"You and I get so damn dysfunctional,
we start keeping score."
One More Night - Maroon 5
The wind floods in around me, almost ripping the papers in my hands away but I clutch them tightly to my chest as I hurry down the many stone walkways that thread around campus.
My phone vibrates in the pockets of my cardigan, and I manage to pull it out, briefly glancing at the screen to see a text from Naya from our roommate group chat that they added me into.
Naya: meet me outside the cafe?
I'm heading there for my usual cup of coffee after classes anyway, so I slip my phone back into my pocket and keep walking. Naya bumps her hip against mine in greeting, and I listen to her chatter about a girl she's been crushing on as we both walk into the cafe. We make a straight beeline to our usual booth, and I halt in my steps, almost making Naya bump into me when I see who's at the usual booth.
My pulse roars in my ears, surprise bolting through my body as I blink a few times, trying to comprehend what I'm seeing.
As if sensing my gaze on her, Nessa looks up, green eyes widening when they lock with mine. "Oh my god, Luna?"
That catches everyone's attention at the table. Alex, Leo, Hunter and Kiara all turn in my direction, and I see everyone except Alex's expression morph into surprise as they take me in.
They're all here. Fuck.
Swallowing thickly and trying to ignore the way my stomach is roiling, I pull the edges of my lips in a small smile. "Hey?"
Naya steps around me, looking confused as ever. "You guys know each other?"
Leo and Hunter are still blinking at me like they can't believe I'm standing a few inches away from me, but Kiara and Nessa get over their initial shock sooner. Alex looks like she's still trying to piece everything together.
"Yeah," Nessa exhales, her bright green eyes the same as I remember, studying me from head to toe again. "We went to highschool together."
"Join us." Kiara gestures, and scoots over.
They were my friends. They were nice to me. It's fine.
Chanting that over and over again in my head, I slip into the booth with Naya, finding myself sitting right across Leo and next to Nessa.
"I can't believe you're here! It's been so long." Nessa smiles warmly, and I feel some of the tension leave my body.
"What are the odds?" Kiara laughs, a little shakily, and the familiarity of her laugh sends warmth in my chest. We used to laugh at everything and anything together.
"Man... It's so good to see you." Leo's voice makes me look towards him, and I smile back at him, feeling more and more at ease.
"Me too." I respond, and my eyes go over to Hunter, who's still watching me. "Hey Hunt."
His grey eyes soften. "Hey Aces."
"Aces!" Leo snorts, and I flush red at the memory of the nickname all of them gave me freshman year of highschool.
"I can't believe you guys still remember that." I chuckle, leaning back against the seat of the booth and getting comfortable.
"Now, now." Naya interrupts. "So sorry to break up your reunion, but I'm so confused."
"Me too." Alex chuckles, resting her head against Hunter's bicep. "You all went to high school together?"
"Yeah." Hunter replies. "We were close."
"Until I moved to California for college." I say, ignoring the dull weight on my chest, leaving out the exact reason why I moved. I see a shift in Hunter, Nessa, Leo and Kiara's expressions as I say that.
Because they know. They know everything.
Thankfully, Kiara pipes up with another question. "What brings you here, then?"
"The program at CSU wasn't the best." I sigh. "And they had a transfer program to NRU, so I took it."
Conversation starts to flow from there, all of us catching up lightly. I realise how much I'd missed them, and even though it's been years since we saw each other, they talk to me as if we never parted ways. There's no awkwardness whatsoever, and I feel fitted right into their little group, just like we used to be in high school.
They don't mention him, and I'm too nervous to bring him up either, so it goes unmentioned.
I'm relieved that nothing that happened had changed their feelings towards me. I always knew deep down that they never blamed me, I knew they would've been there for me if I let them.
But I didn't. It was too much, and I left without a proper goodbye, and yet here they are welcoming me back with open arms.
A tinge of guilt tugs in my chest.
You were young. You didn't know better.
As if Nessa senses my thoughts, she nudges me with her elbow, tilting her head in a silent question asking if I'm okay. I nod, touched by her concern.
The heaviness in my chest eases. They clearly don't blame me, or hate me for it. If they did, they wouldn't be acting like this.
It's okay. I'm okay.
Alex turns to me a few minutes later, after the conversation takes a turn towards the boys' upcoming soccer games. "Luna, did you take notes during class today?"
I nod, tugging my bag off my shoulder and leaning back in my seat, getting comfortable. "Yup, you want them?"
"That'll be lovely, I didn't understand much to get notes down."
"No problem, we can go over them together if you like?" I say, pulling out my wallet from my bag, and Alex's pretty green eyes light up as she nods enthusiastically.
"Thank you!" She gives me a quick side hug, which I return, smiling.
"I'll grab something to drink and be back," I tell her, and she nods. I get to my feet, my eyes on my wallet in my hands, focused on getting a few dollar bills out as I take a step in the direction of the cashier.
I don't make it far because I headbutt straight into someone's very firm and hard chest, and I jerk back a step from the impact, my hand flying up to rub my forehead as I start spewing apologies at whoever it is.
My eyes lift, colliding with the brilliant blue eyes I encountered at the masquerade party. It takes my brain a moment to register the rest of his face, and the blood on my veins turn to ice, and I feel my eyes widen as I blink once, twice, thrice, unable to comprehend what I'm seeing in front of me right now for the second time today.
A dull, old ache throbs in my chest and my pulse is echoing in my ears.
No, it can't be...
But it is.
The blond guy gets over his shock before I do, his full lips pulling up into an achingly familiar half smile, the smile I used to think of every night before I go to bed.
"Long time no see, Bubbles."
My brain goes blank, and I feel frozen in time. His iceberg blue eyes boring into mine, the familiar curve of his sharp jawline that I've touched so many times, the dirty blonde hair I used to mess up.
That fucking nickname.
It was all so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time. It was too much, and I can't bear standing there looking at him anymore. So I did the first thing that popped into my panicked, shocked brain.
I walked right past him, hurrying over to the cashier and not even daring to look back. The feel of his eyes following me as I walk away feels like lasers on my back, but I keep going until I stop by the cashier, still in disbelief.
There's someone already ordering, giving me a moment to pull myself together. Leaning against the counter, I close my eyes, taking deep breaths.
Kye Wellington.
He's here too.
At the thought of his name, all the memories I'd kept locked away in the darkest corner of my mind come flooding out, one by one. They flash in my mind like shock waves. The boy next door. His hand holding mine as we carefully climb onto his house's roof at the crack of dawn to watch the sunrise. Digging around my backyard in third grade because we were convinced we'd find dinosaur bones. The countless cherry flavoured slushies we'd shared. I can almost taste the tanginess on my tongue.
And lastly, the feel of his warm breath tickling the back of my neck, the caress of his big, warm hands on my cheeks. His scent, the calming aroma of sandalwood, his favourite cologne.
I hear the cashier's register ping, snapping me back to the present. Swallowing hard, I focus on the wooden tip box that's sitting on the counter in front of me.
He's the guy I saw that night at the masquerade party. The guy who'd been stealing glances at me all night, and finally brought over a beer for me and kept me company. We'd talked for awhile until my roommates dragged me out of the party to go get burgers.
How did I not know? How did I not realise?
Those blue eyes of his, they're unique just to him. I've never seen eyes that blue, the colour of icebergs, pale and sharp.
It's been almost three years since I last saw him, and the last place I'd expected him to be is at the very college I transferred to. But I've never forgotten those eyes of his, I don't think I ever will. Maybe I didn't know right away that this was him, but I did feel some sort of recognition when I saw his eyes up close that night when he sat next to me.
"Hello?" The cashier's voice snaps me out of my thoughts, and I look up to see that the other customer is gone. Flushed and still reeling, I step forward and order a dragon fruit lemonade, refusing to turn around while I wait for it to be made. Once I've paid and handed my drink, I take a sip, letting the sweet flavour soothe me. It works, but not enough.
I didn't want to go back to the table and see him. I'm not ready. It's too much.
The cowardly, anxious side of me wins, and I stalk out of the cafe, and don't look back. Hastily walking over to one of the wooden benches that the campus has scattered everywhere. I sit and take another sip, my eyes rolling in annoyance when I realise I left my bag back at the booth.
Pulling my phone out, I text the first person that comes to mind.
Me: alex, can u bring my bag outside?
Alex: i was wondering where you ran off to, love? did kye say something to u, that sleazy bastard.
Me: i'll explain, just bring my bag please?
Seconds later, Alex steps out of the cafe, my violet coloured messenger bag in hand. She spots me a few feet away on the bench and walks over, the autumn wind making her pretty pink dress dance around her legs.
"You okay?" Alex asks as she drops the bag on the bench next to me before sitting down, her green eyes studying me carefully. "Did Kye say something? He's just playing the fool-"
"No," I cut her off, shaking my head. My mind is in a whirlwind. There's no point in keeping this a secret, they're bound to know sooner or later.
Alex stares at me, realisation seeping into her expression. "Of course. You obviously knew Kye too?"
I nod blankly, and Alex stiffens, her eyes widening slightly. "Bloody hell."
"What?"
"You're the girl from high school that he lost contact with." She says and my heart immediately sinks. He's told her about me, about everything-
Alex must've seen my worried expression, because she reaches over and rubs my hand. "Hey, relax. He didn't tell me much, honestly. He briefly mentioned last semester that there was a girl back home he lost contact with, that's all."
Some of the tension leaves my body and I sigh. "Right."
That means none of them have told Alex anything that happened.
"You seem really worried, which tells me there's a lot more to whatever this is." Alex says gently. "Whatever it is, if you ever want to talk to someone, I'm here okay?"
Warmth spreads in my chest and I turn my head to look at her. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
Alex smiles, getting to her feet and extending her hand to me. "I reckon you don't want to go back inside, so how about you and I go back to my place and you teach my dumbass some Art History?"
"I'd like that." I sniff, taking her hand before grabbing my bag and the two of us set off towards the soccer house.
✦ ✦ ✦
"No way!" I laugh, fishing some more popcorn out of the bowl on my lap and popping it in my mouth.
"Yup. Hunter just couldn't stomach beans on toast. To be honest, it's not a big favourite of mine either. My Greek genes just can't stand the flavorlessness of it." Alex chuckles, grabbing the remote off the coffee table.
It's been over an hour since we came to the soccer house, where Alex lives with Nessa and the soccer team. It's a lavish, modern house with lots of glass replacing walls with white and black interior that gives the place a sleek look.
After I ran her through the notes, Alex insisted that I change out of my clothes into a baggy t-shirt and sleep shorts of hers so that I'm more comfortable. So here I am, sitting on a big black couch in their huge living room with Alex telling me about the trip she and Hunter took to London last Christmas to visit her family.
"What is Greece like? It seems like a dreamy place." I say, just as the intro to Peter Rabbit starts playing on the screen. I smile lightly at Alex's movie choice.
"Oh, it is. Absolutely gorgeous." Alex smiles fondly.
"I'd definitely love to visit," I say, leaning over and grabbing the glass of wine Alex poured for the two of us from the coffee table.
"Here's the deal, you take me to Sri Lanka, I'll take you to Greece." She takes her glass as well and lifts it towards me.
I laugh, lightly clinking my glass against hers, making the blood red wine swirl inside the glass. "Deal."
"Speaking of, you have to make me some Sri Lankan food. I hear they're really spicy."
Nodding, I take a sip from the wine before replying. "Oh, yeah. I know how to cook quite a bit of them, my mom always made sure to teach me."
Alex's eyes brighten and she opens her mouth to ask me something, but she gets cut off by the sound of the door opening. We both turn towards the front door, which we have a clear view of from the couch. Nessa, Leo, Hunter and Kiara stride in, chattering away.
Nessa spots us first, her brows pulling together in concern when she sees me. "Oh, Luna."
I swallow thickly. She knows why I bolted after seeing Kye, they all do.
The four of them approach us, sitting down on the couch and armchairs, Kiara settling down on my other side and squeezing my hand assuringly.
"It's okay." Nessa smiles at me. "Don't worry. We have no hard feelings towards you, Luna."
"None of us do." Hunter adds, sinking down on to the armchair.
"We actually missed you when you left." Kiara admits. "What happened... It was rough for all of us, and we know it was for you as well. Especially you."
Especially me and Kye.
I chew on my bottom lip, feeling tears prick behind my eyes. "I just... I just want to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving without a proper goodbye. It seemed like the only option at that point, and I didn't think twice. I felt so fucking bad after I left. I never should have abandoned you guys like that."
"Given what happened, Luna, I don't blame you." Leo says. "I probably would've done something similar. You wanted to get away."
"You don't have to feel guilty or bad, really." Nessa smiles gently at me. "Everything is in the past, we've all grown up, gotten over it. I'm just so glad to see you again."
"Honestly, yeah." Hunter says, tilting his head at me earnestly. "We never thought we'd see you again."
"We're cool. I promise." Kiara squeezes my hand again, and all the edginess within me evaporates. The guilt I carried because I left them lifting off my shoulders.
I fight the emotion curling in my throat. "Thanks, guys."
Looking over, I lock eyes with Alex who's sitting beside me silently. She doesn't know anything, and she hasn't asked. I admire that in her, because anyone else would've been demanding answers by now.
But I feel like she deserves to know. I want her to.
"I'll tell you, soon. I promise." I whisper to her and she nods, smiling warmly at me.
"Welcome back, Aces." Leo teases, ruffling my hair as he passes by me to step into the kitchen.
Despite the millions of things rolling inside me, I roll my eyes. "God."
"Now that nickname is something we won't get over." Hunter chuckles and I exhale, breathing out all the negative emotions.
But deep down I know that just because they don't hold anything against me, it doesn't make dealing with what happened three years ago simple. I still have guilt and remorse and hurt from it, but at least I now know that the people I loved and grew up with don't hate me for it.