i was giddy the whole ride, a smile graced my features as we drove to alexandria.
"someone's happy."
"can you drive faster?" i ask.
he chuckles, "nah, how about we go slower."
"no, no, faster."
"you're like a little kid, did you miss them that much?"
"yea, they're my family. of course i missed them."
"hate to break it to you, but i'm your family now, you're my wife."
"yea, whatever you say," i give in hoping he'll drive faster.
"sit back and stop bouncing around, you're going to get hurt."
"yes, father," i say sitting back.
"jokes on you, i like you calling me that."
"dirty old bastard."
"i'm not old. i am a dirty bastard, however, but not old," he complains.
"you have grey hairs, you are old," i say as i look back at the sleeping children.
"that does not make me old."
"eh," i say shaking my hand, "how old are you anyway?"
"21."
"don't lie."
"i'm not tellin' you, then you'll really think i'm old. how old are you?"
"26."
"damn, you are old."
"am not."
he continues his playful banter all the way to alexandria. wow, it's a surprise we're getting along this long. when i see the gates, i perk up. hopefully rick and carl will actually want to see me.
mason groans in the backseat, he'll be groggy but at least he's up.
"cawl?", he asks as he rubs his eyes.
"let's go see him, bud," i say.
negan opens his door, standing on the edge of the truck, "you gonna let me in prick?"
rick climbs up the guard tower and once he sees who's there, he opens the gate. when we park, negan gets mason while i get mila, who's still sleeping.
rick meets us at the gate, a stern look on his face. "what are you doing here? we still have a few days before our next delivery."
"your nephew wanted to see you. smile prick, they aren't dead," negan says as he puts an impatient mason on the ground.
"uncle wick!" mason says as he runs to his legs.
"hey little man," rick says as he leans down and picks him up, "judith misses you, do you wanna go see her?"
"judy!" he shouts as they turn and head to rick's house.
instead of following them, i go to see sarah. i used to see her all the time, i'd talk to her and tell her all about her kids.
"where you goin'?"
"to see sarah," i say as i walk off.
"who the hell is sarah?" he says as he catches up to me.
"my sister, mason and mila's mom."
"oh," he says with a regretful look on his face.
i walk up to her grave and sit beside it, dusting off her headstone.
"hey sar, sorry it's been so long. kinda been busy, can you say hey to lori for me?" i say. negan watches me before walking off, presumably going to rick's house.
"you won't believe the shit i've been up to. and mila, she's four months old now, she's almost rolling over! god, i wish you could see her, she looks just like you. and mason, he looks just like luke. he's got your attitude though. i still tell him about you, he asks about you all the time."
10 minutes later..
"you know i'd stay longer, but mila's getting fussy and i left her stuff. i love you sar, give lori a kiss for me," i say after standing. a stray tear makes it's way down my face as i make my way back to the truck to get her bag. just as i was about to head to rick's i see carol on her porch.
i walk over to her house and climb the stairs, "hey, carol."
"hey, y/n."
"are you mad at me?"
"no, i just...well maybe a little bit."
"it's okay. you can be mad at me," i sigh, "carol, i didn't have a choice, he made me. he would hurt that little boy and all of you, i just...had to."
"you always have a choice, y/n."
"yes, i did. become his wife or watch you all die. don't tell me you'd do any different."
"yea, i..i guess i get that. but, everyone else is pissed. maggie especially."
"wait, is she here? is she okay?"
"yea, she's right inside. i had to hide her, negan thinks she's dead. it needs to stay that way."
"i won't tell a soul," i say with a smile as i bounce mila up and down.
"come on in," she says as she opens her door.
"maggie?", i call after carol shuts the door. maggie stands up from the couch. "maggie, oh my god. it's you. are you okay?"
she looks at me, anger lingering in her gaze.
"maggie?", my voice cracks.
"you married him? you married the monster who killed my husband? who killed the man who helped you with those crying babies?"
"i didn't have much of a choice, maggie, i would never do it if it didn't get you all killed."
"but you did. you..you saw what he did to glenn and abraham. i thought we were friends and you just...you go off and marry him?!"
"maggie, he was going to kill that little boy and all of you, i had to. believe me, i don't want to be married to him."
"i..i don't understand. what little boy?"
"the other day when we came in the middle of the night, i was sneaking a boy back. he needed surgery and negan was going to let him die because his mother didn't have enough points. i couldn't watch him die, i had to do something. and after the surgery, negan was here. he told me i'd broken multiple rules and i had to marry him if i didn't want you guys hurt. i had to maggie. i had to."
"that sounds like something you'd do," she says as she sits back down.
"are you mad at me?"
"not anymore, but i am going to kill him. maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday i'm going to kill him," she calms herself, "just come sit down. we have got a lot of catching up to do," she says with a friendly smile.
"i don't blame you. anyways, how's our baby doing?"
"he's good."
"it's a 'he'? oh my gosh, maggie, i thought for sure you'd have a girl."
"i did too, how's my girl doing?" she says smiling at mila. mila reaches out for her and she takes her.
"she's good, she's four months now."
"you're just so big aren't you?" she coos at mila, "and how's my mason?"
"he's good, he definitely acts like his aunt maggie though."
"well, he learned from the best, where is he by the way?"
"with rick, he wanted to see judith. hey, have you seen carl?"
"he lingers some. he's...he's different, you know?"
"i don't blame him, i need to see him before i leave though. do you know where he'd be?"
"he's usually with enid. those two have been getting close."
"i think they'd be cute together."
she laughs, "me too. y/n, if you don't mind me asking, what the hell are you wearing? doesn't seem very zombie apocalypse to me."
we laugh, "he makes us wear it."
"who's 'us'?"
"he has multiple wives. like a lot of them. it's kinda nasty."
"god, that man is disgusting."
"cookies are ready," carol calls from the kitchen.
maggie and i stand and go to the kitchen, carol hands us each a box of cookies. "these are a lot of cookies carol, i don't think i could eat them all."
"of course not, my little mason needs some too."
we chuckle. "oh shit," carol mumbles, "maggie get upstairs, he's coming this way."
"shit, here y/n," she says as she hands me mila.
"here we go again," i say under my breath, "i'm gonna get out of here carol, i'll see you later?"
"of course, sweetie," she says as she hugs me, "bye bye my beautiful mila," she pinches her cheeks.
"bye, bye," we wave as i open the door.
"was wonderin' where you were," negan says.
"just talking to some people, let's go see carl."
"sure thing, wife." mila reaches for him and he takes her, "there's the prettiest girl in the whole wide world," he says throwing him up in the air.
i smile at the sight. we make it to rick's house and judith runs towards me, talking in 'baby language.
i pick her up, "judy! i missed you," i say kissing her cheek and making her laugh. mason runs straight into my legs, jealous of course.
"mas!" judith yells.
"she's gotten pretty good at names," i say to rick as he walks out.
"we're working on it," he says through a forced smile as he looks at negan out of the corner of his eye.
"where's carl?"
"at the school with enid," i raise my eyebrows up and down, "nah, i don't think so."
"he's a player, and he and enid have been 'friends'," i say with the air quotations, "for a long time."
"he won't talk to me about stuff like that."
"well, let's go see the boy. i'm sure he'd love to see me," negan says with a big smile on his face.
rick's looks of hatred return as he shows us the way, judith and mason run ahead of us.
"those two are real cute, not as cute as their aunt though," negan says winking.
i watch rick's body posture, he tenses up at the compliment. "i think they're cuter."
"aw now honey, you look mighty damn good. don't doubt that."
"i know, but still."
he chuckles and turns his attention back to mila, who's pulling at his beard.
we reach the school and open the door, judith and mason run to play with the other children, and there stands carl and enid, both tending to a baby.
"y/n!" enid says.
"enid," i say as i hug her, "carl, you gonna say hello or what?"
he merely waves at me, "well, okay then. enid, can you and i talk?"
"sure," she says as she hands the baby to rick. we step outside and sit on the bench. negan's people surround us but we can still talk away from the children, so that's a plus.
"what's up with carl?"
"nothing really, he just...", she trails off.
"he just what?"
"he's mad at you for marrying negan."
"is that all?"
"well, also for taking the kids and not letting them stay here."
"rick can't handle any more stress and i'm not letting anyone else raise them. of course i would take them with me. and enid, i only married negan so he wouldn't kill all of you."
"i'm not mad, i understand, but carl...he just doesn't. he sees it as a betrayal."
"i guess i can understand that, i need to talk to him though. how are you two by the way?"
"what do you mean by 'you two'?", i raise my eyebrows, "oh no. we're not a thing."
"enid i can tell you like him. i think he likes you too."
"really? because sometimes i think he hates me and then sometimes i think he's in love with me. he's just so confusing."
"he's like his father. he's difficult to understand and he doesn't show his feelings, but thankfully, he's like lori too. she used to have this look about her when she liked someone. i memorized it and i definitely see him looking like that when he's with you."
"really?"
i shake my head yes. "i think you should give it a shot, if he says no, he says no. but at least you'll know. and he's a teenage boy, he's going through some stuff. teenage boys have never been the ones to be able to express emotions."
"yea, i will. thanks."
"of course," i hug her, "now, could you please ask carl to come out here? i think he's too mad to do anything i ask."
"sure, i'll go get him."
a few minutes later carl comes out the door, shutting it behind him.
he huffs, "what?"
"first off, watch your tone, and second sit down."
he practically throws himself into the chair, typical teenagers. "what do you want to talk about?"
"why are you mad at me?"
"because."
"that's not an answer, because why?"
"because you married that asshole! and then you took the kids with you, they'd be better off here but you took them. and that asshole in there, he killed our friends and look at you! all dressed up in and smiling pretty at him. mom and aunt sarah would be so disappointed in you."
"carl!" i yell back as he storms off.
"what? what could you possibly say that would make this better? huh?"
"i didn't marry him just for the hell of it! i married him to keep you alive. and i took the kids because your dad is going to have another heart attack with all this stress. he is doing good enough raising you and judy, he can't handle those two. they need to be with someone that loves them and someone they know, so i took them. and since you want to talk to me like an adult, i'll treat you like one. fuck you for what you said. fuck you, carl."
"y/n!", rick yells from behind me.
"what rick? what?"
"you just told my 15-year-old 'fuck you'. why the hell would you say that?"
"because your 15-year-old wants to act like an adult, like he knows everything, so i'm going to treat him as such." i turn to look at the group gathering, including negan and his group, "and let me just make this clear to everyone that's pissed at me right now, i didn't marry that asshole over there because i wanted to. i married him so you all wouldn't die. so you could live in this fantasy world and pretend there aren't literal corpses walking around outside. and i took the kids because i'm who they need to be with. any more questions can be referred to the office of 'fuck you'," i say as i flip everyone else. i storm back to the school and pick mason up.
"where we going?"
"home," i pass negan, "you got her?"
he nods his head yes.
"then let's go."
"yes ma'am. tell next time prick." i walk back to the truck, tears running down my face, i'm pretty sure i look like a crazy person right now but i couldn't care less.
i place mason in his car seat and strap him in before climbing in the front seat, i wipe my tears as negan gets in.
"that was hot."
"shut up and drive," he eyes me, "please?" he smiles.
so much for being homesick.
------------------------------
a/n: i have anger issues so that's really what i'd say to carl lmao