Izzie POV
It's my final day at Clayton, and walking into school feels like agony. My heart seemed to clench, as I slump over to my locker pulling out my books for the day. All I wanted was Casey's warm arms, to take the pain away.
I didn't even notice the mop of raven hair next to me, until I shut my locker and jump back in fright.
"Hey." Lauren smiles kindly to me, and I muster up the energy to offer a small smile back.
"Hi." I wave, it's rather a pathetic wave, but I can't find it in me to care.
"I heard your moving schools, that really sucks." She says with an empathetic tone, I didn't quite expect.
"Yeah..." I sigh and move my gaze to the hallways to check if Casey is anywhere near since she told me we'd meet at my locker. Unfortunately she's nowhere to be seen.
"I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to." I only realised she had her hand on my arm when she stroked it gently.
"Uh, thanks." I smiled appreciatively, and she nodded.
"Well I'll see you around, I guess Casey doesn't need to feel bad after all." She let go of my arm and turned to walk away, but her words confused me.
"Feel bad?" I questioned, and saw her eyes carry an sympathetic glint. This confused me even more, as I pulled her back over to me. "What do you mean?"
"I think you should ask Casey that." She left me completely dumbfounded, not that I had the energy to understand what that meant. This week was just not going well for me, at all.
I couldn't seem to find Casey anywhere, and it frustrated me beyond belief. Where could she be? I decided that maybe she wasn't in today. That's when sorry started to bubble in the depths of my stomach. What Lauren had said did not sit right with me.
Casey was not in school at all it seemed.
She knew it was my last day. This is what confused me the most, surely she should be comforting me. Telling me everything was going to be okay, regardless of the ugly truth. I felt a hollow ache in the pit of my stomach, that hadn't left since my mom had told me about the move.
That night I couldn't even look my mother in the eyes, and stayed the night with my Abuela. Casey had driven me there, and left without a word. Which I took no notice of, but now I felt quite odd about it. She hadn't even looked at me, when she had dropped me off. Not even a kiss goodbye, or even a word. I had been too distraught to notice, but now it created a dull ache in my chest. What had changed, I'm not sure. But it made me miserable with despair.
I had cried in the arms of my Abuela, cursing her daughter in the process. Which she didn't seem to mind, in fact she agreed with me. She comforted me and told me that I would have many other opportunities, and that I wasn't tied down to Clayton. She told me I was more than a preppy, snob filled institution. But that wasn't truly what I cried for, I knew exactly what I was crying for.
The idiot who couldn't even show up, even if it was my last day.
And all hope was lost in talking to her, as I pulled my uniform over my head. This would be my last practice, and she wasn't even here. Maybe I shouldn't even be here. I mean what's the point since I'm not even going to be part of the team anymore. I felt more tears burning my eye sockets, and ran into the bathroom stall. I cried silently for a little while, all of the girls had already changed and left the locker room. All expressing their sorrow for me leaving earlier, I had nodded and smiled sadly to each girl. Except the only girl I actually wanted to talk to. The only girl that would stop the pain that crushed my heart right now. I wiped my eyes with some tissue, and decided to face the music. I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye to coach, after all I was the team captain.
I ran onto the field, and saw the girls crowded around together. Confused, I approached them, wondering what all the fuss was about. I heard cheering, and whoops of cheer. And I felt slightly bitter at the fact that the girls, that claimed to be my friends where in such a joyful mood.
What made my heart stop, was the person that seemed to have gathered all of this attention.
Casey.
My heart crumpled at the carefree smile on her face, she was now being lifted off the ground by the girls. They paraded her on the track field, coach Crowley bore a wide smile. What the fuck had them so happy and smiley. It's nice to know that while I've been brooding and crying, Casey has been living her best life.
What I really did not expect, was what I heard next.
"Give it up for Casey new Captain of the Clayton track team!"
My heart stopped. What. The. Fuck.
If I thought I had experienced heartbreak before this, I was wrong. Or maybe I wasn't since this felt deeper, more viscous, and crueler. It cut deep into my heart, and twisted and twisted, until there was nothing left but sad remains. This was betrayal.
She had gone behind my back, and took only thing that meant anything to me before her. I felt angry tears begin to well up in my eyes, as I watched them chanting and cheering. Maybe the school switch was a good idea, I thought solemnly. My heart felt cold, watching her be so joyful. She should be sad. It was a toxic thought I guess, but she clearly did not care. It was in that instant that a flip switched in my brain and my heart. They seemed to simultaneously agree. Which was not a common thing for me. But it was now.
And so I walked away.
I did not turn around, not once. I left. There where no words that I could muster up at the moment anyways. I simply did not have it in me. I could have ran over and started an argument, but where would that have gotten me. Clearly nowhere since the frequent fights we got into did not seem to fix anything. In fact they just made it worse. It didn't make it better that we had just resorted to sex, to amend our last fight.
I didn't notice the single tear that was trailing down my cheek, until it hit my lip and trickled into my mouth. The salty taste no better than the bitter one I currently felt.
I wiped it away, and pushed down the pain that built in my chest. Until it was just a dull feeling, in the bottom of my stomach.
I can't believe this.
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Casey's POV
Earlier that day
*BUZZ BUZZ BUZZZ BUZZZ*
"Arghhh" I groaned angrily, and whacked my alarm clock. It stopped buzzing after that, as I pushed my face into my pillow. I felt an indescribable ache in my chest, as I practically growled into the soft surface. I hated this. I hated this with all my being.
For some reason I couldn't bring myself to look at Izzie anymore. After dropping her off at her Abuela's house, feeling content that she was well looked after. I had left without another word. Coward, I know.
I felt like crying, knowing that Izzie would not be attending Clayton anymore broke me. My heart cracked at the thought of her dumping me, and moving on with someone else at this new school. I tried to ignore these intrusive thoughts, but they weighed on my mind so heavy I could barely breathe. So I cried again, into my pillow. Great way to start the day. I had stayed strong for Izzie yesterday, and held her when she cried. But as soon as I had got home, I attacked my pillow with my own salty despair. I really did not want to lose her. But then why did I feel her slipping away.
I decided I couldn't face her. It would be too much.
And so that's how I spent the day. Beating myself up, and feeling sick to my stomach.
My mom had came into my room at some point, looking shocked to see me here still. Once she saw my distraught state, she asked no questions and came over to me. I didn't even have to say anything, she seemed to kind of understand instantly. Mother's intuition I guess.
She embraced me in a warm hug, and I wasn't used to this kind of affection from her. I have to admit, things haven't been easy this year between us. But they have gotten better, and now at this point, I feel I have forgiven her entirely. Or maybe I was just desperate for love, and to feel safe for a moment. Nothing better than a mother's loving arms right?
I'm not sure how long we had stayed in silence for, but at one point, I had broken it.
"Izzie is leaving." I had mumbled into her as she held me, and I heard her gasp.
"I had assumed this was something to do with her, but I did not guess that." She stroked my short hair, and I sniffled sadly. "Why would she leave you?" She asked sounding completely shocked.
"Not me... the school, then probably me." I added sorrowfully, and I felt her kiss my head gently. "It's her last day today." I gulped back the tears, as they made a reappearance, I thought I had ran out already. I felt mom shift, and looked up to see her eying me incredulously. "What?" I sniffled, wiping my eyes.
"It's her last day? Today?" She asked for reassurance, to which I nodded sadly. "It's her last day?! And you aren't there with her?" She reprimanded softly, and I frowned.
"It would be too hard seeing her." I looked away from her, and down to my lap. Pulling out of her embrace, and sitting up on the bed, I lifted my legs up to my chest and held them there for comfort.
"Casey, you shouldn't have done that. She is probably just as miserable as you, probably more so since she has to face her last day at Clayton without you." My mom told me, and I realised now what a mistake that was. What a selfish, awful thing that actually was.
"God I'm an idiot." I groaned, and held my head in my hands. But mom just stroked my shoulder comfortingly.
"You have practice today right?" She asked, and my eyes shot over to check the time. I would make it if I left now.
"I need to see her." I said instantly, and she nodded.
"Take the car, I won't be needing it." She told me, handing me the set of keys, I took them and thanked her. At the doorway, I turned around, and saw her smiling warmly at me.
"Thanks mom." I whispered, but she heard it, she looked touched and smiled even wider.
"Anytime Casey."
And I took off, feeling a lump in my throat the entire ride to school. It was too late to catch my last class, but I didn't really care. I wasn't even wearing my uniform, just a casual bed shirt and sweats I had been wearing on bed. I went straight to the track field, and saw coach Crowley jogging toward me with a shit eating grin on her face.
"Good news and bad news..." she told me as she approached, and I already knew what she was going to say. "Bad news... I'm afraid Izzie will be leaving the team, or actually the school... but I'm guessing you already know that." She said reproachfully, and my heart clenched while I nodded silently. "And good news... that means you are automatically Captain." She smiled widely, and I couldn't find it in me to reciprocate, she frowned at me disinterest. "Casey, don't you realise that your little dilemma is gone, you can be Captain. No hard feelings between you and Izzie. I'm sure she'll do great at whatever school she's going to, don't get me wrong I will miss her dearly." She said, but something in me didn't believe that.
I noticed the other girls turning up, and coach turned to them excitedly. I looked around for Izzie, but she was nowhere to be seen. My heart took another dive.
Once everybody, minus Izzie, was here coach gathered everyone around to announce something. I felt my stomach knot painfully, as I tried to stop the guilt from eating at me.
"Everybody gather round, I have something to announce." Coach called, and everybody stopped taking and payed attention. "Although we are sad to see our dear Izzie leave, the show must go on. We have important games coming up, ones that will shape your career in track if you play your cards right. Now, I've put a lot of thought into who would be a good replacement, and I've come to a decision." Everyone waited with bated breath, while I rolled my eyes, put a lot of thought she was planning on ditching Izzie way before she found out of her departure. "The new team captain is.... Casey Gardner." She hollered, and everyone turned to me in shock. Definitely not expecting me to take the position of my girlfriend. Once the shock wore off, everyone stared cheering for some reason.
"Go Casey!" I heard someone yell, and I was confused on how these girls seemed to have no loyalty to Izzie.
The girls had even lifted me into the air somehow, I don't know how, and I laughed in shock. As they held me up, I saw Coach smiling at us and I still felt a little weird about this.
"Put me down!" I yelled-laughed, as I felt the girls lift me higher.
"Give it up for Casey, new Captain of the Clayton track team!" Coach Crowley exclaimed, and the girls whooped and hollered as they kept me lifted in the air. After a few moments, coach told them to put me down as to not 'damage her new shining star'. I almost rolled my eyes.
"Congrats Casey." I heard all around, after the girls finally put me down. And I smiled and thanked them all, but the fact that Izzie wasn't here worried me. I was also kind of glad too, I'm glad she didn't see the stunt that the girls and coach just pulled. I don't want her to find out that way, turns out I wasn't so lucky.
"Guys where is Izzie, I thought she was coming out?" One girl, Rebecca asked, and my head snapped towards her direction. She was talking to her friend, and they seemed to be having a private conversation, having not noticed my spying. But hey it involved Izzie so it involves me.
"Yeah I saw her on the field just now, she looked so sad, I actually feel bad for her. If my partner did that to me I would not forgive them." I heard the girl say, and clenched my jaw, it's easy to judge from the outside.
"I still think Casey is a better fit for captain though, and she's so hot too maybe they'll break up or something?" The Rebecca girl whispered, and I felt sick to my stomach. No.
"Oh my god shut up don't tell me your gay too?" The other girl asked, and I rolled my eyes.
My mind focused on what she had said, 'I saw her on the field just now' suddenly my heart cramped up. Shit! She had seen it, and I wasn't the one to tell her.
I ran off the field, hearing Coach calling me back. But I couldn't care less, all I need to do is talk to her. The girl said she had looked 'so sad', I mentally slapped myself as I made my way to the lockers. How dumb could I be? Of course she had seen everything, just my luck huh. I should have just come clean straight away, the thought that this could be the thing that breaks us was crushing my heart. I couldn't bare the pain as I searched the locker room. I couldn't find her anywhere, and just as I was about to leave, I noticed the faintest sniffling and froze. It's her. It must be.
I quietly followed the noise, until I saw her hunched over her knees, near one of the changing stalls. I felt my heart split in two at the sight. I couldn't be the cause of this beautiful girls pain, I just couldn't.
"You got what you wanted." She spoke up quietly. And I frowned in confusion, I didn't know she knew I was here. "Though, I didn't expect it from, you." She whispered the last part, and it tore me apart.
"I- I didn't want to, I- wanted to... trust me Izzie I didn't even say yes to her." I begged, and she never once looked up, even when I crouched in front of her. "I told her for weeks that I didn't want to replace you, coach wouldn't listen." I tried to reason with her, not realising my slip up until she pointed it out.
"Weeks huh?" She huffed humourlessly, and my eyes widened. "Good to know you've been keeping secrets from me."
"I was scared!... to tell you and that was wrong of me, but I didn't even say yes to her!" I promised desperately, and she shook her head tiredly.
"You didn't say no either." She replied stone cold, and I felt my heart beating out of control.
"I- I don't even want to be Captain! It's your position, we can find out a way to keep you here." I became frantic, I couldn't lose her, I just couldn't. Not from the team or school or as my love.
"It's too late... and besides I want to leave anyways." She shocked me with that statement.
"You- you want to leave? Why... I- just ... why?" I asked dumbfounded, but she just sighed.
"The people here... are not the people I thought they were." She looked me dead in the eye, for the first time what felt like forever. And I suddenly wished she hadn't. The look in her eyes terrified me. Because she was completely, utterly unreadable. There was no emotion left there, it froze me to the core. "Maybe a change of pace is what I need." She stood suddenly, and I felt myself becoming more and more desperate.
"No." I grabbed her arm, and she looked down at my hand questioningly. "You can't leave me... not like this." I choked out painfully, searching for an ounce of emotion in her eyes, but coming up empty felt devastating. I felt sick to my stomach.
"You already made the decision when you started lying to me." She shrugged my hand off, and now there was emotion finally, though it was anger it was something.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I'll tell you anything you want to know! Please, I won't keep anything from you anymore, I promise you Izzie it was stupid of me, I'm so stupid." I ran my hands through my hair in frustration, as I saw her look at me furiously.
"Anything?" She asked me, catching me off guard, and I nodded instantly.
"Absolutely anything, baby, ask me anything." I felt a spark of hope ignite in my chest, the only thing keeping me from hysterics.
"It was Evan wasn't it?" She asked, and I tensed up, how she had known I'm not sure. But I had to tell the truth.
"Yes." I knew what she was referring to and gulped. The car.
"Nice to know I wasn't crazy then." She snorted, and I opened my mouth to speak but she cut me off. "Did you get satisfaction from the constant lies? Did it feel good leaving me in the dark all the time?" She asked me surprisingly level headed, while I on the other hand felt completely devastated.
"What? No! I hated lying to you, I was going to tell you I just never got the right opportunity..."
"It's funny, I remember giving you plenty of opportunities to be open and honest with me. But you never once took them." She seemed to ponder out loud, and I felt like I'd hit a wall. It was her next words, that completely broke my heart. "We're done Casey." She turned away to leave, and I grabbed her arm once again.
"Don't." I whispered brokenly, she froze, her back tensing. Before pulling her arm out of my grasp for the second time.
"Goodbye, Casey, have a nice life."
And with that she left, and took my heart with her.
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- L.M.I