Zale
"Mr. Knightley?"
I turned and found Astrea nervously biting his lip and staring down at the floor. "Yes?"
"I wanted to start a club, but it turns out all clubs need to have a faculty advisor. I was hoping you might do it?" Astrea peeked up at me for a second, then returned to staring downward.
My heart sank. So far, I had avoided taking on any extracurriculars at this school. It was a compromise I made with Lara when we put together my contract. All teachers here were expected to have extra duties – running study halls, sports teams, or other extracurriculars. Because that sounded like it might actually be a form of torture, I had offered to teach an extra class instead. It was more work overall, so it was a good deal for the school, and it let me avoid socializing. Win – win.
There was exactly one person on this entire campus who could get me to agree to taking on an extracurricular, and he had just asked me to.
Hell.
I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut while I took in a couple of deep breaths. "What kind of club?" I asked with my eyes still shut.
"Um, it's okay. Forget I asked."
I looked at Astrea again and he seemed even more nervous than before. "Hey, it's fine. I've got the time and I don't mind doing it" – much, I added silently – "I just want to know what it is."
But Astrea didn't look comforted at all. His eyes kept darting around, but I noticed that they kept landing on the open doorway. I shut the door and sat down on top of one of the lab tables. I had grown up having the importance of body language pounded into my head. Right now, I needed to make Astrea more comfortable. I couldn't loom over him, and sitting behind my desk would reinforce my position of authority over him as his teacher.
I didn't know if my sitting on a table helped, but Astrea sat down across from me and I thought he seemed a little more relaxed. Still anxious, though.
I had almost given up on Astrea giving me any kind of explanation for this when he spoke up again. "I asked Betty about whether we had an LGBTQ+ alliance club and she told me that we didn't, but I could start one. And she thought you might be a good person to talk to."
Oh. Oh. No wonder he was nervous. You never knew when someone was going to react badly to finding out you were different, and this particular kind of difference could be especially polarizing. And while I was kind of angry with Betty for suggesting he come to me with this – it did go against my agreement with the school, after all – I knew why she had. It was no secret I was gay. The few times I had gone to a social event here, it had been because Harlow dragged me there.
To alleviate Astrea's anxiety, I said "She had you come to me because I'm gay. Though I'm sure none of the teachers would give you a hard time about this." If they did, I would see to it that they very quickly weren't teachers here anymore. My mother might have no jurisdiction here, but no way would the school want to piss off a monarch over bigotry. It would mean giving up my anonymity, but I didn't care.
Surprised blue eyes met mine and he smiled for a second before his nerves visibly returned. "Promise not to tell?" he whispered.
"I swear, I won't betray your confidences."
Astrea's eyes darted to the door again. He licked his lips nervously and whispered, "I'm trans. I'm... I'm a girl."
I definitely stared too long, but it was only because I was kicking myself for being surprised. The first thing I ever learned about him was that he liked to go by a girl's name. Heck, even though I wasn't technically supposed to know it, I always thought of him as Astrea instead of Adras. It was a wonder I hadn't mixed up his name out loud yet. So I really shouldn't be surprised by this.
At least the name issue was something I might be able to fix now. "What name do you like to go by?" I asked again, echoing our very first conversation.
And just like I'd hoped, this time he – no, she – said, "Astrea."
A genuine smile spread across my face. "Nice to meet you, Astrea."
She smiled back. "It's such a relief to hear that name again. The only person who ever calls me that is my sister. Everyone else follows my father's lead, and he doesn't get it. He thinks this is a phase, or me acting out because my sister's his heir."
Could my father's ass-hattery get any worse? Maybe I had been better off being abandoned by him.
"I'm sorry," I said, since it was about all there was to say.
"Coming here was my brilliant idea to have a fresh start, but my dad enrolled me under my deadname and he told me he'd pull me out and bring me back home if I didn't go along with it. I think his biggest fear is having it get out that I'm different," Astrea said.
She sighed and I tried to think of something I could say that might erase the sad, unfocused look in her eyes. She beat me to it, though. Astrea sat up and looked at me with obvious curiosity. "How does your family feel about you being gay? Um, if you don't mind talking about it, Mr. Knightley."
Did she have to start up again with the Mr. Knightley crap? "You can call me Zale when it's just us," I told her.
"But-"
"You call me Zale, and I'll call you Astrea," I said. She smiled at that and nodded. I nodded back and answered her question. "It's always just been me and my mom, and she's really supportive."
"Lucky," she muttered.
"Hey, at least you have your sister, right?" And maybe someday, she could look at me as her brother, too. If I could ever figure out how to get us to that point without making her feel utterly betrayed.
"Right. Well, I'd better get going. I'm supposed to meet Brandy and Kyle to knock out our history project."
"See you Monday," I said, and Astrea gave me a bright smile on her way out that thawed the awful numbness I usually felt. Sure, I still wanted to curl up in bed, but the idea of doing something more didn't seem completely insurmountable.
My sister had opened up to me, and we had just made way more progress than I would have dared hope for so soon. I decided to ride this wave of positivity while I could, and instead of heading to my suite to climb into bed, I went there to grab my keys. My mother would appreciate a visit, and anyway, there was something I wanted to pick up for Astrea back home.
Only, someone was leaning against the wall opposite my door, that new teacher, Fen. He had still somehow not yet given up on the idea of us being friends, and I was too used to seeing him pop up all over campus to be surprised to find him waiting for me.
I had half a mind to go straight into my apartment and close the door behind me. Surely, he would get the hint that I didn't want to be friends, or at least, he'd give up for today. But that would be a little ruder than I was comfortable with, so I reluctantly asked, "What do you want?"
"Hi, Zale! I was just wondering if you might want to go get some dinner off-campus with me? I hear there's a good seafood place pretty close to here," Fen said hesitantly.
His eyes were fixed low and kept darting up at me, reminding me of Astrea not too long ago. His shoulders were curled in and there was a lost look in his eyes that made the broken parts of me ache in sympathy. I didn't want to go, but I didn't feel good about rejecting him outright when he was looking at me this way. He was probably feeling alone in a new place and had the misfortune to pick me for a prospective friend.
"I'm not hungry," I said, thinking, Please take the hint.
"Oh. I know it's early for dinner. We could meet up in an hour or two?" he asked hopefully.
Was he completely oblivious? How could he not realize I was the wrong person to be asking?
At least I knew he couldn't be trying to ask me out. I didn't remember much about the fae from my studies, but I did know two things about them: they all have soul mates, and they're from another realm. I had no idea why he was here, seemingly alone, instead of living off in fae land with his soul mate. It wasn't my business. It was enough to know he had a perfect match out there somewhere and that it was not me.
I sighed and looked back at his sad, nervous eyes again. I really shouldn't have, because they made my chest ache and I found myself nodding before I had made any conscious decision.
"Fine. I'll meet you downstairs in an hour."
And then, because it made me feel just a little bit better, I walked into my suite and shut the door firmly behind me.
--
It was a little past an hour later when I went downstairs and found Fen sitting in the little lounge area. He perked up when he saw me, and his eager expression combined with the way his head cocked made him look just like a puppy. He smiled widely and I saw him bounce up onto his toes a bit when he stood.
This man was way too high-energy for me.
"Let's go," I said, and silently added, and get this over with.
Fen's smile faltered for a second and I saw a flash of uncertainty darken his expression, but he brightened right back up and nodded. "Do you want to drive or teleport?" he asked.
Say what, now?
"You can teleport?" I asked. And I think I sounded a bit too interested, because Fen took it as permission to move way too close to me, and with the way he looked up into me with focused, smiling eyes made it feel like that breathless moment right before a kiss.
Not happening.
I took a step back, and then another for good measure. Fen seemed completely unphased, so maybe it was all in my imagination. He answered my question easily, like nothing had just happened. "Sure can. Want to try?"
Fen held his hand out to me and wiggled his fingers in invitation. Well, I wasn't going to turn down the chance to teleport. I put my hand on his and Fen laced our fingers together. I opened my mouth to protest, but before I could get a word out, the world shifted in an instant. We weren't in the faculty building anymore; we were standing in a little alley between buildings.
I pulled my hand away from Fen and had to actually shake him off when he clung. Still, he deserved a little acknowledgment for getting us here so quickly. "Neat trick."
And Fen lit up at my words. Literally.
"Hey, cut the glowing!" I hissed. Thankfully, we were still hidden away in the alley. His eyes widened dramatically and I had to admit, his surprise and alarm when he looked down at himself and saw that he was glowing like a beacon were a little funny. I had to laugh.
We shared a smile and Fen's brow furrowed while he seemed to force the brightness to dim. The expression made him look constipated, and I snickered again.
"Let's just go," Fen said, seeming a little embarrassed. I smirked at him and we headed out of the alley together.
Maybe this dinner wouldn't be so bad.