tw: implied past childhood sexual assault, some descriptions of violence
"SEN, PUT your hand like this. No, like— ugh."
Kotaro's two-year-old sister stared at him silently.
"Look," he sighed. "People think you're stupid 'cause you can't talk yet. If they try something, you gotta fight 'em off. You gotta know how to make a fist. Okay?"
The toddler nodded in understanding. That frustrated him further because it was obvious his sister wasn't stupid. She could figure out how much change to give customers faster than most adults.
Despite that, everyone else looked at her and saw a weak fox pup. And those didn't live very long. Sen would have to get stronger if she was going to survive.
"We're gonna try again," Kotaro said firmly. "Make your hand like this, don't put your thumb in or you'll get hurt."
Sen looked at his fist, then back at her little chubby hand. She held up her own fist. Her thumb was still inside.
He groaned. "Watch me, Sen. Watch how I do it."
"Watch me, Sen," Kotaro said earlier.
Sometimes, Sen was brutally reminded of how much she took her brother for granted. He did things like deliberately draw out fights with tough opponents just so Sen and Mai could learn.
"CLEAN HIT! THAT'S ANOTHER POINT FOR KOTARO! IS IT JUST ME, OR IS HE BARELY BREAKING A SWEAT?"
When Sen did well in training, Watanabe told her stories of ancient kitsunes. Stories of glowing eyes in the tall grasses, of beguiling people who came from nowhere and left dark trails in their wake. All instinctual grace and terrifying precision. Silently, gleefully, circling unaware rabbits.
In this case, the rabbit was a giant, muscly man with a mustache.
Kotaro was the fox.
Sen was glad he was her brother and not her enemy. She glanced over at Mai, who watched the fight in disbelief.
"Oi," Sen elbowed her. "We're not here to boost Kotaro's ego. Pay attention to what he's doing."
"How?" She hissed. "I can barely follow him!"
"Try."
Mai huffed, tucking her knees up.
In the ring, Kotaro dodged a punch that should've shattered his orbital bone. In one sweeping movement, he landed a kick that took out the other guy's knees. When the guy doubled over, Kotaro turned and swiftly chopped the back of his neck.
The referee awarded Kotaro with a critical hit and knockdown.
"Something's wrong," Killua frowned. "With his skills, your brother should've won ages ago."
Next to Sen, Mai snorted derisively.
"He's doing it on purpose," Sen explained, glancing at her sister curiously. "He wants us to watch him first. Then we apply the skills in our training."
"Oh," said Killua. He looked confused.
Mai suddenly shot up. "Wait! What was that thing he did? I missed it!"
With no idea what the 'thing' was, Sen cupped her hands around her mouth. "ONIISAN! DO THAT THING AGAIN, MAI MISSED IT!"
Kotaro waved their way in acknowledgment.
Some spectators turned to stare at her. The commentator sputtered at the interruption. She smiled.
"Do you guys always train like this?" Killua asked.
Sen, thinking of a retort, realized he wasn't being sarcastic. The lack of Killua's usual snark was concerning, but the look on his face was even more so. His expression was painted with vague disinterest, but something else was there too, hidden by the dim lighting.
What are you thinking about?
"Yeah," Sen replied eventually. "But usually he gets us food first so we don't have to sit and starve."
Just like that unknown secret about her brother (which still confused her), she had to remind herself that what went on in Killua's head wasn't her business.
Sen and Killua could talk later. They would talk later, because he agreed to it and she was a pushy shit.
Right now, she was there for her siblings.
"I saw a donburi place earlier," said Mai. "They were having a dinner special."
Sen groaned, hiding her face. "Shut up. Don't talk to me about food. I hate you."
"The chicken on the oyakodon looked really crispy."
"I will kill you," Sen threatened, stomach growling.
Mai laughed.
Sen was aware of Killua's odd, unreadable gaze on her, then on Mai, and on Kotaro down in the ring. Like a holy trinity.
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Kotaro got bored halfway through the fight. He tried to hold out for the sake of his sisters' education, he really did. But Kotaro wasn't known for his saintly patience.
He got the rest of the ten points in minutes.
Afterward, Sen and Mai swarmed him like a pair of tiny, pretty vultures.
"I'm Inoue Kotaro and I'm good at everything," Sen mocked, punching his shoulder. It kind of hurt.
"Tell me about blocking again," Mai demanded.
He needed a shower and thirteen hours of sleep.
"Let me collect the prize money first, then we go back to the hotel and talk. Sound good?" Kotaro asked, holding back a yawn.
Mai nodded. Sen shifted.
"What?" He looked at her.
Sen did a lot of shifting these days. Like a tectonic plate.
"Um," Sen started hesitantly. "Can... can I hang out with Killua for a little while?"
Kotaro stared.
That was new. Sen never skipped out on family time.
His gaze drifted over his sister's shoulder, to the figure lingering in the background.
Killua Zoldyck was leaning against the wall near a potted plant, recognizable by the puff of white hair. He looked at Kotaro warily, no doubt waiting for him to make Sen upset.
"It's getting late," Kotaro said.
"I know," she mumbled, toeing the ground with her sneaker. "Just for a bit?"
Tremors. He felt tremors in her aura.
Sen was always firm and steady, like a mountain. Her world was shaken when she was all but forced into taking the Hunter Exam.
Since then, Sen always seemed to be shaking. Startling awake in the night. Twisting her Rubik's cube with trembling fingers. Even her eyes shook, darting everywhere, growing sharper by the day.
Those sharp eyes traced the floor tiles as she waited for his response.
He flicked her forehead. She looked up hopefully.
Kotaro was sixteen. He wasn't old enough to be a parent. Sometimes he called bullshit on that, but other times, like now, he felt that burden immensely. It shouldn't be that difficult to let a twelve-year-old go out with a friend.
"Fine," he told her. "Go on. Get out of here. Be back before bed."
She smiled toothily, hopping up to kiss his cheek. He barely had time to pat her head goodbye before she ran off to the child assassin.
He saw Killua relax as Sen approached, already chattering and gesticulating with her hands.
Mai, who wandered off to look at a wall mural, re-appeared at Kotaro's side.
"Sen has a boyfriend," Mai informed him. "But Sen and the boyfriend don't know yet. Kalluto thinks it's only a matter of time."
"Great," said Kotaro.
It was not great.
He always worried about his sisters growing up too fast. He wanted them to enjoy their youth (not that they were given much to start with), and save things like intimate relationships for later in life.
Kotaro didn't want them to be like him.
Even now, he could feel slimy fingers tracing up his neck, threading through his hair. Hands everywhere. Hushing in his ear. Bitter phantoms from when Kotaro sacrificed his own childhood.
He rubbed his arms to get rid of the feeling.
What happened to him wasn't going to happen to his sisters.
He would make sure of it.
Just before Killua and Sen slipped into the elevator, Kotaro took a peek at her aura. No more tremors.
"Can we get food now?" Mai tugged his arm.
"We have food in the hotel room."
She sighed.
Kotaro should be more worried about Mai shit-talking him to that other child assassin.
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The open market looked other-worldly after sunset.
Lanterns were strung up over the main pathways, hanging in the booths, sparklers in the hands of giggling children. Even peoples' cheekbones were shining.
Sen imagined she was back in Jappon, at a summer festival with her siblings. She'd be wearing a new yukata because the old one was too small. She pictured Mai crouched delicately, helping the triplets scoop goldfish. Sen would be holding her sisters' things, bugging Kotaro about getting a boyfriend. Maybe little Kalluto was there too.
She wondered if Killua was good at scooping goldfish.
"—And then Gon activated Zetsu," said Killua. "Right in the middle of a Nen fight! The other guy's spinning tops beat the crap out of him. The doctors said the injuries would take four months to heal, but it's barely been two! And he's all better!"
"What a weirdo," Sen frowned.
"Right? Hey," he said. "Let's play our game."
Sen grimaced. "No way. You have an honesty kink or something?"
As a habitual liar, playing a game where you had to be truthful rubbed her the wrong way. She blamed the fox in her.
"But you love games," Killua nudged her shoulder with his.
She did.
Sen made the mistake of looking his way, and her face scrunched even more. That was manipulation at its finest. Which gods allowed Killua to have big blue eyes and a cute face? The same ones who laughed at Sen all the time, that's who.
"Fine," she snarled. "Ask your damn question."
Killua laughed at her reaction, joyful and innocent. Her stomach felt all fluttery.
"Don't look so glum," he teased. "It's only a truth."
"Hurry up and put me out of my misery."
"Hmm," Killua hummed, putting a finger to his lips in thought.
The longer his pondering silence continued, the more Sen wanted to throttle him.
The lanterns dwindled as they walked further away from the open market. For some reason, that made Sen more uncomfortable than Killua's looming question.
She glanced around, trying to figure out the source of her nervousness.
"Ah!" His face brightened. "What's your least favorite animal? I would ask your favorite, but that's boring."
On the opposite side of the road, the perfectly paved, manicured road, flanked by trees and fragrant rose bushes, a figure approached. A figure holding a leash. The familiar sound of panting sent every cell in her body screaming.
Oh.
That's why she was so tense.
They'd turned into a park.
"Let's go back," Sen said, breathless. Literally. She couldn't breathe.
Why this? Why right now?
"What? What's wrong?" Killua stopped, studying her face.
She was already backing up. In a matter of moments, that dog would be close enough to smell her. Her mother wasn't there to fix her again; if Sen stayed, she would die.
"Sen," he said firmly. "Talk to me."
The left side of her torso clenched painfully and burned. She yelped and clutched her side.
Her scars were prickling and numb. She couldn't breathe. She was going to throw up. Her head spun.
The dog barked once. Its owner clucked their tongue and reprimanded them softly. They turned down a side path.
The dog was gone.
That short encounter left Sen bent over and clutching her shaking knees. Killua's pale hand clamped tightly around her upper arm.
"I'm fine," she choked out.
"Breathe," he said.
Sen inhaled and exhaled sharply. She collapsed to her knees, unable to stand up anymore. Weak, a voice taunted. She didn't argue with it.
"Dogs," she said weakly. "Dogs are my least favorite animal."
Sen, suddenly quite exhausted, decided it was a good idea to lie down in the middle of the road. Like an idiot. Crazy girl, the aunties would say.
"Yeah, I got that," Killua muttered, moving to lay beside her. "Are we gonna talk about what just happened?"
He didn't push any further, giving Sen all the time she needed to think. No matter how annoying he acted, Killua would never actually force her to do anything.
"Something bad happened to me," Sen said, her throat dry. "When I was little."
The inside of that dumpling store had been steamy and stifling. She'd just wanted fresh air, and took Mai out into the parking lot to do cartwheels. If Sen could live that night over again, she would've waited in the store with her brother.
The words flowed from her mouth easily. Maybe because she knew Killua would understand. She told him everything, about the fatal wound, the painful healing, and the scars (physical and mental) that never went away.
When she was in a better state of mind, Sen would probably regret saying that much.
Blabbermouth.
"So, that scar on your elbow," he gestured vaguely at her left arm.
"Yeah," Sen mumbled, embarrassed.
She was surprised he remembered it. He hadn't seen that scar since they were taking the Hunter Exam.
"The other one is here," she said softly, tracing the macabre outline through her shirt. Even after five years, its presence was still wholly unwelcome.
Sen was afraid to look at Killua. She was worried she'd scare him off, just like the aunties always said. Never gonna keep a man. Weird, ruined girl.
"Do Gon and the other two know?"
"What?" She turned her head. He was already looking at her. "Oh. They know I don't like dogs, but not... you know, the specifics. It was kind of hard to hide. When we were on Kukuroo Mountain, I kept running away from your guard dog."
Killua shot up, eyes wide. "Wait, did Mike—?"
"No," Sen snorted, remembering that overgrown demon dog. She couldn't even think of that thing as a dog. "He didn't care about me at all. It was weird. Once, I was washing clothes at a creek and he came up next to me.
Not right next to me, but, like, a few yards away. I think. That was months ago. Anyway, I was telling him that he had no right to be that big, and he yawned. Yawned. The man-eating dog thought I was boring!"
She pouted.
"Heh," Killua huffed, looking at her with... fondness? Dare she call it that? "You're such a chatterbox."
Sen shoved him. He didn't even budge.
"I like it, though," he said. "I like seeing the real Sen."
Her face heated up. Yeah, Killua definitely had an honesty kink. Wait 'til she told the rest of their friends.
Tiny pieces of gravel were pressing into her scalp, and she was covered in a drying sheen of nervous sweat. But she didn't care. Sen was too busy bickering with Killua.
"You're pretty cool, y'know?" Killua poked her cheek.
"Am not," she grumbled, poking him back.
The ghostly pains on her torso had receded, and she hadn't even noticed. Sen wished healing could always be that simple.
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At 10:04 PM, Gon Freecss emerged from the bathroom.
He was intrigued and slightly horrified upon finding a large tube of gummy vitamins sitting on his nightstand. Next to it, something was scribbled on the room's notepad.
Take one in the morning and one at night. If you skip one, I will KNOW.
- Sen
'Know' was underlined four times.
Gon smiled at the gesture. He wasn't sure how Sen got into his room (and left!) without him noticing, but he guessed it was a fox thing.
He unscrewed the cap, dumping a gummy into his hand.
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a/n: can't wait to start working on sen's nen progress!!