You had put on your nicest casual-wear outfit; your pin moved from your uniform over to the dress, nicely placed by your heart. You've made a habit of moving the pin to be fastened at whatever clothing you were currently wearing, and so had Marco. You even changed up the way you usually styled your hair for the big feast that were taking place that evening. You and all of the Scouts were situated at the Regiment's Trost HQ, scheduled to leave for Shiganshina the day after.
Tonight you had switched up the seating arrangements, you sitting between Armin and Sasha with Connie on her left, while Marco sat across from you with Marlo and Jean. Mikasa and Eren sat at either end on the far end of the table from you.
Marco were deep in conversation with Marlo about the Military Police and his experience with them. You found it endearing how quickly the pair got along, both originally wanting to join the MP's for the same reason; To make a difference and serve the king.
As you braided a little strand of Sasha's hair, a handful of scouts came into the room, the smell of rich food following right behind them. They placed a huge tray of the dish on each table, you all staring down at it completely dumbfounded.
"This may be a special night, but... Let's not let the public find out! Behave like soldiers without causing a ruckus!", the head-chef of the Survey Corps announced.
"What? Is... Is this... meat?", Connie said weakly. You couldn't move your gaze away from the glorious piece of meat placed in front of you, long enough to look at the other's expressions. But there was no doubt they matched your own.
"Am I dreaming?", Sasha said awestricken, raising her hands to grab the sides of her head.
"Tonight's the night before we retake Wall Maria! Cheers!", the chef hollered while raising his mug, initiating cheers and roars from the rest of the soldiers in the room. And with that, everyone went wild, arguments over the size of the portions of meat flying in from left, right and centre.
You barely even managed to look up at Sasha, subconsciously already knowing she would black out into her feral-like state; much like she did when Crista came with rolls and water for the two of you,- before she hungrily sunk her teeth into the entire slab of meat with a low growl, her fingers prying into it.
"Sasha!", you grabbed a firm hold around her waist as Connie wrapped his arms around the area of her collarbones.
"Don't you start pulling that shit, potato girl!", Jean yelled as he struggled to yank the meat out of her mouth by grabbing her wrists. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!". You could tell by the look in her eyes that Sasha was no longer there; her pupils as small as a tiny piece of gravel, looking slightly above Jean.
"Cut it out Sasha!", Connie pleaded, tears piling up at the brim of his eyes. "I.. I don't wanna have to kill you!". Jean had had enough, grabbing directly at the meat instead, forcefully separating it from her mouth. Sasha snarled.
"You can't eat the whole thing alone!-", Jean's sentence was cut short by his scream as Sasha resorted to chomp at his hand, and you cringed at the sound. "You're eating me! Sasha! Eating me!", he yelped in horror.
"SASHA!", you yelled, almost at the brink of tears as well. "THAT'S JEAN'S HAND! IT'S NOT THE RIGHT MEAT!". You let go of her waist and placed your hands at the sides of her face, trying to spot any sign of Sasha in those empty, feral eyes. "Sasha! Remember our breathing exercises?", you suggested desperately. Those had helped before, but it's never been this bad before, so it might not help at all in this situation. "Please, breathe for me to the rhythm Sasha!; This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy ate roast beef~ ", you tried singing while clapping the rhythm, though your voice was too shaky to hit the proper notes. Nothing. No response in the slightest. Her parents always sang that to her as a child and she liked it a lot since it was about pigs becoming meat. Though slightly disturbed by her reason for liking it, you turned it into a breathing exercise to use whenever she would black out like this.
You noticed Connie tightening his grasp around her neck, trying to knock her out. She started struggling against his hold, fighting to be released.
"Do the Scouts never get fed any meat? Pathetic-". Marlo earned himself a punch right on the nose from Sasha for that comment, and Jean was able to get his hand out. Blood came running out of his nose like a fountain.
"Connie, would you knock Sasha out already?", Mikasa asked calm. Sasha landed a punch right at Mikasa's chest, but she didn't even flinch.
"I'm trying! She should be unconscious, but she's still moving!"
You were aware that the rest of the hall was watching the commotion happening at your table, but it was a matter of life and death at this point, and you had no time worrying about what other's thought.
"Eren! Get the rope!", you screamed, sitting on her lap while wrapping your arms tightly around her torso, trapping her arms as well to hold her steady; or at least attempt to do so. You felt like you were sitting on a horse gone rouge, closing your eyes as you held on for dear life.
"I got it!", you heard him say as his footsteps approached.
"Okay, okay", you took a deep breath before lifting your head to be at eye-level with her. "This is gonna hurt Sasha, for you and me both, but it's for your own good...". You then braced yourself, head-butting her hard enough to throw her off, and Connie was able to properly but safely knock her out.
It was finally quiet, except for the low rumbling sounds of voices coming from tables across the room. After they checked that she was in fact still breathing, Eren and Connie made sure to tie her up against a pole, tying a cloth around her mouth for good measure.
"That should do it", Eren sighed.
"She finally ran out of energy". Connie took a deep breath in, examining the state of his other half. "Can you believe this freak? And to think she once offered to share meat with everyone", he let out a strained laugh, his voice shaky.
"What? When?", Eren asked.
"Four months ago, when we were servicing the cannons", Connie reminded him. Eren seemed to zone out. "Hey?", Connie slapped a hand on his shoulder, startling him.
"Only four months has passed since then?"
"Only four months, yes. But think of it this way; In just four months, we became a part of the Levi Squad... Not bad for a gang of rookies", he smirked. Eren smiled at this.
"It's cuz you're a genius", he said rubbing Connie's head.
"Damn straight I am", Connie replied while playfully hitting him on his chest. "Now lets go eat before the food get's cold". This seemed to wake Sasha up, but with her arms and mouth tied there was not much she could do.
You turned around to face the right way in your seat, rubbing the sore spot on your forehead from the impact of the headbutt. Marco was helping Marlo out with his nose, looking over at you and your forehead with a worried look.
"Here", Moblit suddenly showed up with a small basin of ice cold water and a cloth. "Don't want you being distracted by any discomforts tomorrow. Hold the cloth against your head and dip it in the basin again once it heats up", he smiled.
"Thank you Moblit, you're a lifesaver", you said grateful, smiling in delight as the cool fabric eased the already pulsating pain forming in your head. He left to go sit down with Hange and the others again. Eren sat down on the other side of Armin and Jean sat down on the other side of you, the seats once again altered, but it didn't matter much really.
Marco served equal amounts of slices of the meat to everyone, peace finally settling at the table as you enjoyed the food you fought so hard for. You've only ever had meat twice in your lifetime, each time forgetting the rich flavour and how well it complimented other kinds of food, such as the soup that had also been served as a side dish.
In no time, the meat and soup was gone, but you made sure to save a slice for Sasha when the others weren't looking. You planned on giving it to her before you went to bed later.
"Don't you see? You're the rear guard 'cuz you've got no experience", Jean tried to explain to a disappointed Marlo. He recently learned he weren't going to be on the front lines tomorrow.
"I understand that I may be weak, but... Isn't the vanguard the best place to learn how the enemy moves?"
"What's this? Trying to act all tough talking about self-sacrifice?"
"But if we're not of that mentality, how will we be effective as a unit?", Marlo asked him.
"Listen here... Everyone starts out as a recruit. If we throw recruits into battle like cannon fodder, they'll all be too dead to learn. Which is why it's your job to sit back and study so you can come home in one piece". Marlo didn't seem any happier about the outcome, but he looked like he understood what Jean was trying to say at least. Jean leaned towards you while looking over at Eren with a smug expression, pressing you against Armin in the prosses. You winced as the movement made your head ache. Your fingers clutched harder around the cloth.
"But the most useless of all is the suicidal maniac who only knows how to charge in. Right?"
'Oh my god Jean, you have to pick a fight right now?'
"Jean... Who do you mean by that?", Eren sneered back at him with a scowl.
"Oh, for fucks sake", you signed quietly into the cloth, propping your elbows against the table to support your head.
"Who else but you? You suicidal maniac", Jean said in an amused tone, content he finally got a reaction out of him.
"Actually, I found something out recently. I'm quite the normal person, you know? So if you're saying that to me, that just makes you a coward, Jean", he responded matter-of-factly, both of them eyeing each other in silence after he completed the sentence, the tension between the two were not to be mistaken.
'Three, two, one..'
You felt yourself get harshly smushed against Armin as the two of them got up in each other's faces while you and Armin were still seated in the middle of them.
"You're so full of yourself, you pig shit!", Jean roared.
"You trying to grow out the hair on your mane, Horse face?!"
You and Armin gave each other unimpressed looks as you were like glued against one another, knowing there was not much you could do in this situation other then to wait it out or wait for them to at least take it somewhere else.
Eren grabbed a hold of Jeans collar, forcing him even closer.
"What the hell are they doing?", you could hear Marlo exclaim baffled.
"Normally I'd step in, but I think they ought to just figure it out themselves this time", Marco told him with a sigh. You weren't even mad at him for not stepping in; you were all tired of their bickering at this point and there was a limit for how many times one could simply be bothered enough to intervene- even for Marco. You just wished they could pick a better spot to resolve this than right above you and Armin.
"Just don't hit the face", Connie said tiredly with his spoon still in his mouth.
"You jerk!", Jean hit him, causing Eren to step back, moving away from the bench. Jean soon followed, and you and Armin were finally free once again. You stretched out your back, feeling the pain in your head that had started to dull before their fight, slowly making its way back.
"Is your head okay?", Armin asked, placing a newly dipped, cool cloth on top of your forehead for you. You gave him a small appreciative smile.
"Yeah, how are you holding up?"
"A bit sore, but that's it", he returned the smile.
"You're ripping it, ass!", Eren exclaimed from behind, and you both turned to watch how the rest of the fight would play out. Eren sent a hard punch straight into Jean's stomach, causing him to groan out in pain.
"You bastard!", he replied, sounding out of breath. He punched him in his abdomen as well, and you could swear the force of it sent Eren levitating slightly for a split second.
The surrounding soldiers had gotten over the initial shock, now cheering them on intensely, seeing their quarrel as an amusing after-dinner entertainment.
"Show'em what you've got!", someone hollered.
"He's losing ground!", screamed another.
The two kept kicking and punching each other and there seemed to be no end in sight.
"I'm fucking tired", you sighed once more, closing your eyes while leaning against your hand. Armin snickered by your comment.
"But for real; if you didn't have titan powers, you'd be dead ten times over", Jean said to him in a low voice. "And every time, Mikasa would swoop in to save your ass". His voice were hoarse, and he struggled to get the words out in his exhausted state. You peeked over at Mikasa who was following their conversation intently, but she showed no signs of intervening herself either.
"If you insist on being suicidal... I'll just have to kill you!", he said as he sent another forceful fist right in his abdomen, causing Eren to release all air in his lungs with a painful huff.
"That's something I'll have to take to heart!", Eren hoarsely spit out, smacking Jean hard in his chest. "You should start showing your mom some respect, Jean-boy!", he punched him a second time. Jean immediately fired back with a punch of his own.
"Would you forget about that?!"
"Shouldn't we stop them?", Armin eventually asked, looking over at Mikasa. She was quiet for a bit, before shaking her head slightly.
"No... I think it's fine", she said, poised as ever, the tiniest smile present on her lips.
The screaming toned down, and they were now barely able to stand upright as they heaved for their breaths. They lazily swung at each other, the speed and intensity of their exhausted punches not even fast or forceful enough to hurt a fly.
You smiled, looking over at Armin, Mikasa and Marco who were all doing the same. It was clear they didn't anticipate having to keep it up for that long since one of you is always there to stop them. But as long as no one intervened, their egos were too big to allow themselves to back down and put an end to it on their own. This ought to teach them to tone it down.
"Oi". Like a shadow traveling with the speed of light, Levi had smacked them both down with little to no effort on his part. "You're all too damn rowdy. Go to sleep", he looked down at the two twitching in pain on the ground, before looking up at the rest of you. "And clean this up", he motioned towards the empty plates and messy floor.
"Yes Captain!", everyone in the hall replied, getting to work at once.
"Humph, HUMPHF!", you turned once you heard Sasha's struggling sounds start again. She looked at you with a look of betrayal as she wriggled with her legs.
"Y/N, you want to get some air with me? I think it'll be good for your head", Armin offered.
"Oh I would, but...", you looked over at the helpless woman that was your closest friend Sasha.
"I'll take her", Connie assured you with a smile. Marco was busy giving Jean the attention he needed.
"Okay then, I'll come". Armin flashed a bright smile and walked over to help Mikasa support Eren. "Tell her I have a pleasant surprise for her once I get back to our room, and that the price for it is to not murder us", you told Connie, before following the trio outside.
~
"Ouch...", Eren held his hand against his stomach as he sat down on the stairs of the street outside. The stars were shining bright above the city-rooftops. You slumped down beside him, letting the fresh air work its magic on the dull pain in your skull. "It's weird when I say it, but... shouldn't you guys watch out for me more?". You chuckled at that, immediately regretting it as your hand protectively reached for you throbbing forehead.
"I knew if you got hurt it would heal up quick, so I just watched", Armin admitted casually.
"That's so cruel"
"Well, just think of it like this; Jean definitely got the short end of the stick since he'll definitely feel the aftermath of it tomorrow. Not that there's any pity to be felt towards him though, he did that to himself", you huffed with a small smile.
"You initiated it as well though Eren", Mikasa said.
"But... at least you're spunky again!", Armin argued, to which you fully agreed. No matter how exhausting their fighting was, Eren had been acting low in spirits ever since being in the cavern with Rod Reiss and learning what exactly his father had done to the royal family. Today he seemed more like himself than he had for a long time. It was comforting to witness in a way, though it was through fighting.
"I'm glad we met the Commandant. I... It doesn't...", he struggled to find the words. "Whether I'm spunky or not, I'll do what I have to do. But yeah... It's easier now. I kept thinking about stuff I can't change and wondering why I can't be strong like Mikasa and Levi... Even you Y/N, being a more realistic goal since you're strong even without whatever super-strength Mikasa and Levi seem to possess...", he looked over at Mikasa with a smile. "I was jealous. But even you and the captain... alone you can't do much; Which is why we've all gotta find the things we can do to contribute to the team. By joining forces and using our differences to complete the puzzle: that's what makes us powerful". He then looked over at you and Armin. "Every person is different. And it's all for times like this".
You smiled a sincere smile, proud of him for coming so far in his acceptance of himself and his abilities. You've noticed from the very beginning how he chased after others, going above and beyond to be like them, but always failing in the end. That's why you've been so protective of him. You didn't want him to lose his drive to continue until he reached this exact realisation himself. You never wanted to see the day where he lost that spark in his eyes; The same sparks that empowered you to pick up the fight yourself, and that helped you figure out your next move after you lost everything. You placed your hand on his shoulder and rested your head on top of it, the emotions making you compelled to stick close by him. You felt him lean slightly into it, feeling more at ease.
"Yeah, I think you're right", Armin verbally agreed while looking up towards the wall in the distance. Two figures walking out of one of the alleyways close by caught all of yours' attention.
"Hannes?!", you asked in a whisper and yanked yourself up with a small gasp, taking a few hurried steps towards him before abruptly stopping yourself. The man looked over at the woman walking beside him, the light now hitting his features, revealing a strangers face.
'No of course it isn't him... You watched him die Y/n...'
Head low, you silently slumped back over to your friends, who looked at you with sympathetic and understanding faces before looking down at the ground, hurt.
"Once we retake Wall Maria... and defeat all the enemies coming for us... will they come back? Those days...", Mikasa eventually asked with her hands wrapped around her knees.
"We'll bring it back. But some things are forever changed... We'll make them pay for that", Eren answered confidently.
"Yeah"
"But there's more than that", you all looked over at Armin who had a smile playing on his lips as he thought of something seemingly joyful. "The sea.. A salt lake so big that merchants could-"
"-could spend their whole lives and still not get all the salt", you finished the rest of the sentence in unison with him as the familiar words triggered your nostalgia.
"Yes, exactly!", Armin cheered while smiling at you. "There's more than just titans outside the walls. Fiery water, lands of ice, sandy snowfields... I joined the Scouts so I could see all that!"
"Y-yeah. You sure did", Eren huffed with a smile, remembering all of their conversations about the outside world.
"Right?!", Armin suddenly stood up with his arms raised in a motivational manner. "Let's start by seeing the sea! You still doubt that it's real Eren! You'll see! It does exist!", he tried to rial him up with his positive attitude and eager line-delivery. Though you were not the target of his motivation, you felt a tingling feeling in your chest, your smile growing wider and wider.
"All right then", Eren snickered. "Guess we'll have to go see"
"It's a promise then? You have to! We can explore the outside world! It's gotta be way bigger than inside the walls!"
"Okay, I get it", Eren laughed, and you joined him. Nothing made you happier than moments like these.
"Mikasa and Y/N too! You two are in, right?!"
"Yes", you chuckled, Mikasa nodding with a smile.
Armin started talking about green lights dancing in the sky at night if you're far enough north, all while pointing up at the one above you with dreaming motions. You found yourself looking up at the familiar starry scenery with a newfound curiosity; trying your hardest to picture the words leaving Armin's mouth and do his descriptions justice.
There really is so much out there worth fighting for; whether it be relationships, dreams or for freedom. You felt more determined than ever to make sure your friends, as well as yourself, obtained whatever it was that fuelled their drive and passion.
_____________________________
A/N:
I had an absolute blast writing this, and I hope you enjoyed reading it!
Have an amazing day!<3
~Jen