Hello my amazing readers! How are u? Y'know, This book is getting wrapped up too quick😅
42. Say something
He doesn't come back the whole night.
Which is good. I really didn't want him to hear me cry myself to sleep.
I wake up with puffy, red eyes, a numb mind and a heavy conscious. My thoughts have tired themselves by running in circles, my heart is a traitorous bastard. The only solace I can offer myself is this;
It's going to be fine. Soon this Hunt will be over and you'll never see Luke again. Both of you will get busy in your new lives, forget this ever happened.
I splash water on my face, hissing when it stings my eyes but the puffiness decreases a bit due to the cool water. I change clothes and put my hair in a messy braid.
I'm sitting on the bed, mind blank like an untouched paper when the door opens. Luke's eyes meet mine momentarily, I feel my heart jump to my throat.
He looks away and silently packs up our bag "We're leaving."
With that, he goes out of the room. I ignore the twist in my chest and follow him out. Ethan and Tyler are sitting in the lounge, they look up at us. Ethan quickly averts his gaze, his perfect nose swollen, though the bruises on his neck now gone.
Tyler only exchanges a nod with Luke before we go out of the house.
We walk on for hours, not once saying anything. The silence is so loud, I want to clamp my hands on my ears to shut it out. Several times, I had opened my mouth to say something but then mashed my lips together, not speaking.
The day bleeds into night without a single word spoken between the two of us.
Is that how it will be from now? Did whatever we had was shattered by the reality I'm desperately holding onto?
"We'll camp the night here," Luke says, stopping at a small clearing
I nod, unable to form words. The irony is cruel, really. He always wanted me to be quieter, I always wanted him to treat me as a fighter, a warrior.
Both of us have exactly what we wanted, but its not what we want anymore.
Silently, mindlessly, I start the fire and sit by it, watching the flickering flames.
Is this what it's like to be in relationships? Even if for a few minutes? Goddess, this sucks.
Luke hands me a blanket, I silently accept it. He walks away, standing by a tree, arm crossed across his chest.
I stare at him for a few moments. Say something. Say what? Tell him he should've never thought 'we' could work. Tell him I'm an idiot for being blinded by my own feelings to notice that him and me were becoming we
Tell him I wish it wasn't this way but reality is chocking my hope and telling me this is how it is. Tell him I want to put my arms around him and hide my face in his chest, away from reality.
Will that change anything?
So I just stay quiet. I put the bag under my head, using it as a pillow and wrap the blanket around me. I close my eyes and tell myself again;
It's going to be fine. You're going to get over this. Both of you will get busy in your new lives soon, you'll forget Luke Winters.
But somewhere in the back of my head, a thought creeps up to me, chilling me to my bones.
What if you can't?
✧ Luke ✧
Silence.
I'd always savored it, found it best for thinking, clearing my head. I would have gladly had most people tape their mouths for the sake of the quiet.
I never thought there would be a day when I would hate it with every fiber of my being.
I can hear her footsteps behind me, her scent like a comfort that's always reminding me it wont last for long.
She's been quiet for the better part of the past two days, both of us have. I cant decide if I'm infuriated or elated. Maybe both.
Elated because I'm not sure I can handle pretending everything is fine. Infuriated because this isn't how I expected the last of this Hunt to be.
Every now and then, she would look at me, prepared to say something but then she stops herself, thinking I'm not noticing just how many times she has done that by now.
"Lets not stop tonight," I turn to face her as she speaks, steady golden eyes look back at me
I look up at the darkening sky. With minimum defense gear and food, it's better if we try to cover the remaining distance as quick as possible. Besides, it's not like I'll be getting any sleep any time soon.
I nod at her and pick up my pace, only a short while later, a soft voice breaks the lovely numbness in the air.
"Luke?"
I resist the urge to clench my fists, glance at her from the corner of my eyes.
She takes a deep breath "Are you mad at me?"
I stop and look at her with a stoic face, but even then, I cant help but raise an eyebrow.
"Why would I be?" I ask, genuinely confused
She wrings her hands, something she's never done before and bites down hard on her bottom lips. For the love of Goddess, stop doing that.
"You're not mad at me?" She asks slowly, I nod "Then why are you ignoring me?"
I cock my head to a side "Like how?"
She looks away, shrugs, looks at me again, unease written all over her face.
"You haven't talked to me since we left the house." She says
"You haven't either."
A beat of silence passes, the air around us is so thick, I could cut through it. then her lips curl up in a small smile.
"Well, then we've both been fretting over nothing." She says, a hint of hope in her voice
Nothing? The way you and I had started trusting each other, leaning on each other was nothing? The way electricity cackles when you touch me is nothing? The way we complement each other perfectly is nothing?
I wouldn't use that word for what we're fretting over.
But the hope in her eyes makes me nod. I don't want this to be more uncomfortable than it has already become. I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me.
We start down our path again, the air seems breathable now, less tense. Hazel seems visibly relaxed, as if the problem is gone and over with, as if it was so small.
Maybe for her it was, I ignore the twist in my gut. Maybe for her you never meant more than a partner, a companion. It was you who made these assumptions, and look where that has led you.
"Luke," Hazel says, I detect the hint of tiredness in her voice "I know I said we should keep going, but I'm really regretting my decision."
"Keep on regretting, Hazel, we aren't stopping now."
"Why not?" She asks incredulously
"It's nearly dawn," I point out "there's no point in stopping now."
She marches up and stands in front of me, blocking my path. I give her a disappointed look. If anything, I expected her to be used to this by now.
"You're being difficult for now reason," she rolls her eyes "If anything-
She stops, her eyes glued to something on the left side.
Instantly, my senses kick in sharp. My hand goes to the revolver tucked in the waistband of my jeans, but I doubt I'd need it right now, without the wolfsbane dose, I can rip apart any ambusher as long as he does come with guns.
What I see makes my brows furrow in confusion. Through the thinning trees, I see a vast field full of dandelions, their white flurries like snow in the faint morning light.
"Don't tell me you're afraid of dandelions." I give Hazel an incredulous look
"Don't be sassy, Winters." She says, but I see the way her eyes light up.
She looks at me again, and I'm caught in the crossfire of emotions. Her smile is so bright, eyes alight with excitement, honey hair framing her face. I want to burn this image in my memory forever.
"Lets make a deal," Hazel says "We take a break to see that field and I wont ask to stop again."
I take in consideration her request- offer, actually, and find myself agreeing. If we take a walk around that field, it cant possibly take more than twenty minutes, while I'm sure if we stop she wont be getting up for at least two hours.
"Deal," I say with a nod
"Perfect!" Hazel grabs my arm and starts towards her destination, her skin lighting sparks against mine
Once we pass through the trees and stand in the vast field, Hazel squeals, biting her bottom lip.
"This is like a dream," she says "I always wanted to find a huge dandelion field!"
"Why?" I raise an eyebrow, wanting to listen to her more than I would like to admit
"So I can do this,"
With that she opens her arms wide, turns around and sprints forward, causing a cloud of white flowers to rise behind her.
I watch with my hands in my pockets, a soft smile playing at my lips as she breaks in a fit of giggles, dandelion fuzz covering her clothes and hair.
She takes another round of the field, probably only for the sake of it, before she walks over to me, a wide grin on her face.
"That was so awesome!" She says, gesturing animatedly with her hands
"Good," I nod "That means you're done here. We can go back to important things now."
"What?" her eyes widen in alarm "so soon?"
I cock an eyebrow "It's been ten minutes."
"Come on, Luke," she gives me a look, puffing up her cheeks "This isn't fair, I want to stay for a bit longer!"
I keep my gaze locked on hers, Hazel doesn't back down. Stubborn as always.
I raise my hand, her eyes follow its movement as I bring it near her face.
Then I flick her forehead.
Hazel loses her balance and falls back, a puff of dandelion fuzz rises up as she falls, blinking in confusion.
My lips twitch upward "Being unfair has its benefits."
Hazel glares at me, only adding to my amusement. Then I feel something hit my ankle- hard.
Before I can steady myself, my feet lose their footing on the slanted earth and I fall down in the flowers, another puff of white fuzz floats in the air.
A cackling laugh reaches me, I look up with narrowed eyes at the girl who's struggling to control her laugh as she looks at me.
"That wasn't funny," I say sternly
"Of course not," Hazel nods, a wide grin on her face "It was hilarious!"
She doubles over laughing, I sweep my hand through the flowers nearby, causing the fuzz to fly straight into her mouth. Hazel stops laughing abruptly, then irregular coughs and sneezes follow, eyes wide, giving her an even more animated look.
I find my shoulders starting to shake and before I can think better of it, a laugh escapes my mouth, the sound strange to even my own ears.
Hazel glares at me and stands up, marching towards me "You are such an-
She cuts herself off with a yelp of surprise as she loses her balance, falling right over me, her head hits mine hard and before I know it, we're rolling down the small slope.
When my eyes focus again, I was aware of the small body over mine, my arms wrapped around it of their own volition.
Hazel lifts her head, the tip of her nose touching mine, slightly parted lips hovering over my own. The light from the rising sun bounces off her skin, catches in her eyes to make them look like golden pools.
Her breath falls on my lips in soft pants, I can't help the desire that crashes over me like a high tide.
Without thinking, I tilt my face, my lips brush against hers, causing a shiver to race down my spine, a cackle of electricity.
She pushes me away.
My eyes snap open to see that she's turned her face away, lips pursed tightly.
Reality wedges itself like a silver blade in my windpipe. My body seems to lock itself in place, unable to move in the wake of the roil in my chest.
I force my arms to shift from around her and let her go.
She moves away, not meeting my eyes. I stand up, my throat parched like sand paper. I want to punch myself in the face. She told you she doesn't want you, I tell myself fiercely, harshly.
"We should go," I say, my voice dead of emotion as I turn to go back
Someone holds my hand, I suck in a sharp breath.
"Luke, I-
"Let go, Hazel."
She hesitates for a moment before withdrawing her hand. I look over my shoulder as she stands up, her face contorted in helplessness.
"It doesn't have to be this way," She says softly, quietly "We can be friends, we can-
"No." My voice is hard even to my own ears "We cant be. I cant be."
"Luke, it doesn't have to be all or nothing," she says, closing the distance between us
"That's the way it is with me."
"I don't want this to happen to us," Hazel says "Just because of some infatuation-
"Infatuation?" I ask, anger burns in my voice, composure slipping through my fingers "Is that what it looks like to you?"
Her shoulders slump, eyes confused with the battle wagging inside her head. Say something. Some hopeless part of me expects her to say she doesn't think that, that she feels for me what I feel for her, that she wants me too.
She says nothing.
I turn my face away, clenching my hands into fists, feeling my pointed fingers threatening to cut through the skin.
She would never understand what it's like for me. What it's like to think I will never see her again after this Hunt, what it's like to imagine a life without her, what it's like to know that she would fall in love with another man and I would be powerless to do anything against it.
She would never understand what it is to love someone who doesn't want you to.
"We're wasting time," I say, steeling myself "Lets go."
She meets my gaze, searching. A moment later she nods, a troubled look on her face.
We start on our path again, silence descending over us.
I would not beg her to love me. I would not force her to see what I do.
With a deep breath, I straighten my back and roll back my shoulders, marching ahead on the path that would lead me to the goal I've waited to achieve for so long.
The world could survive a heartless man, but it would not survive a heartless beast.
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