My psychiatrist, Dr Scott, sat in my hospital room just as she did everyday for the past two weeks, and just stared at me. In silence.
"What do you want me to say? I already told you everything that happened. What more do you want?" I was becoming increasingly irritated with this woman. Every day it was the same thing. I recounted my kidnapping, and my feelings towards Kelly. I had nothing left to say about the situation, I only wanted to forget it.
"Let's talk about the light situation." She said, pushing her glasses up.
"What light situation?" I asked, confused.
"Well, since you came out of your coma, you haven't been able to sleep in the dark. Your room light has been on every night for the last two weeks."
I shook my head instantly. "That can't be true."
"It is Dylan, I've been keeping track of these things. Is there a reason why you can't turn the lights off at night?"
"No, there isn't."
"Dylan, if we aren't honest with one another, there is no way to move forward. If you continue to dodge these issues, it will only take longer for you to get discharged from the hospital and go home."
I ran my hand through my hair and huffed angrily.
"I don't like the dark. Okay? Now, can I go home?"
"You cannot. I want you to elaborate Dylan. What about the dark bothers you?"
I closed my eyes and aggressively massaged my temples.
"I was in the dark for weeks. The wine cellar had no outside light. The only time it wasn't dark was when Kelly came in to torture me, and I'd preferred the dark then. I slept in the dark, I woke up in the dark. You see these scars?!" I yelled, holding my hands in front of her face.
"My wrists and fingers will be scarred forever because it was too fucking dark to see how badly I was slashing myself with a god damn broken wine bottle!" I cried angrily.
Dr Scott frowned as she scribbled something down in her notebook.
"You said Kelly tortured you. Do you want to elaborate on that?"
I laughed humorlessly, looking up at her. "No, I don't want to elaborate on it, but I have no choice, do I?"
She took her glasses off and placed them on the table.
"Dylan, you can do whatever you want. You may have not had any choices when you were abducted, but now, all you have are choices. It is up to you whether you want to share your experiences with me. And it is up to me to decide if it is safe for you to go home."
"Then what choice do I really have if I can't just get up and leave. If I can't just walk out of this hospital, go home, throw myself into a book and forget that the last month ever happened."
"And that right there is the problem. This last month did happen to you, and trying to pretend that it didn't is detrimental to your mental health." She put her glasses back on and stood up.
"I can't allow you to go until I know that you won't be a danger to yourself or others. I'm sorry Dylan, and I know that this is frustrating for you especially after everything you've gone through. Just know that everything I am doing is for your benefit. I'll be back tomorrow, same time. I'm glad that we were able to get somewhere today."
I had nothing to say to her, and simply stared down at my nails until she walked out of the room.
She said I had choices, but it felt like the opposite. It felt like I was still trapped in that wine cellar with nowhere else to go.
-
Callum had finally gone back to school, after days of me pushing him. He didn't want to leave me in the hospital alone, but I didn't want him to fail in his senior year.
There was a soft knock on the door. I yelled at whoever it was to come in.
Justin walked in to my surprise. I'd only seen him once since I've been in the hospital, and the only thing he'd said to me was "hi".
"Hey." He smiled awkwardly.
"Hi Justin." I responded, encouraging him to take a seat.
"You look really good Dylan. Healthier." He said.
"Thanks, it must be all the In n Out." I grinned.
I crossed my arms, and sank into my pillows, making myself comfortable.
"So why are you here? You haven't been interested in visiting me."
His eyebrows scrunched together as he shook his head. "I just assumed you wouldn't want to see me."
"Oh, I see." I mumbled. "I actually did want to speak with you. Callum told me about how helpful you were when I was gone, and I wanted to thank you. Leaving Texas and coming down here to help find me was very selfless of you, and I genuinely appreciate it."
He seemed to get a little teary-eyed as I spoke to him.
"You getting kidnapped was terrifying for me, I can't even imagine what it must've been like for you. The thought of you possibly being gone forever kind of put me in a bit of a depression. All I could think about was every terrible thing I'd ever done to you, and how I would never forgive myself if something happened to you." He said to me.
"I did think of you while I was gone. And yes, a lot of what you, your sister, and your mom did to me over the years ran through my mind. But, I was able to reflect on everything you said to me before you left, your confession, your apology, everything. I felt so stupid that it took me so long to realize that you had feelings for me, and I was so angry that you allowed me to be verbally abused for all those years when you supposedly cared about me in that way. But I forgave you. Sitting there, battered, broken, and alone, I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to tell you that I forgive you. I want you and I to have a clean slate, and leave the last 9 years in the past. I think we both owe each other that."
Justin was now in full tears, snot and all. I handed him a tissue from my bedside table.
"Thank you." He said, before wiping his face.
"You don't owe me anything Dylan, and you don't know how much what you just said means to me. A clean slate is all that I can ask for, and again, I am so sorry for everything, for any pain I caused you, I am so very sorry." He cried. His eyes were bloodshot red, and he looked so sincere that I began to cry too.
"Enough of this crying, we both look ridiculous." I laughed, wiping my tears away with my hands.
"You mean I look ridiculous." He laughed.
"Well yes, I didn't want to hurt your feelings." I snickered. "What in the bag by the way?" I asked, referring to the book bag slung over his shoulder.
"I brought you your mail. A stack of college acceptance letters it seems like." He smiled.
I bit my lip in anticipation as he pulled a bunch of mail out of his bag. "How do you know they're acceptable letters?" I asked.
"C'mon Dylan. They'd be idiots to not accept you into their schools. You're basically a genius."
I laughed, taking the letters from him. "Flattery will get you nowhere, Justin Evans."
I spread the stack of letters across my lap, most of them in large, thick envelopes.
"Which one should I open first?" I asked him, suddenly feeling nervous.
He pointed at the one closest to him. "Go for Yale."
I picked up the letter and ripped it open tentatively.
"I got in." I whispered, slowly scanning my eyes over the letter.
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, instantly making my body tense. "Congratulations Dylan, I'm so happy for you."
He let go and I let out a breathe.
"Thanks. I'm definitely not going to Yale though." I laughed.
"Open another."
I picked up my first choice, The University of Washington. The envelope was large so I figured it had to be good news. I handed Justin a random letter and asked him to open it.
As I read my acceptance letter to the school of my dreams, everything that had weighed me down earlier in the day evaporated.
"I got in." I grinned at Justin, his eyes were lit up.
"That's great Dylan, but you also got into Harvard." He replied, turning the letter he was reading around so that I could see.
"Holy shit." I whispered.
"Holy shit." He agreed.
"I forgot I even applied, I didn't think I'd actually get in."
"Well you're in. So is Washington still the plan?" He asked.
"I honestly don't know."
****
So sorry for the incredibly long wait, but I am back. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please don't forget to vote.
Also, Chasing Dylan is coming to an end pretty soon, and y'all are in for a bumpy ride.
Thank you for sticking it out with me, and don't worry guys, our favorite couple Dylan and Callum will be interacting in the next chapter.
Love you all and thanks SO MUCH for all of the support!!!