She was tired of all the running,
A weak thought that glimpsed every few seconds in her head.
She hated the thoughts, she tried to ignore them but they were so loud. Why now? In those eight years the thoughts could appear, why now? Astra was running through a forest, she had no idea where she was going but new thoughts kept coming into her head.
Running away isn't going to accomplish anything.
Going freely to that monster wouldn't too.
What is even her purpose here?
Running away until she is strong enough to take revenge.
She doesn't want revenge, she is just blaming the first person so she wouldn't blame herself.
She wants to take revenge more than anything.
If she wanted revenge that bad, she would have taken the kitchen knife, walked outside, and slid the Darkling's throat.
Was that annoying voice right? Was she just running away from her problems? All her motif to kill the Darkling was slipping away, but she had to keep it. Someone had to pay for her parents' death.
Why don't you just pay the price yourself?
***
Years he had been waiting to find the sun summoner, he hadn't expected her to be such a pain in his ass. He sat in his coach, Clive sat before him. Clive was trying to talk to Artemis but she wasn't listening.
Lillith sat next to the Darkling. She was trying to talk to him, but he had more important things to think about. They had left the others behind in the village where she was last spotted. The four of them were riding through other places she might be.
"Why are we even putting so much effort in one person? What is so special about her?" Lillith asked, irritated. Clive had his mouth already open to tell her, but the Darkling stopped him.
"She's an important person who will help." was all he answered. Lillith didn't give up, "She can't be that important, what is she the sun summoner?" She asked laughing, even Artemis joined. "No." He answered seriously, Lillith and Artemis's faces became blank again. "She is important to the people of Ravka, she is important to me."
Lillith rolled her eyes angry and looked outside of the coach. Artemis was ignoring Clive again and eventually, there was silence.
The Darkling loved silence, it helped him to think better.
Clive had asked him a very good question a few hours ago and it never left his mind, 'What are we going to do when we find her? It's not that she is going to come freely seeing the circumstances.' Yeah, what is he going to do?
He would try and convince her they just want to help her, that he just wants to help her. He hadn't made a good first impression, she had been in his tent and heard him threaten others if they spoke up about her existence. She knew he'd sent Grisha after her and that people would gladly betray her for him.
He still wasn't over the fact that she could have been his already, but that he had been too busy stressing about their enemies. But it was all the same, he would get her. They'll make Ravka safe again for the Grisha, and he will rule with her on his side.
And no one could change that.
***
She had no idea where to go anymore, people are on the Darkling's side and she is all alone. She had been alone for a very long time but the more she began to acknowledge it, the more it began to hurt.
There is only one way to deal with the problem of her gnawing on her past, she would go seek it and accept it. She had been pushing this back for as long as she can remember. She would return tomorrow to the place where the misery all started.
It wouldn't be a long way to the Fold, but probably a dangerous one. Now that the Grisha and some of the citizens of Ravka are looking for her.
Walking through the forest really calmed her mind, the trees were fresh green and flowers were all blossomed.
She didn't really know where to go but it was west. Soon enough she would see the devilish creation, The Fold, and would know where to go. It wasn't that far of a journey, she had returned a year ago close to the west. Her plans were to go east again but that had changed completely.
While walking, she was remembering her favorite moments with her family, just for old time's sake.
She loved memorizing when they sat at the dining table and told each other their stories, or every night when her father comforted her after her nightmares, or the times when Demis and she played outside in the fields or pranked the maid. She had a lot to remember and she loved every second of it.
She had been burying those memories and it was a relief to let them out, every breath she took became more comfortable. After a while she saw the Fold behind the trees, it was a huge dark shadow and called more memories that weren't that pleasant to remember. She directly walked into the village, still, in her first army uniform, it brought a bit of attention but people would also leave her alone.
She stopped a woman but didn't look her into the eyes.
"Uhm, do you know where the victims laid from the skiff that was attacked eight years ago?" Astra asked her. The woman raised an eyebrow but wouldn't ask any questions. "All the dead are buried in the graveyard, so they must be there too." Astra nodded unconvincingly.
"You don't know where the graveyard is?" the woman guessed by the look of Astra's reaction. "yes, I am not familiar with the surroundings here, sorry." The woman nodded, "It's just behind the corner at the end of the street." Astra thanked the woman and made her way up to the graveyard.
Before the gate stood a sign,
The people who passed away and or were registered
as a passenger on the skiffs through the Fold and didn't return lay here.Pay your respect and don't vandalize.
She entered the graveyard and spotted hundreds of graves, some a bit older than the other and even brand new ones. She anxiously passed the graves while looking for the surname Éowyn. She noticed a certain grave that was separated from the others. It was badly vandalized and it looked more of a celebration than a grave. It was one of the oldest graves and another sign was placed in front.
This is the grave of the Black Heretiche was killed by his own creation; The Fold.
She moved on and continued her search for her parents and brother's graves. She passed the name 'Flare Elliot' so she was close to the '-Eo' names. After a few minutes of searching, she finally spotted it. 'Demis Éowyn, Constance Éowyn (née Naevyre), Hector Éowyn' and to her shock 'Astra Éowyn' People thought she was dead.
There were no flowers on the graves, it was just simple and grey. Astra felt horrible that she couldn't afford a few flowers to put on her family's grave but mostly she felt horrible she hadn't come sooner.
"Is that family of yours?" Astra jumped when she heard the voice of an old man behind her. The man smiled at her, a warming smile that actually made her feel a bit better. "No, just friends of my parents." She had returned to look at the graves again.
"Ah yes, the Éowyns were a kind family. I was a friend myself. They died way too young, it's a pity." He spoke with much sadness in his voice. There was a silence, but they both didn't mind. It comforted Astra, knowing that her family wasn't forgotten because she didn't have the nerves to come and find them.
"Can you maybe lend me some money, to buy some flowers for their graves?" Astra asked the man. He eventually gave her a few Kruger and together they went to pick out flowers. They had bought it in silence and placed it on the graves. Astra thought it felt weird to put flowers on her own grave, but it was a part of acceptance.
The man also bought flowers for the grave of his wife. Astra sat on her knees before the grave of Demis, she cleaned it up and placed the flowers on the perfect spot. "I'll have to go." The man said while Astra was beginning to clean her parents' graves.
"Thank you very much, it was really nice talking to you. I hope that I'll find you again to pay you back." Astra stood up and shook his hand. He gave another heartwarming smile and walked away. A bit before the entrance he looked back around "Good luck on your journey, Astra." Astra's jaw fell open and he exited the graveyard. Would he tell someone? Surely not, he wished her good luck.
It made her feel weirdly happy, knowing there was at least someone on her side.
She exited the graveyard soon after the graves were cleaned, she had promised herself to come again. Astra walked towards the closest pub, she had bought herself a bit of kvas with the remaining Kruger she had received from the old man.
The pub was crowded and many nasty looks were given to Astra, because of her first army uniform. However, a few minutes later there was another man sitting next to her. "Kvas, please." he told the bartender. He looked around and spotted Astra looking at him, "Good day, soldier! You with the ride across the Fold tomorrow?"
There would be a skiff leaving tomorrow? "I don't know actually, not been assigned. Yet." She answered politely. He nodded, "I'm leaving with my son, going to Kerch. I'm going to start a farm there, and he's gonna take over when old enough." The man said dreamful. "What's ya name?"
Astra completely panicked, "Umh, Avra Wyn. Yours?" She couldn't have used her own name, people there had maybe seen her grave. "Gerrie Rietveld." They shook hands. A young boy ran to the man and jumped into his arms, "And this is Brekker Rietveld." The man said with a bright smile on his face.
The bartender returned with a bottle of kvas and the man paid, "Well Miss Wyn, it was a pleasure to get to know you. Maybe I'll see you on the skiff." He gave a last smile.
"Good luck on your journey." And they shook hands again. The man walked hand in hand out of the pub with his son and left Astra with a perfect solution. She drank her remaining kvas in one sip and as good as ran towards the exit.
Right before she could get out, a woman stopped her. "As if, Avra Wyn? Or should I call you by your real name, Astra Éowyn? Not trying to run again, do we?" The woman was wearing an inferni kefta, so trying to fight her was useless. The woman grabbed Astra by the arm and whispered, "The Darkling will be pleased." under her breath.