CHAPTER:20
FIRST KISS
❝i fear her rejection❞
JUST because he helped me earlier, I take up the initiative to help him now. I am still in disbelief as to how come I am invited to his forbidden radar? I slide my fingers across the pink collection and watch in furrow brows about my selection.
I tap on the spotify and click on Wings album by BTS and hit play. I am categorizing my brain when my brother walks in along with my parents.
I smile at them but wobble when I find their solemn look. "What happen?"
"Hugo." I stumble and support myself by the edge of the bed.
"W-What about him?"
Jonathan runs to me and hugs me. "It was never your fault."
The reason I decided to come late and sneakily walked to my bedroom seems a total failure when I find tears flowing from my mother's eyes and a frustrated look on my father's.
I chuckle nervously. "I-I know."
Jonathan made me sit on the bed and smiles ruefully. "It's okay if you appear to be strong but do know it's useless to show it in front of tour family. We are always there to support you, you must know this, Saph."
I numbly nod my head in response to their talk. I glance at my wardrobe and my mother takes up the responsibility to look into the set of pink clothes to find a decent one. "Do you need your friends to be here instead of us?"
I zoom into her trembling fingers as she tries to act brave. We all have those circumstances of acting brave like a fierce person but sometimes those light momentum of blind walk on a broken bridge tremble us and we fall, fall into deep abyss of pure agony.
My father sits beside me with a tight expression, Jonathan too sits on my other side and looks at our mother trying to sort out messy things.
"It's okay if you break, sweetheart. We are all one. If one of us breaks, the others will be there to protect the rest."
My mother loud sobs break into the room. She holds the door of the wardrobe and slides down, making a beautiful and strong woman to be witnessed as a vulnerable one too.
When the accident happened, everything in my life changed and after what happened in this present class, I am relying on taking the scholarship and moving to a different school. My mother was a mirror to my reflection. Whatever I posed, she posed and made me feel sadder.
Yet, the way she is the only woman after my elder sister went and works for her separate life, sending money every month through her side job even though we said not to, my mother is the one for me. I am more attached to her than my sister.
Even Jonathan knows his limitation and that somehow makes him frustrated but it's alright if he can't. I cannot help him through his one-sided love and nor do I expect him getting out of his restricted limitations to fetch peace for me.
Father walks up to her and kneels to hold her. "Everything is my fault. I shouldn't have encouraged my child to fall for that idiot. N-now look, we again have to face the world with black paint."
I flinch back grimacing the thought of our frontier to be painted in black as a demonstration of how worst we are in the society. We were a bad influence to be living in the neighborhood. Somehow, Hugo's family suppressed the news and didn't let anyone know in the school making it enough peaceful for me to survive there. But, now it seems I have to change, both in neighborhood and school.
I watch my father consoling my mother and Jonathan silently sitting beside me."What's the use of being your twin when I never ever took half a cent of your pain?"
I chuckle lowly. "That's not what twins are for."
He looks at me with gloomy eyes. "And what about sibling? Did I ever protected you?"
I nod my head. "Yes, you did. You were the one who came from the defense classes and taught me secretly, making me prepare for the next class. You stood back behind me and let me handle the situations and waited if once I step back to handle it by yourself and you did. I still remember you jumping from out of nowhere and hitting a guy square at his face just because he spoke lies to the entire campus that I have lice on my hair. So, hell yeah, you were there."
He sadly laughs and after sometime he says, "I called your friends. They will be arriving by next ten minutes." He stands and walks to our parents.
He lifts them slowly and carries the weight of both of them and walks out of the room, leaving it silent like it was before.
What we show the world sometimes aren't always true.
I sigh and throw my upper half of the body on the bed, my legs dangling above the floor. I thought somehow making Theodore as my friend will put me out of my guilt of past but then, even he has reasons to not associate with me just like how Hugo had and once again I overstepped the boundary.
True to Nathan's words, my friends arrived after ten minutes. Eve hugged me tightly, the only person who supported me since the past occurance and asked me about my mental health followed by Eleanor who literally lifts me slightly while hugging me.
I lead them to my room and plop down on my bed. "Theodore asked me to go in his birthday tonight."
Eleanor snorts. "That piece of d- I mean after he not so humiliated you and put you down, you think of going to his birthday. Absolutely-freaking-not."
Eve only observes me. "Do you want to go?" She asks me softly.
Eleanor gasps. "Are you thinking straight? How can Sap-"
Eve cuts a pointed look at Eleanor. "Let Sapphira be the one to make decision rather than us forcing our thoughts on her."
I look down in shame. I wanted to say no, but then I remember promising to Theodore about going to his birthday party. I slowly, timidly nod my head. "I want to go."
"Are you sure?" This time Eleanor asks me softly even though I know how tempting this situation is for her mindset to burst into flames.
"Yes, I am." I look up and meet their eyes, tears on my eyes. "After all, I am moving out."
"What?!" Both of them exclaims.
Eve soon holds my hand. "What? When? How? I mean what the actual bull's eye are you talking about? We both promised each other we will be passing the same school together. So, why now?"
"Why now? Now, cause everyone knows what happened to Hugo. And don't lie to me Eve and Eleanor, I know you both saw those posters of Hugo and me, and my face being painted, scratched, torn apart as a sign of violence. Do you even aspect them to come and hug me instead of throwing me straight into the face of lion's mouth?"
I take a breath after raising my voice out loud.
"So, this is your redemption that you couldn't do in Hugo's presence?"
I am easily stunned by how perfectly Eve broke my feelings into perfect line.
"Yes," I nod.
"Then who we are not to help you, our sweet little girl."
I sob as I hug them tightly. They are all I have and I will lose.
"However, do give us all the updates where you will be going, when, which school. So that we can make a special appearance in front of you." I frantically nod my head.
"So, let's choose the dress."
-
The dress was pink petal soft lounge ribbed stretch-jersey maxi dress that they found far behind the stacks of my bodycon dresses. White stiletto, fake diamond top earrings and blue crystal necklace were put on my body with minimal make-up and my hair styled in a sleek ponytail.
"Oh my God." This dress was basically kept for my prom night but I guess it has it potential ruining it on his birthday.
Their cheers broke my string of thoughts and I give out a wobbly smile. "I guess the reaction says I look pretty."
Eleanor shakes her head. "No, our reaction say that Theodore will ejacualte right in front of you after looking at you."
I choke back in laughter. Eve shakes her head yet a small real smile during the entire time we had happened to be now. "You are defining princess Aurora vibes except the blonde hair."
"You shouldn't have said lies though." I comment but then we hear a horn blow. After ten minutes, there is a knock and my heart beats wildly thinking of my neighbors appearing and again harming my family. I stumble but Eve supports me and we all go down only to find a chauffeur that I know quiet well is standing and talking to my father.
When my father turns and looks at me, his eyes widen followed by Jonathan and my mother.
"You look so beautiful." My mother gushes.
"You look like our little princess." My father comments that makes me want to hold back my tears.
"Did you take knife and pepper spray with you. Am I in your emergency contact?" Jonathan asks.
"Then what's the use of us friends being there?" Eleanor states.
Both of my friends are dressed simply. Eve in black top and grey jeans and Eleanor in white simple dress They somehow looks like coming straight from school to birthday party with full intention of eating, that's what they said.
"Are you Miss. Sapphira?" The chauffeur asks.
"Yes, I am." I nod.
He smiles gently. "Mr. Rodriguez ordered me to pick you three up from your house."
"That's so sweet of him." Eleanor says and we all move out of the house not before hugging my family bye. I look behind my brother and find showpieces beside the television counter to be empty and small boxes placed down.
My heart pains and I quickly turn away to show them my back instead of a teary eye girl.
-
"Are you sure this is the right place?" I once again ask. The extravagant show of the building somehow puts me into a depressing state. I once again observe myself and then at my friends.
"Yes, it is." The chauffeur says politely and brings the gift we separately bought to each of us.
"I think my dress code doesn't match the theme. I am going then, bye." Eleanor tries to escape but Eve and I hold her back.
"We all enter once, give the birthday boy the gift, wait for half an hour and then walk out. Sounds like a plan if we buy ice-cream and binge into any Netflix channel?"
It definitely sounds like a plan to me. Therefore, I nod my head. "Deal."
"But in whose house?" Eleanor asks.
Eve looks at both of us and sighs. "Of course mine."
We three then walk together in the building. We meet Jack who smiles at three of us and a smirk especially to Eleanor. "Welcome ladies. Let me be your tour guide."
Isaac too comes and shakes hand with us. He even asks about my mental health and the after effects of the post. I kindly replied back with a simple line.
My eyes roam around and find two people missing, Natasha and Theodore. My heart pains in thoughts of them having their private time but then I remember I have no power over Theodore and his love life.
Yet, a tiny part of my heart mourns for him. I still put a fake facade of happiness as I being swarmed by introductions but none of them acted like they despise me or I disgust them. Weird.
"And there comes our birthday boy." I turn and find him standing along with Isaac who whispers something to his ear, making him quickly scan the crowd as if searching for someone, maybe Natasha. .
The name tastes sour in my tongue but when I find his eyes locking with mine, they brighten. I did wish him at midnight but now watching him face to face does make me feel hot. My cheeks warm as I meet those eyes.
He is wearing all black, high neck inside with a coat outside, silver three layered chain dangling along with formal pant.
He steps down the stairs as people in the hall wishes him. He nods his head, smiles and then again finds me and proceeds to approach towards me until there are few centimeters apart.
"Happy birthday." I shyly wish him while giving him the gift I bought. It was nothing expensive, just a fountain pen he once told would love to collect and make a stock to show his future kids about his hobby.
He smiles brighter. "Thank you." He accepts the gift and looks at me expectedly. I take a step back and allow my friends to wish him. He nods and smiles with his eyes trail on me.
"I never thought you will come."
I shrug, feeling uncomfortable. "I guess that's what friends are for." Friends? I somehow hate the term nowadays whenever it is related between him and I.
He still smiles while looking at me. When I am about to confront his constant gaze, Isaac speaks. "Everyone around here, make a circle around the table and give the birthday boy space to walk in." We both look at him bringing four stack cake.
"Is it butterscotch?" I ask.
Theodore rubs his neck from behind as if getting shy from the situation and I just awe at him. However, I feel disappointed about him not making any remarks over my look.
He walks and stands beside his friend. He closes his eyes and opens them before cutting the cake. Aren't there any candles?
He offers pieces to each of his friends and somehow the crowd overlaps making me fall behind. I cannot look at him anymore. Drinks are shared, my friends are close to me but somehow distracted but then someone holds my wrist and makes me run with him.
"Where are we going, Theodore?"
He glances me over his shoulder and smiles. "Where no one can create margin between us."
I don't understand but soon I trip as my dress gets stucked under my heel. He halts as I rectify the fault. "Did I tell you, you are absolutely taking my breath away?" I shyly shake my head. He makes a noise as he drags me to a dark room where a small cake is present and a candle is put on it. "You look like a princess who came to fetch her prince and maybe I will be happy enough to be the one."
My breath gets stucked in my throat. Can he? No, he can't. He is just making up lines.
I still offer a weak smile and look around. "Why is there a cake and no one else?"
"Because I wanted to cut the cake with you. Share our moments so that you can memorize this event and put it into your happy memory list."
I am truly dumbstruck. I have no words to say or actions to do.
He crouches till his eyes level mine and makes a smile. "I like you, Sapphira and I will try my level best to offer you the topmost category. I know I made a mistake but I won't back down and put my life before I ever met you, I cannot do that. Can you give this moment a chance to begin with us?"
Words clog my throat as I try to swallow my thoughts and irrational mindset of people pleasing. I like him too but if what happened before re-creates I can offer no reassurance to myself about his act.
"Will you still like me even after you know I-I killed my boyfriend?"
"No, you didn't. He was already at the verge of killing himself. You only extended his existence. You helped him a lot making him inhale those days as if he is creating a good memory before he dies. So, no Sapphira, I don't blame you."
I sob, hugging him unexpectedly making him stiffen but then he slowly and gradually hugs me back, tighter than I could.
"Thanks for coming in my life."
"Thanks for existing."
I cry as I clutch to him and after a few minutes that maybe termed as a long hour, we pull back and he walks with me near the table. I lift the cake and push it near his mouth. "Make a wish and then blow the candle."
He smiles at me. "I got my wish." The deep intensity in his eyes somehow direct the word 'wish' to me and I blush in sight.
He still keeps my word and closes his eyes before blowing off the candle. The light decorated outside the building illuminates in the dark room as I can somehow make his outline as he cuts the cake and puts it near my mouth. I open my mouth and take a bite. The burst of vanilla surprises me.
How did he know I love vanilla?
I place the cake back on the table and give him a bite too. He licks the icing from my fingers making me somehow shiver.
"Now, how about my gift?" He asks.
I furrow my brows. "Didn't I give you earlier?"
"That was for ground floor. We are on first floor and there is another cake. So, I request for another gift."
I peer him through my lashes. I shyly asks, "What do you need as a birthday gift?"
There was a pregnant pause but he coughs lightly to break it. "Do you really want to know?"
I slowly nod my head.
"Kiseu haejwo."
[translation : Kiss me]
I furrow my brows. What is he talking about?
That doesn't deter his powerful gaze. "I am having basorexia."
My heart constrict. It was one of those words I saved in my Pinterest account and I know it's meaning.
An overwhelming desire to kiss.
"A-Are you telling me- am I misinterpreting something?"
He chuckles and turns his face sideways. "I guess you need to find out."
When he is about to look at me for taking time, I launch my lips aiming for his cheek only for both of us getting stunned when our lips collided against each other.
I pull back. "I-I am s-sor-"
He groans, pulling me towards him through my waist and initiating it once again. His soft petals brushes past my chapped ones (I hope not). It wasn't something ferocious, it was a sweet kiss. A kiss I love to memorise forever. Time stopped yet our exploration over the top surface doesn't get diminished not until Eve comes searching for my presence.
-
I sheepishly look at both of my friends who raise their eyebrows at me. Theodore never blushed, but the time we were being witnessed, every ounce of his confidence shattered and he pulled every fibre of shyness to hide from the world but I can look into his eyes and the fire still resided there.
I bid him goodbye. He looked upset but when he understood my condition, he forced me to walk out of the building and to take heavy rest.
As we walk out of the building, Eleanor whispers. "I never knew he could do that."
I furrow my brows. "What?"
She looks at me. "He warned everyone that will be present in his birthday party to not show any ounce of disrespect to you. I thought he was a good boy with mommy chants but I guess he is actually a good boy with better attitude."
-
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