I'm sorry
> > >
WINTER, 2018
... and a gentle brush of red
He sighed, lifting his suitcase out of the car. He glanced behind him at the house, watching as snow began to blanket the town. The wind whispered secrets to him, and the tree branches waved hello, for an old friend has returned. "Thanks," he said to the driver, shutting the door. The car quickly drove off, leaving him alone with the cold.
He slowly dragged his bag through the dusting of snow on their driveway, blinking away a flake that made its home on his eyelashes.
He shook his head, climbing the three small steps to his front door. "Home," he said before knocking. His keys were buried deep in his luggage, like the memories he once had in this town.
"Harry," whispered the woman as she opened the door. "We missed you," she added, allowing him to step inside.
"Took a holiday for you to visit," added his sister from the steps.
Harry sighed, pressing his lips together. "Hi mum, Gemma."
And that was that. The women turned away and continued to prepare dinner. Harry watched as they retreated to the kitchen, taking his beanie off his head. He lifted his luggage and brought it up to his childhood room, placing it down on the blue carpet. He sat on the edge of his bed, removing his shoes and jacket.
A soft knock at his door caused him to look up, speaking to allow entry to his vistor. His mother walked in, crossing her arms across her chest as she leaned against his door frame.
He let out a breath, brushing his fingers through his hair, which was getting longer. "This is more than me not visiting you." He whispered.
"Lottie and I have become great mates while you have been gone," Anne started, standing up straight. "She would ask if you planned on coming home to visit Louis, or if you would even muster up the courage to call him. Harry Edward Styles, this is not the man I raised. I allowed you to grieve with what...he did to you all those years ago, I defended you to the late Troy when you broke Louis' heart. You were hurting. And yet, you did it again. With no excuse this time. Louis was your best friend, and even a phone call could have pervented this, but nothing. No call to him, and barely even a call to me. Are we not your family, Harry? Who has been there for you all these years?" She whispered, wiping away a tear. He didn't like watching his mother cry. "I'm disappointed in you, Harry. That boy loves you more than words can describe. She had brought him over here once, a few weeks ago. She said it was because he insisted you were playing hide and seek and he had to find you." Anne said, moving to sit next to her only son. "I know seeing Louis again brought up many memories you had wished to keep buried, but you can't punish him anymore because of it. I love you, Harry, you are my son. I will love you no matter what, but please, make this right. You are hurting more than just yourself."
It was silent for a few moments. Harry didn't know how to reply to her, or what to say at all. All that he knew was that she is right.
Louis is his best friend. It's time he stops letting himself get in the way of that.
"I'm going to go visit him, for his birthday." Harry whispered, looking up at her, but she wasn't looking at him. "You're right."
"I'm always right," she replied before pulling her son into a hug.
• • •
A few days later, he made his way through the snow, admiring the streets on the quiet Christmas Eve afternoon. White silence blanketed the town, soft lights glowing within the houses. Christmas music flowed through his headphones and he stepped to the beat, holding the wrapped present close to his chest. A few people huddled together as they finished up their Christmas errands, laughing with holiday cheer.
"Mummy, is that guy Santa?" A young boy had said as he held his mother's hand at the crosswalk, blinking up at her through the snow.
Harry huffed a laugh, knowing the boy was referring to him. "It's my friend's birthday today." He replied, smiling. The boy's mom nodded in his direction.
The boy gasped. "Like Jesus?"
Harry laughed again. "Two Christmas miracles," he whispered.
The sound of the doorbell had him standing up straight. He fixed the black beanie on his head, smiling as the door opened.
It was immediately shut in his face.
"Zayn-"
"No."
The door opened again and Lottie looked up at him. She sighed, allowing him to enter. "Lou-!" She began, but didn't need to continue, the sound of two feet pitter-pattering through the house was quickly noticed.
"'Azzie!" Louis squealed, launching himself at the older.
Harry gasped, quickly dropping the bag to catch the small boy. The plastic enclosure landed on the floor with a crumble, and a stuffed cat slid across the floor. "Hi, Lou." He whispered, fixing Louis' position in his arms so he could hold him properly.
"I was born ta-day, 'Azzie!" Louis spoke quickly, wiggling around. "Say happy!"
Harry laughed, placing the boy on the ground. "Happy birthday, blue."
Louis clapped, grinning. "Yay!" He quickly became distracted by the stuffed toy on the ground, and ran off to show "pa", leaving Harry in the hallway with Lottie and Zayn.
Zayn huffed, rolling his eyes. "Asshole," he mumbled, following Louis into the kitchen.
Harry's attention turned to Lottie, who looked at him with sad eyes. She shook her head. "Don't make another promise," she whispered before leaving Harry alone with his thoughts.
Harry took a deep breath, rubbing his hands across his face. "Fuck," he said to himself.
Once Harry entered the kitchen, Louis was all over him, insisting they play together in the living room.
Mark looked up from frosting Louis' birthday cake and smiled, waving at the teen. "Good to see you, Harry! Louis is so happy you could make it. Lottie is always talking about how Lou calls you all the time, he's very lucky to have you, and I just know Troy thinks the same."
Harry blinked, glancing over at Lottie who looked at him with a neutral expression. It appears as if she didn't want a repeat of how Troy reacted after Harry hurt Louis.
"Thank you, sir," Harry replied, putting on a smile. He just knows that Troy wishes he could smack him across the face. "I'm very lucky to have him as my best friend."
"Now, 'Azzie!" Louis groaned from the floor.
After playtime, the five had dinner, which was actually just cake, per Louis' request... or large temper tantrum.
Harry sat next to Louis, smiling down at the boy as he dragged his finger through the pink icing, doing his best to ignore the hole being burned into his head.
After their cake-filled dinner, Louis insisted on going outside to play in the snow. Mark agreed and went upstairs to fetch Louis' snow clothes while Lottie, Harry, and Zayn cleaned up in the kitchen, very few words exchanged in the trio. Tension stood in the air, thick and cloudy, and the sun only came out from behind the clouds when Louis entered the room.
After Louis was properly dressed, the group moved outside, watching as Louis quickly took off into the piles of white.
Mark and Lottie excused themselves to get Louis' final birthday present, telling the excited boy that it was a surprise. Louis was more than happy for this incoming surprise and began to build a small snowman in their backyard to pass the time.
"'Azzie, play with Lou, peas?"
Harry laughed, nodding his head. "Course, boo." He said, but he couldn't escape the uneasy feeling. He looked over his shoulder and was met with the burning eyes of Zayn. The older crossed his arms over his chest, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Harry.
Harry sighed, knowing that Zayn would not let him have a break until they spoke. He stood up, walking over to the man. A part of him wanted to tell Zayn off, afterall, he has been Louis' friend for many, many years, and Zayn barely knows him. But he knew he couldn't. Zayn obviously means something to Louis, so he decided to put aside his pride for the sake of Louis' birthday.
"Mate-"
"I'm not your mate, Styles." Zayn bit, standing up tall. "You are a fucking asshole," He continued. "Louis does not fucking deserve your shit. Literally, fuck you. He is an amazing kid with a heart of gold that you have stepped on one too many times. You have done nothing but hurt him. I honestly don't give a single fucking shit about your past. The past cannot be changed. I'm fucking sorry for whatever happened to you, but nothing gives you the right to hurt him. There is too many broken promises on your part!" His voice got higher as he gestured to the boy they were discussing. "I may have not known Louis long, but he has wormed his way into my heart, and I'm fucking honored to be his friend. You should be too. You should be kissing the fucking ground he walks on! That boy loves you so much even after you walked out of his life, and he lets you back in each time you screw up with open arms! Lottie can forgive you... and Louis can forget, but I will do neither. I am going to make sure that boy does not get hurt again because of you." He finished, taking a deep breath.
Harry stood with parted lips, hugging his jacket closer to his chest. He had already received this from his mother, and now from a man he barely knew. But once again, Zayn was right, just like Anne was. Harry has fucked up, and he knows it. Once again, he doesn't try to defend himself, but instead nods his head in agreement with Zayn's words.
A cough was heard from behind them. "'Azzie?" Came a whine, causing the two men to turn around.
Louis looked down at his glove covered hands, letting out a whimper. He stood up, glancing at his two friends. "'Azzie", he whispered, before he hit the icy ground below.
"Louis!"
"Oh my God-"
"Louis!"
"Mark! Lottie! Call an ambulance!"
Snowflakes floated down from above, twirling and swirling through the air, ending their dance as they landed on the pink puffer jacket. Sirens broke through the white silence, and the wind cried out in agony.
The backyard looked like an unfinished painting. Most of the canvas was white, besides the small bundle of pink, and a gentle brush of red.
• • •
EARLY SPRING, 2019
The hardest battles are given to the
toughest soldiers.
The dull beep of the heart monitor was the only thing keeping him awake.
He sighed as he sat up in the uncomfortable chair, cracking his back. He turned back to the boy in the bed in front of him, squeezing the small, pale hand within his.
Its been weeks since he's shed a tear. It's almost as if he's cried up all of them, as no more would trickle down his face. The pain in his heart continues to spread, but his emotions were at a stand still.
The flowers on the table were beginning to die, but he knows Zayn will be bringing in a new bouquet soon, he always does once the first petal falls.
It is beginning to get warm in Doncaster, so the nurse insisted that they open the window to allow in the comforting breeze. The shade slightly swayed with it, creating its own dance with the wind. The two slow danced in the corner of the hospital room, whispering sweet nothings. Soon, the sun joined them, lighting up a path for their movements. They seemed to waltz to only a song they knew- soft, quiet, and full of love.
"Harry," said a woman from the door way. "Go home," she added, handing him a cup of coffee.
Harry scuffed, looking down at the styrofoam encasement. He reached his free hand out to take it, then placed it between his legs. "Okay," he replied quietly, looking toward the boy in the bed.
Long eyelashes created a soft shadow on the boy's cheeks. Thinning hair framed his face as small breathes left his parted lips. The boy shifted in his sleep, giving the larger hand in his a weak squeeze.
Harry sucked in a breath, brushing his thumb over the boy's hand. "I'll see you tomorrow, Louis." He whispered. He gently removed their interlaced fingers, sighing as Louis' hand fell open, waiting for its friend to return.
Even after he left, the curtain and wind continued their dance under the blessing of the sun. Quietly, they kept their pace, dancing together until the moon took place in the sky. They then parted, promising the other that tomorrow they would start again.
Harry only hoped for the same.
> > >
Author's Note:
I think you know what's going to happen...
I'm sorry
[ the more comments on the ACTUAL STORY and not the A/N, the quicker the finale will come ]
published on june 9, 2021 with 2,200 words