Dear Diary,
Today is going to be different. It has to be. I'm not going to be the girl everyone feels sorry for. Well let's face it, I haven't been that girl at all. At least I tried not to be. I kept myself busy all summer, doing everything I could to help others just for my own selfish desire to not think about what happened that night. So I wouldn't have to think of the sobbing, screams, the feeling I had when I found out both my mom and dad were dead, the feeling I had when I thought Elena was dead too.
Jenna says I'm like her. She did the same thing keeping herself busy with all different things from work to helping out in the community like me, but she ultimately ended up thinking about what happened all summer while I managed to keep it out of mind. For a while at least. I had to keep in mind I wasn't the only one who lost them, Elena and Jeremy did too. And I tried my best to be there for them, Elena let me in while Jeremy....blocked me out more and more with each passing day. I hope he goes back to being my fun big brother because even though I didn't show it much.....I need him. Both him and Elena.
I need a change. A new beginning. And it's going to start today. I hope.
-Samantha Gilbert
I sighed and shut my diary, sticking it under the cushion of my window seat. I stood up and walked over to my large vanity mirror, tucking a lock of my long brown hair behind my ear. I didn't see much of my mother in me, which....could be a good thing. I didn't have to think about her each time I looked in a mirror. I was pale in comparison to her and Elena too and I was also short. It seemed like the Gilbert gene of being tall wasn't something I got, but Elena and Jeremy got. They were over the average height, while I was a good two inches under the average height for girls my age- putting me at 5 feet 2 inches.
"Elena! Jeremy! Sam! Come down for breakfast!" Jenna called up the stairs. I took a deep breath.
"You're going to have a good day," I said convincingly to myself. "Everything....will be just fine."
I hopped down the stairs and strolled into the kitchen, seeing Jenna walk around to get her things together. I went to the coffee pot and poured myself a cup of coffee.
"Morning Aunt Jenna," I said to her.
"Morning," she returned. "Have you seen my watch?"
"You mean like the one on your wrist?"
"Yeah like-" she cut herself off when she looked at it. She laughed sheepishly. "I knew it was there."
I smiled as Jeremy walked through to the table, taking my cup in the process, and began stuffing things into his backpack.
"Hey," I complained after he took my coffee.
"It'll stunt your growth," he said taking a sip. "You're short enough as it is."
"Gee thanks," I said sarcastically as Elena came in the room. I poured another cup of coffee for me.
"Morning," she said taking the cup from me. I made a face.
"Coffee thieves," I muttered. Jenna smiled at me before going back to what she was doing and letting out an exasperated sigh.
"It's your first day of school and I am totally and completely unprepared," she said scolding herself. She began digging through her purse, pulling out some money. "Need lunch money?"
"I'm fine," Elena told her.
"Me too," I said while Jeremy just took the money from her.
"Okay guys, anything else? Pencil? Paper? What am I forgetting?"
"Your presentation time?" I said glancing at the clock. She shook her head.
"My thesis advisor is meeting me at.....now. Crap," she panicked letting her hair down.
"Go," Elena told her. "We'll be fine."
Jenna nodded and practically ran out. I walked over to the table and held out her bag before she even came back in to take it. She smiled gratefully at me and ran back out.
"You okay?" I heard Elena asked Jeremy. He scoffed.
"Don't start," he said grabbing his backpack. He set his coffee cup down by the sink and took the one I was about to take a drink from. He smirked at me a little and left.
"Seriously?" I asked no one in particular. Elena shrugged.
"Bonnie's going to be here in five minutes. Do you need a ride?" she asked looking at her phone. I shook my head.
"Chastity is coming by with Liv, I'll be fine," I told her grabbing another cup.
"Okay," she said. A horn honked outside. "That's Bonnie. I'll see you at school."
"Bye," I said. She left and I looked at the coffee pot, letting my shoulders drop. No more coffee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I found myself in the car with Chastity- my best friend- and her older sister, Olivia. They were telling me about their recent trip to France and how there were so many more hot guys there than there were here, but I wasn't really paying attention.
Instead I was staring out the window, watching the buildings and trees as they passed by in a blur.
"So how's Jeremy?" Olivia asked catching my attention. She was two years older than me and Chastity- Elena's age- and she had a huge crush on Jeremy.
"Oh...he's good, I think," I replied.
"You think?"
"He doesn't really talk to me or Elena as much as he used to," I admitted. "I wouldn't know exactly how he is. But I can tell it's not amazing."
"Is he still chasing that Donovan girl around?" she asked. She meant Vicki. Ever since middle school, her and Vicki had this rivalry thing going since they both really liked Jeremy at the time. That was before Vicki got into drugs and Tyler Lockwood. Olivia thought she had Jeremy to herself then, and she did for a while before Jeremy got into drugs himself and he got back into Vicki.
"I'm not sure," I sighed. Honestly, I hoped not. All she did was play around with his feelings, using him for drugs. I didn't want him getting hurt. Not again.
"Well, if he is I'll see to it that he moves on from her," she said. I know she wasn't doing it for my sake, but hers but I wasn't going to say anything.
"How are you doing?" Chastity asked.
"Better," I said. She gave me the look she always gave me when she thought I was lying. "Really. I'm fine."
"You haven't been keeping yourself occupied to avoid thinking about things have you?" she asked.
"Would it be the worse thing in the world if I did?"
"Sam!" she whined. "You promised you wouldn't do that. It's not the way to get over things and you know that."
"I know," I sighed. "It's a bad habit. I'll get over it sooner or later."
"I'd rather it be sooner," she said and I sighed and looked back out my window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chastity walked up to my locker with me, which was very close to Elena's, and smiled at Elena and Bonnie. Bonnie came up to me and pulled me into a big sisterly hug.
"Hey you," she said. "It's been forever since I've had a conversation with you that lasted more than five minutes."
"I know," I said. "Sorry about that. I've been-"
"Busy, I know," she said with a smile. Then she turned serious. "You know you can talk to me about anything any time right?"
"Yeah I know," I said. "Thanks Bon-Bon."
I always called her Bon-Bon because when I was four and she was six, I had trouble saying whole names. I tried saying her name over and over again until I just got frustrated and ended up calling her Bon-Bon since the first part of her name was the only thing I could say.
Bonnie smiled and looked past me, then glanced over at Elena who was trying hard not to stare. I followed her gaze over my shoulder at Matt and Tyler then looked back at Elena sympathetically. She and Matt had dated for a while, but she needed a break after our parents died. I couldn't blame her. I may have done the same with my boyfriend....well I did do the same, but it was mostly for a different reason.
Matt shut his locker after staring at Elena for a while and walked down the hall after she waved at him. Tyler shrugged at us and waved, then followed Matt down the hall while Elena sighed.
"He hates me," she said sadly.
"He doesn't hate you," Bonnie said. "He just-"
"Sammie!!" a happy voice exclaimed. I turned just in time for my happy blonde friend to wrap her arms around me tightly in a hug. "Oh my god! How are you?! I know I just saw you like two weeks ago, but I missed you! And Elena!" She pulled Elena into a hug. "I haven't seen you in a while. It's so good to see you!"
"We're good, Caroline," Elena answered with a small smile. I nodded in confirmation when Caroline looked at me.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Much better," Elena told her. Caroline said something along the lines of poor thing before hugging Elena again.
"Well, I gotta go. I'll see you later," she said after letting Elena go.
"Guess I'm invisible," Chastity mumbled as she walked away.
"Oh you're not invisible, she just didn't see you," Bonnie told her.
"Yeah. Invisible," she said. I rolled my eyes at my drama queen friend and the four of us started walking down the hall, but I stopped short when someone came into view. The three turned and looked at me with confusion on their faces.
"Sam? You okay?" Elena asked worriedly. I nodded, still staring down the hall. She looked and saw who I saw, who I didn't want to walk by. Chastity and Bonnie saw too.
"Oh," Chastity said. "Don't worry. You don't have to talk to him if you don't want to."
"Tell that to him," I sighed as he saw me and began walking down toward us.
"Come on," Elena said wrapping an arm around me. She walked on my left side while Bonnie walked on my right and Chastity walked in front of us.
"Sam," Adam started.
"Nope, she needs her space," Chastity told him.
"I just-"
"No. You hurt my best friend once, I'm not giving you a second chance to."
"Chas-"
"Shut it!" Chasitity turned on him, gesturing for us to go ahead without her.
Elena, Bonnie, and I turned the corner while Chastity stayed back and began yelling at Adam in the middle of the hall. Adam Hanson. My first boyfriend. My first heartbreak.