long kinda angsty chapter coming up lol
his mouth tasted like iron, that much to be expected from the punch he received earlier. but looking at all those blood--which wasn't his at all--on his shirt, he could say his win today had been way victorious. usually, his alpha within him had always got him unscathed (aside from a few little punches here and there) and he was thankful that they were both strong.
perhaps this was why everyone called him 'mutt', because he was just unbeatable. jeongguk wanted to take pride on it, because it stilled fear on people but he would be lying if the emptiness inside hadn't gradually grown day by day. people still came to fight him, the more fear they had, the more daring people became. and jeongguk didn't have the slightest intention to befriend anyone. even if namjoon had tried so hard to make him feel accepted in this new high school located in a big city like seoul.
honestly, country boys and city boys were just the same, jeongguk thought. city boys might have more privilege and better education, but everyone still called him monster. just because he had a stronger alpha wolf than average, just because he was good in taekwondo, just because he was also smart.
his alpha was sated and very sure what he had done all this time were right. to trample on those people who asked for it. with unsympathetic eyes, jeongguk looked over at all those unmoving bodies of passed out boys he had just defeated. there were few coming from his own high school, but the majority were from other high schools. he figured they must have tried to form big groups just so they could beat up that new alpha kid from countryside.
jeongguk wondered, if things continued like this... would he finally lose himself to his alpha? would this emptiness grow and swallow him whole? what should he do, then? let everyone beat him to pulps just so they had their satisfaction? it'd been like two weeks but the numbers of boys he had defeated couldn't be counted with numbers anymore.
"a-are you okay?" jeongguk lazily turned his head into the direction of that quivering voice. had jeongguk missed his punches someone could stand out? he had been wrong though, because what greeted him was a small omega boy, because he never punched an omega before (except when they asked for it, but no omegas had ever had the guts to do so).
jeongguk ran over his eyes to a boy his age with soft brown hair, big eyes, and moles scattered on his small face. he was wearing the same uniform as jeongguk, and he was very pretty.
jeongguk only hummed in reply. he slung his bag on his shoulder and made to his leave. he thought this omega would just finally realise he had talked to the fearsome newbie and eventually too scared to maintain eye contacts with him. but he was surprised when a hand reached out to hold him in place.
"u-um, you have bloods all over so I-I think you need to be treated," the omega boy said, his voice getting smaller and smaller towards the end of his sentence. but when jeongguk turned around, he could see the boy's unwavering, straightforward gaze onto him. it was as if the smaller boy had made his resolve already.
"so what? you gonna treat me?" jeongguk asked, expression cold and disinterested.
the omega looked determined. he nodded vigorously, fire on his eyes despite bodies trembling in fear. "y-you look so cool! I thought I could h-help you a little..."
it was the first time someone had called him cool and looked at him with such admiration so blatant jeongguk almost couldn't believe it. he felt somehow... warm and his alpha seemed content with agreeing to the said boy. so as usual, jeongguk followed his instinct and let himself indulge to the other boy's request. "sure... I'm jeongguk," jeongguk said.
the boy widened his eyes in surprise. he probably thought jeongguk would refuse him, but the alpha could see a bit of relief on his relaxed posture. he was still tense but he gave jeongguk the most adorable smile ever. "my name is taehyung! I'll take you to somewhere to treat your wounds then! but... ugh, can you walk?" taehyung saw his bloodied shirt, expression unsure.
"they're not mine," jeongguk simply said and he took the pleasure of having seen the mixed look of pure surprise, fear, and admiration of taehyung's expressive face. he got a feeling that they would become very good friends, which was funny because it was spoken from someone who only ever had one friend in his whole 15 years.
---
truth to his words, they became good friends. they just easily clicked with each other.
taehyung became the only person jeongguk could normally talk to at school and they hang out a lot. mostly it was jeongguk tutoring taehyung in math and physics, but nowadays they also had lunch and played simple games together.
slowly, jeongguk could understand taehyung's hobbies, what he likes, his personalities, and his life problems. one thing they had in common, aside from hobbies and taste, they both were bad in communications. probably because of the lack of social interactions.
jeongguk learnt that taehyung didn't have a good home life, that he was raised by his omega elder brother he loved very dearly that he was afraid he became a burden. taehyung was always overthinking. he was a worrywart with low confidence especially about his rank omega and kept his problems to himself, probably because he was so used to being alone that he didn't know who to talk to. overall, he was a handful but an enigma jeongguk loved to observe.
jeongguk also learnt that taehyung was so innocent that sometimes he had difficulties on deciding which things were right or wrong. the alpha knew taehyung also played with the wrong crowds and he needed help to get out from it. but jeongguk who was awkward himself he didn't know how to address it to taehyung. so he kept it to himself, and promised to always be there whenever taehyung needed him. why? because slowly, the omega had curved a small place inside his heart (not that jeongguk would tell taehyung that).
one day jeongguk asked taehyung about his score of the exam they studied together. he was surprised with how reluctant taehyung tried to show him, because usually taehyung would beam at him and show off his good scores and thanked jeongguk wholeheartedly that it was because the alpha taehyung could nail the exams. deep down, jeongguk knew that taehyung was a smart boy but he just never acknowledged it. today was a different case, though, so jeongguk forcefully snatched the paper hidden behind taehyung's back.
"isn't this good?" jeongguk looked at the kicked-puppy-looking taehyung with huge confusion because in no way was taehyung's score close to bad.
taehyung gulped in shame, "that's because I got number 3 wrong... you just taught me that yesterday but I totally forgot it... I'm sorry, jeonggukie."
at his reply, jeongguk's heart raced faster and there were butterflies in his stomach. he refused to accept his feelings because he knew taehyung was someone else's. although, he couldn't help but reach out to pat on the omega's fluffy hair. "it's okay, you've done your best, tae. good job."
taehyung looked at him weirdly and suddenly excused himself to the bathroom, much to jeongguk's bewilderment. as a very curious person, jeongguk silently followed his friend only to find the omega sobbing by himself. his trembling back looked so small and there was nothing jeongguk wanted but to protect him from the world.
he wished taehyung would cry in his arms and look him up with that determined eyes. jeongguk's only wish now was to be someone very capable taehyung would lean on to.
---
everything turned worse, but still, taehyung kept his problems to himself. dealing with the wrong crowds had reduced what little confidence taehyung had, and jeongguk didn't have the heart to see it.
he was difficult and sometimes jeongguk didn't have the patience because he was still a boy himself. they fought a lot and jeongguk had blurted out his deepest secret because of his idiocy.
"it's okay," taehyung had said. "you don't have to worry about my own problem."
and jeongguk had snapped in anger. "you've always been like this!" he shouted, too blinded by rage to see taehyung's fearful expression. "seeing the person I like enduring so much, hurting and not telling other what he wants. I can't hold back anymore! don't you understand why I care about you so much?!"
they had fallen into silence, jeongguk trying to calm his beating heart, and taehyung just looking at him in shocked, teary eyes. the omega blushed prettily and that made jeongguk's hope bloomed deep in his heart.
but taehyung only hid his face. "...I'm not fit for you, jeongguk," taehyung said.
when the omega had left him alone, jeongguk could only hear the sound of his heart breaking. he had been so confident that he forgot taehyung already had someone. perhaps he had been so confident that he overlooked the situation and thought taehyung hated his boyfriend's crowds...
---
jeongguk ended up beating joohyun and all of his friends.
fueled by the anger of his recent rejection plus his revenge for everything those despicable alphas had done to his taehyung had made him unstoppable and formidable that they were defeated immediately after one punch. he punched and punched until the skin on his fists turned raw, and those kids' faces had bloomed with dark red.
he wasn't satisfied, very far from it. they deserved to rot in hell and his alpha agreed wholeheartedly.
he almost went berserk if taehyung hadn't jumped on him and stopped him from killing any of those kids. that day, taehyung cried in jeongguk's arms and blabbered all of his problems and insecurities. that day the omega apologised for rejecting jeongguk and being unfair for him. that day they rejoiced in their healing friendship and most likely, the beginning of their blooming relationship.
jeongguk changed his view. instead of someone who kept worrying and overthinking, taehyung was someone who was good in remembering and very thoughtful. he was a serious and delicate person. and jeongguk loved delicate things because he could support them and be capable.
---
they only started to date after they graduated high school. it was because they both needed time to heal themselves, so by time, they had changed for the better.
taehyung had slowly learnt to love himself, bit by bit. jeongguk had also learnt to control his alpha. they still needed to grow, though, but they were mature enough to learn from mistakes and solved their problems together.
one thing they were still bad at was communication.
in university, jeongguk was introduced to the world of knowledges and he fell in love with it. he was a curious young man after all, and so he indulged himself with so many things that he didn't know how it took more of his time than he expected it to be. after all, the more things you wanted, the more you had to sacrifice.
he didn't realise that he had slowly distanced himself from taehyung. as taehyung had called him before, jeongguk thought of himself as taehyung's hero and someone capable enough to be leant on. but sometimes you were not as competent as you thought, and jeongguk didn't know that.
his distance brought him to misery and he chose to drown it with his works and university life. they didn't communicate well, and jeongguk missed many times taehyung had cried behind his back.
jeongguk had insecurities, too, he was afraid to face on. he was very serious about taehyung but he was scared he might complicate things too much and damage the omega. worse, he was scared of losing him.
girls started to flock him and it was such a new, foreign feeling for jeongguk who had been not famous before that he had no idea how to deal with it. many girls had confessed to him which he of course rejected. only close friends knew about jeongguk and taehyung's relationship but somehow someone had spilled the secret, and so without jeongguk knowing, his growing fans had started to harass taehyung behind his back.
added by their new, vulnerable relationship and their poor communication, taehyung didn't dare to tell jeongguk about it. until a few months later, jeongguk was so shocked when he found out about it and he was hospitalized because of overwork emotionally and physically. he felt like a failure because taehyung didn't rely on him.
"am I that unreliable, hyung?" jeongguk brokenly said to namjoon.
namjoon only looked at him sadly, "taehyung is too difficult for you, huh? are you sure you can fix him, jeonggukie?" namjoon's words felt like a slap to jeongguk.
---
another reason of his downfall was because jeongguk overheard some things. if someone like him could be overwhelmed by insecurities, so did taehyung who already had emotional baggage because of his traumatic past.
"we don't communicate, he didn't even tell me that he was hospitalised," taehyung brokenly said to jin. "even though I want to talk to him, I don't want to disturb him."
"by doing this, you are just distancing yourself away from him," jin had answered. "if he wanted to break up, what will you do, then?"
taehyung was silent for while, "I'll have to comply... I'll only be able to accept it... because someone like me couldn't be as persistent--" at that jeongguk ran away before he could hear the whole sentences because the world just suddenly turned too dark for him to see.
and so the next day taehyung met him in the hospital, looking very worried and sad, jeongguk almost didn't have the heart to face him. but he believed he had failed to be taehyung's hero so he must put an end to this. and that was what he did.
"should we break up?" jeongguk coldly said. would taehyung still call him his hero and tell him how cool he was?
jeongguk was surprised when taehyung fisted his hospital gown so strongly it shook him up. he could see how taehyung was trembling from his body, even if his face was turned downward.
"I was really happy..." taehyung said brokenly. "it was like a dream for someone like me to experience this kind of relationship... I will never forget you so thank you so much..."
jeongguk thought bitterly, is this the end for us? his alpha cried inwardly and it was probably the saddest he had ever felt.
"I wanted to say it felt wonderful... but I can't do it anymore!" suddenly taehyung shook his head. he looked up to catch jeongguk's guard with how fiery and determined his gazes were. "please don't say it! you need to hear everything I've restrained for long! please let me tell you my feelings, I'll even break it down for you!"
taehyung looked like he's gone too deep, that there was no backing up so he went all out. "if you don't take responsibility then I'll just turn you weak and you won't be able to live alone anymore!" he finished his sentences with sobs, tears spilling everywhere. both didn't realise how close their faces had become but they were too busy staring at each other in silence.
then jeongguk gave up his resolve. taehyung had grown all this time, but he was still the same. he had to accept the fact that he still had flaws and they were in it together. that relationship worked both ways, not only he was the pillar taehyung could lean on but he also could lean on taehyung.
jeongguk sighed defeated. "I'm sorry... I guess the lack of sleep and stress had affected my perceptions. I really am pathetic because I was wrong, I want to take it back..." jeongguk said, teary-eyed. "would you... hug me and let me cry in your arms? once again."
even if jeongguk had the strongest alpha in the world, he was still not a superhuman. he had flaws just like taehyung. and it was okay to still love taehyung if he stopped being his hero.
and thus jeongguk fell harder when taehyung hugged him tenderly, "it's alright," he said, "I'll never leave you because I love you, too, jeonggukie."
"but I'm too pushy. I get jealous often and sulk a lot," jeongguk complained in the crook of taehyung's neck, he sagged heavily on the omega. "I'm too possessive because I thought I wanted to heal you alone that I became this pathetic myself. my heart is narrower than an ant's brain."
"it's okay," taehyung said, giggling with jeongguk's sudden confession. "you're still the jeongguk I know from high school, who's very strong and hero-like. you're still the coolest person for me."
they spent the next hour just hugging each other without saying any words. happiness, jeongguk learnt, was something so frightening. loving taehyung was scary but at the same time made him dream of so many things. and he felt like, he would want to do everything taehyung asked him to do.
---
even with how many years they had been together, now that they'd married each other. they were still idiots in communication. small fights, huge fights, they still happened because not all relationships were perfect. and jeongguk knew it perfectly well.
but after everything that happened between them, deep down jeongguk trusted taehyung so much and he believed that every problems had solutions. they had grown, they were still growing, but they could always solve it together.
jeongguk had learnt to be patient and taken things slow. jumping up to conclusions usually took things for the worse, especially when he dealt with someone as complicated as taehyung. after all, they had come this far and still felt strongly for each other. they could've been soulmates and jeongguk wouldn't be surprised. as long as they were together, jeongguk knew they were formidable opponents to every problem in the world.
---
jeongguk had just finished his last class of the day. he strode lazily towards his car, knowing taehyung probably had finished up before him. the third year students had asked so many questions today about physics and his curiosity had forced him to answer every single of them thus making him later than usual.
true to his thought, he could see his pretty omega leaning on their car. upon noticing his arrival, taehyung gave him his most adorable smile and walked to meet his husband halfway. suddenly the omega pulled jeongguk in a tight hug, always catching jeongguk off guard.
with a muffled sound, taehyung said, "you did a great job today!" jeongguk was certain taehyung could hear how fast his heart beat just now.
then taehyung let jeongguk go and smiled brightly at him. "ah... it was jimin's suggestion. I think that really helped me recover a bit. classes were busy and rough, but I feel better now. thanks for letting me use you, jeonggukie," taehyung winked teasingly.
that made jeongguk's heart soured in tenderness. somehow taehyung had rendered his speaking ability into jeonghoon's level. "that--y-you can't--THAT'S A SURGE OF ENERGY!" jeongguk gave up and slumped his body on top of taehyung. "ugh, you're a really scary guy, you know?"
"huh?" taehyung was clueless. "aren't you the scary one, big bad alpha?"
jeongguk sighed. he just loved taehyung so much. "all the things I do to you... let's just go home," he said, and so he pulled taehyung with him to their car and they went home feeling charged and happy. thus, this became the story of how the strong, big bad alpha jeongguk became putty in omega taehyung's hands.
To be continued