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It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light. -Aristotle
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"Princess?"
"In the kitchen and please wash your hands." The feeling that he would not do it bothered me but also why am I treating this like we are married? It should not bother me, it does not bother me, it will not bother me.
"Of course." I have been meaning to talk to him about it. How would it work? Being married to him is something my brain can not wrap around because what would it look like?
He walks into the kitchen, his tie and blazer off and his gorgeous self ready to eat, he has quite the personality with a body to match. He sits on the counter so I bring a chair to sit opposite him but he gently pats the area next to him and I oblige. It was not complete silence and it was not forced either, just comfortable conversations before the questions come knocking it all down.
Handing him his slice of cake, I turn to face him.
"Israel, I want to talk about your proposal." He puts the cake to the side before looking into my eyes making me uncomfortable so I look away.
"Paris, you can look at me while I am disrespectfully fucking you, I think this deserves more eye contact than that does, now what do you want to know?" Holding my hand, he makes sure I am comfortable, waiting for me to be ready. Deep, slow breaths, deep, slow breaths.
"What would I have to do, like uhm as your wife?" A little smile lights his eyes up but it does not turn cold, rather it turns to be scared. I am scared too, I could potentially be giving my freedom away to someone who is painting a facade so that I build an image of him so that he can tear it down.
"I mean the occasional gala, diner dates, business parties, foundation balls, vacations virtually any significant event and place that I am in." I mean, I was expecting that, I wonder if I would have to plan any of those, I would dread it as much as Cinderella. How would it affect my work?
"Would I need to quit my job?"
"I do not know if you would be able to attend everything and still be in Norfolk. These events happen all over the world, so yeah I think quitting your job may be on the table but you could always work with the Rumming Foundation and help start schools in impoverished areas around the world."
"Israel, that is a lot, I love my job, I love connecting with kids, I would need to think about it heavily."
"Please consider it. You will still be able to connect with the kids just not as much as you do now." He takes a sip of his wine.
"Would I be expected to give you children?" He smirks at the idea, I knew he wanted to trap me with a baby. He just seems crazy like that.
"No, Princess, it would not be expected from you but it would be lovely to have you as the mother of my children." Ten years is a long time to explore that concept.
"Okay, I understand that. Would we have to be faithful to each other or could you go out and have mistresses and I have to act like I am appalled but I am sticking by your side?" This is a huge concern because if I am going to be faithful so is he even under false pretence, marriage is a sacred bond and I do not want to disgrace it further than I am planning on.
"I would be faithful to you and loyal to you and our marriage." He notices my smile and relief, lifts my hand to place a few kisses on it. "I meant what I said."
"I will take your word for it." He gets off the counter and pulls me with him. "Cake?" The way he pulled me told me he wants to rail me till I can barely walk.
"This kind of needs to happen." Now I am confused, what matters more than cake? I am sorry but cake is like number two on level of importance and number one in my life and my life is nothing without cake so I guess that cake is number one. He places me on the bed before he walks into his closet. I wonder what it is he wants to show me, is it a ring? He is the type to do this. I hope he does not. He walks out with a binder, a purple one to be specific.
"I want you to get to know me, I have made up my mind about you but because you are unsure I want you to get to know me." He opens the binder and on the first page is a young him with a woman who I assume is his mother. They seem to be enjoying a game of rugby. "My parents took us all to London for this game. My mother took pictures with all of us individually like we were kids waiting in line to meet Santa and my dad was the photographer. He did ask that we take a family photo," he turns the page and I can see all of his siblings. "This my family, missing a few people but yeah."
"Wait, so they will all be there on Christmas?"
"Yeah. I told you my parents might show, a strong might."
"Okay, you will introduce them to me in person so I don't forget their names."
He continues to show me pictures integrating me into his memories. He admires his parents and I can see how much they mean to him in how he complains about how they will not be there on Christmas, he keeps leaving room for them to be there when he knows they will not.
"Paris? You are falling asleep?" He puts me on his pelvis and I lay on his chest, I am exhausted. Seeing families is exhaustive, draining to my inner child but he seemed so excited to share his family with me, all the weird things they did and the places they visited. The giddiness in his voice kept me from walking out. I am falling for this man.
What do I do now? Do I stay because the sex is amazing but I can always find someone who can fuck me good? Can I? I can find someone who can watch me being weird without joining me but supporting me, who can make me feel everything I have always needed someone to reaffirm to me. Can I? Yes, yes I can they just would not be
Israel and so they will never do it like he does. They will always come second. I am fucked.
I woke up to him watching me, it was good while it lasted until he got a phone call. He did come back to bed.
"What do you want to do?" With the way, he is laying I do not think we are leaving this bed.
"I wanted to explore a bit, you think we can do that?" It is pretty cold but we could get a bit of exploring out of the way.
"Yeah. You wanna go shopping?" I would enjoy it but I need to fix my pride first and put my ego in check because he is going to insist on paying and I don't want to think that he is buying me. It is a nice gesture and his way of courting.
"Maybe tomorrow plus I want takeaway. Have my first American burger." His smiles are to die for. If I could bottle it I would. I pull my phone out to capture his smile. He drops it.
"What are you doing?"
"Taking a picture, can I?" Hesitant for a second, I am guessing this is not a good experience for him. "Are you comfortable with this?" His smile comes back.
"Yes, I am okay with this. I just needed to prepare myself for it. Go on." I continue to take pictures. His eyes are so beautiful when he smiles. He managed to take my phone and start taking pictures of me and at that moment, I just came alive as though the only thing, the only important person was me. I felt important, validated and seen. It is weird because I have people who have validated me and have shown me the importance I hold in their lives but not in the way he does.
We have crossed the line in the sand and we are tumbling into the edge and we are going to fall if we are not already falling.
"Let me call Josh and see what we can do." Who the hell is Josh?
"Who is Josh?"
"My assistant. Hopefully, he is not enjoying his holiday." I have a feeling Josh knows everything regarding Israel's life more than Israel does.
The weather said it is going to be cold and honestly, I have not been outside since I have been here so I have no reference of what cold is anymore but I will wear a coat and hoodie. Israel is still working just not as often as before. He was on a conference call while caressing my ass so I must say he is enjoying himself.
It is weird sleeping next to someone and waking up to see their face, in a constant pattern. I just never imagined that I would be here and it is a tad bit weird to imagine doing this for a longer stint. He walks back in but he is still on the phone. He came in here just to caress my ass, I swear this man just wants me because I am a good fuck.
"So he suggested the Nutcracker Ballet, the Botanical Garden, Museum of Natural History, Comedy Cellar, Blue Note Jazz Club, Metropolitan Museum of Art and the Whitney Museum of Art, what are you keen for?" I don't want to go to the Botanical Garden in all honestly. It sounds fun but I do not think I will be interested in it. Definitely going to the Jazz Club and Comedy Cellar.
"How about we go to the Whitney Museum of Art and the Comedy Cellar?" Just for today.
"Okay. Let me text him and everyone else."
"What do you mean everyone else?"
"Well, bodyguards need to know where we are going especially in public places. Josh will notify the places that we will be there with private security to not be alarmed by the number of cars and bodyguards. The home staff need to know if we will be here or not. We also need to find out if there are any paparazzi around those areas." That is a lot of admin for just sightseeing and I would need to do this if I marry him. I guess you get used to it, he seems unfazed by it all.
"Okay. Let me find something to wear." He pulls me closer while waiting for the caller to answer.
"Wait in the shower for me," he murmurs. He is so cute. I nod before going into the closet.
"Why do you insist on this?" The water is running on my back, his arms wrapped around me and my arms around his neck.
"There is a certain intimacy I love about seeing you naked with water running on your skin and do not get me started on the soapy breasts. I love seeing you in the shower." It is also a vulnerable space. I think I am so open and naked in the shower, my thoughts bare and open to interpretation and my mind easily distracted.
"You just love eye-fucking me." With his hands around my waist, he tugs me closer before peering at my boobs.
"I love fucking you, I will admit but I also love getting to know you. This allows me to admire the art that is you. You are fucking gorgeous and if I only had one dying wish it would be to love on you." Only since you met me.
"Let's hurry this along we have a day ahead of us."
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