♰ 𝒔𝒌𝒊𝒑 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒓𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒓 ♰
——————————————
➶ 𝙰𝚝𝚕𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚊 , 𝙶𝙰 ➴
𝚃𝚎𝚣𝚑𝚊é 𝙰𝚖𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚎 𝚁𝚎𝚍𝚍 | 𝙼𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚎 ♕
𝙰 𝚆𝚎𝚎𝚔 𝙻𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛
10:48ᴘᴍ
it's been a week since the me and my mama incident and it's still fucking with me.
not to mention after that lil "moment" me and three shared, we ain't said a word to eachother since.
i've gone back to the same state i was in 11 years ago. not fully, but if ion do sum about this i'm gon be back at stage 1.
i sat on my bed in darkness with rodwave playing lowly in the background just staring at nothing deep in thought.
i've been like this all day, my phone has been on dnd and
i haven't left my room in like 2 days.
i ain't ate, only showered and stuff. i can't lie and say i'm not a lil dizzy rn but imma be aight.
"please God please don't make me go back to my old ways i've grown so much." i whispered to myself as light tears fell down my face.
i'm not ready to go back to the way i was at all, it took me about 9 years to heal just from that one experience.
i can't go through that again, the amount of suicide attempts, the ptsd, it's too much for me right now.
i can feel it slowly coming back to me, i just hope i'm strong enough to push it away.
i heard a knock on the front door outside and just decided to go and open it. my mama wasn't home at the moment.
i quickly wiped my tears and jogged downstairs to get the door.
when i opened the door, i was about to close it back but it got caught back open.
"move." killa said pushing me out the way while i closed the door behind me.
"why tf you been ghosting everybody had us thinkin yo ass was floating inna river."
"first of all i don't know who gave you permission to burst into my shit like you da feds. " i said looking at him.
he turned around, started to examine my face, and shook his head.
"did you eat?" he asked me walking into the kitchen.
"you not finna come in hea walkin round like you pay bills"
"did you eat." he asked firmly turning around and staring at me.
"yea i ate now can i help you?" i looked away from his eyes so he don't see that i'm lying.
"look at me like tezhaé." he turned my head to face him looking in my eyes.
"i should bat you in yo shit." he said throwing me a pack of mini oreos.
"i'm not hungry." i tried giving them back to him.
"take me to yo room, when was the last time you ate?" he asked following me up the stairs.
"2 days ago." i mumbled not feeling like talking anymore.
i sat down on my bed and he just stood in front of me mugging me.
"why you didn't eat, what's wrong?" his face softened and he sat next to me on the edge of my bed.
"nothing i'm fine." i said, ready to go to sleep.
"can you stop lying to me and tell me what's wrong with you?" he asked softly.
i gave in and just laid my head on his shoulder.
"imma be aight stop worryin bout me, youon need more stress."
"tezhaé what the fuck is you tammat?" he asked throwing his arm around my shoulder.
"you don't need no more stress so stop worrying about me." i said slowly hoping he would understand more.
"mcht bruh it's not like that, you can't only be there for me when i need you i gotta be there for you too." he rubbed my arm.
"why is you holding me like a white parent." i asked and he laughed.
"cmon tell big bro what's wrong."
"you corny as fuck don't say that shit again." i leaned up and mugged him.
he rolled his eyes and scooted his back to my headboard then patted the spot next to him.
"ughhhh." i groaned crawling next to him and laying my head back on his shoulder while he put his arm back around my shoulder.
"ight so vent, i can tell you needa vent about sum."
should we tell him
nah cause what if he get mad at us one day and do the same thing as our egg donor.
you right you right, but he might not be like that.
i mean we can try i guess.
"uhh when i was younger, my daddy was like my whole world." i started off after a lil second of silence.
"i'm listening."
"i always used to wonder why him and my mama was always arguing and shit cause they was mad toxic."
"i was smart as fuck as a kid so i picked up on everything and i basically knew how most shit work yfm." i said and felt him nod.
"so one day when i was 7, i got fucked up with them arguing and i decided to go ask my daddy what the fuck is going on."
*flashback*
"daddy, can i talk to you?" 7 year old tezhaé asked her father walking into his office.
"sure princess wassup." he asked sitting her on his lap.
"why do you and mama be arguing so much?" she tilted her head to the side.
somari chuckled and tried finding the words to explain a toxic relationship to a 7 year old.
"mommy did something bad that she wasn't supposed to do to daddy 2 years after you were born baby."
"did she cheat on you?" little tezhaé asked looking up at her father.
"girl watchu know bout cheating." he asked her laughing.
"i be watching yo shows on yo tv." she smiled innocently.
"girl you know damn well, anyways uhh yeah she did cheat on me. me and her aint together right now we just live together." he spoke giving up on "finding the perfect words"
"sooo is baby your real daughter?" she asked getting straight to the point.
miree already had everything figured out, she just needed confirmation.
"nah she not, and that hurt me very much which turned into anger and i let it out on your mama by arguing since she is the one that hurt me." he said.
"oh i understand now, if you want me to pimp slap a hoe for you i gotchu!". she exclaimed.
"stop cussin, and youon needa pimp slap nobody princess i'm straight." he laughed and kissed her head.
"ight daddy, after you done work come paint with me in the backyarddd!" she yelled running out his office.
*flashback over*
"damn, so yo momma cheated on him and got yo sister for the other nigga? killa asked tryna comprehend cause he was a lil slow.
"yea, i looked at my mama differently ever since then to be honest, and i think she overheard our conversation too cause ever since then she been acting bitchy to me idk."
"damn, ight continue princess." he said calling me by the nickname my daddy gave me for spite.
"don't call me that sap ass shit." i mugged him.
"was you gon tell yo daddy that? no so don't try it with me please and thank you." he said.
"so uhh later after we had that talk, remember i told him to come in the back yard and paint with me.
"i was already outside painting, and he came outside with this ugly ass apron on and i swear i laughed so hard bruh." i smiled reminiscing on the last heartfelt moment i shared with my father.
"so back then in florida we were livin in this big ass house cause my daddy used to be making bank."
" we were painting in the yard at the back of the house but then we heard somebody knock at the door." i said feeling a stinging sensation in my throat and eyes.
"my uncles came over to talk "business" or whatever."
"i was upset with him for leaving me by myself for so long, so i went out to the front yard looking for him i spotted him and my uncles standing on the lawn looking like they were happy as ever."
*flashback part 2*
tezhaé got up and walked around the house going to the front porch looking for her father.
she spotted him and her uncles laughing and decided to snoop in on their conversation.
"mannn i can't wait bruh, i'm gon take my daughter and dip and i promise she gon be straight forever. this shit a blessing fareal." somari dapped up his brothers kamari and senio.
"fasho lil bruh you know we got you anytime." senio gave his little brother a manly hug like that was last time seeing him.
it made him happy to see his family come from rags to riches with big smiles on their face throughout the whole process.
"and don't forget to come visit us all da time nigga." kamari also gave his brother a hug.
"you already know i can't leave my bruddas hangin." he smiled
tezhaé came from around the corner with a big smile on her face seeing her uncles happy.
she truly loved them and her father with all her heart.
"hey uncle s! hey uncle mari!" she yelled running towards them for hugs.
"wassup lil mireee." they both gave her a tight hug.
out the corner of his eye, somari noticed a black van park up a little down the street.
"aye yall peeped that?" he asked his bruddas
"peeped what?" senio asked.
"that van look a lil skepti-" he started but got cut off by bullets flying across the street.
"TEZHAÉ GET DOWN!" kamari yelled jumping over her all while getting hit with 5 bullets in his chest.
senio tried pulling out his gun but it was too late, he already got shot in the neck and chest 7 times.
while laying on the ground miree notice her arm bleeding and started crying.
somari was still shooting back but then a bullet caught him in his stomach and he fell to the ground before somebody picked him up and threw him into the back van.
miree layed on the ground covered in her and her uncle's blood watching them drive off with her father crying uncontrollably.
*flashback part 2 over*
"when my mama told me she wish they took me with him, that shit triggered everything like i'm 7 all over again."
i just stared at the wall while tears wouldn't stop falling out of my eyes.
i started shaking a little bit.
"it's okay sis i'm here for you just let it out." killa pulled me into a hug and rubbed my back.
"i'm so tired keelan, it wasn't supposed to go that way. he should've let me get shot instead." i started balling my eyes out into his chest.
"don't say that miree, calm down." he continued to rub my back while i couldn't stop crying.
"i miss them so much, why does it keep hurting me so badly." i sniffled.
"it's gon hurt regardless if you bring it up or not, losing a loved one is something you can't get away from. what you have to do is be grateful that you got to be a part of their lives while they were still here with us. think about it. would yo uncles want you here shaking and crying over them? no they would want you to be happy that you didn't lose your life that day so that you can grow up and follow your dreams. your life plan. you understand me?" he pulled away and lifted my chin up to look at him.
"stop crying." he wiped my eyes and kissed my forehead.
"i feel like ion have anybody to make me happy no more." i layed back on his shoulder.
"soooo i'm just here for nothing den." he said being sarcastic.
"i'm talking bout in family form. my mama basically hates me, ion fw my sister and she prolly hate me too, ion got no other family. i just don't got shit." i sighed.
"consider me and gang as family now because even if we all you got, it's still sum."
"i guess you right." i shrugged laying my head in his lap.
"is your father still alive." he asked me playing with my hair.
"you asking me like i'm da one that kidnapped him." i yawned.
"my fault, but do you think he still alive?"
"nah."
"did them people have masks on?"
"they had on masks that was covering they mouth. it was bout 5 offum. one of them had some unique ass eyes. i'm pretty sure if i saw him right now i'd recognize him."
"watchu gon do if you do see him."
"let my emotions take over." i said while dozing off.
"you sleepy, goodnight amiree." he leaned down and kissed my forehead.
"goodnight keelan." i said feeling him rub on the scar that i had on my arm from the bullet.
next thing you know, i was out like a light.
———————————♡——————————-
✇ 𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒅𝒂 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓. 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒔, 𝒒𝒖𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔, 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒔?
✇ 𝒃𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒕 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒔 ♡
✇ 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒅𝒂 𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒈
𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔭 𝔟♱𝔱𝔠𝔥 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚎𝚍 𓆩❤︎𓆪 𝒐𝒖𝒕 🚀.