Rosie
It's the day of the funeral, and I can't face it. I've been sat on the end of my hotel bed for about an hour just staring into the distance. Lando left to get us some breakfast a few moments ago but I know he is giving me some space. We are in Chartres in France and it feels surreal being back here as I spent a couple of sumner holidays here with Charles, Pierre and Anthonie. My heart aches and I know it's that feeling of never seeing him again. I jump as the door swings open and I see Lando with a bag of pastries "hey RoRo you need to eat" he tells me softly passing me an almond croissant, I reluctantly take a bite just to appease him. The last week has been horrible, Williams have placed me on compassionate leave for two weeks and I know I need to be focused when I get back in the garage as it's Monza, my last race.
I spot Charles as we take our seats in the cathedral, he refuses to meet my gaze. I've really needed him over the last week and I know he needs people too. He won the race at Spa and I have never felt as emotional as I did when he dedicated his win to Anthonie. He has such incredible mental strength and I know this win will always mean so much to him. I shake my head and grab Lando's hand. The service was beautiful and I spent all of it silently crying. Pierre came over to see us and apologised on behalf of Charles who is still not speaking to me.
One week later - Williams
I have a meeting with Claire at 12pm as I need to discuss the plan for after my maternity leave so that the team can be prepared. I'm not sure if I want to come back to races or if I just want to be in race control back at the factory. I push away from my desk and go to grab a snack before heading to my meeting. The cravings have definitely begun and I currently want banana and peanut butter pretty much all of the time. I walk into the cafeteria and grab a banana and a decaf tea before making my way to Claire's office. I knock gently on the door and she shouts for me to come in "Rosie! Good to see you" she smiles softly "it's good to be back" I say taking a seat at the desk. "How are you feeling?" She asks and I tell her how my hips have started aching causing her to share her pregnancy symptoms. We have a good laugh before she turns serious "okay so I know you will be here till your maternity leave in December but what do you want to do going forwards?" She asks "well I'm not sure if I want to be part of the race team as I won't be home enough" I say and she nods "i understand, what about if we just put you in for European races?" She questions and I hadn't realised this was an option "oh! That could absolutely work" I say and she smiles "perfect! You and George work really well together so we can't really afford to lose you from the garage completely" she tells me
I walk through to the garage and spot Jake working away on the chassis with Adam "Hey guys!" I shout grabbing there attention "Rosie! You are back" Jake shouts before running over and wrapping me into a hug "I am! I've missed you" he smiles softly "how are you doing?" I shake my head "I've had my cry for today" I tell him off "okay! How's things with Lando?" This causes me to pause "okay but it feels more like friends living together" he nods sympathetically "perhaps too much damage was already done?" I shrug not knowing the answer "well I still want to try, I do love him" Jake already knows this "oh! How did your scan go? I haven't had a chance to ask with everything going on" I grin "I was going to find you in Spa, I'm having a little girl" he squeals loudly "this is incredible! I can't wait to style her" he claps his hands together and I laugh "how's things with your Ferrari Beau?" I ask and he turns a deep crimson "well actually I have some news! I'm moving to Ferrari next season" my heart sinks but I know I can't be selfish here "that's incredible Jake, what an amazing opportunity for you" I tell him and he smiles at me "thanks Ro you know I don't want to leave you but this job means I can move to Italy and see Andrea so much more" I know how in love with him he is so I can't get in the way "I know! Jake you don't need to justify things to me" he nods and I realise the time "I need to get on or I will never get home" I say goodbye to Jake and make my way back to my office.
I arrive home later than I wanted and I just want to curl up on the sofa with Lando. I walk through the door and I can smell something burning. I rush into the kitchen to see Lando pulling burnt burger buns out of the oven "Shit" he mutters and I burst out laughing "Rosie!" He exclaims as I've made him jump "what are you doing?" I manage to get out walking over to see the damage "well I was trying to make dinner" an adorable frown crosses his features "oh Lands, it's okay we can order something in" I let him know and he smiles "waga?" I nod my head, I will never say no to a steaming bowl of ramen. Once we've ordered I do exactly what I wanted and curl up on the sofa with Lando. I adore our evenings together but I know there isn't that spark, that passion that was between us before.
This weekend is Monza, my favourite race on the calendar. There is something about the temple of speed that just works for me! "Lando come on we need to leave" I shout up the stairs "George has already called once making sure we have left" I tell again "I'm coming" he shouts back and then is struggling downstairs with his luggage. We load up the car before he jumps in the drivers seat of my new VW Golf. When I decided that I would stay with Lando I went get myself a car so I could get to Williams and I stepped on the forecourt and this deep red Golf caught my eye. Most of my belongings are still in Monaco but Charles won't speak to me so I haven't been able to get them back. Luckily George had to keep some items here as he couldn't get everything shipped over so me and Lando collected those before we flew to France.
Me and Lando are sharing a room this weekend and I'm actually quite excited to see him every morning. This is my last proper race weekend working till after my little bean is born and I feel quite nostalgic. I wander through the paddock gates early Friday morning and I can't believe this will be my last Free practise sessions till I'm back next year! Life has been really crazy since finding out I was pregnant but I wouldn't change a thing, well except Lando cheating but I can't do much about that!
I have been sifting through data for a couple of hours now, George did really well during the sessions and got us a decent amount of data to work with this weekend. I had a briefing with him earlier about the requirements of this track. Considering this is his rookie year he has been consistent for the team and I feel especially proud of him. It's around 7pm now and I don't think I will be leaving the garage before 8 just due to getting as much ready for Saturday as possible. It is true that our car is better in qualifying than it is in the race and that is something we need to work on for next year. My phone rings and I see that it's Charles? I quickly answer in case it's a mistake "Hello?" I ask "Hi Rosie, could you meet me when you are finished?" He quickly asks "yeah won't be till 8 if you will still be around?" I inquire "cool I will be outside Williams at 8" he tells me "okay bye" well this is a turn around for the books!
I switch my computer off and I look around the garage and I'm one of the last ones. I say goodbye to a couple of the mechanics and walk out to the paddock. My heart is racing, I'm worried that this isn't going to be a pleasant conversation. I spot him almost immediately and my heart flutters "Hi" I practically whisper and he looks up from his phone giving me a smile "Hi mon ange" and from that moment I know it's going to be okay "walk with me?" He asks and he walk towards the Mercedes end of the paddock. It's very quiet and practically empty now "I'm sorry" he blurts out and I can't help the confused look I send his way "I'm sorry too" he shakes his head "no my reaction wasn't called for, I've missed you" he tells me grabbing my hand giving it a gentle squeeze "I've really missed you too Charles" he looks upset "I really needed you these past weeks and I was just too stubborn to say" I knew he did as I needed him too "I know, I needed you as well" he frowns "well you have me now and I promise I'm not leaving again" he tells me reassuringly. We wander a little more before he leads us through the Ferrari garage and we set off on a walk around the track "what have I missed?" He asks "well not much, lots of crying!" He winces "I'm sorry that I wasn't there" he tells me as we walk down the start finish straight towards Curva Grande. "I also had my 20 week scan" I look at him before continuing "it's a girl" he grins "wow that's amazing, another Rosie running around the place" I laugh "I really wanted to call and tell you, well I tried" he looks down at his feet "I can't ever apologise enough" I squeeze his hand "it's okay Charles, I did want to run something past you" he looks at me curiously "I know what I want to name her, Juliette Athena Russell" he freezes in our walk as we are reaching Curva di Lesmo "Rosie, Juliette for Jules and Athena for Anthonie?" I nod my head "that's perfect" he give me a hug then squats down to talk to my stomach "I can't wait to meet you Jules" he says and my heart couldn't feel more full in this moment.
Once we finished our walk of the track, it took us almost and hour I headed straight back to my room. I sent Lando a message earlier saying Charles wanted to talk but I didn't think we would be this late. "Rosie?" Lando questions from the bed as I open the door "Hi Lands" I say and he jumps up "I was worried" he tells me "sorry my phone died" i mutter seeing that he is annoyed "how was your talk?" I nod "good, we are on speaking terms again" he shakes his head "he wasn't there when you needed him the most, I was" he rants and I don't understand where this has come from "I know but he is one of my closest friends" he rolls his eyes "he sees you as more than a friend Rosie" his tone is bitter "yet here I am with you" I comment "well you don't have to be, just because we are having a baby" I'm taken a back by this "is that how you see it?" He steps towards me "no sorry, I'm just struggling with all of this and I don't want to lose you again" he tells me and it doesn't have the desired effect. "Well Lando you chased me and got us here and I thought that meant something?" He shrugs "it does but we both need to be trying to make this work" he states "yeah Lando we both need to"