When people see darkness they immediately think about the cold winds, the monsters within, and the fear of what might happen in that horrible place.
The flames from the candles and fires are blown out, the summer winds are overmastered by the coldness of the darkest winds, playing with water in the dark would only mean drowning...
Listening to the heartbeats of friends and family or those of the monsters. Heal themselves and the others when they can't even see the scars and wounds. Changing appearance to escape, but darkness doesn't care about the outside of a human, only what they keep within...
Finding materials to build protection, but where is it safe to build. Making bombs to destroy darkness, but where is it they can aim at...
Becoming as dark as the darkness itself, becoming as feared as it... but what will protect them from themselves. Can't escape the fire by using more fire. Even darkness is not safe from darkness.
Inferni, the ones who manipulate fire, will be put out in the process. Squallers, the ones who manipulate wind, will be overpowered by a much colder and darker wind. Tidemakers, the ones who manipulate water, will drown themself before the darkness can fill their lungs.
Heartrenders, the ones who manipulate the organs and body, will blast the hearts of their loved ones before they can realize darkness blinded them. Healers, the ones who manipulate the wounds and bones, will bleed out before noticing the scars. Tailors, the ones who manipulate appearance, will find out darkness finds them through power.
Durasts, the ones who manipulate the materials, will have no safe place to build protection around them. Alkemi, the ones who manipulate the chemicals, will explode with their bombs before they can see where to aim.
Shadow summoners, the ones who manipulate the shadows and darkness, will be making it worse and bigger than before.
Nobody can survive the cruel thing, nobody but the Sun summoners. They would destroy the darkness before it finds them, they would overpower darkness and tear it apart... But what if, the First Sun Summoner was more attracted to the darkness than the light would permit.
That one girl, the hope of the people, who only needed to glow, rather stayed in the darkness. In danger and adventure. Knowing she could escape, but could the others too eventually?
***
The uneven road made the carriage go up and down, making Astra aware of her presence in the carriage. She didn't open her eyes just yet. She remembered being half awake when putting on a fresh kefta and boots, she had taken a seat in the carriage and fell immediately back to sleep.
She didn't know where they were going, with who she was going, and why she was going. She could have been kidnapped but was too tired to think about that. Her eyes slowly opened as she began to realize she was sleeping on someone's shoulder.
Clive greeted her enthusiastically a good morning and moved his shoulder a bit around, it had probably laid still for an hour or so. Astra looked around in the carriage and spotted the bored looks of the others. She sat crammed in between Clive and someone she hadn't seen before. In front of her sat the Darkling and Amirah.
They all stared at her while she tried to stretch. Outside, the horses' identical movements could be heard while the wheels of the carriage rode over the bumpy roads. It had been dawn when they departed and now it was almost noon.
Astra still hadn't a clue what she was doing there but couldn't speak yet. Her body was still waking up. "Thanks for sleeping on my shoulder, I could sit in the carriage as long as you slept. I don't like horses." Clive sounded too joyful and it made Astra feel really moody. She nodded confused in his way. He turned himself to the little window and was clearly watching someone.
Outside were the other Grisha and soldiers. They had switched turns who could rest in the carriage with Astra and the Darkling. It had been a long journey already and they still had a whole journey ahead of them.
"Maybe we can switch again, I think Artemis must be tired of all the riding." Clive said eventually without looking away from Artemis. "Amirah, you can switch, can you?" Amirah looked up and gave an offensive glare Clive's way. "Why me? Coretha has sat here longer."
Coretha, the unfamiliar person beside Astra. She had beautiful red hair and slight green eyes. She looked young, very young, maybe younger than Astra or it could be the Grisha genes. She was wearing a purple kefta with gray embroidery. She was a Durast from the Matherealki order.
"And besides, you sat here the longest. Maybe you should be a good gentleman and ask her if she wants your place." Amirah continued.
"Switch or don't switch, but decide now." The Darkling finally interrupted. When he spoke up, it was the first time he had looked away from Astra. She had noticed his stares and he knew. He didn't show any sign of reason when staring but his pale gray eyes were directed at her and inspected every dot, scar, spot, and imperfection.
It was only a day ago since their talk and Astra felt a huge change. She didn't desire his blood on her hands anymore, she craved his presence. She had at first no idea where this new feeling came from but when she thought about it, thought about the thing she should forget, she desired his touch.
She wanted to feel like she had done in the cave again, so powerful, so bright, so useful, so frightening... And she would never forget his face after she had touched him, his constant repeating of 'Don't let them touch you'. She would ask eventually what he had meant and what it was in the cave.
They sat in the carriage for a really long time, it was almost dusk. Astra had ridden the last miles on a horse. She had been desperate to get out of that small hot carriage. The cold breezes and air had been a pleasure to her skin. She rode with Artemis, who kindly declined Clive's offer of switching.
Clive had a thing for Artemis, it was well known over the whole Little and Grand Palace. Artemis knew it too. She wasn't blind, just never seemed to think that way. She never liked Clive's self-esteem but even Astra saw her jealous looks when people talked about Clive in a loving way.
She spotted the premade tents and rode a little faster. She dismounted her horse and sat on the bench before a little fire. Guards were walking around the place, Grisha made their way into the tents after a whole day riding and others took a seat around the fire as Astra had.
"Nice kefta, why are your shadows so bright?" A Grisha asked eventually. Astra looked for the first time at her brand new kefta. It was still black but the embroidery was almost white. She tried to hide the shock on her face, why would he risk hiding the sun summoner now? "My shadows are a bit brighter than the Darkling's." Astra said with a laugh.
People smiled and some laughed with her, but Lilith interrupted their fun. "Why not show your shadows? We all here have seen the Darkling his shadows, why can't we see your brighter shadows."
Astra had come to the understanding that Lilith would not give up. She would make every second of Astra's life miserable. And she had no reason at all. But as the silence had struck and Astra had to bite her tongue if she didn't want a civil war between them, she wouldn't be the one to react.
However, her presence with the others at the little palace had paid up. Another Inferni, someone who normally followed Lilith around, spoke up. "It's well known that the Darkling didn't want her to show off her powers." Lilith gave a glare towards the Inferni but didn't react.
Everyone sat before the fire, even Lilith had stayed. Some talked, others enjoyed the warmth.
People slowly began to leave. It was almost midnight but since it was winter, the sky was as dark as it had been in the Fold. It made people scared, careful, and more alert. It brought some horrible memories for Astra too, but she was very happy to have the fire before her.
The few remaining Grisha also wished a goodnight and went to their tents. And there Astra sat, not completely alone, but with Lilith still glaring at her on another bench. She walked over to Astra and sat down beside her. She sat really close, Astra could hear the forced in and exhales.
Lilith pushed a hair lock out of her face behind her ear and came closer. She sat with her mouth beside Astra's ear and whispered, "If you want to play with fire, fine, but know you'll get burned." Without giving Astra time to react or do something, Lilith blew in her ear and walked away.
Astra could still hear the loud in and exhales besides her ear, she could still feel the touch of her soft skin meeting hers while pushing away Astra's hair. Astra wanted to make as many friends as possible, but Lilith was now something in her way. And people were either, by Astra's side; on Astra's side, or in Astra's damn way.
"She'll get over it. She's just jealous that you're better than her." Astra turned around, and there he stood. His perfect black kefta and soft, pale skin. His gray eyes and that typical smirk. "Go rest, Miss Éowyn. We'll have a long journey tomorrow like today." But before he could leave Astra asked him what they were doing here, where they were going.
The 'you'll see answer' wouldn't please her, she kept staring into his eyes and didn't lose his gaze. "The Grisha normally goes on these missions, we go look for former Grisha camps and see if they're still in use. You could see horrible things here, Miss Éowyn, go to sleep." He left and she followed the advice for once.
Astra crawled into her tent and hoped to keep herself warm with all the furs in her bed. She, weirdly enough, fell asleep very fast but didn't dream at all, not that she minded. She loved the nights without dreams, they were the nights she actually slept.
***
Astra woke up early in the morning, she was in a good mood. She had only been awoken once this night. She had realized a dagger was carving against her skin, she must have packed it yesterday and didn't remember it. It was now close against her thigh again.
She felt very stupid with herself for thinking this, but again she had craved to see the Darkling again. Because of their conversation in the woods, she had found out he was the black heretic and she knew she must hate him even more now, but she's just hungry for his presence again. She was full of desire for that one feeling of power.
It was horrible to think about and the more she thought about it, the worse it got. So her solution was not to think about it. He had made her a promise, a most promising promise; If you still want to destroy the Fold when we are fully ready to do it... I'll help you with it. If not, we will use the Fold against the war and we will win it. We'll rule the countries together, we'll protect the Grisha, and we'll murder every Volcra in the Fold together so it will just be darkness. I promise you that it will be your choice.
She knew he had hoped for option two, but she would destroy the Fold. It would be the best vengeance for her family possible. And they would be praised together, they would hold great power and influence and maybe would find their reign that way.
Astra wandered towards the Darkling's tent and thought of last night. She's just jealous that you're better than her, it keeps coming back to her thoughts. The guard before the tent let her pass without questioning and as she entered, a familiar voice could be heard.
She waited before completely entering the tent, she noticed the Darkling sitting on his chair, legs crossed and a hand keeping his head steady while one finger covered his face.
"She's useless, a fake, she doesn't even show her powers!"
"Because I told her not to. Are you questioning my orders?"
He said it so calmly and so daring, daring her to go against him. Lilith stood before him. Astra could smell desperately from miles away.
"No! No never, Moi soverennyi... I just don't understand her purpose."
"Her purpose is my business." He stood up, he stood right before Lilith. Her pretty face was now clenched in his hands and Astra saw his gloves. "Do you want to leave me, Lilith? I never took you as the type who's scared of a little competition."
Lilith waited, "You told her I was just jealous, that she was better than me. Did you mean it? Is she really a competition, do you... love her?"
Astra snorted, was Lilith serious? Was Lilith, the confident and beautiful Lilith, jealous of her? Was she that desperate? Did she really think the Darkling was in love with Astra after she had tried to put a knife into his chest? Of course, she didn't know that, Lilith didn't know a lot.
"She will always be better than you, Lilith. She stands higher in the rank than you'll ever be. You certainly are jealous of her. And your desperate behavior makes you boring, so the competition would be over soon if you act like this more often because I don't like boring people." He stroked her cheek while saying these hard words.
Lilith took her Inferni gloves and exited the tent. The Darkling took a disappointed sigh and walked back to his desk. "She has to be put in her place sometimes." He spoke out loud. To someone, but Astra was the only one in the tent with him, hidden. Maybe she wasn't hidden that well, though.
"You can come in, Miss Éowyn." Now she certainly knew he was talking to her. "That was a bit harsh." She said while walking closer to the Darkling. He shrugged, unbothered.
"You haven't answered her question." She remarks. In a teasing voice, she repeats it, "Do you love me?" He tilted his head and finally looked at her. He studied her for a while, it stayed quiet and his eyes looked her up and down, following the trace of her body.
Astra felt embarrassed, she didn't think he would take the question seriously. It would have stayed awkward for a long time but he carefully opened his mouth. "Do you expect me to love you?"
Astra was surprised with the answer and lost her words immediately, this was a worse answer than 'yes'. "Well, not exactly. I kind of held a knife against your chest not that long ago." He laughed at the memory of it and it gave Astra a weird kind of feeling, mostly anger. She hated that he could just laugh at her murder attempts, that he didn't take them seriously.
"Why did you try to murder me again, I have heard a dozen reasons but can't remember yours?"
Astra's head reddened from pure anger, she hoped he saw it. She hoped he took a good glance at what his stupid words could do. Hatred was flowing through her veins slowly again. The carving was tucked deeper and far away.
"Mmh... I don't know, maybe the fact that you are responsible for the loss of my family, for the eight years I had to steal to keep myself from starving while you sat in your stupid palace!" She had to calm down, she was getting too dramatic, too weak but that stupid smirk and glinstering eyes made it worse.
"Yeah, that was it." And he laughed again. His smirk never faded, and he seemed to enjoy her rage. She walked over to him and knew what was going to happen would be reckless but she couldn't stop herself. Before she knew it, her hand felt burned while the Darkling's face was tilted to the side, making the red print of her slap good visible.
He slowly laid his hand on the place where hers was only moments ago, and then snatched her wrists. She groaned when he tightened his grip and looked her straight into the eyes. She avoided his look and watched his grip on her wrist, if he didn't wore those stupid gloves it would have been skin on skin, she would be able to use her powers again.
She kept trying to move his glove but it didn't work, he saw what she was trying to do and let her wrist fall.
"I'm glad you came, I have something important to tell you. You're losing your way, you're always angry and it will not end in your favor."
"You are just a natural at making me angry!" she said in a rage. Who was he to tell her not to be angry when he is too scared to be touched by her.
"Astra, do you know how the typical villain is formed?" She shook her head while finally meeting his eyes. "People want revenge, which leads to anger. Anger feeds on your fear and there will be only hatred. Hate... hate leads to suffering. And that is the path towards the dark side, towards everyone's villain. Don't take it, Astra. Believe me, It's not worth it."
A smirk appeared. Astra calmed down while rubbing her wrist to ease the pain. He gave a wink and went back to his desk.
She exited his tent and walked towards a group full of joyful faces. Amirah pulled her between her and Dusk to sit with them and made her listen to the story of last night but Astra wasn't paying attention. The Darkling's stupid words kept coming back to her head.
And that is the path towards the dark side, towards everyone's villain. Don't take it, Astra. Believe me, It's not worth it. Was he suspecting her to take a dark path? And so which one?
All through those words had their new place in her thoughts, old kept appearing too, She's just jealous that you're better than her.
Normally, a wise mother quote would now strike to her head; something about boys, men, powerful men. But nothing would come, there had been no mother to teach her those things and so she would have to do it herself. She would give herself council and learn from her own mistakes.
Carry your plans like you carry your thoughts, everyone knows you have them but you don't have to show them.
His quotes, warnings, threats, loving words, hateful words, hurtful words, wouldn't matter eventually. They would be empty words being used against him, but not now, now she would dream further and carve further for his presence even those touches as he had almost done with her wrist, all because she knew it would be useful eventually.