Dedication: WiseLemon, since her comments just make my day (weirdly enough at that). :P Can't wait to see your comments, lol.
***
"No. Maymunah, please stop. I swear, I'll-" I abruptly stop talking due to the fact that there is hose water in my mouth.
Yes, hose water.
Maymunah drops the green hose onto the grass, which is still spraying water. She crumples down on to her knees as she laughs hysterically. I shake my head as I turn off the hose, since it will be detrimental to the flower beds if there's too much water in the soil. I sigh as I stare at her. Her long, orange sundress is now drenched, but she doesn't notice as she wipes away her tears.
"I can't believe I'm marrying you," I mutter in disbelief. I drop the hose to the ground. As she struggles to keep herself calm, I sit down next to her on the grass. The sun beats down on our backs, and the cool summer breeze ripples our clothes. This could have been a beautiful and serene moment if it weren't for Maymunah's continuous laughter. "If you don't stop, I'll send you to an insane asylum. Let me see you laugh then."
She finally ceases her giggles. She lets out a long breath. "Same here."
"What?" I ask, perplexed.
"I myself can't believe we're actually getting married, and so soon at that. But I feel like something's wrong with you." Her tone changes from cheery to a bit serious. "If you want to tell me something, go for it. I don't want to start a marriage like this, Harun. Just tell me what's on your mind."
I shake my head at her ridiculous statements. "It's nothing."
"Then it's something," she confirms. "We can't keep a full conversation about our future since you always change the subject. If you don't want to get married, tell me. I can wait. And it's not like we're in a rush, you know."
"Yup. I don't want to have you as my wife since you're super clumsy, optimistic, happy, nerdy, and pretty all at the same time," I reply sarcastically.
"Wow, Harun, you never called me that before," she says in an affectionate yet somewhat sarcastic tone.
"What, pretty?" I inquire with a raised eyebrow.
She shakes her head. "No no no, your wife."
"I didn't even-"
"See?" she interrupts me. "I was just talking about how you shift topics and now we already digressed from what were discussing."
"Hey, we're on vacation. Please stop using the big vocabulary; I don't want to think about college for the next three months."
She rolls her eyes. "Irene was right; it'll be tough living the rest of my life with you." She rises to her feet and brushes off the grass that's clinging to her dress. I get up as well and return the hose to its reel, which is mounted to the wall facing the backyard.
"Mom's calling you," I hear my younger brother say to Maymunah, who appears right next to me. He glances at Maymunah before giving me a hard stare. She nods in acknowledgment, climbs the steps of the deck, then passes Ali to enter the house. My brother steps outside and squints his eyes to avoid the awfully bright sunlight. "Are you stupid or are you stupid?"
I look up at him, already getting annoyed. "What did I do now?" I ask him with an equally blank expression.
"Kayla," he replies curtly.
"And?" I already have an inkling as to what he'll say, but I want to to hear it from him first.
He sighs as he walks down the stairs of the deck. "God, you're an idiot. How the hell can you invite her to your wedding?"
"It was all Maymunah's idea," I defend myself. "And are you still going to nag me about her? There's no point in talking about her since it's a zero percent chance she'll show up again."
"So your saying she won't come?"
"Why would she?"
"And I wonder why you're getting married in less than a month," he mutters under his breath. I shoot him a venomous glare. He looks back at me with an equally hard expression. "She will come to the wedding. If Zahra is going to persuade her to come, she will come. Do you think Kayla would want to go against her best friend's wishes? The fact that it was your fiancee instead of you who sent that invitation is the reason as to why she'll be present at the wedding. She may be stubborn but she's not irrational. I bet that she has many reasons to be there." And with that, he storms off.
***
"Ow!" I snap at my older sister. She yanks me by the ear and forces me to walk, or more like stumble, into her old bedroom. She closes the door, her grip tightening by the second. "Hafsaaaa!" She lets go of me, but sneers at me as she paces around the room. As I rub my ear so that the pain will subside quickly, I sigh. "Let me guess. This is going to be about Kayla, isn't it? I already told Ali that I did not invite her, okay? You might as well gather everyone in this house."
"Oh, a congregation would be nice," she says with a trace of disgust. "But I think your humiliation should wait." She sets her handbag down on the floor. She must have been about to leave, but found the urge to practically drag me in here and glare at me as if I'm roadkill.
"Gee, thanks," I mumble in sarcasm.
"Are you trying to hurt the poor girl? Are you blind or are you just ignorant?"
"Would it make you happy if I said both?" I respond.
She closes her eyes, just like how our mom does whenever she gets upset or impatient. "Not only did she receive an invite, but the wedding is next month. She must not have been over you yet and now she feels overwhelmed to attend this wedding. How stupid can you be to lead her on like that?"
"Why are you blaming me for something I did not do intentionally?" I ask her, my voice raising slightly. "It's not my fault that she had a crush on me. Everyone has crushes on people who won't like them back," I spit out, surprising both me and my sister.
"How dare you say such a thing!" she shouts back. "She had to go through a lot, and now you're treating her as if she's just some person you took pity on."
"That's because she is pitiful. Why did I bring her home? Pity. Why did our parents take good care of her, even though they never knew her before? Pity. Why did you become friends with her? Pity. It's all because of pity, Hafsa. You're the one who's not seeing things clearly; you need to open your eyes and realize that I only took care of her because of pity. But she mistook that as something else."
Her voice wavers as she whispers, "Pity, you say?" She walks up to me with watery eyes. "Pity? Is pity the reason why you started liking her? Admit it, Harun, the feelings are mutual. You like her, and she likes you. Can't you notice that?"
"Why are you talking about this when I'm going to get married to another girl? That was pity, Hafsa. It wasn't love, nor a crush - not even lust. I just felt sorry for her. You would have too if you'd have seen here on that park bench, covered in snow, shivering, starving, and cold." I put my hands on her shoulders. "Look at me, Hafsa. I only love one girl and that is Maymunah. Nobody else is like Maymunah; not even Kayla. I'll never like her. I'll never love her.
"Do you ever wonder why I've been shy around her all the time? Or why I've been very kind to her? First, it was because I was afraid to hurt her. She's fragile. She's been shaken up too much and had dealt with so much trauma. Second, she's just a girl who needed constant support. I'm not saying that she was weak. I'm saying that she was just that. Pitiful.
"If I truly loved her, do you think I would have let her go?" Tears were now streaming down my sister's face. Her mascara was running like crazy, staining her face. "Hey, stop crying. You look ugly like that," I tell her, just to lighten the mood.
She took in a deep breath before brushing my hands off of her shoulders. "I wasn't crying. My eyes were just...sweating." I raise an eyebrow at her reply. She looks up at me before saying, "I know that pity is not the only thing that has driven you towards hers. I just know it. But keep denying it as much as you want. It'll only come to hurt you as much as it hurts her now."
"And how do you know that? Luqman treats you like a princess," I mumble.
She smiles through her tears. "Because I'm a girl as well, Harun." She leans forward to whisper in my ear. "Little brother, I know that you love Maymunah. But before you get married, you have to understand that you need to rid your feelings for Kayla; otherwise, things will turn out like hell." She pauses before continuing, her inaudible voice quaking. "She's hurt, Harun. If you continue being like this, she'll get more injured - no, she'll become a terminally ill patient holding on to dear life. And once you say those words which blur your feelings with hers, the heart monitor will read a straight line." She steps back, then picks up her handbag. She shoulders it before asking me, "Harun, do you really want to kill her?"
***
After Hafsa left the bedroom to go back to her house, all I have been doing was stare around the room. Now, I'm sitting against the bed, time passing by agonizingly long. Nobody has been in this room - not even Maymunah. She always notices me tense up whenever I walk by this very room, so she would always avoid it, and never ask me about it. I have not been in it for at least four months, and now, my sister reacquainted me with it. For that, I am both thankful to and annoyed by her.
Little brother... She must have been serious then, since she never calls me that. But of course she was - she even ruined her makeup because of my "foolishness."
I sigh as I slowly stand up. Out of boredom, I open the closet door, which is across the bed. Not much is in it...Just a few books here and there.
A tattered black garment catches my eyes. I reach out and fist it into my hand. I take it off its hook and step out of the closet, holding the hijab in my hands. This must be Kayla's. She was wearing this the first day I met her.
I turn the hijab around and around, examining every inch of it. Dust has collected on it; the scent is very faint as well. I turn around to look in the closet once more, only finding that this is the only item that Kayla had forgotten.
"Hafsa's right; I don't want to admit my feelings. But I don't know if they're genuine, or just..."
"Out of pity?" I hear Maymunah whisper back to me.
***
I know, that was ridiculously short. Better than nothing though.
Sorry for being MIA for so long. At least it hasn't been like three months, right? I know I leave a lot of notes like these, saying "I'm sooooo sorry for not updating because of school and..." Thanks for being so patient, especially for this book. You guys are amazing.
With that said, I'll be on and off on updates (up until June, summer break starts then *woot woot*). It's not just because of school, but I decided to take some time to relax (like a few of you guys suggested). I've also been reflecting a lot on stuff lately...Just want to thank you guys again. :)
I've also came up with two ideas (they may be pretty lame at that, but whatever) and I've been thinking of having (1) an AskFayfay thing where you ask me questions and stuff and I post my replies in a totally new book (or maybe in "My Compilation of Raw and Honesty Rants," - I need to revisit that in the meantime). I also decided that whenever my schedule for updating gets funky (oohh I like that word!), (2) I'll just have YOU guys write some short POVs of the characters of OUAM, and the ones that I like best, I may post them. But it may not work, so yeah...Forget I said that lol.
I'll hopefully see you sometime soon. Salaam. :)