't even recognize me. Giulia has grown too.
I can't put into words how much time I want to spend with you and just do random stuff together. This is so dumb but yesterday, I jumped off the high dive at school and imagined I was jumping off a cliff with you.
Once again, I'm sorry if school doesn't sound great. I know you're kind of being forced into it. Please try to understand.
And who knows, maybe if you really don't like it, you won't have to go at all. I heard that in America, kids don't get that choice at all until they are Ercole's age.
~Love,
...
Massimo sighed in defeat as he read the letter. It had been 3 days since Alberto disappeared which meant there were 3 sets of letters waiting for him. Well 2 now that Massimo decided to open one.
He did now want Luca to worry. If Giulia's mother were to find out that he lost his own adoptive son-
Giulia's mom was a good mom. But she was a self mom. She had told Massimo on numerous occasions that Giulia should live with her not only during school but also during the summer. Massimo would not have any of that.
You only use her for work! She needs to be here among more classed people. I know she has only one outfit over there. Ripped jeans! I send her there in finest clothes and she wears that!
Massimo was so relieved when Giulia was finally making friends. She was no longer a loner who put on a smile. She had under dogs like her.
For Massimo, that meant more years she would stay, more memories she would make. He knew the time would come when Giulia no longer would stay for summer. And that time would probably be sooner than 18.
She would get a job, probably. A job that paid better than the pennies he could give her from the fish.
Massimo dared not to open any of the letters Giulia sent to Alberto. They were private thoughts from his daughter. He always kept in the back of his mind that she might confide in Alberto about staying with her mother.
If Giulia ever asked, Massimo decided he would say,
"I understand. I love you. You know you can come anytime."
What if she forgets me?
For the majority of the year, Massimo was quite lonely. He had adopted a cat to remedy that but cats are also loners and quite independent. It wasn't the same as having Giulia around.
Now that Alberto had left- Massimo was now about to search the Island and nearby caves again- his thoughts had wandered back to how lonely he himself was feeling. And he felt so selfish for that. He should be worried that Alberto could be in trouble or that Giulia was going through all these physical changes that his ex-wife would then use to change who his daughter was. Make her more "proper" as she would say.
Massimo started making some Cioccolata. Once he was done, he placed the mixture in two cups and placed them next to two plates of Alberto's favorite meal, respectively. He sat, sighed to himself and buried his face in his hands.
He heard an odd noise at the door, but it was just Machiavelli- he got stuck outside. The cat purred and whined.
"I miss him, too." Massimo said, "We will look for him in a few minutes."
He looked at the plate meant for Alberto. Not wanting it to go to waste, he gave it go Machiavelli.
Massimo quickly ate and grabbed his lantern. Machiavelli jumped onto his shoulder and they left.
They left the dock, heading out into the water. There were a couple fisherman out. Massimo had not told them what had happened with Alberto. He knew not everyone excepted his son, and he thought it best to keep the information secret.
Massimo first went to the island. He never failed to make up an apology or scolding in his head. When he would finally convince himself that Alberto was indeed not there, he would sigh and his heart would pound. Three more caves.
Massimo knew of one of them. When Alberto showed it to him, thinking Massimo had never seen it, Massimo told him,
"I kissed Giulia's mom in this cave."
"Gross."
"Oh, like you do not want to do the same with Luca."
"You're not supposed to encourage my behavior!" Alberto laughed,
"I am just trying to be supportive." Massimo said with a gentle smile.
Massimo looked into the cave. Alberto was not here. The same was said for the next two.
"He does not want to be found." Massimo admitted, knowing full well he would still search tomorrow and the next day and-
Massimo and Machiavelli were back in the dock.
Machiavelli was suddenly on high alert before Massimo had opened the door. Massimo could hear noise coming from inside his house. Shuffling- pots- pans
A robber!
Massimo stormed in, ready to give hell.
And there he was. Alberto, struggling to cook. He put pasta in water that was not boiling and stared at it intensely with anger.
"You want food?" Massimo asked,
Alberto's body went stiff. He didn'y hear Massimo come back in- he had been too busy making so much noise.
Alberto sheepishly nodded, too afraid to speak.
"Sit." Massimo said, taking over and turning on the gas.
As the water boiled and the familiar smell of fresh vegetables amd pasta hit Alberto, his stomach growled loudly.
Massimo turned to look at him. Alberto's forehead was resting on the kitchen table.
Massimo had rehearsed so many things to say but now that it was time- he couldn't. He was so afraid of losing Alberto.
"It's not fair." Alberto finally says,
"He speaks." Massimo said,
Alberto scoffed at Massimo's attempt at humor, crossing his arms and holding himself; tears threatening to go down his face.
"What is not fair, Alberto?" Massimo finally asked,
"I..." Alberto picks at his nails, "I don't know what I want or need..."
"Do you want Luca?"
"Yes!" Alberto asked quickly,
"What else?" Massimo asked,
Alberto didn't answer. He couldn't. Massimo serves a plate to Alberto.
"Wait. Where's yours?" Alberto asks,
"I already ate."
Alberto nodded, feeling strange being the only one eating. Then feeling more guilty that he was taking food and still thinking about running off again.
"Could I tell you what I want and need?" Massimo asks,
Alberto furrows his brows but nods, taking his first bite.
"I want to be your father."
"Well you are."
"But I am not, Alberto. Fathers do not just allow there sons to suddenly disappear. That is dangerous."
Alberto sighs and stops eating.
"What is wrong, Alberto?" Massimo asks, "Is it not good?"
"No, no, no. It's fine. It's good! It's just- this is- you are going to get tired of me- and-" Alberto ends up doing the very thing he promised himself he would never do again. Cry over someone no longer loving him or the fear of it.
Massimo gets up, not knowing what to say or do. He goes to Alberto's side and takes a knee next to him.
"I want to be your father, Alberto. A real father. I want you to feel safe and loved." Massimo stares up at the light to try to subdue his own tears.
"Y-you're crying!" Alberto exclaims,
"Of course, I was very worried!"
"You're crying." Alberto repeats, grabbing Massimo and hugging him.
"You wanted me to cry?"
"I just needed a sign that you cared-- I don't know."
"What makes you think I did not? I gave you food." Massimo says. He does not sound upset, but still concerned.
"My... my 'dad'," Alberto starts, "He fed me and gave me clothes but at the end- he, well you know."
"I don't know, Alberto. I want to know but I do not want to ask and push you away again."
"Right." Alberto nodded, remembering why he left in the first place.
"It has been nearly two years...?" Massimo asked, remembering the marks on the wall.
"Yes." Alberto said, "He uh, he said I was good to go. Like on my own. Which was cool at first. But uhh... well after awhile, I thought he was just teaching me a lesson. Like,'oh, now that you've been alone for a week, you'll never ask me to leave you alone again' type thing. Then I began to fear the worst, which was that he died. He didn't though. He did come back after a week. But it was weird. He had changed. I guess that week of not having me around showed him he wanted that permanently. So then he left again. And once again I thought it was just a week. But..." Alberto sighed and pulled the plate of pasta back toward himself and ate.
"Do you know where he went?" Massimo asked, "Like the ocean or the land?"
Alberto shrugged, "Both times he left in the middle of the night. He would tell me, then the next day, he would be gone."
"Listen, Alberto,"
"No. I know what you are going to say. And I do not blame you for scolding me or any punishments you have."
"I was going to say I love you."
"Th-that's," A tear rolled down Alberto's face and he shoved another fork of pasta into his mouth, "That's cool too."