STEP 1- Start an irrelevant fire, steal my potatoes, trespass into a random house, kidnap Benji. The possibilities are endless, really. You just have hit your head against the wall exactly 50 times and then use your noggin. It's exercise for your brain. fUN
STEP 2- Wait until someone is finally smart enough to realize your iLLiCiT cRiMe and report you. Meanwhile, order some bagels and newspapers at my website barneys.bagelsandnewspapers.www. com
STEP 3- After devouring one of my scrumptious bagels you ordered on my website, rudely interrupt some stranger's phone call to call Derren. He'll help you out despite the fact that he hates you and wished you weren't alive and breathing at this very moment. In fact, he wishes you were dead.
Why would he help you? Because..... he's Derren? And he has to, or *poof* his luxury of sleeping in the backyard underground hole will turn into living in the ragged, ratchet streets. Without you he's nothing. Well he's already nothing. What I mean is he has nothing without you. That's why he'll help.
STEP 4- Make a dramatic entrance into the getaway car, because you're awesome.
STEP 5- Once inside, throw Derren off into the road because he doesn't deserve the excitement you're about to experience.
STEP 6- Although you're slightly drunk due to last Friday night's Taylor Swift themed birthday- uh.... I mean the funeral, maneuver the steering yourself.
STEP 7- While hallucinating, don't forget to ram someone off the road or crash into a tree trunk. tReE tRuNk yOu sAy?
No.... you're hallucinating. That 'tree trunk' is actually a 20 ft building- *wham* and you've crashed, managing to ram a couple cars right before.
*wipes fake tear* omg, so proud! 2 in 1!? So productive!!! *clap clap*
STEP 8- *checks watch* So right about now you should be crying in a getaway car. You doing that? Okay, very good. *checks watch again* Now you're dying in a getaway car, but don't worry. April will plan your funeral. She's totally great at that.
Why will you look at that *glaces over* She's right across the street already taking notes!
Now, say "goodbye" in a getaway car. *goodbye* M'kay.... I guess this is the part where I hand you over to April.
April. You take over from here. Understood?