I woke up to a happy birthday text from my oldest brother.
Scott: happy birthday you imbecile
Avery: thanks. I feel so special.
Scott: i know. As your birthday present I've decided to let you come out here and be my house slave. I need a maid.
Avery: that's what wives are for go get one
Scott: you'll have to do for now
Avery: are you being sincere because I would very much like to leave this place
Scott: yes, I need help around here
Avery: alright, I'll come asap, soon as I can find a plane ticket
Scott: sounds good. I'm not going to have service for a few weeks but I'll talk to you after that
Avery: okay
~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~
I brought it up around breakfast.
"So Scott said today that he is needing somebody to help out at the ranch and he wouldn't mind if I came and lived there," I said as casually as possible.
Aunt Jessica stopped buttering toast and turned to stare at me.
"Well that's really out of the question Avery."
"How come?"
"Because," she spoke each word clearly, "Your brother is in no position to raise a teenager. That is why your father left you in our care."
I didn't want to sound ungrateful, but I knew my dad didn't give a crap about who I lived with, because as far as he was concerned, I had already been raised and was old enough to take care of myself.
"Dad wouldn't mind... He thinks I'm responsible enough to do a lot of things on my own."
"Well, we both know your father has not always exercised his best judgment. "
I set my jaw and looked out the window, too angry to reply. As if my dad didn't realize the disastrous mistake he'd made two years ago.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and I knew I couldn't talk anymore without becoming disrespectful, so I closed my mouth and walked back to the table and finished my breakfast.
My aunt sent me a sympathetic glance, but I could see the steel behind it. She would always do what she thought best, and she would not be moved. I knew there was no further point in talking to her, unless I begged perhaps, and I never stooped to begging. Even then I was pretty sure she wouldn't budge on this one.
Uncle Drew gave me a little smile, and I sensed that he meant to cheer me. He was a good guy. But he wouldn't go up against my aunt more than anyone else.
°°°
"Avery, all you do is hide in your room and play with the dog, please go down there and socialize with someone your age."
Laughter and music floated up the stairwell that led to the basement, and I shuddered at the thought of butting my way into that group of popular seniors and college students. Aunt Jessica had zero clue about teen social status. I was so low on the totem pole I wasn't sure if I was even on it. There were nerds, there were weirdos, and then there were homeschoolers. I didn't think I was weird, but I was definitely not in the group. Any group. As much as I tried, I did not mesh, and it was embarrassingly obvious.
"No, I don't want to crash their party, we aren't really the same age anyway, please, Aunt Jess, don't make me-" I begged as she shoved me down the stairs.
"Don't be ridiculous," she said, shaking her head and shoving me down another step.
"Don't you dare come up these stairs for at least thirty minutes." She slammed the door.
I gave up and padded reluctantly downstairs.
"Hey," I said, with a little wave to the teenagers who all looked up at me.
"Hey pretty," spoke up one of the boys.
"Yeah, she is super cute," one of the girls agreed.
It was said in a nice way, the type of voice you'd use on someone you felt bad for, an awkward middle schooler perhaps. That's how I looked in my thrift store off brand clothes and hair pulled into an unflattering ponytail. I wish I'd put something else on before my aunt shoved me down the stairs.
Elizabeth smiled at me from her place on Chase's lap; I smiled back and headed towards the freezer and got a popsicle.
I was going to try to find a way to sneak back upstairs when Chase said,
" Come over here Avery, have some of this." He raised a beer in my direction.
A little hum of laugher went through the group, but I headed over slowly and sat on the armrest of the couch.
"I'm eating right now." I said.
He smiled and handed me his drink anyway. "Try it."
I took a swig, swallowing it and making a face.
He snorted and the rest laughed.
"Like it?"
"No."
"You're just not used to it."
"I just don't like cheap beer."
He shook his head at me and sat back.
"See, she's not shy," he said to Elizabeth.
They lost interest in me then and went back to their conversations. I sat on the armrest and decided to stay only until my popsicle was gone.
"Guys guys, Max said he'll be here in a minute let's all hide," one of the girls that had been on her phone said.
I was amused at the speed at which all these sophisticated high school and college kids jumped up to play what was basically a game of hide and seek, and I felt dumb going along with it because I wasn't anyone's friend here, so I started to go upstairs as everyone else scrambled around to hide, flipping off lights and giggling, but I ran smack into someone on my way there, and they grabbed my waist to keep me from stumbling backwards.
Stepping back with a laugh I apologized but they then put a hand on my back and shoved me behind the kitchenette bar and down on the floor, where they crouched down next to me. You could hear muffled laughter coming from all corners of the basement, and when I twisted my head around to try to see my companion, they flashed me a grin and I could tell even in the dark that it was Chase.
I wondered where Elizabeth was, but decided it was dark so maybe they got mixed up.
"Sheesh where is he," I whispered after three minutes of awkward silence.
Chase just laughed low and quietly, put a hand on my waist and said, "Shhhhhhhh." I tried to not overreact, maybe that was a casual gesture, I'd never been around guys that much, who weren't my brothers anyway.
After a few seconds he still hadn't moved it though, and he seemed closer; I started blushing and tried to put some space between us, which he responded to by rubbing a little circle on the bare skin above my jeans with his thumb, because his hand had somehow creeped under my shirt.
I crawled on all fours to peek around the edge of the bar to see, and to get away from him, and I'd thought that would be the end of it, but he then grabbed my hips and pulled me back under the bar.
" Heyyyy you gotta stay here, he's coming any second," he whispered into my hair. I froze in disbelief as I felt one of his hands slide down my hip and over my ass, while the other one he placed firmly on my abdomen, and then he started to really feel me up.
"Stay still," he whispered. "This is going to feel good." His breath was warm on the side of my neck, but still I was frozen, not looking at him, not breathing, until I felt the hand on my stomach slide down the waistband of my pants and reach further, and then I did the most cowardly thing; I simply yanked away from his grasp and ran up the stairs as fast as I could. I didn't fight him, yell at him, didn't tell him anything, nothing that I wanted to say, I just ran away like a scared little girl.
Because I was scared.
No boy had ever touched me like that before, I haven't even had my first kiss.
I ran to my room and locked the door, sliding down against the wall.
I groaned. I should tell someone... But I was so embarrassed. They would probably think I encouraged it, or flirted with him.
Sheesh, what if they even thought I was lying?
But I owed it to Elizabeth to say something. It would put an end to their relationship I was sure, and I felt guilty about that, at if it was my fault; I had to tell myself though that that was Chase's choice, not mine. It wasn't my fault he was that much of a douchebag.
I groaned into my hands.
°°°°
Chase was a creep.
He cornered me two more times before I broke down and told someone.
The next time was a shopping trip Aunt Jess forced Meghan and Elizabeth to take me on. Chase brought one of his friends along, and when I piled in the backseat with his friend, chase got in on the other side, squishing me in between them. Elizabeth looked in the mirror at him and pouted. "Baby..."
"What? I'm letting Meghan drive, she's been begging me," he said, handing her his keys with a smile like he was some sort of benevolent uncle. I knew the second his gaze slid sideways at me why he sat in the back.
The whole way to the mall I felt his fingers trying to creep under my thighs, and I gritted my teeth and shoved him away as inconspicuously as possible. This always made him smirk and try harder, until I had to choose between making an embarrassing scene or being fondled. Eventually I gave up and sat frozen in my seat, his hand underneath my dress, squeezing my thigh so hard it made my eyes smart.
"You're hurting me," I whispered, turning slowly to glare at him.
"Sorry. Your legs are just so, so..."he emphasized his words by kneading my flesh in his bruising grip, "Soft." It hurt so badly I opened my mouth to take deep breaths. I marveled at how strong men were, even skinny teenagers like Chase who had never seen a hard days work in their life. It was frightening.
"Please stop." He did finally, but I had bruises on my leg for two weeks from him.
The second time was when he spent the night. Aunt Jess had no clue, only Meghan and I knew Elizabeth would lie that he'd gone home and would shut and lock her door.
I slept in the office, on a little couch in the corner, next to a bookshelf piled with my uncles business things and crowded by file cabinets and his desk. I didn't know Chase knew where I slept until I heard the sound of someone padding softly to my door sometime after midnight and knocking softly. I put my book down and drew my covers up around my neck.
"Who is it?"
Aunt Jess wouldn't have knocked, and Meghan or Elizabeth would never ask me anything. They forgot I existed for the most part, and if it wasn't for Aunt Jess constantly pushing me into their lives, we would probably politely ignore each other for the rest of our existences.
I got my answer when none was given except for the door opening slowly and Chase sliding in, shutting it softly behind him.
Dread and a small amount of panic gathered in my chest. "What do you want?" I asked, my voice coming out scratchy and weak sounding.
He just smiled and drew close, until his knees brushed the couch cushions.
"I want you. Can you be quiet?"
"Why?" I whispered, even though I wanted to scream.
"Because. You're so....innocent. It's adorable," he said, kneeling beside me and reaching out to tug my blanket away.
"That's creepy. You sound like a creep," I said, scooting away from him. "And you have a girlfriend. What's wrong with you?"
He frowned and grabbed my ankle.
"Don't worry about that. You don't know everything okay? I was going to break up with Elizabeth soon anyway, but don't tell her that. So it's okay. I'm not really cheating, if it makes you feel better."
"It doesn't. You are cheating."
"Okay, fine, there are worse things. Don't you ever want to have any fun?" He cocked his head to the side and ran his hand up my leg some more.
"Not with you," I said honestly.
"You just don't know what it feels like yet." Without warning he leaned in and pressed an open mouthed kiss to my lips, and forced his tongue inside my mouth. I tried to turn my head and break away but he rose and settled his thighs on either side of mine, trapping me, and continued to violate me with his mouth.
It was disgusting. If this was kissing I wanted no part of it, ever. And he had just stolen my first, and this filled me with rage.
He finally pulled back to see my reaction, smiling, as if expecting something good, so he was taken aback when I shoved his chest so hard, he fell off the couch.
"Don't ever touch me again, or I will report you to the police. Do you want to go to prison?" I said, with venom.
He stood up with an angry expression.
"You don't have to be like that, you could've just said so. I'm not an asshole," he said.
"Yes you are. Stay away from me."
"Whatever. Fucking child," he scoffed as he gave me a disgusted look before leaving the office. I didn't even have a lock on the odoor, and I imagined him coming back and murdering me all night. He seemed like the type, to make sure I didn't tattle on him.
Chase was around the entire weekend, sitting on the couch, lounging in the kitchen, laughing with the family-they loved him.
I hated the way he touched Elizabeth, smiled at her, flirted with her...acted loyal. I hated him for playing her like that. I hated him for touching me, and I felt nauseous every time I felt him looking at me. We might have nothing in common, but she was an extremely sweet and sincere girl, and she didn't deserve someone as shallow as that. Dread rose up in me at the thought of hurting her by telling what happened with Chase.
At dinner Chase got up to get napkins, and walking past me he paused behind my chair to talk to my uncle, and he stood there so long he eventually leaned against the back of it, so casually, his arm even brushed my hair. The amount of loathing I felt in that moment was shocking to me, I hadn't known you could literally hate someone's presence so much that it felt like it poured off of you like heat waves.
For an entire week I put off telling anyone, not knowing how to relay it, and dreading the reaction I would receive.
"Elizabeth," I finally said one afternoon as she and Meghan and I relaxed in her room," I don't know how to say this...but...Chase is cheating on you."
She turned her head and narrowed her eyes at me, and I rushed to finish before I chickened out.
"He hit on me a couple weeks ago and has touched me really inappropriately several times." Assaulted was more like it. "I didn't want to say anything at first because I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but I feel like you deserve to know. I might not be the only one."
Elizabeth was sitting up straight now and staring at me, her jaw bone a little slack, but she didn't say anything for a few minutes.
Finally Meghan spoke.
"Are you sure that actually happened...like it wasnt just an accident of something? "
"Um, yeah, he was definitely like, uh groping me," I said, repressing my indignance. "And he told me to hold still and that I would like it or something. I obviously did not, and I left." I left out the assault scene in my room, for now.
Elizabeth still didn't say anything. She eventually got up and left the room. Me and Meghan shared a wide eyed glance, before tears started welling up in her eyes and she wailed,
"He was so niiiccceee," and put her head down on her vanity and bawled.
I awkwardly sat there biting my lip, feeling horrible.
I heard raised voices coming from the kitchen.
"I never even wanted to date him in the first place mother, you literally made me date him, and he turned out to be a peice of shit just like I told you he was!"
"Oh shut up Elizabeth, you thought he was cute."
"Yeah but I never would have dated him!"
"Are you sure Avery is telling the truth? What if she just has a crush on him and made it up."
"I don't think so mom."
They yelled for another good hour before Aunt Jessica came up to talk to me.
"Avery. I need you to tell me the truth."
I gritted my teeth and told her exactly what I'd told Elizabeth, enunciating my words precisely, unable to keep the irritation from it.
She just looked skeptical, and I knew why- what would Chase want with someone like me when he had her daughter?
I described it to her again, and this time she threw her hands up and shrugged.
"Okay. If you're really sure."
The tension in the house for the next week was unbearable. No one said it, but I felt blamed for what happened.
If I thought things were uncomfortable before, well, everyone completely avoided me now.
Now that school was out I spent most of my days either in my room, doing chores, or working out at the gym.
I wasn't allowed to go to the park or on walks, and I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere because I wasn't allowed to use their vehicles, but the one thing I was allowed to do was ride my bike to the gym two miles away, and so I did that most days.
I was doing squats one afternoon when I noticed someone who looked like he could be the brother of Sylvester Stallone swagger in the door.
My jaw dropped as my eyes followed him over to the bench press, which was right next to me. He had headphones in and was wearing gloves with all the fingertips cut off, and he looked liked he'd already been jogging or something because the back of his sweatshirt was soaked already.
He noticed me staring I guess and a grin lit up his face.
"Hey there," he said, taking off his headphones.
" Hi," I said, dazed. " I don't know if anybody has ever told you this but you look like Sylvester Stallone man."
He threw back his head and laughed, then gave me another winning grin.
" Yeah maybe a couple people have said something like that, yeah."
He even had the accent.
"Haha you even talk like him, where are you from?" I asked,to be sure.
"I'm from Long Island New York, and you know what, I like you, people where I'm from don't talk to you, they mind their own business too much, I like it when you can see a stranger and have a good talk with 'em, you see I'm a people person, and I like talking."
"Yeah I'm sorry for staring I just-the resemblance is remarkable, I was wondering, are you his brother or something, just couldn't help my curiosity..."
"Haha no, I'm not, that'd be pretty cool though I have to agree."
I saw him every couple days or so, and he always grinned when he saw me and would come over to talk.
He told me about when he'd been a navy seal, and all the crazy stuff they had to do.
"I swam four miles every morning up the coast, that was my morning warm up. We would be throwing up on the beach man, it was relentless."
I shook my head and whistled.
" It changes you. Rewires your brain.
Your brain tells you your limit, that your body can't take it anymore, but when you don't have a choice, you can, it's all in your head. All about the way you think. You can do practically anything if you can get past your mind."
~•~•~•~•~
" You can do practically anything if you can get past your mind."
Those words echoed in my head as I lay staring at my ceiling that night.