🌧•Forgotten
Brief:
In which Changbin is nothing to Jeongin, nothing but an imaginary friend.
Word Count: 3502 | 30 minute read
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When he opened his eyes, light filled his vision. Light was something unusual to him. He hadn't seen it in so long. In fact, he couldn't count the time since. Had it been days? Months? Years?
Hell, he didn't know anymore. He'd been trapped in the darkness for so long that he didn't know if time had even passed at all. Maybe it had only been dark for several minutes. Or perhaps it had been seconds.
What even was his name? Where is he?
No. Rather, why was it so light here?
"Hello!"
The chipper voice hurt his ears and out of reflex he cowered away, flinging his hands over his ears and shutting his eyes again. He calmed with the darkness prickling back over his vision, blocking the light again. He took in deep breaths and then thought more. When was the last time he had tasted air so crisp and cold? Has he ever breathed in during his time in the darkness?
"Excuse me? Mister?"
His lower lips quivered out of nervousness and he felt suddenly scared and his heart clenched with fear. The moment a small hand came into contact with his back, he tensed up and his eyes burst open, desperate to see what threat he had to run away from. He didn't know where he'd go but anywhere would do.
However as he turned to look over, he saw a small boy, maybe around four or five years younger than himself. He himself was... about eleven, at least he thinks that's his age. He doesn't remember celebrating his birthday past the age of eleven so clearly he must be that age.
"Wah, you look terrified!" The small kid gasped, leaning close to him and inspecting his face. "Why are you so scared, mister?"
He parted his lips to respond to the small kid, but stopped before a word could pass through. He didn't know how to respond. All he knew was he was scared but he felt nor knew no reason as to why.
"I... I don't know..." He whispered and he reached for his throat, feeling along his neck at the sound of his hoarse voice. When was the last time he drank water?
The kid smiled at him and then sat down facing him, legs apart in a v-shape with his hands on the grassy ground between. He looked at him, scanning over his fluffy black hair and gleaming wide eyes, suddenly curious about them. No longer fearful. After all, what could a kid almost half of his age possibly do to hurt him?
Exactly. Nothing. A child so adorable and squishy-looking wouldn't have in them to harm a fly, let alone another person.
"Okay... What's your name?"
He blanked. What was his name? He didn't even know and his eyes began to well up with tears.
"I-I don't know..."
The boy's simple minded, eased expression curved sharply to concern and he shuffled closer to him. He spread out his arms and cuddled him close, rubbing his back. The warmth of the boy made him keen in and instinctively wrap his arms around him too, embracing tightly. It was then that he knew he never wanted to let go and that this boy he wanted to stay with despite knowing next to nothing about him. There was something inside him that told him that he needed this kid and needed to stay with him. No matter what.
"Mister... It's alright, don't cry." The boy said, patting his back with a gentleness unknown to him. Or perhaps he had known it once before but he couldn't remember it anymore. Honestly, heaven knows at this point.
He sniffled and ignored the kid's words, opting to burry his face into the crook of their neck, spilling his tears out. Yet he tried to hold in his sobs, letting out only small whimpers with his lips quivering.
"My name's Jeongin..." Jeongin continued, his small hand softly curling into his chestnut brown hair. "I can give you a name, if you want, Mister?"
He nodded softly, ears perking up at the thought of the boy giving him something so simple. Somehow it felt special, the mere idea of it. It just seemed truly magical.
"Hmm... How about..." Jeongin took a moment to look around. That's when he realized that he and this boy were sat in a back garden, with the back of a house close behind them. "Chang... Bin. Changbin! How's that?"
Changbin smiled and pulled soft out of their close cuddle, unwrapping his arms from around Jeongin to rub away his tears from his face. He wiped away a his tears and smiled wide at Jeongin, feeling so strangely excited. He felt so odd. An interesting sensation of belonging. A belonging that unknowingly twisted his very being onto that of the small boy in front of him. A twisting that he would never untangle himself from, no matter how hard he may struggle.
Changbin was tied and belonged solely to Jeongin. And there was nothing he could do about it.
~🥀~
"Hey Binnie, let's play!" Jeongin exclaimed. He took Changbin by both his hands and ran out into the back garden with him again. They'd been together almost a week and Changbin enjoyed every moment. Each day was full of fun and he adored it so much. He didn't want it to ever end.
It felt like a never ending sleepover, getting to play all day and cuddle to sleep all night once their fun was over. Changbin spent all moments by Jeongin's side and clung to him all the time. He didn't like being too far away from the boy and he hated playing games where he had to chase after him or find him after he'd ran off somewhere. It made him feel scared that he'd lose him. Or that the boy would forget about him and keep running and running without him.
"What game, Innie?" Changbin asked, looking into Jeongin's eyes with excited as he anticipated what fun games they'd play together today. Like he said before, everyday was fun so long as he was with Jeongin.
"Well... I wanna do hide and seek!"
Changbin frowned.
"But, Innie, I don't like hide and seek..." He sighed out, dropping his smiley face down to pout. Hide and seek was terrifying to him. He despised being separated from Jeongin. It was the scariest feeling in the world.
"Binnie..." Now it was Jeongin's turn to frown. "Don't be mean, please... I just wanna play and you never do... It's not fair..."
"Hide and seek is scary, Innie. I told you already..."
"Fine, I'm sorry Binnie, you choose what we play instead." Jeongin settled, perking up again and wrapping them into a hug. He looked up at Changbin, wondering what game he'd choose.
"Maybe... Can we go see if that cat's still out the gate? I know it's not a game but... It was really fun yesterday..."
Jeongin lit up with excitement and exclaimed that that's what they'd do. Then, he dragged Changbin by the hand all the way out the gate to meet the special cat from the day before. The only reason Changbin liked the cat so, was because it was the only one other than Jeongin who could see him. It made him happy to know he was real, even if only to a few.
They found the cat rather quickly as it jumped over a fence to waddle over to them, like it knew they were coming to see her. She was a chubby ginger cat with fluffy fur that Changbin had loved stroking the day before. She was well cared for, that much he could tell from her soft coat of fur. He and Jeongin giggled like small kids their age would as they sat down on the floor and warmingly accepted the ginger cat into each of their personal spaces. She jumped straight onto Changbin's lap first, curling up and snuggling down.
"Binnie, she's super cute!" Jeongin giggled, scooting closer so he could also stroke her soft fur.
"She is..." He smiled. "But I think you're cuter!"
Jeongin gasped in that dramatic manner kids love to do before bursting back into a fit of laughter and giggles. He held his tummy with both hands, leaning forward from the force of his excitement.
"Binnie!" He whined out with a wide smile. "You're too nice! But... I like it."
Changbin felt his cheeks warm up. He was struck with an unusual butterfly-like feeling along with embarrassment - embarrassment that he was feeling strange over a boy who wasn't even ten years old yet. However, he also assumed that it mustn't matter much, after all, nobody except Jeongin and this cat even know that he exists.
"... Innie, are we gonna be together forever?"
"Of course! I love Binnie and I wouldn't ever leave him! Not for anything in the world!"
~🥀~
"Catch me if you can!" Jeongin yelled out to Changbin, sprinting off down the school field. Changbin laughed to himself and chased after the younger boy as quick as his legs could carry him. He ran and ran and ran, panting as he lost more and more energy the faster he went. Somehow Jeongin just kept speeding ahead, running off and seemingly unable to tire out like Changbin was. It just amazed him at how strong that little kids legs were.
He gave up sprinting after awhile and fell down to his knees, panting and falling quickly to all fours, hands gripping the grass. He coughed a little and looked up, seeing Jeongin still running off and not waiting for him. A strike of anxiousness waved through his chest at the distance between them and he felt like Jeongin had forgotten him and was leaving him behind. For some reason it made him scared and his eyes watered up.
"INNIE WAIT!" Changbin shouted, crawling on the field as quick as he could while trying to pathetically trip back onto his feet. But Jeongin didn't listen. "INNIE PLEASE! COME BACK INNIE!"
Jeongin still didn't listen and joined up with a group of his friends. Being ignored made Changbin began to panic as he stumbled up to his feet and ran like he never had before. Propelled by his adrenaline, he sprinted so fast he came closer and closer.
"INNIE!"
"Oh, Binnie!" Jeongin turned around and smiled at him, calming all the fear and panic and terrible feelings inside from before. Changbin sniffled and pulled Jeongin into a hug, clinging onto him, not wishing to let go ever again.
Some snickers from the other kids nearby made Changbin peak up from his little protected shelter in the crook of Jeongin's neck. Jeongin noticed them too and questioned what was wrong. Questioning why they laughed at him so when to him there was no reason to.
"Who are you talking to?" A girl giggled. "Nobody's even there, stupid."
"Oh! It's Changbin, he's my friend." Jeongin smiled, looking over at the aforementioned boy. It warmed up Changbin's chest, making him feel fuzzy inside.
"You still have imaginary friends, Jeongin?" A boy with freckles questioned. "You're seven already... Maybe you should, you know, grow up a bit."
"Hey, Felix that's harsh." An older boy spoke with thick curly hair that Changbin recognized from somewhere before. However all names aside from his own and Jeongin's always slipped his mind. All he cared about was himself and Jeongin so he could care less about everyone else in this world. "Jeongin, ignore them, you can have imaginary friends for as long as you want, there's no harm in it."
"Shut up Channie! He's so childish!"
"Sana, that's mean!" Chan defended further. "Why does it matter? He's happy so leave him be!"
The Sana girl scoffed and gave the freckled Felix boy a head gesture.
"Let's ditch these losers." She stated simply and Felix gladly followed her away from them.
A sting trundled in through Changbin's chest and he clung tighter to Jeongin. The harshness of the other two kids sent him into a worried state once more. He felt that fear from before when Jeongin was too far away for comfort. He still didn't understand this fear he had within himself. It was something about being forgotten by Jeongin that terrified him and it didn't help that he was the only person who could see him at all.
"Hey, Jeongin, don't listen to them okay?" Chan said, walking over and ruffling the boy's hair up. "They're just being mean because they don't have imaginary friends."
Jeongin frowned.
"Changbin isn't imaginary..." He glanced to Changbin who was still clung tight to him. "He's right here... Why can't you see him? He's real, I swear he's real..."
Chan chuckled and Changbin immediately glared at him, defensive of if he was going to start hurting Jeongin too. Just like the other two. He didn't want Jeongin to be ashamed of him and try forget him.
"I'm sure he is Jeongin but I still can't see him, you know."
"I don't get it, hyung, he's right here, he's holding me, can't you see?"
Chan smiled with an air of sadness to the corners of his features, softly shaking his head side to side. He let out a sigh.
"I'm sorry Jeongin, I really can't see him."
Jeongin reached out and grabbed Chan's wrist. He pressed Chan's hand against Changbin's chest and his eyes widened as he watched it simply pass through.
"What... He's- your hand just- Hyung why can't you see him or touch him?! He's right here!"
Jeongin cried out and Changbin took action, twisting the boy to bury his face in his chest. He cuddled him close, his own heart clenching and twisting in agony at the sight of his little Jeongin in pain and crying. Everytime he's witnessed the younger like this time and time again as he grew over the last few years, he's always felt that pain as well. Jeongin's pain was his pain. Yet his own pain was never Jeongin's.
Jeongin would never feel his pain. And he'd keep it that way. Permanently.
~🥀~
As the years passed by, Changbin witnessed Jeongin grow and yet he never seemed to grow with him. He stayed in his eleven year old body all the while. One thing he noticed as their time together went on, was the way Jeongin began to act now he was older. During the days they first met, they were inseparable and everyone loved Changbin even if they couldn't see him at all and they'd spend hours upon hours all playing together and having fun. However, over time as Jeongin began KS2 at his primary school, people began to make fun of Jeongin for still talking about Changbin, or acknowledging him at all. Because of that, they grew more distant.
At first, Changbin, didn't mind being ignored because Jeongin would find subtle ways to hold his hand and send him warm smiles without anyone else noticing. Then when they'd get home, they'd talk and play together like everything was all fine again. But soon enough, Jeongin stopped giving him any amount of attention at school at all and tried to avoid talking to him at home as well. In fact, they stopped cuddling in bed to sleep and Changbin had to try make himself comfortable on the floor instead. Most nights he couldn't even fall asleep and if he did, it was from the exhaustion that took over his body from all the crying he did beforehand.
Soon enough, came high school and Changbin was getting more accustomed to the loneliness that Jeongin left him with. Though, he felt his stomach grow with a numbing feeling each passing year. It was like his body wanted to cough up all the acids in his stomach and yet his throat felt no pressure to. His body was growing stranger and yet he couldn't do anything about it, nor the craving inside he felt for Jeongin's attention and affection. Hell, if Jeongin so much as looked at him, he's certain he'd breakdown and never let go of the boy ever again. Alas, it was simply a distant dream of his. One he's slowly losing his faith in.
"Innie..." Changbin hoarsely whispered out as he watched the teenage Jeongin walk back into the bedroom. He was now dressed up in his blazer for school, the white shirt and black trousers and he was tying up the last of his tie. Changbin could've sworn that Jeongin's eyes flickered towards him for a brief moment and it was a moment he wished lasted forever. His eyes welled up with tears and he sniffled, curling his knees back up to his chest. "Innie... Do you not love me anymore?"
His question was left unanswered as Jeongin left the room, door slamming loudly behind him. Changbin wiped his eyes and sluggishly got to his feet and opened the door to follow Jeongin to school again, like usual. He slowly walked down the stairs, stopping in front of Jeongin who was using the second step to prop his foot on as he tied up his shoelaces.
"Innie?" Changbin tried again. "Please look at me..."
Jeongin sighed and finished his lace, turning his back on Changbin. Instead he walked over to grab a cereal bar from the kitchen counter and then sling his backpack over one of his shoulders. He walked out the front door and Changbin once again followed after him. It was raining heavily outside and so Jeongin put up his umbrella to shield from the downpour. However, Changbin sheepishly walked through the rain, getting soaked as he feared what would happen if he tried to slip under the safety of the umbrella still.
The walk to Jeongin's high school was silent aside from the constant noises from cars and lorries trundling by and the pitter patter of raindrops on the pavement. Changbin sneezed several times, having caught another cold again from the rain but it was to be expected. He rubbed his nose after sneezing a few more times and moments after bumped square into Jeongin's back. He jumped away, shivering and scared, spluttering out many apologies to make up for reminding Jeongin of his existence when it was clear he was still unwanted.
"Oi! Jeongin!" A deep voice yelled out and Changbin quickly recalled it was that freckled Felix boy. He and Jeongin had been becoming good friends and Changbin couldn't help feel so terribly jealous each time they talked. Even if it were only a quick exchange of a few words, it pissed him off.
"Lixie hyung!" Jeongin smiled and ran over to him. "Aish, you forgot your umbrella again..."
Felix smirked and slipped under Jeongin's small umbrella, wrapping his arms around the younger's waist. They were staring deep in each other's eyes and Changbin felt discomfort inside himself again.
"Mmm, it's okay though, I have your umbrella to stand under."
Changbin couldn't stand it and stepped towards Jeongin, reaching and grabbing the hem of his blazer. He felt something tricks down his cheeks but he wasn't sure if they were raindrops or tears anymore but he tugged for Jeongin's attention regardless.
"Innie... Innie please stop... It- it hurts..."
Jeongin looked over at him and he swore he could've melted into putty at that very moment. That was if he hadn't already.
"Innie... Don't... Don't forget about me, you said you love me... Remember?" Changbin continued, sobbing full blown as he pulled more at the boy's blazer.
However it seemed that Changbin's pleads were futile.
Especially when Jeongin turned away from him and looked back to Felix. He leant in and kissed the freckled boy on the lips, arms tangling around his neck.
That's when Changbin felt it.
That's when the queasy pain in his stomach began to churn more.
The darkness had been waiting long and patient for him. It always had been. Perhaps, in a way, the darkness was the only thing Changbin ever should've trusted.
The shadows staggered towards him again and he realized why.
Why nobody saw him.
Why he never aged.
Why everybody thought Jeongin was insane.
Changbin had been dead a long while. Killed in a hit and run at the age of eleven. The darkness had felt bad for him. Let him off the hook for awhile to find a kind soul that would keep him company until their eventual death too.
However Changbin had not been wise.
He entrusted himself to the first person he met. And how he regrets it so.
Maybe if he'd have left Jeongin, his heart wouldn't have beaten for him, nor shattered when he was ignored.
It seemed Jeongin wanted to forget him.
And that forgetting was successful.
Changbin was laying back into the comfortably warm embrace of darkness again. Ready to sleep for all of eternity. Maybe then he'd forget Jeongin too.
Maybe then...
To one another, they'd both be forgotten.