TAPE 5 SIDE B
I am angry at the world.
when I was a girl mummy would always as me why I was so wrathful all the time, towards everything, she said I was never content, never happy nor grateful. I didn't know what to do with that, at first it pained me to hear my own mother speak of me that way and I began to get frustrated, looking in the mirror and nit-picking every imperfection desperately trying to fix myself to suit her liking. I spent years trying to be what I thought the daughter she deserved looked like, intelligent, graceful, submissive, and always respectful. And yet still even after I'd managed to shape myself into exactly that, I still went to bed feeling emptier than before, night after night.
until I came to embrace my anger, it's who I am, heavy as it was to carry, this fire in me, this rebellion it was engraved in my very core- the only thing that was keeping me going. I would no longer extinguish myself just because the people around me couldn't take the heat.
I immediately texted Marceline that night, my mind was swimming and I didn't know what to do now that he knew. This boy, who appeared almost out of thin air and was turning everything upside down for me, I had to know more about him in order to take control of the situation.
𝗠𝗘: 𝚂𝙾𝚂
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗬: 𝙽𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚙𝚕𝚊𝚗 𝙱? 𝙾𝚑 𝚐𝚘𝚍 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 𝙲𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚎-
𝗠𝗘: 𝙽𝙾𝚃 𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚂 𝚃𝙸𝙼𝙴
𝙸 𝚂𝚆𝙴𝙰𝚁
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗬: 𝚃𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝'𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚋𝚊𝚋𝚢?
𝗠𝗘: 𝙸 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚝𝚘 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎 𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚠 𝚔𝚒𝚍.
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗬: 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜?
𝗠𝗘: 𝙰𝚜 𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚝 𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚊𝚌𝚔.
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗬: 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚘 𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚊 𝚠𝚑𝚘 𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜?
𝙳𝚞𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚜 𝚒𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕𝚎,
𝚞𝚗𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚟𝚎 𝚕𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚊 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔
𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚏𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜
𝗠𝗘: 𝚆𝚘𝚞𝚕𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘 𝚘𝚖𝚒𝚗𝚘𝚞𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚎?
𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗖𝗬: 𝙰𝚆𝚆 𝚖𝚢 𝚙𝚘𝚘𝚛 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚊 𝚛𝚞𝚍𝚎 𝚊𝚠𝚊𝚔𝚎𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙻𝙸𝙽𝙺://𝚑𝚝𝚝𝚙𝚜:𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚐𝚕𝚎//𝙱𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚅𝚒𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚖
The results to the link she sent me took me directly to the Google home page about some band, wait not just some band, a really famous band that's currently #2 on the Billboard charts. I have no idea how I hadn't heard of them before, perhaps it was because I have a horrible habit of rejecting anything modern and listening to old bands from the '90s. The name of the band is Born Victim and has four members; drummer Asher Westwick, bassist Lyle Anderson, backup guitarist Kennedy Myers and lead singer and electric guitarist Jude Ace.
Jude Ace, Jude Ace, Jude Ace... the name rang in my mind and something told me to search him up, and oh my god when I did I was indeed in for a rude awakening.
I immediately recognized him as the tall dark stranger from school, there was no denying it was him. Since when did the school accept famous people? I mean I knew it was an elite establishment but this is crazy even for Fairbanks high. This explained the sudden flood of security and reaction from all the other students. Jude wasn't just your average arrogant asshole he was a world-famous musician and from what I've seen he has been since he was fifteen.
I can't imagine what it must've been like growing up in the spotlight, if I had cameras on me when I was fifteen I would've grown up to be a very different girl. I bet he was expecting me to grovel at his feet like all the other girls at school, I bet he was expecting me to bow down and submit to his every will, but I would do no such thing. I would treat him no different than I treated everybody else, like they were nothing back background noise to the chorus that is my life.
I'm Coraline fucking Nkole and I don't give a shit who the hell Jude Ace is and I won't let him have power over me.
❦❦❦
The next morning after ballet I walked beside Marceline to my first class which was math, she was still teasing me about not knowing about Born Victim.
"How the fuck haven't you heard of Born Victim?" She laughs flipping her light curls behind her, "aren't you supposed to be a metalhead or something?"
"Yeah, I listen to real heavy metal not some one-hit-wonder rock band from 2015." I scoff, "Iron Maiden, AC/DC ever heard of them?"
"Oh please Cora don't be that girl, just admit you're a little behind the times that's all." Marcy concludes wrapping her arm around me, "My sister has posters of them all over her room and she's a twenty-two-year-old med student, you have no excuse to not know them."
"Jesus Christ fine!" I admit, "Being well known and popular because of your looks doesn't mean your music is any good okay?"
"So you're saying Jude's hot?" She laughs,
"No, I'm saying I'm hot and he needs to get off his high horse." I retort and she gives me a knowing smirk,
"Of course you're hot baby but you're also really fucking stubborn." She concludes, "anyways I'm going to be late for AP Chem, you stay out of trouble okay?"
"Whatever," I mumble and take out my phone to look at the search results once more.
All through class, I do more and more research on his stupid band and I've learned quite a bit about them. They started out as a garage band but rose to fame after they were offered a million-dollar record deal by Oceanic Records in 2015, their hit song Radioactive heart topped the charts for an entire month before they dropped their first album Devil's Advocate which went triple platinum by the end of the year. This guy wasn't just popular, he was insanely famous and I hated it.
"Why're you so obsessed with me tiny dancer?" Asked a deep voice beside me and I nearly dropped my cell phone, it was Jude in all his cocky glory, his dark brown eyes staring me down.
"I'm not obsessed with you asshole." I fought back, "if anything you bore me."
"Is that so?" He asks and I notice the way his tie to his uniform is knotted wrong and on anyone else, it may have come across as sloppy or even tacky but he made it look carefree and oddly attractive. "Then why's my name in your search history?"
"Why's your dick down my throat?" I shut spitefully
"If it was you wouldn't be giving me the attitude you are right now." He said plainly and I nearly choke on air, how the hell is he so casual about everything? "So you're a singer huh?"
"Keep your voice down." I whisper looking around making sure no one heard him, "no I'm not and I have no idea what you're talking about."
"Does 'I'll wear my favorite dress even though I know it's yours' ring a bell?" He speaks and I shut my eyes in annoyance,
"Listen just because you're Mr famous out there doesn't mean you get to push me around in here okay? These are my halls and I'm in control you got that?" I clarify and his eyes flicker with amusement as though he finds me...funny?
"If you're intimidated by my status that's on you tiny dancer and in case you missed it, you don't tell me what to do." He replies nonchalantly and I bundle my fists, "does that make you angry princess?"
"Yes."
"I like that." He winks shifting his gaze back to my cell phone screen,
"Fuck you." I seeth, "Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"I gladly would but it's so much fun seeing you get so frustrated," he says taking his bottom lip between his teeth, and I swallow hard, "There's nothing on the internet that can tell you anything real about me, it's all a goddamn lie."
"I don't care to know anything about you." I lie, because it is a lie and I hate to admit it but I want to know how his mind works.
"You're such a bad liar." He laughs, "you're pathetic."
"It's stupid okay?" I speak feeling like a little kid who got her lunch money taken away, "it's stupid that you walk around thinking everyone knows who you are."
"It's stupid that you walk around thinking the exact same thing." He declares, "I hope they see you someday and I hope they hate what they see as much as you do when you look in the mirror."
I shift my gaze to the front of the class and turn off my phone, I hate how cruel he is, I hate how he thinks he knows me, I hate how half the world loves him and most of all I hate that he's right.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
Thank you so much for reading as always!
What do you think of Jude's character so far?