Dean is never coming home. He's being sent away to Arkham, because he's mentally unstable. It broke my heart, for him to be sent to that hell hole. Who knows what will happen when he gets there? Who knows if he'll ever get out? I don't know how many days I cried. I just know I did a lot. It's worse than losing someone you care about, knowing that someone is there, but you can't see them. It breaks me. It broke my Mom, she quit trying. I don't know about my Dad, I haven't seen him. I've tried not to let that one thing occupy my mind all the time, but it's kind of hard. The only time I'm not thinking about Dean, is when I'm with Bruce. Right now, that's few and far between because he's becoming busy with work. But when I am with him, I'm just no where else.
"Come here, Catrina." Bruce said, reaching for my hips.
"Tell me how you managed to break your leg." I said, walking around him. He stretched his arms out to me, but I was just out of grasp.
"I told you, I fell down the stairs." He said, we were in his livingroom, watching the T.V. on mute. We were listening to music, and I was cleaning up his mess. What a dirty human being.
"I don't believe you." I teased, letting him grab me and yank me down next to him. He pulled me onto his lap, with my legs draped over his. His white cast was propped up on the coffee table on a stack of magazines.
"Well you should, because I rarely lie." He said kissing my cheek. He hugged me tightly and held me to his chest.
"Oh, hoh. Rarely?"
"Yes, like when I'm angry. Almost everything I say is a lie." I laughed, and rested my head on his chest. He was warm, and solid. "What would you say, about coming with me on one of my business trips?" He asked, in my ear.
"Depends." I shrugged,
"On what?" He asked,
"Where, when, who else is there." I said,
"You, me, Paris, in about three months."
"Three months." I repeated, would we still be together by then? We've been dating for two months already, isn't something horrible supposed to happen by then? I looked at him, and he looked at me, his green eyes glowed with happiness. I leaned in and kissed his nose, I reached for his hair and ran my fingers around his ear, I felt him shiver. I put my hand on his neck and pulled him closer, I pulled his lips to mine. I had never been kissed before, I had never kissed him before. I didn't care that it may not have been the most romantic time to kiss his beautiful lips, but I needed to. Both of his hands were around my throat, he pulled me closer. I need his lips on mine.
"Promise?" He asked, his lips millimeters from mine.
"Yeah." I breathed, kissing him again. Deeper this time, his fingers played with my baby hairs on the back of my head. I felt the goosebumps all over, and the tingle of his rough hands.
"Ahem, Master Bruce." Alfred cleared his throat, he stood at the doorway with his arms crossed.
"Uh, yeah?" Bruce said, turning red. Alfred uncrossed his arms, so they swung at his sides.
"Would either of you care for a snack?" He asked, Bruce laughed.
"You're just looking for an excuse, to interrupt my feelings Alfred." He said, laying another kiss on my lips.
"That is what it seems." He said, turning and walking away.
"Yeah, we'll take some chips. If you don't mind." He yelled to Alfred. I chuckled, and Bruce wrapped his arms around my waist. "You kissed me," He whispered, "I loved it."
"Me too." I said, quietly. I felt Bruce's warm body under his soft cotton shirt. I laid down on the leather couch and he watched me. "You're really attractive from this angle." I said, he laughed and reached for my waist, he laid his head on my stomach and sighed. His arms wrapped around my body. I held his head in my arms and ran my fingers through his hair. He readjusted himself so that his leg was not at a ninety degree angle. His head rested on my shoulder now, his eyes were closed.
"This is really, really nice." He breathed, my mind wandered and I thought about what it would be like to be with him. I imagined our bodies entwined together in the bedroom. His hands traveling over my body, making me tremble. I shivered, "What's wrong?" He whispered,
"Nothing." I whispered back. I held him, until the song ended.
"I'm going to be gone for a while." He said, shifting his body.
"Another business affair?" I asked, he nodded.
"Only for two weeks." He said,
"Two weeks is a long time." I said, running my fingers through his hair.
"You should come with me."
"I wish I could, but I don't think my Dad would ever allow me going to a far off country with a boy, that I really really like."
"It's only Switzerland." He said calmly. I laughed,
"Only Switzerland."
"I have a chalee, and a mountain."
"A mountain?"
"Okay, only half a mountain."
"Oh, my poor deprived little boy." I said in a baby voice, he whimpered
"Yes, poor little ol' me." He said, he raised himself up on his arms and looked down on me. "Can we kiss again?" He asked,
"Is the earth round?" I asked, he chuckled and kissed me again. He lowered himself on me and grabbed my face. His body was warm and his t'shirt was soft. Holding him, and being this close to him was magical. His touch gave me goosebumps and his breath excited me in ways that I had never been before.
"Ahem, Master Bruce." Alfred cleared his throat, he was carrying a bag of chips and a couple of drinks in his hand.
***
"I have to go, Bruce." I said putting on my coat.
"I don't want you to go, though."
"I'm already late." I said grabbing my keys, he grabbed my hand and yanked me closer to him. "Bruce!"
"Don't go! I'm going to be lonely!" He begged, I laughed
"You have Alfred." I said tugging away from him. He hugged me goodbye and I kissed his cheek.
"Take care." He said, the door shut behind me and I climbed into my cold car. I waited for it to warm up before I drove home. When I got there, no one was home. I sighed and unlocked the front door and walked inside. The house was dark, and I was alone. I went up to my room and I grabbed clothing for after a shower. I traveled to the bathroom and hopped in the shower. I let the room steam up, and the water get hot. When I stepped in, I could hear my Mom, or Dad walking in the door. The warm water bathed my skin, I closed my eyes and washed myself. The bathroom door opened with haste.
"Mom?" I asked, the shower curtain was thrown aside and a knife was plunged towards me, I screamed and fell down in the shower hitting my head on the faucet. A dark figure stood before me and laughed as he cut my arm, I grabbed his wrist and forced the knife out of his hand. I cut his wrist and he screamed. I pushed him down and he fell backwards on the floor, tangled in the shower curtain. I ran out the door and down the hallway just as my Mom walked in.
"Hey is-" She looked "Why are you- What happened to-"
"There's an intruder." I said, grabbing the phone. "In the bathroom." I said dialing 9-1-1. Mom ran up the stairs and screamed, I heard stumbling as I yelled my situation in the phone.
"It's Dean!" She screamed, the 9-1-1 lady gave me instructions but I didn't listen. I hung up the phone and went to my room to grab my robe.
"The cops will be here in a minute." I said, tying the robe around my waist. A cop came to our house and banged on the door,
"Where's the intruder?" He demanded, a plain expression in his face.
"Upstairs, the shower curtain fell on him so he's unconscious." Mom said, the officer made the whole thing quick, he didn't even ask any questions. He dragged Dean out of the house and threw him in the back seat.
"Oh my God, Dean." I whispered as the cop car pulled away.
"That was fast."
"He tried to kill me." I whispered, Mom was in the kitchen. "I- I think I'm going to bed."
"No, why don't you stay up for a while. Wait for Dad." She said, I nodded silently and walked to to the living room and sat on the couch. "I'll make some tea." She said, and she went about it. How did Dean get here? Was he sent? Was it in his own mind that he came up with this plan? "Here, Catrina."
"Thanks." I said quietly, I took the tea and started to sip it numbly. It burned my tongue, I sat in the chair wrapped up in my robe and another blanket. I needed to call someone, I needed to talk to someone. I reached out for the home phone and dialed an old friend.
"Hello,"
"Hi, it's Catrina."
"Oh my God, Catrina."
"Hi, Mrs. Ruins."
"I- I don't know what to say, hello."
"I know I havent talked to you for so long, but I don't have anyone else to turn to."
"I know how you feel, sweetie."
"My world is falling apart, I need Karen."
"I know sweetie, I know. I miss her too."
"No, I need Karen. I need my best friend again." I said, tears coming to my eyes. "So many things have happened, and I can't make sense of it all." I cried, tears streaming down my face. How quickly, life turns around for people like me, ones who wanted only to live a normal high school life. Ones who hope for collage, and dream for the future.
"Oh, honey. I want her back too. But, she can't-" Her voice broke, and she stopped talking for a moment. "I have to go, Catrina. I'm sorry." She hung up the phone,
"Mom, I need a h-h-ugg." I sputtered.
"Catrina." Mom said, coming over to me and squeezing into the chair next to me. I started crying in her shoulder, sobbing, body racking sobs. My brother tried to kill me, again. Why? No one will ever know. "Why don't you sleep in my bed tonight. I think that would be good for the both of us."
"Then, are we going to wait for Dad?" I asked, she shook her head and got off of the chair. I climbed into my parents bed and fell asleep after hours of fitful attempt.
***
Karen and I were running, our white dresses gleaming. In the bright golden sunlight of our twelfth year we were happy. The dewy green grass made our feet cold and wet. The gold streamers of luminous light shone down on the meadow. A smile was worn on both of our young faces, the race was towards the water seemed endless, but once the creek was under our noses, everything changed. Karen smile was from ear to ear, but her smile wasn't genuine. It was painted on, and fake. Her eyes screamed with pain, and her dress was suddenly covered in blood.
"It's never going to be over, Catrina." She screamed, her head becoming black and starting to smoke. "It's an endless circle." She wailed, and she turned into ashes. She was gone, and so was the meadow. I turned around and saw a barren desert before me, I whirled around and saw that Karen was gone. Three arms grabbed me, and bound me. I screamed and struggled, I couldn't let this happen to me. This wasn't happening. I forced myself to wake up. I had to wake up. But it's a never ending cycle. I freed myself from the arms and ran into the desert.
"Mom! Dad!" I called, there was no answer, just the low cackling laugh that was all too familiar. "Where are you!" I demanded, anger sloshed in my chest, overflowing in my brain. "Come out here, so I can finish you off!" I screamed, the scene changed on me again. The ferris wheel loomed over me in the darkness. There was a large black figure standing on the top, icy fingers of fear gripped my chest and I started to back away as the figure jumped towards me. It's gigantic wings spread out and caught the air. Batman swooped down and grabbed my waist, I screamed and flailed, trying to get away. He said nothing, but only gripped me tighter. We were in the air and he let me go, I fell fifty feet to what should have been the ground. But frigid water engulfed me. I struggled to swim to the surface, but it was as if I had no air in my lungs and rocks in my pockets. I sank, and kept sinking. I tried to breath but inhaled water. I looked up and saw the sunlight again, or was it the moon? I tried to move, but found it impossible. The mud felt like glue as I struggled to get out of the hole I was in.
***
All day long, my dream was all I could think about. I didn't pay any attention to English, or Science, I didn't give a rip in Phy. Ed. and I really was staring off in space in Mathematics. I didn't think that anyone would notice, but as always I was wrong. I got called into the school psychologist.
"Good morning, Catrina." He said, spinning in his office chair. He gestured to the seat in front of his desk, I sat.
"It's one o'clock." He sighed, and nodded.
"Then, good afternoon." He corrected himself. "So, I called you here, to talk about your behaviour in class."
"I'm tired. Is that qualified as some kind of violation?"
"No," He said, a little annoyed. "But under the circumstances of what you have been through, we are worried."
"I'm sorry, that it wasn't my fault that some clown wants me as his girlfriend." I sassed.
"Catrina, I'm just here for you to talk to me."
"I don't want to talk to you, I have enough people to talk to." I lied, I had three, maybe four people.
"Catrina, I'm here as a professional."
"With no feelings for anyone in his pot hole."
"And I'm convinced that, you might need more help than you think."
"Can I go now?" I asked, rudely.
"No, I called you down to talk."
"We did, our conversation has been going on for-" I looked at the clock, "Three minutes, and thirteen seconds and counting."
"Catrina, I want you to tell me how you are."
"That's not the way my therapist starts out a session." I said, crossing my arms.
"Well, then lets start over." He paused, "How are you today, Catrina?" He asked, I nodded.
"I'm tired, because I forgot to take my sleeping pills last night, and I couldn't sleep." I lied, I wasn't on sleeping pills. I wasn't on anything, yet.
"Okay, but I would like to know how you're holding up." He said, I shrugged.
"I have a boyfriend, I have a Mom, Dad and a Brother, whom of which are all right."
"A boyfriend?" He said, I nodded. "Would you care to tell me who?"
"Wayne, Bruce Wayne." He nodded, knowingly.
"I'm not sure that you, and he are a good match." He said, wringing his hands together.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked, hotly. "Don't go around, telling me that he and I 'aren't a good match'."
"I'm not saying that you aren't a good match-"
"That is exactly what you just said." I said, my temper rising.
"Then, here's a question. Are you two serious?"
"Meaning-"
"Meaning, are you two serious?"
"Have we done it? That's way too personal of a question for you to be asking." I said standing up.
"Sit down, and that is not what I was asking at all. I'm just saying that no one is serious about relationships when they're seventeen years old."
"How would you know?" I snapped.
"I just, don't think that right now is a very good time for you to be in a relationship."
"Proove it." I said, storming out of his office. I left the door hanging wide open, and I left school. How dare he! How dare he tell me, that I'm not in a good place to have a relationship. Pshhh, I'll show him. He and everyone else who thinks that me being in a relationship for me is a bad thing. Just because Bruce and I haven't done anything much more than kissing, doesn't mean that we arent in a serious relationship. Does it? I mean, we've known eachother for I don't know, maybe five months and we've been dating for two? I mean, he's a really sweet guy. He took me out to nice dinners almost every weekend, he wants to take me to Switzerland with him. He seems really interested in me, not just for something more than a kiss if you know what I mean. He wouldn't lie to me about his feelings would he? Yet, he hasn't really told me what he feels about me. Should I go see him now? Would he like that surprise? Sure, why not. I walked out of the building to my car and sped away from the building. The city zoomed by, and I passed multiple bridges. I saw cop cars, but I knew none would pull me over. I saw one car with two people out of it, one of them was my Dad. I slammed on the breaks, thankfully no one was behind me. "What are you doing?" I asked him, but I was still in my car, and he was a block away. He was the one to throw the first punch. "Dad!" I yelled, turning my wheels and stepping on the gas. "What the hell are you doing?" I asked, he still couldn't hear me I was still a half a block away. He was beating on the other guy pretty bad, I honked the horn at him when I got closer. He looked up, his face clean and angry. The man on the ground, who was an older store man with graying hair and a scruffy beard had a bloody nose also looked up. I rolled down the window of my car. "DAD!" I screamed. I honked the horn again, "what in Heavens name are you doing?"
"I-"
"Don't answer! I thought you were a good cop!" I said speeding off. Wasn't he a good cop? He always told me that he was fighting for the betterment of the community. He used to tell me stories of the good things he did on the job. Were all those a lie? Was he part of the corrupt cop society? Was he part of the mob? Anything? Was he exactly what I feared he would become? A bad cop? I turned down the next street and took the exit on the highway.