A/N again I do not own anything from DC universe characters-comics also this is my first fanfic so reviews are greatly appreciated and my first language isn't english so sorry about all the grammar mistakes btw I have no artistic talent so sorry about the horrible cover
ages
Dick-21
Jaon-19
Tim-15
Damian-12
Bruce-40 something
Alfred-immortal
the habitants of wayne manor were gifted in many things such as acrobatics, technology, sparring, knife throwing etc. sadly cooking was not one of those things. And the dear old butler of wayne manor learnt that after the kitchen being blown up 15 times in 3 days so this is the story of how alfred banned the whole batfam (except maybe tim)from the kitchen
Bruce
Bruce surprisingly didn't wake up to the annoying sound of his alarm he had just started panicking when he remembered he didn't have to go to wayne enterprises today it was a rare day so he decided to cook breakfast for the whole family he looked at the clock and it was 5 a.m. alfred had gone to visit his family in England and would be returning by noon so that is enough time to prepare everything thought Bruce as he made his way to the kitchen
It was a Sunday so all of his boys were sleeping and wouldn't be up till who knows when except maybe damian due to his asassin training but the boy had pulled 3 all-nighters with his brothers because of an arkham breakout- thankfully they had put everyone back inside without any serious injuries- so he would probably sleep for another 5 hours
as bruce thought all this he put a nice kitchen apron- that had many bats on it for obvious reasons - and started preparing breakfast
-------4 hours later-----------
crash! clang! bam!
and there went the microwawe, the oven, the coffee machine (he was really scared of tim because of that) he really didn't understand how the coffe machine blew up even though he didn't put anything in it
also every single window in the kitchen shattered along with all the plates and cups and there was a small fire that kept getting bigger in the vorner of the kitchen
to top it all the boys had heard the noise and let's just say 3 all-nighters and being forced to wake up at 9 on a sunday would fry almost anyones nerves but if said people had bird-a-rangs,guns, a coffee mug? and knives in their hands and were all pointing them at you well that's the point where you run out of the kitchen at full speed
it would have been a great escape if only he had not run into alfred on the way bruce didn't even question why alfred was back early he just accepted his defeat
after a 3 hour long very scary lecture and being banned from alfred's cookies for a week bruce made it out of alfred's office barely alive and then he had to promise to buy 50 packets of ceral for dick, wear a pink batman uniform for a week for jason's pleasure, let tim hack into any government site he wanted to for 2 weeks and buy him a new coffee machine with 10 packets of his favourite coffee, buy damian 3 pets that he liked from the pet store...
let's just say bruce never entered the kitchen again, well he couldn't have even if he wanted to but still
Dick
Dick was injured due to being shot twice as an officer and despite his many protests had to stay in bed so he was pouting while jason,tim and damian went to school all with matching smirks on their faces- they knew how much their older brother hated staying still- and bruce left for wayne enterprises early in the morning. Alfred had gone grocery shopping so that left only dick in the house.
so far he had thought of 50 ways to prank his brothers, 100 ways to prank bruce and 0 ways for alfred. who knew what the elderly butler would do to him if he even thought about pranking him. after getting bored of planning pranks he had started to text wally becuase he was bored and what better thing to do then text you best friend when you're bored apprently wally's boss didn't approve him slacking and took his phone away so there went that chance
alfred had said that he had to stay in bed or else no cookies now that was a very serious threat but alfred hadn't said anything about the bed staying still so while dick grayson was confined to his bed his bed was free to roam wayne manor that's why dick pressed a secret button on the side of his bed which led to little wheels emerging from under the bed- dick had once got bored and after thinking for 2 very long minutes this idea had popped into his head so he had built little wheels under his bed- he took a long walking stick he kept under the bed for such occasions and started steering his bed away from his room
there was a tiny problem with this plan however and that was the long flight of stairs that he had to pass so being the clever mastermind he is he thought ı can't get any more injured and backed away a bit and then flung himself at top speed down the stairs. surprisingly he landed in one piece there wasn't even the slightest scrape on the bed "hmm, must be my lucky day"
dick didn't think more about it because he had arrived at the kitchen now he knew he wasn't the best cook but he was really bored and cooking was the only thing aside from watching TV and he didn't want to that so here he was with a pink apron which had "the best mom" written on it in cursive (apparently his brothers thought it was hilarious and who was he to turn down a present from them)
after searching for the cookbook for half an hour and then realising it was on the counter- he mentally applauded himself for his perfect detective skills- he started cooking
-------------2 hours later--------------
the kitchen was on fire, the coffe machine was broken-again- (in dick's defence, how was he supposed to now that you shouldn't put noodles in a coffee machine and then turn it on), he had also somehow managed to melt one of damian's katanas- dick didn't understand how that happened he thought metals melted really hard and the oven wasn't hot at all he had just set it over 2000 °C. All in all it was a disaster, heavy on the dis.
okay, so ı pretty much destroyed the whole kitchen but on the bright side ı still have a few more hours till everyone comes back thought dick but he didn't know that bruce had left the meeting early due to a certain someone cough-lex luthor-cough being too annoying to listen to and one of gotham's villains had decided to blow up gotham academy so his brothers also were out of school early, and most important of all he didn't know that every single grocery store in gotham had closed down because the owners wanted to which resulted in alfred being back early and just because dick had the worst luck in the world they all came at the same time and they had their keys with them...
let's just say after his confrontation with his family, dick owed damian a new set of katanas and his cuddling privileges had been revoked for a month, he had to buy tim 2 coffee mahines in case something like this happened again and he had to let himself be pranked by his 3 brothers without any revenge pranks, he also had to clean the batcave with a toothbrush, he had also been banned from the kitchen until further notice. BUt the most terrible punishment of all was he wasn't allowed to eat alfred's cookies for a whole week. Dick couldn't even go a few hours without those cookies how was he to last for a week. Alfred's answer to this was "Mater Richard, if you don't stop complaining I will make it 2 weeks, is that understood?"
That effectively shut him up. And now Dick has added a new rule right above "never leave home without your utility belt" which is
Never,and ever even if you are bored out of your mind/forced-dared by your siblings etc. ever enter alfred's kitchen under any circumstances.
Jason
Jason was feeling very competitive when he entered the kitchen at wayne manor. He was surprised that Bruce had managed to destroy it in 4 hours, even more surprised that Dick had done it in 2 hours so now he felt like he had to break that record.
Now Jason knew he wasn't the smartest but he had seen alfred's punishment tu dick and his lecture to bruce and he was perfectly fine without them thank you very much. So his goal was to destroy the kitchen in less than 2 hours and then put everything back to place before alfred finished cleaning.
Alfred was cleaning the upper floors of wayne manor and thankfully he had earphones on- they were a present from jason and alfred had felt that he needed to wear them in order to not hurt the boys's feelings- so jason had the whole kitchen to himself. He wasn't wearing an apron cause Jason's Jason. He didn't want to.
After getting everything ready he started destroying the kitchen which was really easy. He had lit a small fire near the oven, broken the fridge, and shattered the windows. He hadn't touched tim's coffee machine just in case He felt he had done enough so he started cleaning.
-------half an hour later----------
well jason didn't understand how someone could destroy a destroyed place while trying to clean it. He had gotten a new fridge but that had blown up when he tried to get it to work and then he tried to fix the windows but that ended with the new windows also being broken. Jaon was slightly getting more agitated by the second because if he calculated right alfred would be finished in a couple of hours.
but jason wasn't aware that after the disasters that bruce and dick caused alfred had set an alarm for the times the kitchen was being destroyed and he had been watching jason with mild annoyance for the last hour.
"ahemm" came the very annoyed voice of the butler and jason very slowly turned around to face a glare that was far worse than the batglare no this was much much worse. after all this was the ultimate alfred pennyworth glare and jason was pretty sure he had never been more scared in his two lives.
well on the plus side the coffe machines are still working, thought jason and just because the coffe machine had to prove him wrong, both of them exploded right then and there-jason didn't understand how to coffe machines could explode at the same time he couldn't be that unlucky right- in front of a sleep deprived tim who had come for some coffee.
after that event jason had to buy tim 3 coffee machines and he had to do everything tim said while calling him master timothy and he was banned from alfreds cookies for a week.
well after that jason learnt to never cross alfred again even if it was something super important such as beating dick and bruce.
Tim
Tim was lucky enough to not have any disasters in the kitchen because he would only enter the kitchen to make coffee and even then he would enter with a super protective suit with gloves but one time tim had been pulling 10 all-nighters in a row and he was very sleep deprived and he had not had any coffee because a certain someone had decided it would be nice to hide all of his coffee even the one cup of coffee hidden in the very secret compartement under his bed was gone. So a very sleep deprived tim entered the kitchen...
the whole kitchen literally explodes
now a very conscious tim was trying to hide from a very furious butler but tim had no chance against the ninja butler . he was found in a matter of seconds
alfred had given tim the worst possible punishment: his coffee privileges were taken away for 3 weeks he had to be in bed at 10 for a whole week which meant no patrols for tim and he wasn't allowed to have alfred's cookies for a week the only good thing was that he was partially banned from the kitchen because alfred had taken pity on the poor boy
tim felt very lonely that night because alfred had cleaned his room from "anything and everything related to coffee" he had even taken tim's phone and other devices so that he couldn't order anything
tim learned a very valuable lesson that day: never enter the kitchen without the suit
Damian
damian was searching for alfred the cat when he saw him sitting o the counter in the kitchen. Damian had never entered the kitchen except to steal from alfred's cookies- which alfred hadn't been very happy about- but he had seen what happened to Father, Grayson and Todd.
"-tt I will do what Grayson,Todd and Father couldn't. It can't be that hard after all I was trained buy the league of assasins " thought damian and entered the kitchen
he then slowly got alfred the cat and exited the kitchen very proud of himself but he didn't know that when he took alfred the cat the cat's tail had touched a wooden spoon which fell in the oven which alfred had started heating to prepare dinner so the spoon caught fire and that led to the kitchen blowing up.
Now damian wasn't very scared because no one was there so he quietly took the stairs and entered his room but damian hadn't seen a bit of alfred the cat's fur that fell when he took him from the counter therefore he didn't know that he left the biggest clue that an elderly butler just happened to pass on...
well you probably now the drill, he had to get tim 4 coffee machines,he was banned from the kitchen and banned from alfred's cookies for a week
after that event even alfred the cat stayed clear of the kitchen...
A/N so to anyone reading this should I continue? I don't really know if it was good but reviews are very muh appreciated so if anyone read this um thanks for reading it and ı hope you enjoyed it