There wasn't much to do on the ship. The waiting game wasn't something that Sara was the best at playing. Now that she thought about it, she didn't play any games at all. Since she now had security access, she went to the Sim deck. The Simulation deck took up most of the upper floor of the ship. She held her comm to the scanner.
"Welcome, Officer Whitfield."
An old picture of her face appeared on the screen of the scanner with her other uniform.
I need to update that photo, she thought. It reminded her too much of...
The door opened. She walked inside the dark room.
"VAL, simulate the beach in real time," Sara said. "Someplace like... California."
Everything around her changed. Sand, water, sky... sun. It felt just like the beach, though she didn't have anything to compare it to. She threw off her shoes and took off her uniform. She had clothes on underneath that would breathe better in the artificial heat. The sand dug between her toes. She would do this every now and then when she was on Canis. Texture was a delicacy of unknown proportions that eased her mind. For some, it was music or art, but all she needed was to feel the sand and water to stay calm and distract her from real-world problems.
She would take a swim in the water later, but she just wanted to lie down on a blanket and absorb some rays. She asked VAL for a pair of sunglasses and lied down on the purple blanket. She rested her head on her arms and kicked a leg up. She didn't know how long she stayed there, and frankly, she didn't care. This was her time. This was something she still had control of in her life.
She didn't mean to, but when she was truly relaxed, her mind would travel to places that she tried to keep locked away or in the dark. The sun opened a doorway to a distant memory of her family. Her father was a farmer, and her mother stayed at home to homeschool her sister. There was a daycare that her sister would go to every now and then for mentally impaired children to socially converse. It helped with her social skills that she had to develop even more than the average person. They had different age groups. At this point, she was eight, and she was already being very blunt when she spoke. Despite the teachers knowing how to handle them, she caused a lot of trouble sometimes.
Still, she didn't give up. She asked questions all the time, trying to figure out how to correct her mistakes. She remembered what everyone she wronged liked and didn't like and would put it into heavy practice. She would volunteer to help clean up or make snacks. She grabbed her disability by the throat and put a leash on it. When it went too far, she jerked it back and beat it black and blue. She hated her autism, but she never hated herself. She didn't want to be defined by what she couldn't do. She wanted people to know her by what she shouldn't be able to do.
Sara admired her for that. She worked to be a good example to her younger sister. Now, it's just... gone. No, not the feeling. Just seeing her face again would be enough.
She just remembered. She opened her comm and opened her photo gallery. Pictures flooded her storage. She chose the most recent one. Sara had taken them to a Sim and went on a jungle safari. It was an premade educational Sim, and her sister, Zoe, was always into animals. She was supposed to have a service wolf trained to understand when she panicked and needed help calming down. That wouldn't get to happen, either.
She touched the selfie of her family and felt drops fall down her face.
"There you are," Maria said.
Sara jumped and closed out of the application.
"Jesus! You scared me," Sara said. "How did you find me?"
"VAL is very helpful. She knows where everyone is. When I couldn't find my father, she would tell me where he was. I did it for you, and now I found you."
She clapped her hands together and looked around.
"We are at the beach."
"Yes, we are," Sara confirmed. "You want to relax?"
She shook her head. "I'm not good at relaxing."
"VAL, give us another beach towel for Maria," Sara ordered.
A second towel appeared in the sand. Sara pat the towel.
"Come sit. Take off your uniform first."
"Is it safe?"
"It's totally safe. Come lie down."
She took off her uniform and folded it nice and neat next to Sara's clumped mess. She sat down on the towel and looked around.
"I don't feel relaxed."
"That's because you have to earn it," Sara said.
"How do you do that?"
"VAL, activate waves. Soft ones."
The water moved, pushing small rings onto shore.
"Lie down and close your eyes. Do you want some sunglasses?"
"No, thank you. I'll be fine."
Maria lied down on the towel and closed her eyes.
"Autistic people are not the only ones whose minds are always moving at the speed of light. ADHD, ADD, anxiety, pressure, anything can make us think and overthink what we're thinking. Do you know why?"
"No."
"Because we think too much about the future. We always think about things that might not even happen. Constant calculations of predictions and possibilities cloud our minds of what's right in front of us. Don't think about the future. You focus on what's going on right now, and that's it."
"It's like when you listen to music to calm down. You focus on the now, not the potential. It's like the feeling of the sun on our skin or the sound of the waves crashing against the shore. For me, it's the feeling of sand on my feet. It's familiar, and it makes me feel calm knowing its there keeping me above the water. It's not going anywhere right now, and that feels... calming. Just focus on one of those things... and breathe."
Maria listened to the sound of the waves. It was a little different each time, but she found that waiting for the next wave to come made her feel anxious. She put in a little trust that the next wave would be coming. When it did, her tense muscles loosened little by little until she wasn't worried about the waves stopping. She was starting to understand how it worked.
They stayed there for what felt like hours.
"Well, I didn't expect to find this," an older man said.
Sara turned her head.
"Hey, Tim," she said.
"You girls just out here relaxing?"
"Yeah. Want to join us? It's not like we have anything better to do."
"I guess I don't see a reason why not."
Tim asked for a towel and sat down.
"It's much better with less clothes on," Sara said.
"Dad feels weird with clothes off," Maria said.
Sara felt like she wasn't supposed to say that, but Tim shifted uncomfortably. She laughed.
"You've got nothing to be ashamed of," she said. "Show us what you got."
Reluctantly, Tim took off his shirt. He wasn't muscular and had a bit of a belly going on, but he wasn't overweight or anything. The red hairs on his chest reflected the sunlight.
"You look great," Sara said. "Now enjoy the sun. Maybe take a swim. The water isn't real, and you can't drown."
"I'll just lay here for a while," Tim said.
"It's easy to relax here," Maria said.
"Yeah, it... it is."
Tim lied down and closed his eyes.
"It really is."
After a while, more people would show up. What was supposed to be a relaxing beach session turned into a massive gathering. Children and adults both swam in the water. A volleyball court was summoned, which Tim actually got up and played. Sara watched him move and dive for the ball. He kicked up a lot of sand, but it was a good save.
"Why not?" She said.
She got up and joined his team. Maria didn't feel like playing, but she liked to watch. Sara watched. There wasn't a lot of frowns like she was expecting. What she had made was a blessing for the survivors. They couldn't stay in it forever since it drains so much power, but it was a good distraction for a while.
It's okay to escape reality every once in a while.