I grinned.
There was no doubt this was going to be good if it required a password to get into. It was as if at that moment it didn't register that I didn't have said password and had no way of obtaining it. I was far too excited at the prospect of finally having something to use against him to bother with details like the fact I might not even be able to access them. Because that wasn't even important, right? Wrong!
As the initial excitement settled in, I took a few deep breaths to compose myself as I stared at the lit-up screen; the cursor hovering just above the white bar. Truth was, I never paid enough attention to Chanyeol to even have the slightest idea what the password might be. I didn't care for his favorite foods, favorite drinks, first pets, or first loves, none of those things people used as passwords. So, though it seemed like I could finally have some leverage over him, I was deflated as I realized that I couldn't uncover the secrets within the flash drive.
However, just because I didn't have the password would not stop me from trying to figure it out. After all, how hard could it be? I could only hope it wouldn't be a random combination of letters and numbers, because, try as hard as you might, I knew I wouldn't be able to figure it out. So though I had no real information about Chanyeol, I tried the first thing that came to mind, having half a mind not to expect it to work so I wouldn't be disappointed or dishearten. I needed to get it, one way or another, and I would really prefer to do it on my own rather than bothering Lisa with it who would surely bring Sooyoung into the picture again. I sure as hell didn't need to see that woman again.
Father's name.
Incorrect.
Mother's name?
Incorrect.
The company name with the year it was founded?
Incorrect.
His own name...? It's not like it would be that big of a stretch.
Incorrect.
Huh, I really thought that one could actually work. Let's see... my name?
Incorrect. Of course, what did I expect? I laughed to myself bitterly, fiddling with the bubble gum ring I kept stationary on my index finger as I thought of more possibilities.
After a few more failed attempts, going as far as putting Ashely's name in, I stood up from the couch, opting for pacing the empty loft instead, bitting on three of my fingers in thought - a habit of mine that helped me focus. Leo watched me curiously as I walked up and down mindlessly, deep in thought, but stayed quiet rather than meowing in confusion and curiosity.
He didn't seem to worry much about my mental health and whether I'd gone completely insane after walking the same path for the twentieth time, seeing as his own paws caught his attention. I guess to him; I wasn't very entertaining.
I thought hard. I really did. But no matter what I came up with seemed to make sense. Everything was just far too easy and I've already eliminated the obvious answers that I didn't dare to hope were the right ones, anyway. Though I really thought his parent's names weren't that far-fetched since he loved them a lot and was pretty devastated when they passed away.
Suddenly I got a brilliant idea and I could practically hear the lightbulb setting off over my head, which was quite ironic since there were actually lightbulbs scattered above my head, rather than one lamp. Throwing myself back on the couch, unable to contain my newly regained motivation, I opened a browser and typed Chanyeol's full name in, hoping for some interview or Wikipedia entries.
As soon as I hit enter, the screen turned white for a moment before erupting in tens of links, all to different sites. First was, not so surprisingly, Wikipedia and without giving it another thought, I clicked on it. I decided I'd just take it one link at a time, start from the top and work my way to the bottom until there was nothing worth opening anymore.
As expected, the page was long but thanks to the contents table; I was able to move through the page swiftly. I even used one of the tricks Lisa showed me the other day so I could search for specific words in the article. This was a good idea in my mind considering hence I didn't know much about the man who was my spouse. His ego didn't allow him not to gloat for more than ten minutes so just as expected, there was a sea, no, an ocean, of information about the man all across the internet.
First were his early years, and I scanned each sentence for anything striking, but to my disappointment, I found nothing. It contained no information about a possible pet or a close childhood friend. Everything was just so dull and uninteresting about the early stages of his life, which might have sounded kind of rude in hindsight. But he was Chanyeol after all, so why should I care if I was being mean or not. The part about his upbringing was also filled with useless information and though I had much more to go through, I was already feeling pessimistic.
The section about his business career was also pretty much useless and I've spent more time than Id care to admit reading through it due to it being so incredibly tedious I struggled to focus. However, though it was time and effort wasted, I sighed in relief once I read through it because I was almost done with the Wikipedia page and could move forward to magazine interviews that would hopefully be a little more engaging.
After finishing reading the whole page, I was not any smarter than before. In contrary to my previous belief, I seemed to know quite a lot about my husband. Now that I thought about it, it shouldn't have come as such a surprise, seeing as he talked about himself every chance he got. Some of the information was bound to stick sometime during the three years I've spent in his presence.
Nothing from the page stuck out, though. There were no names or life-changing moments that could possibly give me a clue on what the password might be. The only words that could've been used as a password were my name, his own, and his parents, and I already eliminated those options. And though a little discouraged, I exited the page and opened the link right underneath the Wikipedia one.
This one was for a YG interview after he bought the company and used the media to introduce himself to the world further. I thought this one to be promising, considering he'd want to show himself in a good light. I went in thinking he'd reveal something personal, something useful. But I was wrong. As my eyes scanned the article, I heaved a sigh because once again I found nothing that I didn't already know or wasn't a complete waste of paper, which is what I would say if what I read was printed.
Refusing to give up, after exiting the page I opened yet another link, this one for Forbes magazine. However, it mostly showcased his achievement throughout the years since becoming the chief executive officer, wealth, and net worth. It mentioned absolutely nothing about anything from his personal life, which I probably should have been counting on ever since I opened the page.
Page after page, heaps of worthless information. I was stuck. I opened about a dozen pages, scanned word for word, but came out empty-handed. Nothing I came across seemed to be of any relevance and by now I was far too frustrated to go on. I've read nothing new in the last five pages as the words started to repeat themselves, like summaries from the previous interviews he's given. I gripped my hair in frustration because God, why couldn't he make this easier? If getting it was this easy, why had to be accessing it this hard?
Maybe he wanted to troll me. Make me think how I outsmarted him just to encrypt the files that could be of any help to me at all, to put me back to my place; to show me he was superior. I really didn't want to bother Lisa with this, and I most definitely didn't want to see Sooyoung again - my stomach twisting at the mere thought - but it seemed like I was running out of options. It wasn't even that I harbored any hate towards the older woman, but knowing she had pursued Lisa, I didn't feel comfortable in her presence. Not with Lisa around as well, at least.
There was only one other choice I had left and so I picked up my phone from beside the laptop and rung Michael, hoping he could be of help. However, instead of hearing his voice through the speaker, I only continued listening to the sound of the dial, the call remaining unanswered. It wasn't anything strange because despite always having picked up my calls before, people weren't free all the time. Just because I had nothing much to fill my days with didn't mean other people weren't busy. He would probably just call me back later. I could just wait... except, I couldn't.
Curiosity was eating at my soul and every second I spent sitting on the couch, staring off into space, only fueled my anxiety. I was feeling uncomfortable like this, not being able to do anything at all but stare at the device before me helplessly. I hated the feeling and, quite honestly, couldn't take it any longer without presumably exploding. Heck, I wanted to do something about this so badly I even considered phoning Jennie for a brief second. I quickly changed my mind though, knowing if I contacted her, the information would probably reach Lisa's ears one way or another. And for now, that was something I wanted to avoid.
It wasn't that I was keeping it from her. If she'd ask later on after she came home, I would tell her... if she asked specifically about whether I found anything of interest in the bag. Because I really didn't want to bring out the angst that night brought. Lisa would come home probably exhausted, and I wanted to take care of her instead of burdening her and making her feel bad.
Perhaps I could just wait another week or so before bringing it up, but I was far impatient for that. Now that I acquired something of his that seemed to be important, considering he wouldn't have encrypted something of no importance at all (unless he really wanted to waste my time and piss me off), I couldn't just wait any longer. Sure, I waited a week already, surely I could wait for one more, right? Absolutely wrong. Because it was different before when I barely knew of the bag's existence. But now that I remembered and searched through it, I couldn't pretend like I didn't. Couldn't pretend I wasn't utmost curious.
Sighing, I put the phone away from my ear and placed it on the couch next to me, hoping Michael would call me back soon. In the meantime, I settled on watching the cursor blink, waiting for the orders of my fingers against the keyboard. It was as if the text cursor was taunting me with its insistent blinking, staring back at me from the screen and laughing at my helpless expression.
It's not like I didn't try, though. Despite waiting for his call, I racked my brain for possible answers. Mostly the things I've already tried came to mind, which made me think whether my imagination and creativity were seriously so severely limited. I mean, I knew it might have suffered since I haven't touched an instrument fairly as often anymore, let alone a paintbrush, but this, this was tragic. To have the same words repeating in my brain over and over again despite knowing they weren't of any help at all made me feel utterly useless.
Still, I tried. I tried really hard, to the point I could feel the wheels in my head turning, screeching as they've gone rusty. And just as I was about to bang my head against the coffee table, hopeful it would jingle my thoughts up a little, I remembered something. Or rather, someone.
I've not had the chance to meet him, thankfully, but neither has Chanyeol. The man died in nineteen fifty-two before my husband was even born, yet; he looked up to him like he was a god. The old geezer was probably the only person Chanyeol ever respected or thought his words weren't utter bullshit. He considered him his teacher, though, in reality, he hadn't taught him anything at all since he was already six feet under; I let it go.
The man was a tyrant. It was no secret how he started the company on cruelty to his employees, on exploiting his power and ruining everything in his path just to get what he wanted. That's probably why Chanyeol loved him so much. He was practically him. From what I've heard about him, the two had so much in common it was freaky, even in looks they were very similar; both possessing features that made them look a little softer around the edges despite being anything but.
For the love of me, I couldn't remember his name, though. It wasn't that big of an issue, however, as I typed "PCY" into the browser. The company wasn't always named that. It rebranded only recently, when Chanyeols father took over, using his initials in order to, as he put it, take further possession of what was rightfully his. I didn't remember the name it once used to carry, however, I was sure the internet would be helpful with the information I did know.
Clicking on Wikipedia, I skipped straight to the "History of the company" section. That's when I saw it - my only clue. It was right in the first sentence, "PCY's was founded in Gapyeong in Gyeonggi Province in March 1932 by Gaeguk Park,".
Bingo, I thought to myself as I read his name out loud off the screen. I had no way of knowing if this was it at all, but I had to give it a go. It was the only clue I obtained, and I really didn't know what else it could be. No, at this point, I was positive I found the right answer. This had to be it.
Closing the browser, I opened the flash drive again, my eyes being met with the same popup window with only a clear white bar in the middle requiring a password. At this point, I felt like Aladdin before the cave opened up to him. I figured he must've felt just about as I felt now.
With my bottom lip stuck between my teeth, I wrote his name down, careful not to miss any letter. I hit enter and momentarily, my heart stopped as the small circle began spinning in the middle of the screen. However, it dropped quickly as it quickly turned red with the word that was by now engraved into my brain, appearing just beside the type bar.
Incorrect.
"No," I shook my head stubbornly, "This has to be it. It needs to!" I typed the same word into the bar again, hoping perhaps I only missed a letter. But when I received the same reaction I did before, I knew the spelling was correct, "Damn it,"
I shook off my disappointment quickly though and typed in the name again, adding "Park" to it for good measure just in case that's what was missing. But the result was, unfortunately, the same. Usually, I wasn't too stubborn, however, I was when I needed to be. And this was one of those times where I just couldn't give up, not when I was so sure of the answer.
So I tried again, and again, and then once more. And then I opened the webpage again, clicking on the man's name, redirecting me to another page before I entered his name and date of birth into the type bar. Still, nothing. I didn't want to give up, but at the same time, I felt like I already wasted far too much time and energy. Yet, just the idea of leaving the couch and disregarding the flash drive seemed unthinkable. I just couldn't. Not when I knew the answers I needed were just within my reach.
That's when a realization struck me. If I were Chanyeol and wanted to hide something, a name, no matter how old and insignificant as it may seem, I wouldn't just put that as my password. No, I would make it as indistinguishable as possible, but still easy to remember in case I needed to access the files. Because if this did actually contain his worse secrets, as I had hoped, he couldn't leave the password written across a piece of paper lying in his desk drawer. He needed to make sure it was complicated, yet easy to remember.
And so I thought. And thought. Then I got up, grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, and thought some more than I scribbled possible passwords onto the blank paper. I was sure it must have been an alphanumeric, no; I was convinced it must have been. But numbers could easily get switched up and confused, so there would have to be some system in using them.
The man's name was Gaeguk so I tried replacing some of the letters with similar shapes, getting creations like "9439uk", "g43guk", "9ae9uk,", but I quickly crossed out the last one. If he was using alphanumerics, I was sure that A would be replaced by a 4, and 3 would take place of the E. That was basically science. However, I wasn't sure about the 9s replacing the Gs at all. Still, I had to make some combinations. And so combinations I made.
Yet, a password consisting of only six characters seemed a little weak and so I thought what more could be added to it. I thought about Chanyeol possibly using the man's last name, but considering all of his family shared it and it was one of the most popular surnames around Korea, I ruled it out. Instead, I chose to focus on the dates. Specifically, the date of birth and death. And so, I came up with a handful of password possibilities scribbled across the now anything but blank paper before me. I didn't bother with upper and lower cases, considering they could also get easily confused, which I knew Chanyeol would hate, had he been in a hurry to access the USB.
9439uk, G43GUK, 943guk, g439uk, 19g43guk52, G43GUK1897, were just a few of my list. In total, there must've been around forty password possibilities and though it was tedious work, if one of them worked, it would be so worth it. And so, without further ado, I got to work, typing one password after another and simultaneously crossing the ones I already tried out of my list.
One after another, I crossed out more than a half and I was becoming doubtful. What if this whole thing was just too far-fetched? Perhaps I was wrong and his great grandfather wasn't involved at all, yet I found it hard to believe it because someone as self-absorbed as Chanyeol wouldn't deem anyone else worthy of being his password. And so, though losing hope, I continued the leaden task.
"18g43guk97," I murmured under my breath as I typed in what felt like the hundredth password. When the little spinning circle appeared in the center of the screen, I didn't even have the energy to grow nervous in anticipation. Instead, I got ready for the downfall and the sigh that would follow as Id mindlessly type in another alternative.
However, when the circle remained spinning for a little longer than before, I perched up, straightened my back, and leaned closer to the screen. And though another few seconds have passed, the window didn't color red, nor did the word "incorrect" pop up. Instead, it kept spinning. It kept spinning as if... as if it was loading.
Turns out it has, as the small window maximized, taking over the entire screen and I watched with my jaw slack because Oh my God, I can't believe that actually worked!
As soon as the flash drive fully loaded, a few folders appeared on the screen, each only labeled by numbers, "Let's see," I mused as I double-clicked the first one, containing a bunch of PDF files. I opened a few at random but honestly could not understand a single thing and so I moved on, hoping further on there would be something more to my liking and intellect.
The second folder contained a bunch of files in a format I didn't recognize and upon clicking on them, the screen turned black - which scared me a little at first - before a ton of numbers and letters that I was sure meant something to someone, filled the screen. Knowing whatever it was, I didn't understand a thing and would probably just mess something up if I stayed, I exited the folder without further inspection.
There were a total of four folders within the flash drive that I could see at least. From movies I knew there could be hidden or secret folders, but for all, I knew that could've been just fiction; I wasn't too good with computers. But even if it wasn't, having an encrypted USB drive was already bothersome and quite excessive. If he wanted to hide something, he already has, so why bother with doing more?
Opening the third folder, I paused. Because instead of encountering a bunch of files of varieties of formats, I found myself staring at a bunch of folders instead, each labeled with a different letter. They didn't go in alphabetical order, but I was sure there was some order to it, one that probably only Chanyeol understood. However, I didn't bother myself with it at all and instead clicked on the first one, successfully opening it.
What I saw next made me stop dead in my tracks, and my breath to hitch because what the fuck?
My jaw went slack at the sight and my eyes widened to the extent I actually felt the strain because what the actual fuck?! I didn't even know how else to react other than repeating the three words repeatedly in my head because what the fuck? What was this? How did he...? This was actually insane and more than just a little creepy... what the fuck?
What was staring back at me from the screen was a picture of me, almost four years ago, walking down the campus with Lisa. It was the day I so vividly remembered as the one when she made me her girlfriend.
We were standing before one of the lecture halls, what class I was supposed to have I did not remember, with Lisa walking backward as she held onto my hands, pulling my reluctant self along with her. I remembered she begged me not to go and to just skip and rather spend my day with her. And though the shot was taken from quite a distance, I could clearly make out my conflicted expression.
And while I was battling whether to give in to Lisa's requests or be a diligent student, Lisa just grinned like a five-year-old convincing their mother to take them to the ice cream parlor. Not being able to handle looking at it for any longer, I clicked onto the next picture, only to find out it was a continuation. Because what I initially thought to be a solo picture turned out to be a photo sequence, and as I began panicking, I switched the pictures faster, creating an almost video.
Lisa dragging me with her and my mouth moving as I warned her to stop, catching on to her act despite the innocent smile. I could see my reluctance play out as I looked over my shoulder at the building that was getting further away from me. And as I pressed on the right arrow on the keyboard furiously, my heart thumping in my chest, I watched Lisa's arms move as she pulled me toward her, connecting my lips with hers.
I gasped as I pushed the laptop away from me, legs joining the rest of my body on the couch as I hugged my knees. What. The. Actual. Fucking. Fuck?! I couldn't even think properly, my face probably betraying the horror I felt.
How did he get those images? Was there more? How much has he actually known but pretended not to? Why did he even have these? How come he... my mind couldn't keep up with my thoughts, all of them jumbling in together and creating a mess I couldn't get out of.
The room seemed to be spinning out of control as I struggled to keep my eyes open and breathing in check. My eyes were glued to the last image, my eyes shut and a dumb smile on my face as I kissed Lisa, her arms wrapped possessively around my waist, and mine looped around her neck, pulling her closer. I stared unblinking in shock, horror, and petrification, unable to process what was right in front of me.
I could no longer hear the traffic from the opened windows, my heart beating way too fast and loudly, blood rushing in my veins, ears ringing. Though I knew what this must have meant, I refused to accept it. No, I was in complete denial because who would go to such lengths? Why would anyone do this?
Chanyeol has only met me twice. One time when I was nine, and he was fifteen, and the other was six years later when I was fifteen and he was twenty-one. We haven't seen each other since then. So why on earth had he had these pictures? Was someone following me all along, following us? Perhaps it was Lisa's parents that hired someone after the news she broke up with Jungkook reached their ears and Chanyeol just bought them from them recently?
No, that didn't make any sense at all. Lisa's parents didn't care about her. They probably had no idea she even dated in the first place. So how else would he obtain those images if he hadn't got them himself? It didn't make sense if he was the perpetrator. There was no reason for him to want to... to... to stalk me, in the first place. This was so fucking messed up.
After what could've been hours just as much as it could've been minutes, my shock had worn out to an extent where I was able to focus on something other than the erratic beating of my heart. I tried to recompose myself, but it was slightly difficult after finding out some psychopath has possibly stalked me for almost a year.
Gathering all the courage I had left, I swung my legs down from the couch and pulled the laptop closer again, exiting from the image spread out on the screen. I couldn't look at it any longer, knowing that someone caught such an intimate moment on camera forever, without my consent or knowledge.
The folder contained many more pictures and without having to open them; I had a vague idea of what they contained. Still, just to be sure, I clicked on one of the few that were further down, confirming my suspicion as I saw myself on the beach, getting chased around by Lisa who had just wrapped her arms around me as she attempted to throw me into the ocean.
We weren't even at one of the popular spots in LA, like Venice beach. Instead, we went out of the city, drove for an hour to Malibu where we stopped at El Matador beach where Lisa lead me to the far back, behind the rocks that to a secluded part of the beach. We went during the week, so though there were a few people at the beach, there was no one at the spot Lisa brought me to. Or so I thought because apparently, we weren't as alone as I thought. And knowing what followed on that beach that day, I exited the folder, not wanting to, possibly, see a picture of me and Lisa sharing, what I then considered being a beautiful and intimate moment just for the two of us to remember.
However disgusted, I opened the next folder within the third of the four folders, thankfully only seeing documents this time. No more pictures.
My relief was unfortunately short-lived when I opened the first one. What I saw made me gasp just how I did upon seeing the pictures. But now that the initial shock was over, I was able to keep myself composed. At least, to an extent.
It was a personal file, not one conducted by a police officer, but someone else. And it was my file. There was a picture of me in the upper right-hand corner, followed by the words, name, age, sex, and the sort.
Quickly skimming through the few pages, I found it contained personal information about me, my life, my upbringing, and so on. To say what I saw before me was concerning, would be the biggest understatement of the century. Because this file included everything about me. From my first pet to my first crush. Things that I did not even know about myself or bothered to remember were written here.
Curious about the others, I opened the rest of the files all at once, seven more windows covering the small computer screen. And this time I just stared. I didn't even scroll through the information given, rather tried to process what all of this meant.
Countless questions arose in my mind at the sight. This definitely wasn't normal and whatever was happening, it had been going on for a lot longer than just the last year or two. Because what was currently before me was no longer just my report, but the persons closest to me also.
My dad - Mason, my mom - Clare, even my deceased sister Alice. Each one of them had their own personal file containing information no one other than family should have known. They followed the timeline from the start of the Park Legal Services company when my parents became visible to the media, to their tragic deaths just three years ago. The same went for my sister. The data ranged from the exposure of my parents to the media to her death.
However, with her, I found it even odder considering she was their child. I mean, all the information on my parents could've been gathered from interviews they've given, safe for the personal information I had no idea how Chanyeol obtained. But my sister was never part of any interviews and our parents always tried to shield us both away from the world of media and so they haven't mentioned either of us unless they were specifically asked. Even then, they never revealed anything too personal.
So how these files contained absolutely everything about my sister was a mystery to me. There was everything about her medical condition as well, following the unveiling of her tumor and the ups and downs of her struggles with the sickness. Hell, it even stated the hospital she died in including the time of death. Not even I knew that. So how could he?
The next three profiles were Lisas, Jennies, and Jisoo's, all collecting information since the day they made an appearance in my life. What came as another surprise, though, was the fact that even during those three years we weren't on speaking terms, the data hasn't stopped. Until this day, the file contained every detail of their career as well as personal life.
Contrary to my belief, Jisoo wasn't the one with the longest file, despite being in my life since I was a child. The one Chanyeol, or whoever was the culprit, obtained the most information about was no one other than Lisa herself. And though at first, I thought the information gathering started since I've acquainted myself with her, upon further notice, I realized that was not the case. Because further down the file was a section about Lisa's early life and her upbringing, containing information about the treatment from her family, and so on. There was even a part about how her parents disowned her recently, making me that much more sick.
Neither of the Manoban's announced the news to the world and from what Jisoo told me, Lisa kept it to herself. So how on earth he came to know was beyond me. The only thing I was sure of was that this was not just weird or creepy, this was of psychotic nature and I would not sit idly after knowing all this.
But the most interesting file was the last, seventh one. That one belonged to the man I hoped to never see again - Bam Bam Manoban. How he came to be a part of this I did not know, considering safe for the video chat I saw him in once. I never met him. His sister was a part of my life. He never was. So why was his file among the others?
Just like Lisa's, his file included data from his childhood, the way he was raised, close information about his studies and interests, achievements, and so on. However, unlike Lisas, it didn't include any interaction with me whatsoever since we've never actually met. And I found it extremely strange because this whole time I thought it was me, this whole thing was about. Following me around and the people I acquainted myself with, gathering intel on me and the people close to me. But clearly, that was not the case because had it been, Bam Bam wouldn't be a part of that list. Yet he was. His picture sat in the upper right-hand corner of his own file, just like the rest of them.
Perhaps I should've been more in shock. Perhaps I should've been hyperventilating and sweating and on the verge of having a heart attack. But I wasn't. Not really. After the initial reaction upon seeing the photos, it was like I prepared my mind for the worst and dialed back the emotions I might have experienced otherwise. Because right now, my mind had to stay sharp, and I had to remain focused, not giving in to the emotions that were screaming at me to run as far away as I could and take all my important people with me.
And though I was handling it pretty well so far, I knew I was just at the edge of breaking. So, without reading anything further, I hurriedly opened all the other folders within the third folder before pushing it aside and leaning back on the couch with a heavy sigh. What any of this meant, I had no idea. Perhaps I was just stupid and wasn't seeing the big picture, but let's be honest, in my situation, who would? I was so utterly confused, and upset, and honestly terrified, that I could not think straight, let alone make connections that otherwise might seem obvious.
However, despite not knowing anything or how to react properly, I was sure of one thing; I would not let this go. This alone was incriminating evidence and though it wasn't tied to the business, it was stalking which was still very much an offense and ultimately, my get-out-of-this-damn-marriage, free card.
Unfortunately, I wasn't done yet. There was still one more folder to open, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to see it. I didn't know how to prepare myself any further and though I could take time to regain my senses, I couldn't put it aside any longer. I had to bite the bullet and get this over with so I could take action.
Maybe it was the right thing to do, maybe it wasn't. Either way, nothing could possibly prepare me for what I was going to see next. So when my eyes fell upon the familiar text, my eyes welled up with tears that kept on falling in a steady stream as I read it line by line.
Dear Chaeyoung,
if you're reading this, it must mean we've finally left to be reunited with your sister. We're sorry if this is too sudden, but please know that we're in a better place now. There are so many things that both your mother and I regret deeply and wish we got to tell you before we left, but never got to.
We know we haven't been showing it ever since your sister passed, but we both love you so much, Chaeyoungie. You are someone who we are so incredibly proud of and who brings us so much joy. I wish we would've told you to your face instead of like this. We're so sorry our grief blinded us and we were never able to process it when Alice died. You were still there. We still had a daughter, but back then we refused to see it. We hurt you a lot and for that; we are incredibly sorry. It was only when you were away at college that we realized how much we neglected you and how much it must've hurt you. We will never be able to apologize for it enough, neither could anything we'd ever say make it alright. Trust me, I and your mother never forgave ourselves for the pain we put you through. Sorry for not giving you the childhood you deserved and being selfish. Losing your sister must've been devastating for you, yet we closed off and let you deal with it by yourself, and that is unforgivable. But please know that we always loved you Chaeyoungie. Even if we didn't say it nearly enough or showed it, we always loved you and we always will. You are our daughter, our little sunshine, and we hope that somewhere in your heart you will find it in you to forgive us. At least to some extent because we know we don't deserve your forgiveness. So even if you decide to hold a grudge against us forever, we will understand. We deserve it.
It was too late when you left for America and we never got the chance to tell you the things we wanted to, so we will tell you now. We are both so incredibly proud of the woman you've become. You're strong and educated, you've grown up to be kind and selfless even when we've shut you out. You overcame all your hardships and became this incredible person who always strives for the best and we couldn't be happier to see you grow. All we ever wanted for you is to be happy, so please, don't do the same mistakes we did. Don't shut people out when life gets too hard, okay? Keep Jisoo by your side, make some new friends, find love. Be happy and live your life to the fullest, even if it seems too dangerous. People are foolish creatures Chaeyoung, we're all bound to hurt each other, but what is life without a little risk? You will miss out on so much if you spend your life in fear of the future. Live in the present, don't overthink, just enjoy what you have at the moment. Because that's the only way you will ever truly be happy. Love and let yourself be loved. Be happy and spread happiness. Take care of your mind and body so you can live a fulfilled, long, beautiful life. That's all we want for you, Chaeyoung; to be happy.
So with that said, we have one last request: Chaeyoung, even though we're aware we're in no position to ask anything of you. Please, forget about everything I ever told you. Do what will make you happy, not what anyone else wants you to. Lead the company, sell the company, burn it to the ground, I don't care. During my lifetime, I realized what is truly important, and it's not materialistic things. It's love. Love you give and love that you receive. It's family to come back to every night. Those are the values I wish you would keep in mind as you take the world by a storm like I always believed you could.
That's our wish. Live out your dream and be happy, Chipmunk. Continue shining even if the world tries to dim your light. You are our brightest star, no matter what. Remember that. With that said, we leave everything to you. What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you. I hope that even if it's just via a letter; we were able to make you smile at least this one last time so don't cry, okay? Save your tears. We will be just fine, I promise.
Love,
mom and dad