"It will be an interesting class at least," Meredith giggled as she and Derek entered the apartment the next evening after the first day of classes. "I mean, at least the professor's cute, even if he doesn't know very much."
"Well, that is not the way to convince your boyfriend to like a class," Derek frowned.
"Aw," Meredith dropped her bag on the floor and wrapped her arms around his neck. "Don't be jealous. You know you're the only one I love."
Derek smiled as he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her close. "I think I might need a reminder," he said huskily.
"Hmmm," Meredith sighed as she pressed her lips to his. "I think that can be arranged." She took his hand and pulled him towards their bedroom, groaning when the phone in the kitchen rang.
"Ignore it," Derek mumbled against her neck.
"I have to get it," she mumbled. "It might be the nursing home calling about my mom's surgery."
"Mer..." Derek sighed, watching as she walked towards the kitchen. He leaned against the doorway as she answered the phone, praying that it wasn't anything important so that they could get back to what they had been doing.
"Hi Kath...what's wrong?" Meredith frowned, then her eyes went wide as she reached for the wall next to the phone, sinking to the floor. "Oh my God. What...when...we'll be there. We'll leave right now, and be there as soon as possible...He's right here."
Derek felt his heart stop beating as he watched Meredith fall apart as she talked to his sister. Something was wrong, something was really wrong and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what it was.
"How's your mom?" Meredith murmured into the phone. "Of course...We'll be there as soon as we can. I'm sorry Kath. I know that doesn't mean anything, but...okay, I will. Bye, Kath."
She hung up the phone and turned to look at Derek with tears filling her eyes. "Der," she whispered, reaching her hand out to him. "I..."
"Meredith, what is it?" he asked, moving slowly towards her, not sure he wanted to know.
"It's...your dad," she whispered choking on a sob. "Derek, there was an accident..."
"No," Derek shook his head, backing away from her. "Don't say it, Mer. Don't."
"Derek," she breathed, scrambling to her feet, and walking quickly to his side, wrapping her arms around him. "There was nothing they could have done."
"I don't believe you," Derek shook his head, pushing her away. "They're wrong. It's someone else. Not my dad."
"Derek," Meredith said softly, moving closer to him again. "It wasn't a mistake. We have to go home."
"I'm not going home," Derek said. "Because everything is fine at home. They made a mistake, and everything is fine."
"You can't ignore this," Meredith said softly, tears streaming down her face. "Your family needs you, Der."
He stared at her for a moment, and before either one of them could say anything else, the door swung open and Mark and Addison stumbled in, laughing happily. As soon as they saw the distraught couple standing in the kitchen, however, their faces sobered and they both knew something was very wrong.
"What is it?" Addison asked softly.
"It's nothing," Derek said quickly. "They made a mistake."
"Derek?" Mark asked softly, looking at his best friend. "Who made a mistake?"
Derek shook his head as he turned and braced himself against the kitchen counter, trying to control the sobs that were threatening to take over his body. "No," he gasped as Meredith hurried to his side and wrapped her arms around him.
"There was an accident," she choked out as Mark and Addison looked at her with wide eyes. "Michael..."
"He's fine!" Derek shouted, pounding his fist against the counter. "Damn it, Meredith, why do you keep saying that? He's fine! The paramedics are just stupid and they don't know what they're doing. They think it's him, but it's not! It's not my dad! He's at work and he's going to come home and everything will be fine!"
"Derek," Meredith said firmly, taking his face in her hands. "You can't live in denial. I know this hurts, and I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. But we have to go home. Our family needs us. They need you."
"Michael," Mark breathed, gasping for Addison. "Oh God...Addie."
"It's okay," Addison whispered, wrapping her arms around him. "Mark...I'm so sorry."
"I have to go," Mark gasped. "We...Derek..."
Derek looked up to see his strong, confident best friend standing before him with tears streaming down his face, clearly distraught. "Mark," he whispered, moving to hug his best friend, his brother, tightly. "Oh God...Dad."
The two of them stood there for a long, painfully silent moment before Derek let out a loud sob and turned to reach for Meredith. "Mer," he gasped. "Mer, what am I going to do."
"Shh," Meredith whispered, leading him slowly to the couch and wrapping him in her arms, rocking him slowly. "We'll go home, Der. We'll go home, because that's where you need to be right now."
"I can't...I can't do this, Mer."
"I know," she whispered, gently stroking his hair. "I know, but you will. Whatever you need, Derek, I'll help you with. You need to go. Your sisters need you. Your mother needs you."
"Mom," Derek breathed, a new batch of sobs coming up. "Oh, God, Mom's going to be traumatized."
"Derek," Meredith said, tipping his head to look into his eyes. "You're the man of the house now. It sucks, I know it sucks, and I wish we didn't have to do this. But we do. They need us. They need you."
"We?" Derek asked, looking up at her with red rimmed eyes.
"We," Meredith nodded firmly. "It's us, Der, not you and not me. We. We're a team, and I'm going to be here for every second that you need me."
Derek leaned into her, his head resting against his chest as he breathed shakily. "I need you," he admitted. "I can't do this without you."
"You won't have to," Meredith shook her head. "I'm here, Der, for whatever you need."
Derek was silent for a moment as they lay together, the only sound being the occasional sobs from both of them. After several minutes, Derek lifted his head to look at her. "Can we...can you drive home?"
"Yeah," Meredith nodded, reaching to wipe the tears from under his eyes. "I'll go get Mark and Addie, okay?"
"I'll come," Derek nodded, his hand tightly squeezing hers as they stood. She sighed as she rested her head against his shoulder. When they reached Mark and Addison's room, they found him lying in her arms, a blank expression on his face. "Are you ready to go?" Meredith whispered quietly to Addison.
"Yeah," Addison said. "Come on, Mark." She gently helped him to his feet, and he leaned heavily on her as they walked out to the car.
The ride to New York was long and silent, the only sounds being of the soft sniffles of Meredith as she drove and the occasional sobs from Mark and Derek. Derek kept his hand tightly in Meredith's as she drove, not wanting to feel disconnected from her in any way right now. After four long hours, Meredith finally pulled into the driveway of Derek's house, unsure of whether the cars lining the street in front of the house were a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, she was glad people were here to support the Shepherd's but on the other hand, she knew it should be a time to the family to grieve quietly, on their own.
"Come on, Mark," Addison said quietly, coaxing him out of the soft sleep he had fallen into. "Let's go inside."
He followed her numbly inside, not looking at anything besides the ground in front of him as she led him up the porch.
"Derek," Meredith said softly, turning to look at him. He sat as still as a rock in his sear, staring straight ahead of him as his eyes glazed over. "I can't do this," he said numbly. "Mer, I can't do this."
"You don't have to," Meredith whispered, reaching for his hand as he turned to face her, fresh tears filling his eyes. "We're going to do it, remember? Us. Not you."
Derek took a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he nodded softly. "Okay," he whispered. "Us. We can do it."
"We can," she nodded, squeezing his hand tightly as she leaned in to press her lips against his softly. "Let's go."
They got out of the car and Derek wrapped an arm tightly around Meredith as she guided him towards the door. When they stepped into the house, it was all Meredith could do not to turn around and run in the other direction. The amount of grief that enveloped the house was almost suffocating, and she wasn't sure she could handle this.
"We," she whispered, more to herself than Derek, her hand tightening in his when she saw Liz walk into the foyer."
"Derbear," she whimpered, throwing herself into his arms. "He's gone, what are we going to do?"
Derek let go of Meredith's hand to wrap his arms tightly around his sister, squeezing his eyes closed as he held her closely. Meredith stepped back, wanting to give him space to be with his sister. She looked around for a moment before she saw Caitlin sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at her hands. She moved closer to her, sitting down on the couch and wrapping an arm around the young girl.
"Hey, Caitlin," she said softly. Caitlin didn't say anything, so Meredith sat back on the couch and pulled Caitlin to her side. "I get that you don't want to talk. But if you need to, I'm here for you. I'm your sister now, Caitlin, and I want to take care of you."
Caitlin turned to look at Meredith, tears filling her eyes. "Meredith," she whimpered. "I don't have a daddy anymore."
"Oh, Caitlin," Meredith breathed, hugging her tightly. "You still have a daddy. You will always have a daddy. Just because he's...he's not here anymore, that doesn't mean that he doesn't love you and he wasn't a good daddy. Because he was. I know he was. It's okay to be sad, but you do have a daddy. Don't ever forget that."
Caitlin curled into Meredith's side, crying quietly as she clung to Meredith's waist. "I miss him so much," she whispered. "I don't know what to do."
Meredith hugged her tightly, rocking her back and forth much as she had earlier that day with Derek. "It's okay," she soothed. "Just get it all out."
Meredith didn't know how long she sat with Caitlin on the couch, but when Caitlin finally pulled back from the long embrace, she whispered, "Mom's really upset."
"I know," Meredith said softly, smoothing some hair back from Caitlin's face. "She's probably not acting like herself right now, but she still loves you. That will never change, Caitlin."
She nodded softly. "I think...I'm going to go see if Kathleen has any food," she whispered.
"Okay," Meredith nodded. "You're doing great, Caitlin. Hang in there."
Caitlin smiled slightly before she moved out of the room. Meredith sighed, burying her face in her hands for a moment before she took a deep breath and stood, making her way towards the stairs in search of Derek. She paused when she reached the foot of the stairs, noticing the door to Michael's office was half open. She edged it open gently and felt her heart squeeze as she saw Derek sitting behind Michael's desk, a numb expression on his face. After a moment, he realized she was standing there and fresh tears rushed to his eyes.
"He'll never be here ever again," he said flatly. "I'm never going to see my father again."
"Oh Derek," she breathed, moving to sit on his lap, hugging him tightly. "It's okay. Just let it out. It's only me."
Derek shook his head as he stared at the picture sitting on the desk. Michael stood with his arm around a ten year old Derek, who help up a fish and smiled proudly. "I can't break down," he whispered. "I have to be strong. I have to go see Mom."
"You can be sad too," Meredith whispered.
"No," Derek stood, pushing her off of his lap. "I have to go. There's planning, and...I have to go."
Meredith watched helplessly as she watched Derek move out of the room, wondering what she could do to help him. As she sat back in the chair, her eyes landed on another framed picture on his desk, and felt her own tears spring to her eyes. She reached for the picture of her and Michael that had been taken last Christmas and stared at it for a moment before clutching it to her chest and crying quietly.
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I just want to read a story where
papa Shepherd stays ALIVE
am I asking for too much?!
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