When we got home, Danielle followed me to my room.
"You're off-duty, you know," I said, my voice sounding pathetically forlorn. "You can go to bed."
"I know. But I wanted to make sure you're all right."
I was actually glad that she stayed because I really didn't want to be alone. We were interrupted by a sharp knock and then my mother calling from outside the door. "Ashten! We need to talk!"
I rolled my eyes and Danielle bit her lip so she wouldn't laugh. "Come in!" I yelled.
She came, her eyes burning with fury. "Where have you been?" She demanded.
"Out, Mother," I responded impatiently.
"With whom?!"
"I told you, Danielle and Preston. And Addie and Louis were there, too."
She grasped her chest as if she were going to have a heart attack. "I thought you were joking! What on earth were you thinking, going out in public with our servants???"
"Mom, if you hadn't noticed, Danielle is right here," I said.
"She knows her place," my mother scoffed. "And now I'd suggest that you learn yours and stop with this foolish rebellious nonsense!"
"What if I'm not being rebellious and I just happen to want to do things my own way?" I asked, my eyebrows raised.
She gawked at me, not believing what I'd just said. She was speechless, which didn't happen very often.
"I'm eighteen, almost nineteen, Mother. I should be able to make my own decisions for my life," I continued, feeling empowered by my new surge of courage. But my heart was racing frantically."When are you going to stop treating me like a child?"
She replied in a calculated tone of voice, "When you stop acting like one! Clearly, you are not ready to handle such responsibility. How dare you make a fool of yourself in public! You've made fools of your whole family!"
I just shrugged as if I didn't care.
"Don't mock me!" She screamed. "I'm going to talk to your father about this and make sure he puts you in your place!" She then left in a rage.
I broke down in a fit of laughter, both because I was happy I finally stood up to her, and because I was still a bit overwhelmed by all the intense emotions of the evening. Laughing felt wonderfully cathartic. Danielle practically fell over laughing, too.
I finally collected myself and turned to her. "You were saying...? Oh, right, you were wondering if I was okay. I'll be fine, once I stop making a mess of my life."
"I think that was a good start right there," she said, motioning to the door my mother had just slammed.
I nodded with a silly little grin. "Did you have fun tonight?" I asked.
"Yeah, until I heard Louis lashing out at you," she frowned. "It's loud in that place, but I could still hear everything he said."
"I'm sorry you had to leave early," I said, hanging my head low.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, of course I'm serious. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked with a slightly irritated tone.
"I guess I'm still getting used to this new side of you," she replied. "You're a Norwood. You never say please or thank you or I'm sorry to your servants."
"Well, get used to it. I'm trying not to be such a self-involved bitch anymore." I almost teared up as I repeated Louis' words to me.
"Since you're working on it, you should apologize to someone else, too," she said gently.
I pouted. "Louis is the one who lashed out at me."
"But why, Ashten?" She snapped. "Because he's never been anything but kind and generous to you and you treated him like dirt?"
I closed my eyes, knowing she was right.
She continued, "Louis tells me everything. He's not a very private guy. He pretty much wears his heart on his sleeve. You devastated him with your stupid comments about just wanting a fling and that he was naive for thinking it could go any further. And calling him a low-life! Now that's just ridiculous! You and I both know what an incredible person he is!"
"Do you...like him?" I asked.
"Not that way," she said. "I did at first, until I met his friend, Zayn." As soon as his name left her mouth, she blushed a deep crimson color.
"Oh, nice. He's quite attractive, isn't he?" I asked, chuckling at her embarrassment.
"Yes, and oh my gosh, his voice!" She said, and then she paused. Finally she finished in a whisper, "He's a really good kisser, too!"
"Really?" I squealed, feeling giddy. It made me feel good that she would confide in me. I also found it fun to talk about "boys" with someone in addition to Veronica. I didn't have many confidantes while growing up. Boys and "feelings" were usually a taboo topic for me anyway.
But then I realized I still had to face the mess I'd created. "So do you hate me, too?" I asked, biting my lip.
"I was a little hurt when he told me those things, but I've known you for a long time. I pretty much expect you to treat me that way. All Louis knows is that you were leading him on and then you tore him apart."
I flung myself back on the bed. "Why would he have even fallen for me in the first place? Doesn't he know how this works? I'm defined by my position."
"You're not royalty," she scoffed and I was tempted to snap at her, but I held back.
"But didn't he realize that he didn't have much of a chance with me?"
"Why wouldn't he have a chance with you? He's the sweetest guy I've ever met. He's funny as hell, he's strong and ambitious, but he's also gentle and kind. And besides, he's beyond adorable!"
I laughed. "Yeah, I noticed that. I mean, I noticed all of those things. But he's not like me. He's not..."
Danielle rose to her feet and picked up where I left off. "Rich? Snobby? Full of himself? You're absolutely right, Ashten. He's nothing like you because he has a good heart!"
With that, she left. I was surprised I'd let her go on like that. Only a few weeks ago, I surely would have fired her for talking to me that way.
But I knew she was right. And if I didn't admit to Louis how wrong I'd been, I would never have a chance with him.
I seemed to be finding a limitless supply of courage lately. I made my decision and left my room before I changed my mind. I didn't even know if he'd be home yet, but I had to make things right.
I knocked a few times and then I heard shuffling inside. Louis opened the door slowly. As soon as I he did, I stepped in a little way so that he couldn't slam the door on me again.
He was understandably irritated by my presence. "What do you want, Ashten?! I wasn't serious about the fuck-buddy thing."
That stung, but I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Louis. For everything."
"What's this?" He asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "The great Ashten Norwood, lowering herself to apologize to a lowly servant? Unheard of!"
I stepped further into the room and pushed the door closed behind me. I didn't want everyone to wake up if he started yelling at me again. When I looked back at him, I noticed he was just in his boxers. I tried to keep my eyes from wandering, so I stared intently at his face.
"Please don't do that, Louis. Your attitude is cute most of the time, but right now, I need to tell you something."
"Go on, then," he said impatiently.
"I am truly very sorry. I was absolutely wrong to say the things I said to you. I'm so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you."
"Well, it's too late."
"I don't know what came over me," I said, my voice trembling. "I just-"
"You're just a coward!" He finished for me. "I know you felt something for me. But you want control. You want power, so you denied your feelings and I was the one who suffered."
"I'm not the one with the power, Louis. I was never allowed to have an emotion that my parents didn't approve of. My mother told me she'd kick me out if I didn't marry Richard."
He stopped and looked at me with sympathy on his face, but it quickly disappeared. "That still doesn't excuse you for treating me like dirt."
"I know, and I'm so sorry-"
"And that doesn't mean I forgive you. I'm not going to get sucked into this again, only to have you jerk me around."
"Please, Louis. Please forgive me. I'm just so confused."
"No, Ashten! I'm not playing your games!" He opened the door, motioning for me to leave.
And just like that, the dungeon collapsed and the tidal wave of pent-up emotions came roaring out. "I'm done playing games, Lou! I'm done trying to figure out if I even love my fiancé . I know I don't and I only figured that out because, since the day I met you, I've been learning what real love is!"
He stood there stoically, not moving, not showing any emotion on his face. My insides were on fire with excruciating pain. I'd never felt anything this powerful before, and I'd never had anything so precious to me ripped away.
"Please, Louis!" I said, choking back a sob. I didn't want to cry in front of him because I didn't want him to think that my confession was driven by emotions or hormones. What I felt for him was much deeper than mere feelings and I knew they'd eat me alive if I couldn't express them. "For the past six weeks, I've been feeling elated and terrified at the same time, because I finally know what love really feels like!"
He held his ground, unflinching, not showing any emotion at all.
"Doesn't that mean anything to you?" I cried. "I love you, Louis! I LOVE you!"
He didn't move. He just closed his eyes while he kept the same hard expression on his face. He didn't respond at all, and I felt like I was dying inside. I'd finally found one thing - one person - in my life who made me truly happy, and he'd already moved on, forgetting anything he once felt for me. All because I'd been scared and selfish. I was quite sure that nothing in my life could compare with this level of torment.
"Well, at least you know now," I whispered, turning to leave. The tears were forming, the sobs were building, but I was determined to at least get down the hallway before I gave in.