me and the kids has been out almost all day and vinnie has been at home. when we came home clair and carl went to their rooms and i saw vinnie in the couch, i walked over to him seeing he was asleep. i woke him up and then i realized he was drunk?! "vinnie what the fuck" i yelled. why the fuck is he drunk. "what. haven't you heard?" "no what?" "i got fired" "okay? and that gives you right to get drunk?!" he didn't answer. i walked over to him and pulled him up. "where have you been? because i know damn well you haven't gotten drunk here all by yourself" "i was at the- the bar" "with who!?" "thish girl" he tried to say. "what?!?!!" "we fucked so hard" "VINNIE WHAT THE FUCK GET OUT" i yelled at him. the kids came downstairs to see what was happening. "kids please go upstairs and close the door" i walked over to the door with vinnie and pushed him out. vinnie stop. please just go i can't look at you right now" i said smacking the door in his face with tears steaming down my face. he cheated on me while he was drunk. i feel so empty. he was the one person i loved. that i felt safe with. and he betrayed me. i can't describe how i feel i just feel empty. i walked to our bedroom laying in bed crying. the kids came in after a while and laid beside me hugging me. "i love you guys so much" "we love you too mom" we all fell asleep.
i woke up to my phone ringing it was vinnies mom. as she said those words i fell to the ground crying. i couldn't breath. he was. he was gone. forever. it's all my fault. i shouldn't have yelled. i shouldn't have pushed him out. i shouldn't have overreacted this way. how can i go back. god please let me go back. i couldn't look at myself. the kids are going to be devastated for years.
hi vinnie.
i hope your up there watching all off us. we all miss you so much. the first months i couldn't get out off bed, but it's getting better now. i can't stop seeing videos of us laughing and kissing. god i miss your lips. i just miss you. i'm so sorry for what i did. it was all my fault. if just i didn't do it you would still be here today. clair got a boyfriend named josh. and carl got a girlfriend named jasmine. they are both really sweet and pretty. i don't think i'll ever move one from you. i'll forever wear the ring you proposed to me with. i'll never forget that moment when the three of you came downstairs, the kids in the shirts and you in the back with the ring. i'll never forget all the memories we have made through all the years. i miss you so much.
i love you vinnie forever and ever <3
the end