Ricky Noir
She was right, we didn't love each other. She was always right and she made me see things clearly. We didn't love each other but it's not like we had to, we were better than that. She was right again, I wish she never met me either, I never imagined it would ever get this bad. I wouldn't allow myself the pleasure of beating myself up about it. I really hoped she'd come to visit, I knew she didn't owe me anything, there's no excuse for what I've done, I know that too.
"I don't know her that well but I think she'll come around." Nico tells me, I told him to swing by after my call with Alice, the waiting was killing me and I didn't want the time to pass by without company. I was waiting for her second call, if I would get one at all.
"I don't know. I don't know what she'll do."
Nico was someone I confided in about Alice, he knew her and he looked out for her. It's not like I could ever talk to Theo about this, Razzle too.
"You were in the honeymoon phase when you were together. It's different now, you've hit a bump in the road." Nico explains and I listen. "Like when you said you loved her, you didn't, you were infatuated."
I nodded. "I know, you're right."
"Did Alice say she was coming straight here?"
"No she said she'd give me a call, Razzle's picking her up from the airport." I explained. If I didn't see her today I was unsure of what I'd do next, I can't keep pushing at her.
Nico shrugged, "probably went back to Razzle's place."
"You think?"
"He's her best friend, seems like somewhere she'd go." He shrugged.
"Do I call Razzle?" I was desperate. I would be prying if I were to do so but I was addicted to troubled ideas.
"If you want to, sure. I'm not here to stop you I'm just watching from the sidelines."
"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically and pulled out my phone and dialed Razzle's number.
The phone rang a few times before he picked up. "She's here with me," was the first thing Razzle said. "Do you want to talk to her?"
"Does she want to talk to me?" I reversed the question.
"Figure that out yourself."
I knew Razzle wasn't my biggest fan anymore, he was more protective over Alice than I was. "Is she okay?" I asked softly.
"Is she ever?"
I hated that he said that because it was true. Alice had never been okay or in the right state of mind. I'm almost fully to blame.
"Bring her to my place. If she doesn't want to see me that's fine, only bring her of she wants to."
Razzle hung up the phone and I tossed my phone onto the kitchen counter.
"I'll take off," Nico announced and grabbed his car keys. "Call me if you need me, I hope you don't."
"Yeah thanks for stopping by." I said before he walked out, leaving me alone with my own hate speech in my head.
I was ready to talk to Alice, I felt that I was in a better place and I prayed that I was right. I owe her everything, and everything I will give. I didn't pace around my apartment or anything of the sort, I just patiently waited for her arrival in a content state. I fantasized about her forgiving me but a part of me wishes that she never will, Inshould have to live with the regret.
A sudden banging sounded at my door, I stood calmly and opened it for her. She looked like a different person and that wasn't even including the dark bruise that wrapped around her neck.
I sighed deeply but I didn't say a word. "I know it looks bad," Alice said.
"You're right, it does." I said with my hands shoved in my pockets, "who did it?"
"It doesn't matter." She quickly muttered as she walked in, I shut the door behind her.
She turned back to me with her hands on her hips, my arms were crossed. "Where did you go?" I asked, "Theo said you left but never said to where."
She hesitated, debating in her head whether she'd like to tell me or not. " I went to Chicago to see my Dad."
"Okay," I nodded in hopes she would continue. I got an uneasy feeling because she rarely referred to Vince as her Dad.
"I went on a job." She revealed and my heart dropped. "It was a drug run but it got out of hand. I got shot at and I shot back. I got in a fight with one of the guys there and he fucking strangled me." She laughed at that.
"And you got out of it?"
She nodded. "Yeah I killed him," she laughed again.
I felt like I was losing her, she was losing herself. "Why are you laughing?"
She turned her head away from me and let out a deep, shaky breath. She put her hands over her eyes, rubbing them, once she removed them I got a clear view of her bloodshot eyes. "I'm a fucking mess, Ricky." She cried out. I believed her, she was wrecked and she had been for a long time. She was raw and genuine, something that was rare, she was rare.
Beside me was a small table with a straw basket, I pulled a cigarette carton out along with a lighter. I plucked a cigarette out and walked over to her and placed it between her lips and lit it for her.
She smiled lightly, "thanks."
"Sit down," I nudged my head to the sofa. "We can talk."
She didn't think twice which sparked joy in me, I wanted to be there for her and I was glad she was allowing me.
She smoked the cigarette as she wiped her tears, "I think I'm crazy."
"Aren't we all?" I replied and sat down beside her.
"I don't know what I'm feeling, I don't understand it." She admitted and casually handed me her cigarette. I smiled inside; glad that we had this little act back.
"Will you be going back to Chicago?"
"I have to." Her voice implied that she didn't want to.
I handed her back the smoke, she needed it much more than I did. "Do you want to go back, do you want that to be your life?"
"No. In the moment I did, yeah I wanted all of it. I'm an adrenaline junkie, I feed off of insanity. Now that I've had time to think and process, I don't want it, I want my life here in Las Vegas."
"Problem solved." I said and she looked at me like I had three heads.
"It's not that simple."
"Sure it is. Don't let Vince live your life for you. What's he gonna do if you don't do what he says? Kill you? He needs you."
She sighed sharply, "fuck you you're right."
I smiled, she did too. "You're better than him," I told her, "in every damn way."
Her smile slowly faded over time, she handed me a feared expression. "I slept with someone."
My eyebrows furrowed, "what are you talking about?"
"I slept with someone in Chicago. His name is Brooks and I had sex with him last night."
My lips parted, I felt like I had been slapped in the face. My selfish habits tried to claw their way back but I wouldn't let the. "Okay," was all I said.
Her eyes squinted, "that's it?"
I shrugged. "I don't get to have an opinion. We aren't together, you don't owe me a thing."
"I felt like I had to tell you. What does that mean?"
"I'm the worst person to ask."
She looked like she'd cry again. "What the hell do we do now?"
"We?"
Alice's tears we gone, her face dry and she looked at me closely. "You're the best mistake I've ever made. I'll always come back to you, always." My throat was dry as I was unable to reply to her words, I was only filled with admiration, I adored her. She continued, "no one sees us the way we do and no one ever will. We're our own."
I placed my hand to her cheek and she leaned into it. I kissed her after what felt like a lifetime. She was stardust to me, she was rare and there would never be anyone else like her in this life.
"What do we do now?" Alice asked again after pulling away.
"Who the fuck knows but I've got you and you've got me, the rest doesn't matter."
She smiled and shared the cigarette once again, I knew it would occur many times after this. "I should probably get home. I'm sure Theo has been in a panic the past few days."
"I could give you a ride," I offered.
Alice nodded, "that's be great."
The two of us stood from the sofa, the cigarette still between my fingers. I grabbed my keys as I made my way to the door, Alice didn't follow. "What's the mater?" I asked, her eyes were locked at something that was on the coffee table. I peered over and saw was she was studying, my Mother's ring.
Alice picked it up and slowly met me near the door, she handed me the ring. "Only if you want me to."
"Of course I do," I said to her. "I never told you but, it's not mine, it was my Mother's."
Her eyebrows raised slightly, "I don't have t-"
Before she could protest I grabbed her hand and slid the ring on her finger. "It was never meant for me to wear, it was meant for someone like you."
"Ricky I-"
"Never take it off," I reminded her.
She looked at the ring then back up to me. "Until death do us part."
A/N
<3