Ashido had been on the frontlines in the crowd that permeated with pain and confusion. Oddities, the gasps and shocks had been shrank to less than a drop in her head. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the Bakugou had been sort of ostracized from the group of friends for a while, and they filled that sudden cavity with Sato. A sweet tooth, which only caused the whole mouth to ache a little more than usual.
The silence in their hangouts became more noticeable, the way they didn't seem to have much time for each other except on weekends. Unlike them before, before Bakugou had been expelled from their group. Even Ashido found herself fishing for excuses at times to ditch a hangout more than usual, up until this event. Maybe Sato didn't notice it, the guy wasn't all that sharp when it came to people. But it didn't stop Ashido from crushing on the guy anyways.
Excuse her choice in men, but if you really think about it- Sato's a great guy! In fact, you don't have to think that much to find that. You just know. Sato's just... perfect like that, call it blind love, but seriously...
The only person she feared that might know was Bakugou, and Bakugou was now... gone.
Not all, but the things they did together. Blasty. Is. Gone.
Dead.
Forever.
And the irrevocability of it hurts her so much. Why? Why didn't he ask for help? Why couldn't he dig away from that wretched ditch he cornered himself to? Why? Why?
I'm sorry Blasty, is all she can think as she hears that he's dead from Aoyama's quivering lips, is this my fault? You felt so lonely, all because of me.
Because of us.
Something had happened, the former people in Bakusquad, all without Sato had gathered in Bakugou's room. Just to cry, sob, and mourn their lost friend and classmate. Why had they not been more insightful?
Ashido's already blaming herself, she had launched herself into the pillow. To tune out Kirishima's self blame and sobs as he holds on to Kaminari for dear life, hair drooping and strands mussed by the force he presses himself into the stunned blond. Sero and Jirou are wailing too each other, completely bawling without a care in the world. None of them try to speak, except Kirishima, who can't help it.
Then she hears it: the high pitched scream, like a dying one. As if Kaminari had been stabbed, her head whips to the boy, who's now shaking. Turning his head in refusal, denial, then realization. Ashido waits, alarmed, hoping for him to say something.
Now it's Kaminari tugging on Kirishima, 'The thing... he- he-he planned it! For months, it wasn't... Oh my god, it wasn't your fault he...!'
What?
'H-he w-was being an ass o-on purpose,' Kaminari blusters, voice a little muffled by Kirishima's cloth, now moist with his tears and snot, 'H-he w-wa-want-wanted t-to--'
'Make his death better for us,' Jirou's voice plagues the room with a sudden silence, Ashido feels her heart drop and her blood turn to liquid nitrogen, freezing her vessels and arteries upon contact. Her throat wrangles in a harsh, wet breath that sucks in even more reality. Unwanted reality. This can't be real... but Kirishima's already burst before Ashido started.
They moan in sorrow, so much it feels like they heave out their throats and sputter out their lungs.
.
Unready though, two--no, three weeks have passed, but the pain still persists, albeit more dully than when she first got the news, there's still that pint of hurt that throbs and infects her heart at the thought of it. The silence groaning in the class is unbearable nowadays, and everybody seems so weak. They returned to their classes a week later after the news, but something changed.
It was obvious, but nobody really mentioned it. But everybody had to know. From Midoriya suddenly sniffling in class then trying to tie in his emotions, Todoroki's distant and guilt-ridden expression, to Aoyama's far away look. Like he was gone and ejected from the plains of this earth, like some tormented and crushed victim. His little sparkles were gone. His eyes had seen too much, and they could never be cleansed again. There seemed to be no mood changes or lightening up in him, he shrugged off everything.
Ashido made sure to keep a close eye on him, she didn't want to lose another classmate. Midoriya and Aoyama often talked, but she felt that wasn't enough comfort for him.
So she approached him one afternoon, herself.
'Hi Aoyama,' her now cheerless voice dripped into the air, spilling intent into Aoyama's ears, she watched the boy nod in acknowledgement, the most absent-minded one at that though. Ashido's heart felt a pang of hurt.
'Mhm?' finally, he responded. Somewhat verbally, when he realized Ashido wasn't just going to greet him then leave, 'do you need something?'
Missing, something was gone from Aoyama. Was it that he was bereaved at the lonesome fact Midoriya had trouble finding a true, honest smile? Even the attempts he tried at smiling were weak and did little to nothing. Eri read the air and found it was mostly gloomy now, so she no longer tried to have fun with the 1-A students, and hung around the work study students or the support department students.
It seems like Hatsume inspired her to learn engineering, Eri always looked hyped up when she got to meet her, and often made idle promises to Shinsou to make him cooler accessories when Hatsume taught her enough.
Less of Eri now. Ashido blinked out of her thoughts and looked at Aoyama, 'Do you... do you need somebody to talk to? About...'
Aoyama's eyes starkly looked over Ashido's expression, saw she was dead-serious, and his eyes looked even more troubled. Then his lips trembled, his eyes grew moist. His hand reached to his eyes and rubbed at them, '...Are you sure? It's ... a lot, mon amie.'
His French didn't sound as happy, his words were all somber and dead. No longer capturing the light his joyous inflection caused.
'Definitely.'
'I told Deku about it... and he didn't... he didn't take it well... you know what? Just follow me, we can continue talking about this in my dorm or something.'
Turning on his heel, Aoyama led Ashido to the second floor through the dorm elevators.
The trip there was something she didn't want to be silent, and Ashido for once, didn't know how to start the conversation, then suddenly Aoyama did it for her, 'Did you read Bakugou's note not to you yet?'
It was personal, but her question for Aoyama was going straight home, so it was only fair, through her nose she let out an exhale, 'No, I haven't. I wish I have but I'm just... terrified...'
'...If you're scared you can read it with everybody else,' Aoyama sounds reluctant to say it, '...Like your friends? Kaminari, Kirishima, and.. you know, everybody else? Uraraka and Deku are going to read their notes together when they're ready.'
'Really?'
'Mhm... Yeah, I wouldn't be saying this otherwise.'
'...'
'...'
'What's... up with you lately?'
'...I -'
'You've been so sad I just want to help.'
'...Ashido, you're kind,' why does he sound so annoyed now? 'but I'm not Bakugou. Please stop looking at me like him.'
The sudden remark takes her back, it was so straightforward and cruel. Like a punch to the stomach. She wasn't seeing Bakugou in Aoyama right? She was just trying to be a hero. But a whimper still escapes her lips at that response. 'Y-You got it wrong I don't...'
'You thought about it, that's why you came to me,' his voice quiets, 'I was the closest to him when he died, physically... I saw him against the stall, gone and...' he sucks in a spiky breath,
Ashido topples against the elevator walls, tears brimming her eyes and her voice shakes unwillingly, 'I-I hadn't meant to! I - I just want... wanted to help and I...'
'We all want to help,' Aoyama says quietly, 'we're fixed to help. That's why we came this far.'
She sees tears prick in the blonde's eyes, her breath is stilled but her sadness is not. It leaks out her eyes and scalds her throat, 'Yeah.. you understand right?'
'Parfaitement,' Aoyama fritters a little, 'we were made wrong. That's why we're human, that's why we helped too late, that's why Bakugou's dead. It's our fault. It's my fault. I focused so deeply on friendship I never decided to be a hero... I never- he- I-... He... I saw... I saw him... I saw him... crying once... just once, and I practically ignored it.'
'What?'
'...I walked in on him sobbing the week before h-he... a-and-and h-he told.. told me to f-forget but... I - I- did. He looked down... so I brought him cheese, I left it at his door, and I'm pretty sure he ate it, but before that he... was crying his eyes out.'
'...You tried to cheer him up in your own way,' anger burns her chest, how had Aoyama noticed, but she hadn't? HOW?! WHY?! FUCK! WAS SHE ACTUALLY THAT BAD OF A FRIEND SHE DIDN'T... '...unlike me.'
'But he was happy around you, no? That's why he always hung out with you, that's why he agreed to go with your little hangouts, all before your fight.'
'T... the fight though... we-we didn't see anything w-was wrong!'
'And that's why we're h-human. T-that's w-why Bakugou was too... we hide and we're blind.'
'That doesn't make me feel any better.'
'Good, the longer you're used to it, the better it'll get.'
Aoyama isn't good at talking but she still sees the meaning in his words. It's not her way of thinking, and she considers it. Until Aoyama adds, 'Nothing's fair. Everybody has problems. We just never notice. Ignorant bliss is the epitome of humanity, when it's broken we fall into shambles.'
She's never agreed with anything more. And it makes her sob again. Aoyama holds her, the elevator door is open, but none of them step out. Their bodies practically crushed against each other in a tight hug.
'I'll let you think I'm him this once,' Aoyama mumbles into her shoulder, Ashido melts.
'I'm ...so sorry,' she grips onto him more tightly.
'Don't apologize, just please stop seeing him in me after this. It's only going to hurt you more.'
She chokes on her own wet sob.
A/N: Daily updates?... Well, they'll become a lot more common now that school's closing for summer!