Chapter sixteen
WARNING: This chapter includes scars.
It was barely a quarter past seven and we were already up. I got a bit used to getting out of bed at such an early hour, although I still was in need of a few more hours of sleep.
Taking a bath together was an amazing idea. I was hoping for it to awaken me a bit but it caused the opposite. It was relaxing to the point where I was ready to close my eyes and drift off.
The foam hid our exposed skin while the warm water made sure Narcissa and I weren't covered in goosebumps. The silence was tangling with our little talks and secret stares towards each other, although we both knew about them.
Were they really such mysteries, then?
Well, they had to be. The reality hit way too early for me to enjoy the moment. The worry, and anxiety of somebody finding out what happened between the two of us. It was exciting to think that Narcissa and I had sex the night before but forbidden as well.
Mrs. Malfoy was resting her chin on her arms, crossed on the rim of the bathtub. She was staring at one of the many floating candles, looking directly into the flames.
"What are you thinking about, sweetheart?" she shifted her eyes on me, once she felt my stare.
I wanted to ask her if what we did was right. If we wouldn't have to deal with the consequences later. If it wasn't wrong for us to do it. Even if I knew it was, I wanted her to deny my words and make the anxiety leave me alone. But I didn't want to disturb her calmness.
"Nothing in particular. I'm enjoying the moment," I smiled lightly, repeating her words from the night before.
I needed to hide all the worries since getting rid of them was way more difficult. I wanted them to go to a place far away from us, so I could enjoy the bath with Narcissa without any guilt.
I needed them to disappear six feet under the ground.
"Taking a bath together or having yet another chance to see me naked?" she cocked an eyebrow, replacing the warm smile with a smirk.
"I'm sure you know the answer," I winked at her, noticing the blush creep onto her cheeks within seconds.
I caressed her cheek with my finger, looking straight into her eyes.
It was either me or she was melting into my touch.
"It is quite pleasant, isn't it?' she began, smiling and looking around, "The candles, foam, relaxing together in the warm water–"
"After fucking the shit out of each other the night before." I finished in a cocky tone, then leaned my head on the rim of the tub and closed my eyes, "Very enjoyable, Narcissa."
I didn't see her expressions after this sentence. But I was sure the smile was replaced with something different. Something like, you did not just say that but turned into the most hilarious expressions possible.
"Watch this pretty mouth of yours, darling. Otherwise, I will help you." she splashed me with some water, making me look at her.
"May I remind you what words slipped from your tongue yesterday?" I wiped my face. "Although, you did not only use it to speak." I moved closer to her and left a kiss on her lips, making the candle fall apart from jealousy.
They say fire knows nothing of mercy, but there's nothing more merciless than two people already burned to desire.
"My oh, my.. Someone is getting bold," she hummed. "I'm sure we can put those lips to better use." she lifted my chin with her pointing and middle fingers, connecting our lips.
Our kisses felt like flames, causing our bodies to crave one another's closeness. I shifted myself on top of her. I placed one of my hands on her cheek and wrapped the other around her neck. Our tongues danced in the rhythm of the song only we knew and heard.
"You do not want to mess with me," she whispered, as we broke the kiss, "You have no idea what I'm capable of."
"How about you show me, then?" I tilted my head.
Her hands explored my body without looking at the map. It's like she knew all the paths and turns, leaving a track of kisses on my neck, down to my collarbones. In a blink of an eye, I was found under her. The water escaped the bathtub and met with the floor at the sudden movement.
"You are mine only," she whispered, staring at me with a flame of possessiveness in her eyes, "Nobody else can touch you the way I do."
She slid her palms tenderly down the centre of my chest, brushing slightly against my breasts. She reached my stomach, but her hand didn't stop until I felt it on my inner thigh.
We looked at each other as if we just committed a felony. We were the only two in the room, yet I thought a million pairs of eyes were staring directly at us. Judging and whispering among one another. If only eyes could speak, the words I would hear on my deathbed would most certainly belong to them.
"Did I make myself clear, Cassiopeia?" she asked in a smoky voice.
"Yes– yes ma'am," I breathed, "I am all yours."
As we cleaned ourselves and stepped out of the bathtub, we wrapped ourselves in towels and went on with getting ready for the day. I stood in front of the mirror, brushing my still-wet hair and cursing under my nose, trying to brush the tangles out.
"Do you need any help? I can see you're struggling," Narcissa reached her hand out and I passed her the brush. "Your hair is beautiful, but it's very long and thick. Haven't you considered cutting it a bit?" she asked, as she stood behind me and gathered all my hair, brushing it through as gently as she could.
"My father doesn't let me do that. He prefers it long," I explained and looked at her reflection.
"Aren't you nineteen, darling?"
"I am, but it's difficult to explain," I sighed, knowing my father wasn't the one to give up on his words. "I know how it looks. I have a billion tattoos, but can't cut my hair," I laughed, trying to hide the fact I got nervous.
I disliked talking about my dad. The memories of his person already lived in my head and visited me in my nightmares. I didn't need to bring him to any of the conversations. I tried to avoid this topic as much as possible, but sometimes he had to be mentioned.
"He's always been like that ever since I met him. I quite understand what you mean. He's an ambitious man, but is very stubborn as well."
"I had no idea you met him in person. I thought Mr. Malfoy was the only one since they have seen each other at the Ministry."
"It was a long time ago, love. After your mother and Louis got married, and she was pregnant with you. Lucius and I were invited for dinner at their mansion. It was quite lovely until Lucius and Louis got into a fight. They both are prideful men, you see, and none of them was willing to apologise. Samantha and I had to take care of it."
At times, I forgot my father and Narcissa were the same age. It was odd to think they knew each other from the time before Draco and I were brought into this world, or that my mum and Lucius met.
"Is everything alright?" I asked when I realised Narcissa stopped brushing my hair, "If you're struggling as well, I can brush it myself."
"Who.. who did this to you?" she asked in a horrified tone, turning me around and making me look at my back in the reflection.
It was the moment I noticed the concealing charm had stopped working.
"Narcissa– it's nothing. I promise!" I covered my back with my hair and took a step back from Mrs. Malfoy.
"Do you think I'm naive? I know what leaves those kinds of scars. Don't lie to me, Cassiopeia." she frowned and took a step up to me, "Who hurt you?"
"Nobody, I swear!" I argued, trying to keep our distance.
"If nobody hurt you, your back wouldn't be covered in all those scars.."
I didn't want anyone to know about them, that's why I used the concealing charm. It lasted for a few hours so I needed to re-do it once in a while. Draco was the only one who knew about them.
Let's be honest, he was the one who almost knew my whole story. Not all the bloody details, of course, but enough to understand. Enough to know what to say.
"I– really can't tell you–" I tried to leave the room since my eyes began filling with tears, but she didn't give me a chance. "Narcissa! Let me go!" I began fighting to free myself from her arms.
"Please, calm down, sunshine," she implored, "You are safe, nobody is going to hurt you here." she hugged me tighter, not letting me do anything stupid.
I was stripped of energy within seconds. My whole body was shaking, making my legs feel like cotton. I tried to gasp for air but the lump in my throat made it difficult.
"I'm sorry, Narcissa.. I'm so sorry," I cried out loud, hugging her back and letting my emotions consume me, piece by piece.
I felt exposed. Vulnerable. I wished to hide and not be seen. I was ashamed because I didn't want to let my emotions take charge.
When Narcissa noticed the scars, she mentioned a sensitive topic to me. I was always hiding them, protecting myself this way from the outer world. My past was the one to haunt me and I was running away from it my whole life.
I didn't want it to catch me and win the race. I knew it would be over if it did. Everything would crumble.
"No, sweetheart, it's alright," she breathed out, "You don't need to apologise for anything." she kissed my forehead, caressing my head. "I won't let anyone hurt you."
The next few days have passed. Narcissa and I enjoyed every while together, not bringing up what happened in the bathroom. We decided to wait for the right time to have a conversation about it. No rush, just us hanging out and talking every day. It was a perfect opportunity to avoid Lucius and make the time flow faster while waiting for Draco's arrival.
Narcissa and I were sitting in the dining room eating dinner when Draco stepped in.
"Look who's back," I grinned and peeked at him.
"Mum, Cassiopeia," he bowed his head at us, sending Narcissa and me a warm smile, "Isn't father eating with you?"
"He's busy in his study, but would you look to join us?" Narcissa asked, gesturing on his seat.
"Thank you mum, but I already ate," he refused politely and put his bag on the floor. "To be honest, Cassie, I expected a bit more enthusiastic welcoming," he complained and focused his eyes on me.
"You did, hm?" I hummed, "Sixth of December, fourth year. What would you say for this?"
"Oh, I would like that very much," he chuckled.
I got up from the chair and ran up to Draco, then jumped into his arms. I wrapped my legs around his waist and hugged him as tightly as I could inhaling his cologne.
"I missed you so much," I spoke, my words a bit muffled, "I thought you moved out to Blaise at some point."
"That's cute," he smiled and set me back on the ground.
"You're supposed to say you missed me as well," I hit him playfully on his arm.
"Am I?" he teased, "I don't remember agreeing on anything like this."
"You are such a pain in the ass, Malfoy. You're lucky I tolerate you otherwise, I would do the same thing Hermione did in the third year."
"I truly doubt." he walked past me and stepped to his mum, then left a peck on her cheek. "First of all, you love me too much, and I don't blame you for that. If I were you, I would love me as well," he puffed like a peacock. "Second of all, we both know you wouldn't reach my face, even if you'd stand on your toes," he laughed and wrapped his arms around Mrs. Malfoy, while she was laughing at his statement.
"Seriously, Narcissa? Even if you against me?"
"She's my mum, Cassie. Of course, she's on my side," he replied proudly.
"It depends on the circumstances, dear, but I agree with Draco on this one. You are a bit short," she tilted her head.
"Or you're just bloody tall, hm? And to clarify, I can reach your face without standing on my toes and you know it, Dragon," I pointed my finger at him.
"We have much time to debate, Cassie. Now excuse me, I'm going to unpack. Enjoy your evening, ladies." he grabbed his bag on the way and headed out.
"The audacity this man has," I sighed and took my seat, looking at Narcissa smiling widely.
"I think he's better after spending some time with Blaise. He seems happy," she spoke in a soft voice.
"He truly does."
Draco was much calmer, you could notice it right away. His aura presented nothing but peace. The smile on his face assured me he spent some good quality time with Blaise and worked things through.
"What happened on the Sixth of December, though?" Narcissa questioned, as she remembered my words.
"I was at the Hospital Wing for a week," I replied, receiving a shocking glance. "You see, I don't get sick often but when I do, it's like walking through hell. My fever was so bad I passed out while walking out of the class. When I finally was out and Draco came to pick me up, I jumped onto him just like this."
Narcissa and I finished our meals while talking and joking. After we were done, we parted ways. I stepped into my room for one more thing, then headed to Draco's.
"Hi there." I smiled and walked into the room to see Draco reading a book on his bed.
"Are those my jumpers?" he put the book aside and looked at the materials I was holding.
"If I give them to you, will you spray some of your cologne on them?" I closed the door behind me and smiled at him sweetly.
"They don't smell like me anymore, do they?" he chuckled and got up from the bed.
"Yeah.. Not really."
"Alright, hand them over." he took the hoodies from my hands, while I threw myself on his bed.
"How was it at Blaise's?" I questioned, glancing at the cover of the book he was reading.
"Good, although he hoped to see you. Not to mention his mum," he laughed. "She loves you. She was asking about her sweet Cassiopeia."
"Perhaps I will visit them soon. Mrs. Zabini is a truly nice woman and I haven't seen Blaise since our party." I lay on my stomach and shifted my eyes to him.
"I'm sure they would be happy if you did, but now you need to tell me what was going on, while I was away."
"Depends on what you want to know."
"Everything. Isn't that obvious?"
"I spent most of my time with your mum. I don't think you want to know about all the girly stuff we were talking about," I raised an eyebrow.
Not that you need to know we had sex.
"And what about father?" he asked, making my stomach drop, "You wrote he hates you, so I'm guessing something bad happened."
"The day I got your letter, your father and I were talking about a book he gave me. He assumed you and I are dating, even after I made it clear we're not."
"Alright, but why do you think he hates you?" he sprayed the last jumpers and put them all aside, then sat down next to me.
"I tried to be calm, but.. you know bloody well I have a short temper. Your dear daddy walked up to me and put his goddamn cane under my chin. So, as an independent and strong woman, I grabbed the cane and–"
"Hold on— You did what?" he screamed and looked at me.
"I grabbed the cane and pulled it away from me. It made me furious. He thought he could have control over me."
"Cassie, nobody can touch his cane. It's his sacredness. Why the fuck did you do that?"
"And I am not his slave, Draco," I defended myself and rose to sit as well, "What would you do if you were me? Drop to your knees and beg for forgiveness?" I snorted. "I saw Louis in him, Draco, and it scared the shit out of me. It was all a defence mechanism. I know I did wrong, but I had no idea what else to do. Everything is just too much. Your father, the past and those bloody nightmares–"
"They are back?" he asked and I nodded, "Why didn't you tell me? I told you to let me know if anything happens. We would figure it out."
"I didn't want you to worry about me. I thought they would go away. I didn't expect it all to be back again after such a long time."
My nightmares were never the same, but they all had this one thing that connected them. Screams.
In each dream, a woman was screaming. She sounded like someone was ripping her skin off. She was in so much pain, it hurt me as well. Even if it was just a nightmare, everything felt so real. Too real.
"I don't think Lucius will keep up with me any longer," I spoke after calming down a bit. "I can't look at your father after I was acting like this. Instead of talking like an adult, I simply proved his point. I am still a little girl who doesn't know anything."
"You have to admit to him you were wrong."
"What?"
"He loves it. Go to him, apologise, and say what he wants to hear. He's a prideful man. He loves when people bow down to him, even if he doesn't show it. You can use his strength as a weakness."
I've heard this before.
"Do you think it's gonna work?" I questioned, not sure if it was such a good idea.
If I have learned anything while staying at the Manor is that an angry Lucius is never good company. He's a Malfoy, for Merlin's sake. All it would take was just one word, a rumour.. Anything. And I could say goodbye to a normal life. That's why I was so terrified of him. He had all this power, just in his one hand. Merlin knows how much power he had in the other one.
"I have lived with him my whole life. I have learned a few tricks, trust me." he grabbed my hand into his.
"Fine, but I can't do it immediately. I'm way too scared and I'm more than sure he doesn't want to look at me. He would rather kill me for disrespecting him," I hinted, as Draco shook his head.
"How many times do I have to tell you this? My parents won't kill you, love." he pulled me onto him and lay down, "They will torture you to insanity first."
"Draco!" I hit him on his chest.
"I'm joking! Relax, darling," he laughed, making me smile as well. "Alright, you can either go to your room and get ready or grab your stuff and use my bathroom. I want you to stay here for a few nights."
"Why's that?" I asked and got off him.
"If your nightmares are back, I won't you sleep alone. If you're going to scream through your sleep, you need someone to cover your mouth, don't you?"
"How thoughtful of you," I hummed as a response. "Let me go take my stuff then."
After Draco and I were both in pyjamas, we laid down in the bed. The lights were off, and the night wind interrupted our talks every few minutes, bursting in through the open balcony doors. Draco's cold hands were exploring my tattoos, especially the new one since it was healed. Although he got used to my person all covered in them, he was excited every time I got another one.
"I still don't get how your father could think we're dating," I broke the silence, "I can't imagine you as my boyfriend. It would be so weird," I cringed at the thought of it.
"Me neither. But, if he stepped into the room at this very moment, I wouldn't blame him. Just take a look at us."
I was sleeping in my lingerie that night to let the new tattoo breathe. Draco's head rested on my chest, as his hand was wandering on my body, while I was playing with his hair.
"Okay, you've got the point," I cackled, realising how inappropriate we looked for being nothing more than friends. "We are close, but try to imagine us kissing, or worse. It's just so unnatural."
"Cassie.. I didn't want this image to pop into my head.." he complained, making me giggle, "Please take it away from me. I don't want to have nightmares." he shifted himself to hide his face in the crook of my neck.
"You see? It's gross!" I laughed, "We could never be together. You already have a man for your life."
"Don't bring him up, love," he blew the mention of Potter away.
"You have to talk to him sooner or later, Draco." I reminded him, rubbing his back.
"The later, the better," he replied in a sleepy tone like he was ready to drift off.
I couldn't figure Draco out. We've been friends for years, but he acted in this unfamiliar way when Harry was around or even mentioned.
"Did the two of you get into a fight or something?" I whispered, knowing it was too late to be speaking this loud anyway, "Harry was all nervous and flustered when we met at the Burrow."
"Potter is like this on a daily basis. Don't you remember? He's a Potter," he brushed my worries away.
"Yeah, but it wasn't his normal nervousness. It was kind of the same when you two were dared to kiss."
Draco went quiet for a while then shifted his body again. He took his wand from the nightstand, then cast the Lumos spell and looked at me.
"What are you suggesting?" he grumbled.
"I'm not suggesting anything. Just telling you how I see it." I grabbed his wrist and pulled the blinding light away from my eyes. "Something happened between the two of you, am I right?"
"Do you remember when we did those face masks you brought?" he began, "You said you bought them in the Muggle's world, so before I met with Blaise, I went to London and bought some as well. I bumped into Potter when I was in one of the empty alleys. And it just.. happened," he shrugged his shoulders, "We kissed."
"And how do you feel about it?"
"Honestly? I have no idea." he laid his head back on the pillow, "It felt good, but wrong at the same time. Not to mention, he's not the best kisser," he laughed.
"Did you two sort things through? You know, talking about your feelings?"
"No, that's just gross.." he grimaced.
"Are you aware we're doing it right now?" I asked and lay down as well, "We're talking about your feelings."
"But it's you I'm talking to.. I don't know, I just feel so lost in everything."
"It's alright to feel this way, Dragon. It's normal to be lost, but I'm sure you will figure this out. Sooner, or later. No rush," I smiled comforting, as he sighed heavily.
"You're probably right. We still have time."