Kazuma: 'Miscalculation. MAJOR miscalculation. I was trying to drag this out to stay in the castle as long as possible, not leave it entirely.'
The Chivalrous Thief was hitting nobles with bad reputations. To stop the thief, the party had to stay in a place where they thought the thief would hit. And that just so happened to be...
Aldarp: "So you came without hesitation."
(Y/N): "It just had to be you."
Aldarp ignored (Y/N) and set his eyes on Darkness. It was obvious that he was undressing her with his eyes.
(Y/N): "...Yuck. If he looks at you like that, I'm gonna kick his skull in."
The threat seemed to jolt Aldarp out of his...session. He then looked to Aqua, albeit with a lot less excitement than he did Darkness. Aqua hid behind Kazuma.
Aldarp: "Such beauty, as expected from Lady Dustiness' comrade. If I had to liken your beauty...Yes, I'd say like a goddess!"
Aqua poked her head out from behind Kazuma.
Aqua: "Hey, what do you mean 'like a goddess'?! I am a goddess! I am one!"
Aldarp: "A beauty with a sense of humor, how delightful!"
Aqua: "Just you wait for divine retribution!"
Aldarp treated Aqua's threat as a joke. He set his eyes on Megumin next, but was very cautious.
(Y/N): "Unless you don't mind living in a wheelchair, I'd watch where you step here, pal."
One of the guards that had gone out with Aldarp to recieve the party leaned and whispered to him.
Guard: "Sir, be careful. This girl is legendary for having a couple screws loose."
Aldarp: "Screws loose...So she's dangerous."
Megumin: "Why did you avert your eyes from me? If you're lucky, I might personally show you just what that man said."
Aldarp: "No, um...I think you're quite...Cute and pretty."
(Y/N) couldn't exactly decide if he was mad because he complimented Megumin, or because the compliment was halfhearted. Either way, the interaction elicited an involuntary growl out of (Y/N), which scared Aldarp out of saying any more.
Aqua: "Huh, are you keeping a Rookie Killer around here?"
Megumin held onto (Y/N)'s arm, calming him down just slightly.
Aldarp: "S-still, Lady Dustiness, are you implying that I'm a man with a bad reputation, that'll be struck by the Chivalrous Thief? It pains me to think that someone as famous as Lady Dustiness would believe the rumors on the street about me. I thought you'd be unwilling to stay in my house, but apparently you aren't against it. Well if you think I'll be targeted by this thief, then please, don't hold back, stay as long as you like."
Aldarp was trying to keep them in check with his sarcastic speech, one that would've worked on ordinary adventurers. But he should've known by now that this party isn't ordinary. Kazuma walked past him into the mansion.
Kazuma: "We have the go to stay as long as we like, so I'm taking the biggest room!"
Aqua: "That's no fair Kazuma! We should decide after we've discussed the options! I want the room closest to the dining hall!"
Darkness: "S-sorry for the trouble..."
Aldarp: "I see lady Dustiness has it hard too..."
(Y/N) picked Megumin up bridal style, without warning.
Megumin: "(Y-Y/N)?! Wh-what are you doing?!"
(Y/N): "Finding us a room."
(Y/N) started to walk inside, following Kazuma and Aqua.
Aldarp: "I'd appreciate it if you rabbits wouldn't breed in my sheets. It just makes more work."
Megumin: "E-excuse me?!"
(Y/N): "Wasn't going to anyway!"
Without looking back, (Y/N) shifted Megumin to hold her with one arm. He shot Aldarp the bird and continued inside.
Aldarp: "Foul-mouthed cretin."
(Y/N) suddenly burst out of the door, holding his fists up instead of Megumin.
(Y/N): "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME, YOU LITTLE BITCH?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS, AND HAVE BEEN IN NUMEROUS-"
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.
.
After a day of settling in, Kazuma and (Y/N) started to wander around the villa, searching for potential entry points.
Kazuma: "So it seems that the thief works from midnight to dawn."
(Y/N): "So what's the plan? Sleep through the day, stake out the night?"
Kazuma: "I had that idea, but I don't know how well it would work. We might just have to be on high alert between those times."
(Y/N): "Sounds good to- Kazuma, look at the windows."
Kazuma: "Huh?"
Kazuma followed (Y/N)'s gaze to a broken down window.
(Y/N): "Looks like Mr Krabs here is too greedy to properly repair a window."
Kazuma: "And if I were a thief, I'd break in from a place like this."
(Y/N): "Yep. We need to keep a watch here."
The two continued wandering as they conversed.
Kazuma: "You're way more excited about this than I thought you'd be."
(Y/N): "It may be Aldarp, but it's not every day you get to stake out and catch a thief. Sure as hell I'm excited about that."
Kazuma: "That's true. Now we should simulate the thief's movement pattern."
(Y/N): "And how are you gonna do that?"
Kazuma: "Logical thinking. Thieves can't learn Farsight, only archers and adventurers can, meaning that this thief can't see in the dark. If they come in between midnight to the break of dawn, they don't have any sight. If I were them, I'd hug the wall as I moved."
Kazuma hugged the wall as he moved forward. (Y/N) followed after him.
(Y/N): "You're a lot smarter than we give you credit for."
Kazuma: "I just have common sense."
(Y/N): "Hey, I take offense to that!"
Kazuma: "But you aren't denying it."
(Y/N): "...Shut up dude."
The two came to a quiet door.
Kazuma: "You think the thief would check here?"
(Y/N): "We've already established that you're the thinker here. But I think so, it pays to be thorough."
Kazuma nodded and pushed the door open. Inside was empty, other than Aldarp with a bucket if water and a rag, and a big mirror hanging on the wall.
Aldarp: "Hmm? Oh, it's just you two. There's nothing in here, so just go ahead and leave."
(Y/N): 'I thought he had servants for cleaning? Something's off here.'
Suddenly, someone appeared on the mirror. It was a maid, and she looked to be cleaning the shower next door. Aldarp looked to the side slightly.
Aldarp: "...Want to watch together?"
(Y/N): "Look, I know the struggle, but absolutely not."
Kazuma: "The best that we can do is keep this a secret. That being said, I'll be using this room for the remainder of my stay."
Aldarp hung his head and slowly started to walk out. Realization hit him, and he quickly shot back into the room.
Aldarp: "Wait! You just want a chance to peek!"
Kazuma: "N-no I don't! I'm just trying to protect my comrades!"
Something about Kazuma's last rebuttal caught (Y/N)'s ears.
(Y/N): "Wait...Which bathroom is this looking into?"
Aldarp: "The guest bathroom. Why?"
(Y/N) wasted no time in smashing the mirror, slamming his fist into it. Aldarp and Kazuma screamed.
Kazuma & Aldarp: "What was that for?!"
(Y/N): "You know goddamn well!"
Kazuma: "I don't know about Aldarp, but believe me, I wasn't about to spy on Megumin! Even if I wanted to, I know I'd catch hell for it!"
(Y/N): "So you admit you guys were going to spy!"
Aldarp: "You dimwit, you ratted the both of us out!"
(Y/N): "I already knew! I just thought it was funny you were confessing!"
As Kazuma and Aldarp fell to the floor in despair, (Y/N) walked out of the room. He turned and looked back at them.
(Y/N): "I'm coming back and checking this room again before she takes a shower, and if I find either of you here, you're fucked."
Kazuma and Aldarp made a noise in response, and then went back to moping as (Y/N) left the room.
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Later, (Y/N) and Megumin were in their room for the night. Sitting on the bed, (Y/N) picked and practiced with Amelia as Megumin polished her staff in a chair across the room. Suddenly (Y/N) put Amelia away and spoke up.
(Y/N): "Hey Megumin?"
Megumin: "Yes?"
(Y/N): "...Can we...fool around tonight?"
Megumin: "Wh-what?! But you said-"
(Y/N): "I know! And I wasn't planning on doing it either, it's just...I don't like be bossed around. Especially from that bastard of all people. Plus, I've missed you a lot, a little bit of lovin wouldn't hurt."
Megumin: "...I kind wanted to anyway."
(Y/N): "Alright! So what-"
Megumin: "Ah ah ah, I'm taking the lead tonight. This is for leaving me alone for a week."
(Y/N): "But I thought you forgave me?"
Megumin: "Oh I have. I'm just returning your favor."
Megumin locked the door, then walked over to him and kissed him.
(Y/N): "Wait, for good measure..."
(Y/N) reached into his boot he'd thrown onto the floor, taking the large knife from it's pocket. He threw it towards the wall, shattering the room's mirror.
(Y/N): "Please proceed."
Megumin pushed him down on the bed, and crawled on top of him. She held him down on the bed as they made out. They separated as Megumin pulled back, leaving a string of saliva connecting their mouths. She looked down at him with a fire in her eyes.
(Y/N): 'H-holy shit...This is fuckin awesome! Maybe I should leave more often!'
Megumin: "Fufufu, this is just the beginning. Now just be a good boy, lay back, and enjoy to your heart's content~"
(Y/N): 'Hey Eris? No, every god and goddess in heaven, THANK YOU SO FUCKIN MUCH!'
Megumin let out a seductive laugh as she watched his face start to burn up. Suddenly they heard a knock at their door. After not answering, the knock turned into a pound.
Aldarp: "I heard something breaking! What did you break?!"
(Y/N): "The mirror, and it'll be your skull next if you even think about touching that doorknob, you hear me?!"
He heard Aldarp jump back a little, then quickly make his way as far away from their door as possible.
(Y/N): "Please go on."
Megumin: "With pleasure~"
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.
.
Megumin fell onto (Y/N)'s chest in ecstasy. She crawled up to his ear, and whispered.
Megumin: "Nice...explosion~"
(Y/N) sighed.
(Y/N): "Did you really have to do that?"
Megumin: "Hmm? Do what?"
(Y/N): "That 'Nice explosion~' thing you did."
She giggled a bit at his intentionally bad impression of her.
Megumin: "Did it bother you?"
(Y/N): "I mean, a little. But not in the way you'd think."
Megumin: "Not in the way I'd-"
Megumin quickly went red as she felt something hard start to press into her butt. (Y/N) was twice as red, and couldn't look her in the eye.
(Y/N): "I-I'm really sorry."
Megumin: "N-no, it's ok. I'm glad to know that I have that...effect on you, even with just my voice."
(Y/N): "You're also kinda draping your naked body all over me. That alone would've been enough to put me over the edge had we not just finished."
Megumin: "Well...I'm not going to complain about going at it again. The night is still young~"
(Y/N): "This night just keeps getting better."
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.
.
Megumin: "Let's go on a date tomorrow."
(Y/N): "Darlin, I think you have the sequence of things mixed up."
Megumin: "(Y/N), I'm serious."
(Y/N): "Yeah I know, you're just so fun to tease."
Megumin: "Jeez, I thought I was the dominant one tonight."
(Y/N): "You were, and it was fucking amazing. Anyway, I'll go on a date with you on one condition."
Megumin: "Huh?"
(Y/N): "Let me sleep with my head by your chest tonight."
Megumin: "That's...not strange at all? Why?"
(Y/N): "You were the dominant one tonight, and it's always been a sort of fantasy of mine. I just wanna try being the one held tonight. Can we?"
Megumin felt her heart melt as he looked down at her with hopeful eyes.
Megumin: "Of course!"
(Y/N): "Really?!"
Megumin: "Yes! Come on, hurry up and let me hold you!"
(Y/N) smiled, then slid down in the bed and layed on his side, positioning himself with his head at Megumin's chest.
Megumin: "You know, a role reversal once in a while isn't bad. Is it everything you'd imagined?"
(Y/N): "Everything and more. I feel so safe."
He wrapped his arms around Megumin's stomach and pulled himself closer. He sighed in comfort as Megumin's heart started beating faster.
(Y/N): "Now I have one question."
Megumin: "Hmm?"
(Y/N): "Is it a date date, or an explosion date?"
Megumin: "...E-explosion date..."
(Y/N): "Good, cause I don't know shit about this city."
Megumin as smiled serenely as (Y/N) quickly felt fatigue start to kick in. Megumin petted his head as he drifted off.
Megumin: "I love you, (Y/N)."
(Y/N): "Love you too, Megumin."
And (Y/N) was out like a light. Megumin spent a few extra minutes petting (Y/N)'s head before she drifted off too.
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.
Megumin: "EXPLOSION!"
The sound of an explosion rang out through the rolling hills outside the capital as Megumin fell to the ground.
Megumin: "Whether it's destructive power or effective range, this explosion had it all! This is the mightiest explosion in a while!"
(Y/N): "It was something else. Now here."
He started to transfer mana to her.
Megumin: "What are you doing? Do you not want to carry me today?"
(Y/N): "That's not it. I'm giving you enough to run away, after all, nothing good can come from both of us being incapacitated."
Megumin: "Both of us...Are you going to cast explosion again?!"
If she could've moved, she'd have been bouncing up and down.
(Y/N): "That's the plan. You gotta judge me though."
Megumin: "Absolutely!"
Megumin finally stood up. She started jumping up and down in excitement.
(Y/N): "...I don't know what to chant. Can I just come up with one?"
Megumin: "Yes! Come on, cast it!"
(Y/N): "Someone's excited."
Megumin: "The person I love the most is taking part in the thing I love doing the most! How could I not be excited?!"
(Y/N): "W-well when you say it like that..."
He looked up in thought, trying to formulate something. He looked as if an idea came to mind, and pointed Amelia's headstock off in the distance.
(Y/N): "O mighty pillar of flame, death sentence baptized in fire! Blow this universe into nothingness with the scorching embrace of infinite destructive power! Warm my comrades, and warn my enemies as my wrath desecrates the earth below! EXPLOSION!"
An explosion went off in the distance, close to Megumin's. It still wasn't as big as Megumin's, but that was to be expected. (Y/N) fell backwards onto the ground, and Megumin sat down next to him, placing his head on her lap. He looked up at her with tired eyes. Hers however were shining bright, both literally and figuratively.
(Y/N): "You really weren't lying about casting that feeling really good. So how'd I do?"
Megumin: "You did great! You're making great progress, not to mention the amazing chant!"
(Y/N): "Well I learned from the best."
Megumin blushed and smiled wide. She went proceeded to hold (Y/N)'s hand until he was able to move on his own again.
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.
After a week of living in Aldarp's villa, the party were starting to overstay their welcome. Everyone had started hanging around in the same spot.
Aqua: "Where is it? I know you're hiding the expensive wine from me! Where's your cellar?"
Aqua had drank Aldarp out of house and home. Virtually all his wine was gone.
Megumin: "And then I finally used explosion, and with our Crimson Hellstorm, the Devil King general Hans was turned to nothing but cinders!"
Megumin had talked Aldarp's ear off, sharing all her heroic exploits.
(Y/N): "Darlin, what about Sylvia? You still haven't told that story."
Megumin: "Now Sylvia is quite a tale! It all started late at night..."
Whenever he wasn't out exploring the capital, (Y/N) kept feeding Megumin more stories and things to tell Aldarp, simply for the purpose of getting back at him. Kazuma wasn't exempt from making himself at home either.
Kazuma: "Miss maid! I'll take the usual massage today. And the white beef sukiyaki for dinner sounds womderful. Oh, and when that fluffy duvet I ordered comes in, just send it up to my room!"
Aldarp was starting to look thinner after his week with the party. He turned to Darkness, who was curled in a ball in the corner.
Aldarp: "L-Lady Dustiness...I did say that you may stay as long as you like, but..."
Darkness lowered her face in shame, nearly crying as it was.
Darkness: "Say no more! We'll be out right away! I'm so sorry for the trouble!"
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Late into the night, (Y/N) barely managed to escape Megumin's grasp. He quietly slipped out of the room, careful not to wake her. He began to make his way towards the kitchen, but bumped into someone in the dark. The two fell to the ground. The two figures pointed in unison at each other.
(Y/N) & Kazuma: "Thief!"
Kazuma looked disappointed.
Kazuma: "Oh, it's just you."
The two stood up and quietly conversed as they continued walking towards the kitchen.
(Y/N): "Yeah, hello to you too. What are you doing up?"
Kazuma: "It's midnight, neets like me are most active around this time. What about you?"
(Y/N): "I've been raiding his pantries whenever everyone is asleep, but I've been blaming it on Aqua. She was to drunk to argue."
Kazuma: "Smart move."
The two made it to the kitchen and began to search the pantries for anything good.
Kazuma: "You know, with Aldarp's reputation, I was sure that this place would've been a prime target for the Chivalrous Thief."
(Y/N): "Right? I thought so too. Maybe our perp caught wind of us."
Kazuma: "Could be...Damn, I can't help but be disappointed."
(Y/N): "You know what else is disappointing? This pantry. There's jack shit in here."
Kazuma: "We may have taken the opportunity to make ourselves at home a little too much."
(Y/N): "Seems like it, but we're leaving tomorrow anyway. Well, I'm going back to bed then."
Kazuma: "Yeah, me too. Goodnight."
Kazuma caught sight of another figure in the dark.
Kazuma: "Looks like Aqua's here too."
(Y/N): "Really? She's probably here for snacks too."
Kazuma: "She's almost as nocturnal as I am. Hey Aqua-"
???: "Not even a single sentry...To think I'd been avoiding this villa. Hmm? What's that strange presence?"
(Y/N) and Kazuma looked at each other and nodded.
(Y/N) & Kazuma: "Lurk."
The two stood still against a wall. (Y/N) activated his Farsight to see better.
???: "Was it my imagination? Oh well..."
The thief started to grab at things in the dark, trying to feel their way through. (Y/N) and Kazuma started to follow the thief as quietly as they could. As they got closer, (Y/N) gave Kazuma hand signals to tell him the plan. They'd pincer the thief, going on both sides of them to make sure they can't escape. (Y/N) would go low, Kazuma would go high. (Y/N) counted down from three on his fingers, and the two jumped at the thief from both sides, Kazuma taking their torso, (Y/N) taking their legs.
(Y/N): "YOU PICKED THE WRONG HOUSE FOOL!"
Kazuma: "What he said! Hey, keep still! You picked the wrong house to rob tonight! You might’ve been able to get by those other mediocre people, but don’t even think you can escape from us! We've fought generals of the Devil King’s army, some random thief is no match for us!"
???: "Stop! Wait a second...Could it be?!"
Kazuma who'd gone high, taking the torso, started to feel a soft sensation in his hand as he held the thief in place.
Kazuma: 'So the Chivalrous Thief is a woman.'
???: "Kazuma?! (Y/N)?! Kazuma, you're grabbing a strange place!"
Kazuma: "No, I'm just catching a thief. Wait, are you..."
The two finally realized just who they'd caught. Wearing a mask over her face, caught red handed was...
(Y/N): "Chris?! What the fuck are you doing here?!"
Chris: "I can explain, just let me up first!"
After letting Chris up, Kazuma lit up a lighter to see in the dark better. Chris was hugging her own body with teary eyes.
Chris: "I've been violated...I can never get married..."
(Y/N): "Dude, I get that we jumped her, we're bound to grab some unfortunate places. But you didn't have to fuckin molest her."
Kazuma: "Hey, she broke in, it's justified! Besides, I let her go before anything serious. Imagine if it was Aldarp that caught her."
(Y/N): "I'd really rather not."
The two stared down the sobbing Chris. Including her mask, she was in full black attire.
(Y/N): "Still, to think that the Chivalrous Thief was the one to teach us thief skills."
Chris: "*sniff* I'll be sure to teach you Bind next..."
Kazuma: "I'm sure you will."
Chris: "What are you two doing here anyway?"
The two explained the situation to Chris, and she tensed up.
Chris: "D-Darkness is here?! Oh no, she's gonna be real mad if she finds out about this!"
Kazuma: "It can’t be helped. Even though you’re a chivalrous thief, what you’re doing is still a crime. But Darkness will be on your side anyway, so if you apologize you won’t lose your life at the very least. Don't do the crime if you can't pay the time."
Chris: "Wait! You don't know the full story, there’s a reason for this!"
Before Chris could speak any further, the sound of people rushing through the villa was heard.
(Y/N): "It's the fuzz!"
Kazuma: "We made to much noise."
As Chris sat down on the floor and accepted her fate, she spoke again.
Chris: "I suppose it's alright. Darkness will be willing to help me when I explain the reason to her."
Kazuma: "(Y/N) are you getting the feeling-"
(Y/N): "That we're close to getting roped into something? Absolutely."
Chris: "You see, the real reason I've been stealing from nobles-"
Kazuma: "Nope! Stop! Don't tell us, and don't tell Darkness either!"
Kazuma started to push Chris back towards the kitchen.
Chris: "E-eh? But I-"
Kazuma: "Don't! Get out of here before someone else comes, we're letting you go!"
Chris: "No, um…Like I said, I need you two to help me with something-"
Kazuma: "No, we don’t want to hear it!"
(Y/N): "And have you thought this through? The one rushing here is pretty infamous when it comes to perversion! If he sees you caught like this, there's no telling what he'll do!"
Chris: "I-I'll retreat for now! I'll find you two again, and we can discuss how to take care of that matter!"
Kazuma: "Don't! Ah, bind me before you go! That’ll give me an excuse for letting the thief go!"
Chris: "I-I got it! Bind!"
She threw a rope at Kazuma and shouted, and his body was bound by it instantaneously.
Chris: "(Y/N), hurry, you too!"
(Y/N): "No, I'll chase you, but act like I lost you!"
Chris: "What?! Why?!"
(Y/N): "Kazuma will be fine, but it'll look strange if I went down without a fight!"
Kazuma: "Are you saying I'm weak?!"
(Y/N): "No, I'm saying you have more fucking sense than I do! Quick! Out the window!"
As soon as Chris made her way out the window, Megumin, Darkness, and Aqua showed up to see the commotion. They saw Kazuma bound and (Y/N) halfway out the window.
Kazuma: "It was the thief! (Y/N) jumped over their Bind, but it caught me instead! They're at least as strong as a Devil King general!"
Megumin: "(Y/N), wait it's too dangerous!"
But he was already out the window, chasing Chris across the rooftops. His plan was working, that is until Megumin leaned out the window and shouted for him to come back. He'd be suspicious if he let the thief go, so he had to think quick.
(Y/N): "Quick, try to Bind me! I'll jump it and act like it's too dangerous to keep chasing you!"
Chris: "Nice thinking! Bind!"
Chris threw a rope back towards (Y/N), who tried to jump over it. Tried. Instead, it caught his legs, sending him plummeting towards the ground.
(Y/N): "NOT PART OF THE FUCKING PLAN!"
He then crashed through a lower roof, straight into someone's bedroom. The woman screamed as (Y/N) groaned in pain. He grabbed the knife from his boot and cut the rope off his legs, and the woman hid underneath her covers. She heard (Y/N) stand up and walk over to her. She uncovered herself quickly.
Random Woman: "I'll give you all the money you want, just please...eh?"
She was confused as she saw the man who'd just fallen through her roof counting money. The thing that confused her the most was that the money seemed to be his own.
(Y/N): "Shit, sorry about this. Chasing a thief was a bad move apparently. Anyway, here's 100,000 eris, it should cover repair costs, and give you a little extra too. Take it as an apology."
The woman gingerly took the eris from (Y/N).
Random Woman: "...Th-thank you?"
(Y/N): "No problem. Sorry again. Have a good night."
The woman watched (Y/N) turn and limp out the door.
Random Woman: "...Was that a dream?"
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.
.
In the audience hall of the castle, Claire sat in the King's throne as his stand in. Kazuma and (Y/N) stood in front of her.
Claire: "I see...Despite all your talk about catching the thief, you two failed."
Claire looked at them with a sarcastic smirk.
Kazuma: "It wasn't a complete failure! We stopped Aldarp's home from being robbed!"
The nobles all around went into an uproar.
Noble 1: "They were so confident, and for what?"
Noble 2: "They're really no big deal, are they?"
They chattered in this way for a while.
Claire: "It seems that this Chivalrous Thief really is a hard person to beat."
When she saw Claire mocking her comrades, Megumin's entire disposition changed. She was about to step forward, but Darkness held her back. (Y/N) then stepped forward in her place.
(Y/N): "First off, I'd like for at least one of you to grow a pair and come say those things to my face. Come on, I'm waiting..."
The nobles quieted down, all quickly resigning themselves to doing whatever else.
(Y/N): "Really? Not one? Then slip in my piss and die."
Claire: "You-"
(Y/N): "Second! I fought beside you, Lady Claire. Hell, I slammed your sorry ass on the floor when I first met you. Do you really feel like doubting me, especially when all the evidence is on my side?"
Claire: "That's precisely why I am disappointed in you. Because you can do better than this. But for whatever reason, the thief escaped, and you two are to blame."
Suddenly, Iris leaned forward with clenched fists and a blushed face.
Iris: "Um...No matter what, thank you for your hard work! This wasn’t a failure in capturing the Chivalrous Thief, but a success in preventing his theft. No one truly has the right to blame you!"
(Y/N): "Why thank you Little Miss.
Claire looked at the two bitterly.
Claire: "The generous Princess Iris has spoken. You uttered such boastful words before so many nobles but failed. Normally, you would be punished. So be grateful to Her Highness Iris for her mercifulness..."
(Y/N) shot Iris a wave and turned to leave.
Claire: "You are to leave the castle at once, but not before you are dismissed. Just where do you think you're going?"
(Y/N): "Throat's dry. I'd say sorry, but I'm not ."
Claire: "Now you just-"
(Y/N) was already out the door before Claire could finish her sentence.
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.
.
After wandering around the capital for a while, (Y/N) finally found the place he'd made a mental note of when he was "exploring the city". He walked in the door and sat down at the bar.
(Y/N): "Whiskey, and throw in a splash of Neroid for me."
The bartender nodded and went back to business. Soon enough, a glass mug of whiskey was placed in front of (Y/N). He took a sip and gave a big sigh.
(Y/N): "Until Kazuma makes cola, this is the closest I can come to a Blacktooth Grin...Dammit, I'm ten billion percent sure that I should've payed more attention to Dr. Stone!"
???: "(Y/N)?"
He looked to the unknown man in the barstool next to him.
(Y/N): "That'd be me."
???: "No way, it's really you!"
(Y/N): "Look, I don't wanna be rude, but...do I know you?"
???: "No."
(Y/N) gave the man a blank stare.
(Y/N): "But you...know me?"
???: "Oh, I must sound crazy."
(Y/N): "Yeah, you totally do."
???: "No, I'm not nutty. But I've heard about you from my cousin. He's an adventurer in Axel."
(Y/N): "Oooh! That's pretty cool actually. Word of me has been spreading around a lot more recently."
???: "Wait, are you here to do a show?!"
(Y/N): "No, I just-"
???: "Hey everyone! The Musical Adventurer is here to play a show!"
The patrons of the bar gave a cheer. (Y/N) looked to the bartender.
(Y/N): "I really didn't come here to-"
Bartender: "Play something and your drink is free."
(Y/N): "Who's ready for some music?!"
The bar patrons gave (Y/N) another cheer. He walked towards the tables and put a chair up on top of the table in the middle. He jumped on the table and sat down in the chair.
(Y/N): "Hello, I'm (Y/N) (L/N), and I'm here to play you some music."
The bar cheered and clapped as (Y/N) started to strum some chords.
(Y/N): "There's a tear in my beer, cause I'm crying for you dear. You are on my lonely mind. Into these last nine beers, I have shed a million tears. You are on my lonely mind. I'm gonna keep drinking until I'm petrified. And then maybe, these tears will leave my eyes. There's a tear in my beer, cause I'm crying for you dear. You are on my lonely mind!"
The audience tapped their toes as they sipped their drinks.
(Y/N): "I'm gonna keep drinking til I can't even think. Cause in the last week, I ain't slept a wink. There's a tear in my beer, cause I'm crying for you dear. You are on my lonely mind!"
The bar gave (Y/N) another cheer, signaling their approval.
(Y/N): "I think it's about time that I introduce you to my best good friend here. Her name is Amelia, and she'd like to do a little singing for you."
(Y/N) played a slow lick, smooth as honey. The crowd cheered with all their might.
(Y/N): "This is called Darlin You Know I Love You."
As (Y/N) flipped on the looper for the backing parts, the crowd cheered. They only cheered louder when (Y/N) came in with the lead parts.
(Y/N): "Darlin. You know I love you. And love you, for myself. But you've gone, gone, and left me. For someone else...I think of you. Think of you every morning. And dream of you. Every night. And would love, just love to be with you...always. When night, began to fall. I'd cry! Cry alone. And I'd wish, that baby I could hold you. In my arms. Tonight...Oh, Darlin, you know I love you. And love you, for myself...But you've gone, gone, and left me...for someone else. Take it Amelia."
The patrons loved this song, it was clear. Each lick (Y/N) played, the bar cheered, including including the bartender. (Y/N) didn't know it, but he was starting to draw a bigger crowd. Two people that he didn't expect were standing in the doorway of the bar.
Mitsurugi: "So this is where's he's been."
Megumin: "I knew he'd be in a place like this."
Mitsurugi: "Wait, aren't you the Arch Wizard from Lady Aqua's party?"
Megumin: "Eh? You're the guy that (Y/N) fought back home...Matsuragi?"
Mitsurugi: "It's Mitsurugi!"
The bar cheered as (Y/N) finished the song. He caught sight of the two in the doorway.
(Y/N): "Tell you what, I'll make this the last song."
The crowd booed.
(Y/N): "Now now, the last song for this set. Who's to say I ain't coming back? Isn't that right old man?!"
Bartender: "You better!"
The crowd laughed.
(Y/N): "Well, the last song for right now is called Sweet Little Angel. I dedicate this to that sweet little angel standing by the door."
Mitsurugi:"E-eh?"
(Y/N): "Not you, doofus. The girl next to you."
The bar laughed, but laughter evolved into cheers as (Y/N) began to play.
(Y/N): "Got a sweet little angel! I love the way she spreads her wings! Got a sweeeet little angel mama! Lord, I love the way she spreads her wings. When my angel spreads her wings around me, I get all that joy and everything. I asked my darlin for a couple eris. And she put so much in my hand it spilled. I asked her for just a couple eris, people. And she put so much in my hand it spilled! You know I asked my honey for a little shot a liquor...And she gave me whiskey still!"
It was clear that he was feeling this song, and it just sang to the bar patrons even more.
(Y/N): "Ohhh, if my baby should quit me. I do believe I would die. If my baby were to quit me. I know damn well I would die! Lord, if you don't love me little angel! Please won't you tell me why?"
(Y/N) gave them a blues solo they'd never forget, then ended the song.
(Y/N): "Thank you! How about I come back later tonight and show y'all a little more?"
The crowd roared, and the bartender nodded at (Y/N), giving him permission.
(Y/N): "Well it's settled then! I'll see y'all tonight!"
He then hopped off the makeshift stage, and sat down at a table in the corner. Megumin was the first at his side. She sat down beside him, and he wrapped his arm around her as he sipped on another drink.
Megumin: "I'm your sweet little angel, huh?"
(Y/N): "Yeah, but you showed me a few nights ago that you are anything but holy, darlin."
She blushed and pushed her fingertips together.
Megumin: "I-I suppose that's true..."
(Y/N): "Don't worry, you know I love the ones that know how to get a little wild."
He shot her a wink, which only served to deepen her blush even further.
Megumin: "Even after all this time, you still know how to fluster me..."
(Y/N): "Sorry, you're just too cute when you're blushing."
She buried her face in her hands and leaned into (Y/N) as he laughed. Suddenly, someone sat down across from the two.
(Y/N): "Kitsurigi! How you been?"
Mitsurugi: "It's Mitsurugi! I'm starting to think you're doing this on purpose!"
(Y/N): "Whatever. So you back for more?"
Mitsurugi: "Yes, my abilities have doubled since our last encounter."
(Y/N): "Twice the pride, double the fall."
Mitsurugi and (Y/N) both stood up with their palms on the table, smiling.
Mitsurugi: "I won't lose this time!"
(Y/N): "We'll just have to see about that!"
Megumin: "(Y/N), think this through! Now is not the time, and here is not the place. You'd both get thrown in jail for sure, and that would only lead to more trouble!"
(Y/N) thought for a moment before sitting down again, Mitsurugi following suit.
Mitsurugi: "She's right. It's good I ran into you though. I need to talk to you about-"
???: "U-um...P-pardon me..."
Before Mitsurugi could finish his sentence, there was a young girl beside their table. She held piece of paper and a quill.
Girl: "I...I was wondering if you could..."
Mitsurugi: "An autograph? It's no problem."
Mitsurugi reached for the paper before the girl interrupted him.
Girl: "I-I mean no disrespect, but...I was hoping for the Musical Adventurer to sign it..."
Mitsurugi made a stunned noise that made (Y/N) laugh. He signed the paper for the girl, who bowed and thanked him profusely. Before she could leave though, (Y/N) stopped her. He reached down into his jacket pocket and pulled out a lighter. He lit it, and watched the girl's amazement.
(Y/N): "You can have this fire starting item, if you do one thing for me."
The girl nodded quickly.
(Y/N): "Show all your friends, and let em know that the only place to get an item like this is in a little shop in Axel. It's run by a nice lady named Wiz. Can you do that for me?"
The girl gave him a determined look and nodded again.
(Y/N): "Then here you go."
Girl: "Thank you so much!"
The girl then departed and went to the other side of the bar, closely examining the lighter.
(Y/N): "Back to business. You wanted to talk to me about..."
Mitsurugi: "A-ah, yes it's a matter of great importance."
(Y/N): "That still doesn't answer my question."
Mitsurugi: "It's about Lady Aqua."
The two looked serious all of a sudden.
(Y/N): "Megumin, can you go hang out with that girl or something?"
Megumin: "Huh? Why?"
(Y/N): "Cause I love you, and I don't wanna tell you to just straight up leave. But we have something we need to talk about, just us two. Go tell her some embarrassing story about me, since you love calling me a softie."
Megumin: "Maybe I will!"
The two laughed before Megumin got up and walked to the girl's table.
Megumin: "Would you like to see how this item works?"
Girl: "Yes please!"
(Y/N) turned his attention back to Mitsurugi.
(Y/N): "Alright, this seems serious, so get to the point."
Mitsurugi: "Apparently, the reason why the Devil King generals have been sent out is because a prophet in the Devil King's castle said that a bright light had descended onto the town of beginners. He wasn't very convinced when he dispatched Verdia, the Dullahan."
(Y/N): 'Then we whooped his ass.'
Mitsurugi: "Then the general Vanir went missing."
(Y/N): 'Fought him too. Although it feels like a fight everytime he's around...'
Mitsurugi: "Even the general Sylvia, who'd been attacking the Crimson Demons at the time, was subjugated."
(Y/N): 'Took a long time, but we still put her ass six feet under.'
Mitsurugi: "There are rumors going around that one single adventuring party was the cause of all their demises, and that they're using Axel as a base. There are also rumors that the Devil King will attack Axel because of this.
(Y/N): 'That rumor is definitely about us...'
Mitsurugi: "That bright light descending onto Axel...I believe that it's Lady Aqua."
(Y/N): "Don't give me that do goody good bullshit. You thought it was you."
Mitsurugi: "...I may have...thought so before..."
(Y/N) just sighed.
(Y/N): "Just forget it. It's almost definitely Aqua."
Mitsurugi: "I-indeed. Well, I-"
Girl: "Kyaaa!"
(Y/N) & Mitsurugi: "Kyaaa?"
The two looked over to see Megumin and the girl deep in conversation.
Megumin: "Then he threw his arms around me, and said-"
(Y/N): "Looks like they hit it off..."
Mitsurugi: "It seems so."
(Y/N) held up his head with one hand as they watched the two girls converse.
(Y/N): "It's a nice feeling though."
Mitsurugi: "Huh?"
(Y/N): "Being bragged about. Other girls I'd been with before never did anything like that, hell, some of em were afraid to be seen with me. But she takes enough pride in me to brag about me to complete stranger. It embarrasses me, but at the same time, I'm glad."
Mitsurugi stared at (Y/N) as he watched the two.
Mitsurugi: "We don't know each other very well, and we haven't really seen eye to eye...But I can't help but be happy for you, finding something this special."
(Y/N): "Thanks dude. You know, you're alright. More alright than I thought, anyway."
Mitsurugi stood up from the table.
Mitsurugi: "I'll take it. But I really must be going now. I look forward to our next match."
(Y/N): "Me too."
Mitsurugi: "I'll definitely win next time."
(Y/N): "You will try."
The two laughed a little bit before Mitsurugi left the bar.
.
.
.
After finding an inn to stay the night, (Y/N) went back to the bar and played another, longer set. He finally came back from the bar to the inn in the middle of the night, only a little bit wasted.
(Y/N): "Yes I'm baaaaaad. I'm nationwide. That was fucking killer."
Suddenly, he heard a scream in one the rooms. He investigated, and found that it came from Kazuma's room. He opened the door to see Chris on the floor with Kazuma over her grabbing her.
(Y/N): "You should've put a sock on the doorknob or something if you were getting down to business."
Chris: "(Y/N)! You saved me!"
Chris jumped up and ran to (Y/N), clinging to his side.
(Y/N): "I don't know what your game is girly, but I've already got myself a woman."
Chris: "That's not what I'm trying to do! What's with you?!"
(Y/N): "I may be a teeny weeny eensy weensy bit hammered out of my fucking head."
Chris: "...Still, I'm glad you're here."
Kazuma: "Oi, you broke into a guy's room in the middle of the night. Consider yourself lucky that it was someone with some self control."
Chris: "That's not what I'm talking about either! I'm here to discuss the matter from the other night."
(Y/N) staggered over and sat in a chair as Kazuma got back into bed, covering himself up.
Kazuma: "I already told you that we want no part of this!"
Chris: "But-"
Kazuma: "Hey Lebowski, you mind saying something to help me out?!"
(Y/N): "Fuck off. I'm just gonna take a little nap here."
Chris ran over to (Y/N) and started to pull him out of the chair.
Chris: "You can't sleep yet! I'm serious, listen to me!"
(Y/N): "Well excuse me, princess."
Chris: "Whatever, just hear me out."
Chris went on to explain divine relics to the two.
Chris: "If the user dies, then the relic is left here. Because of that, two of them have been left behind here. One is an item that let's the user summon and command monsters, while the other allows the user to swap bodies."
(Y/N): "Like Captain Ginyu?"
Chris: "Who?"
Kazuma looked at him blankly, then sighed.
Kazuma: "Yes (Y/N), like Captain Ginyu."
(Y/N) pumped his fist in the air. Chris was confused, but continued.
Chris: "...Among my thieving skills, there’s one that can sense when there's treasure in the vicinity. It's called Detect Treasure. And so, I used that skill to search in each of the noble houses in the capital."
Kazuma: "The only people who would collect those rare treasures are nobles with more money than sense, huh?"
Chris: "That's right! But I couldn’t find a single relic even after breaking in. But I'd always wanted to do something like a real thief, so while I was in, I swiped some cash that was gotten through some less than savory ways!"
Kazuma: 'So the Chivalrous Thief thing was spur of the moment.'
Chris: "Then I sensed a powerful treasure from the villa you guys were staying in, so I snuck in."
(Y/N): "So you broke in to get the divine relic...But why did you want the divine relic?"
The drunk (Y/N) brought up a good point.
Kazuma: "Hey, he's right. Why are you after these relics?c
Chris nervously scratched the scar on her cheek.
Chris: "The reason why I'm after these divine relics...Well, now isn't the time to tell you. You'll know when the right time comes. But anyway, did you see any strange treasures in the mansion? Did Aldarp have any kind of powerful magic item?"
Kazuma: "Other than the mirror he used to spy on the bathroom, no he didn't. But the powerful treasure you sensed, couldn't it just be Aqua's hagoromo? She's always saying something about it being a divine relic or something."
Chris lowered her head.
Chris: "A-All right, it's fine then...But there's a reason why I snuck in here."
Kazuma: 'This is where the trouble starts!'
(Y/N): 'This is where the fun begins!'
Kazuma: "Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't want to be dragged into all this unnecessary trouble! This one in particular feels like a really troublesome issue!"
Chris: "Hey! Don't be like that, just listen to me! I could sense a powerful treasure coming from the castle's direction. It's the same level as the one I felt in that villa, the presence of a powerful treasure!"
Kazuma: "It’s natural for powerful treasures to be inside the castle...So?"
Chris: "I know that you two have the night vision skill Farsight! I taught you Lurk and Enemy Detect too! With all these skills, you can sneak in together with me-"
(Y/N) stood up out the chair.
(Y/N): "Heist time, motherfuckers!"
Kazuma: "(Y/N), you shut up too! Don't try making us your partners in crime! I've had a bad feeling about this whole thing since you told me you showed in Alderp’s villa! Just why would we help you?"
Chris: "Don't out and out reject me so quickly! At least hear me out properly! It's only going to be more trouble if I don't recover these divine relics!"
Kazuma: "Then why don't you ask someone more hero-like?! Right now, there's a guy in this city called Mitsurugi, and he's snobby when it comes to being a hero! If it’s that him, all you have to say is 'The world will fall into chaos if these divine relics falls into the wrong hands!' Then he’ll definitely help you!"
Chris: "Why do you have to be so cold?! I just want you to help me! I'll just wait until (Y/N) sobers up! I'll even get Darkness to help me!"
Kazuma: "I can't speak for (Y/N), but when it comes to Darkness, just stop! Darkness is a noble! She'll be in a pile of trouble if your identity comes out!"
Chris: "But-"
Kazuma: "Just hurry up and go home! If you don’t go, I'll make good use of my new Bind skill! I suffered so much because of you yesterday!"
Chris: "I-I understand! I'll withdraw for now! We'll discuss this more tomorrow!"
Kazuma: "I already told you not to come back! Bi-"
Chris: "I-I'll be going now!"
Chris screamed and jumped out the window, leaving (Y/N) and Kazuma alone. Kazuma crawled back into bed, and (Y/N) tried to make his to the door. Before he could reach the door, he fell flat on the floor, and continued to sleep there until the next morning.
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These are really fucking fun to write. I'm enjoying them a lot, even if they take a little longer than usual. Not much to say here, so I'll leave you with something funny. Since wattpad won't let put videos from my gallery, just imagine this image with bullet hell boss music.
You know what, fuck it, I'm feeling degenerately generous today. Take some Chika ecchi I found.
Horniness aside, I hope you enjoyed, and I'll see you in the next chapter.