•Kainene•
"SS3 girls oh,bus has arrived and Geography Uncle said he is leaving in twenty minutes,please you guys should hurry up!" Annabelle's voice boomed from where she stood at the centre of the square.
I sighed,peeling myself off my bed so that I was now seated and rummaging through my underwear bag to find a suitable pair of extra long black socks as A-class girls had decided to use that as some form of special embellishment today hence I was faced with the task of having to co-operate even though I felt rather indifferent to the idea.
Besides,school within the past few weeks had been nothing but pure hell to me. I'd become so psychologically worked up,physically stressed and emotionally wrecked that I concluded I was at the verge of losing myself. Sometimes,I wished I could simply erase everything from my mind.
Jade and I had become awfully awkward since the day of my outburst,so much that some days went by without us speaking ten complete sentences to each other. I felt guilty,my conscience pressed on me each time I found myself alone once again,as I'd successfully pushed everyone away,I did want to apologise but surprisingly,I didn't know how.
Writing exams had never butchered my bones as much as writing the first mock examinations did. Onome was never around,Oghale was always busy and Jade did well in avoiding me most times. It was like the solution to my problems was sitting right before me yet I couldn't reach out to it.
In summary,I was lonely. Despite Jawal's constant attempts to engage me in some form of conversation or the other with him,I still felt lonely. To make matters worse,exams finally came to an end hence my mind became less occupied,it was like I'd lost my essence in life.
I felt like an empty shell,waking up,going through my morning routine and just having to lay on my bed all day without a purpose. Another not so humorous fact,was how my mind drifted to Daryl from time to time,how I kept harbouring thoughts like He wouldn't let me go through this alone if only he knew. But everytime I saw him,I wondered who really needed more help between us.
Today,being the Saturday of the first extra week after exams,had been scheduled for our geography excursion which we were supposed to have been attended to by our SS1 but had been so much deferred that we had to do it now even when a good number of us no longer offered the course.
"You guys I'm staying in C class bus oh" Onome declared as we made our way out the double flush doors of the hostel alongside the rest of our classmates,each one of us clad in our best set of our school uniform,pleats well laid,white dress shirts well ironed,school shoes brightly polished and ties knotted and clipped to the mid rib of our dress shirt.
It was only normal to see everyone in their best dressing,we would be exiting the school premises after all and Pacreis girls never fucked up when it came it to dressing to impress. I mean,I'd spotted girls who had loosened their woven hair yesterday and braided their hair into a new style through the night.
"Chai,I knew you would ditch us in the very end" Jade commented from where she walked,to the right of Onome. "Abeg e" Onome brushed off while I remained silent,paying more attention to the sound emanating from the trudging of our feet against the slabways as we approached the three coaster buses which had been parked just before the admin block.
As usual,the boys made it out of the hostel before the girls seeing how they flanked around the buses,waiting for when the cue would be given so they could settle into the bus.
Coincidentally,the cue was given as soon as we reached where they stood,causing the double flush doors of the white buses to be pushed open and we surged through them. I trailed behind though,watching as Onome diverted towards the third bus and I sighed internally,knowing that this would be yet another long lonely day for me.
Looking back to the bus,I realised everyone had climbed in except me so taking a deep breath,I stomped up the two little stairs of the bus,scanning everywhere for a vacant seat admist the chattering of my classmates. Deciding that if I was alone,I might as well be alone in peace and tranquility,I headed for the second row of the right column of the bus,noticing Jade seated right beside Yomi at the seat behind just before I lowered myself into mine.
I took my school bag off,resting my head against the the window and shutting my eyes close. A deep part of me simply wished to get this whole excursion over with but then again,perhaps a breath of fresh air would help.
"Kainene,can I seat beside you?" Jawal's voice had my eyes fluttering open and looking towards where he stood at the aisle of the bus. I stared at him,thinking of the nicest and most polite way to turn him down. Even in my current state,he just wasnt the person I needed around me right now.
He always tried his utmost best to impress me,to get me to notice him and because he always tried so hard,it made me walk on eggshells around him. I felt almost guilty because I wasn't even trying to consider him,I'd rejected his affection within me and I wasnt ready to change that anytime soon.
"Wait wait!" I heard Jade call out from behind me as she took to her feet before I could get a reply out. "Daryl is sitting there Jawal" she informed him before turning to me "...right?" Her eyebrows bobbed up in question,more like she was giving me a chance to pick which option would be better for me.
"Y...yeah" I finally affirmed after a while of hesitation. "I'm taking his seat so he asked me to keep seat for him" she directed at Jawal. "Ohh..." Jawal let out in understanding though I didn't miss his slight grimace just before he turned and headed backwards.
It wasn't long after Jade had reclaimed her seat before our Geography teacher beckoned Temi to take a rough census of everybody in the bus. All the while,I kept wondering if Daryl wished to miss this excursion. Even when Temi had finished the headcount,he was the one missing person.
"Who is the last person?" My ears picked up on Mr. Alabi's questioned and my gaze quickly darted out the window,wishing Daryl's figure would appear on the slabways someway somehow and to my great fortune,it did.
"He is already coming" Temi gave a quick reply,gesticulating towards Daryl who had drawn nearer to the bus only by a few minutes as he didnt care to hasten his steps despite his tardiness.
"Good morning Sir" He greeted breezily on his entrance into the bus,not bothering to hear whatever response the teacher would give before brushing past him as his gaze trailed everywhere in search of a seat.
"Bad guy!" Yomi called out,earning Daryl's attention before pointing to the vacant seat before him. Appreciating the gesture with a simple bob of his brows,he motioned towards the seat and just before he could lower himself into it,his gaze met mine.
Our gazes remained locked for a while before he looked away and finally settled into the seat. "Uh...I could..sit somewhere else if you want" he barely told me,causing my gaze to shift to him again and this time,I couldnt help but notice his weary looking features. I guess I wasn't the only one who wasn't all excited for the excursion.
"Its fine" I told him with a slight nod,our gazes lingering yet again over each other before we were pulled back to earth by the voice of our Geography teacher.
"SS3 students! If you people dont behave today,we will just come back to this school and forget about this excursion,am I clear?!" Mr Alabi yelled out to us.
"Yes Sir!" My classmates chorused in reply,their noisy titters beginning to fill the atmosphere once again as soon as the drivers arrived and the bus got started. Their jubilance was profound,so much that I wondered why I couldn't get infected as well.
I felt Daryl relax into the chair beside me,causing me to look his way and notice how his head hung over the backrest and his eyes which had fallen shut. Simply staring at him ignited something in me,my heart churned. If I ever chose to be honest with myself,I knew I did miss him.
His eyes fluttered open,causing me to avert my gaze to the window,a slight prickly feeling running through me as I wasn't sure if I hadn't been caught. I let out a breath,tuning my attention away from the noise of the bus to the sound of the breeze wheezing past my face at a perfectly high momentum.
The rest of the one hour drive seemed rather peaceful,Daryl and I said nothing else to each other,although our gazes did meet from time to time,especially whenever the bus drove over the bumps of the road causing one of us to almost collide into the other.
Our first stop was Usonji mountain and to be very honest,I was more than thrilled that we werent going to be tasked with climbing the rock seeing how merely walking at its base was no small piece of cake.
Apparently,we were led down a different maze-like paths which had monuments and well as carved sculptures of legends of the old such as giants and first generation african slaves. It had so happened that everyone had decided to stick with their partner which left Daryl and I,still having to bear with each others prescence.
"Where is Daryl? Ehen,Daryl come first!" Mr Alabi's call brought me out of my thoughts causing me to look to Daryl who had been beside me the whole time and now looked to me as well before he stepped forward.
I watched Daryl receive the order from Mr. Alabi,a bit agitated that Mr. Alabi had taken the comfort away from me,a comforting warmth I didn't know I'd found just with my being around Daryl at least not until he'd left my side.
"No,let him not go alone. Let somebody follow you Daryl. Who is your partner?" Mr. Alabi question was more audible as Daryl had stepped a few metres away from him in preparation to head back to the bus as he'd been formerly instructed.
"Kainene" Daryl gave a terse reply. "Oya,you and Kainene should go" Mr. Alabi instructed before turning and walking off with the tourist guide as well as the rest of my classmates while I trailed beside Daryl,heading in the opposite direction.
We headed down the steep tracks of the mountain and I couldn't help but be shocked as to how Daryl knew his way around. Going down the tracks seemed even harder than going up as I struggled with my steps,wishing friction would lend me a helping hand but I'd wished in vain,because in no time,I was tripping over myself.
"Ah..." I'd barely managed to let out when Daryl's arm came around my waist,pulling me up in one swift motion. "Be careful" he instructed subtly. "Thank you" I told him,pulling away after realising I'd lingered too long.
It wasn't long until I was tripping again in my second fall,which caused Daryl to take my hand in his afterwards so we now walked hand in hand until we reached the bus. It was only right to protest,but besides the arrangement making it much easier for me to walk,I did love the feeling of his skin against mine,it did make me wonder though,was I just being overly emotional due to my current state?
"Do you want to talk about it?" Daryl suddenly spoke up as we made our way back to where Mr. Alabi had asked us to meet them,after picking up the bag he needed that is. "About what?" I found myself asking back.
He remained quiet,causing me to avert my gaze to him. For the first time in such a long time,I was keen to hear what he had to say. "About why you're not happy" he finally pointed out,looking to me as well.
"Who said I'm not happy?" I questioned him. "Well....are you?" He questioned back,one which I could find no reply to. How did he always see through me so well? Even though I'd tried,I could never see through him completely so just how,did he manage to always do it. He made me want to trust him,he made me want to shut out my thoughts and listen to only him,he made me want to be weak,he made me want to lean on him and the thought saddened me even more.
The conversation died down as I'd provided no answer to his question and we walked on,until we reached where the rest of our mates were gathered about the shores of a small spring,a few people daring to taste the water which emanated from the back of the mountain.
"You're going to drink it too?" I questioned Daryl who crouched down before the spring,his fingers already extended towards the water body. "There's a first time for everything right?" He chuckled,bringing a few drops of the water to rest on his tongue.
"Hm,its actually not bad and its cold" he commented,his eyebrows bobbing up in appreciation. "Kainene just try it na" he urged whilst turning to me. I looked between him and the water,wondering if I should let myself get influenced by his intercession.
"Omo,please let this be worth it" I muttered,taking a deep breath and causing Daryl to chuckle as I crouched down beside him. "Wait,if I choke,I'm going to hold you responsible oh" I mused as I stared down at the water.
"Why would you choke on water?" He chuckled in response as I emulated his previous action,tasting the water. "See,did you die?" He laughed as I savored the taste. "Ehn,its not sha bad sha" I shrugged,not bothering to hold back the widening the smile on my lips.
As it had already happened so,I let myself melt into the present,deciding to forget every instinct of mine behind and simply go with the flow. Besides,I'd grown really weary carrying so much emotions through so many weeks. Even if it was just for a minute,I wanted to feel free.
The excursion suddenly took a turn and my mood picked up my millions of units. Daryl and I talked about almost everything and anything we saw,laughing about the littlest details like how most giants had more than five toes and entering into debates from time to time about the pre-colonial era.
"My leg is paining me,Good Lord!" Oghale exclaimed as we began making our way down the path which we'd come. "Your mates were walking five hundred kilometers,you you're complaining about this small walk" Daryl teased from beside me,causing us all to laugh.
"Abeg shut up joorh!" Oghale retorted as she and Temi walked past us,causing our laughs to mix with the noisy chatters of our classmates. I'd spotted Onome but she'd been a bit too far away so I gave up on earning her attention.
Jade and Yomi walked a few metres before Temi and Oghale so Daryl and I were left trailing behind all our friends,although I didn't miss how each of them looked to us from time to time,their gazes holding hope as well as curiosity each time they did.
"I dont know why but I kind of feel for those slaves more today" I started as we walked. "Why?" Daryl was quick to inquire. "Because..." I trailed off,taking a deep breath. "....I can imagine how pained they felt,yet they couldnt tell anybody about it,it must have been hard..." I explained.
He said nothing afterwards,causing me to look his way and find his gaze still resting on me. "Why do I feel like that applies to you too?" He questioned. I sighed,looking away and crossing my arms over my chest.
"I know I might not be the person you want to be hearing this from,but if you need someone to talk to,I'll be more than ready to listen" he told me,his cliche words threatening to pierce through me,or perhaps they already had. It was always different when it was Daryl,I always fell weak whenever it was him.
"What if I'm not happy?" I found myself questioning after a while of silence. "I know you're not" he pointed out. "Why are you so sure?" It was my turn to question. "Because....you wouldn't let me sit with you if you were,I guess" he shrugged.
"That's not true" I defended fiercely,the surprise on his face afterwards causing me realise how wrong the action had been. "Um...okay.." he started
"I did something really bad"I confessed lowly as we began to fall behind the crowd of our mates owing to the fact that everyone walked at a faster pace than us. "It couldn't be worse than what I did,could it?" He questioned. Looking to him,I realised he hadnt even noticed when the words rolled off his tongue,I melted at his words once again.
"I said something to Jade,something very mean" I explained further,allowing his question to remain rhetorical. "Yeah,I noticed there's this thing between both of you. It's there but it's not just there" he concurred.
"Yeah" I replied calmly. "So you guys aren't cool or something?" He questioned but when I parted my lips to give him a reply,I retracted the cause of our squabble in the first place. What did I think,trying to explain to the issue to the cause of the issue?
"Its complicated" I started,wanting to brush off the topic but at the same time,wanting to empty my mind as well. "I...don't know...I just feel somehow,I just feel...alone" I started. "I mean..all my friends are never around,its like everyone has something to do,everyone except me. I just feel...." I trailed off,exhaling heavily.
"Lonely" Daryl completed,causing me to nod. "I...guess" I gave a terse reply. "I really feel you,it's....a really horrible feeling" he concurred.
"Urgh,never mind. It really doesnt matter" I suddenly gave up,scolding myself for opening up to him internally. "They're your feelings Kainene,they matter" he told me lowly,just as we started approaching the bus again. This time,I let my gaze linger as long as I wished as I stared at him,allowing my pulse to escalate as much as it wished,allowing my heart to thud against my ribcage as much as it wished,because he'd said they mattered.
It wasn't long before we all climbed into the bus and we were headed to another tourist centre,which could be best described as a museum. Although my mind was aloof most of the time as we threaded through the aisles of the museum,I'd managed to notice a few things.
Most final year students escaped the crowd from time to time,they were busy taking turns in sneaking out to take pictures with phones and other gadgets they'd managed to snuggle into school. It didnt come as a surprise to me,my classmates had always been very far from law abiding right from our junior school days.
We spent a few more hours at the museum and by the time we were retreating to the bus,darkness had started gracing the sky as well as the earth beneath it. After receiving a brief call from our principal,the driver headed down a different road which only signified that we were going to have a last stop just before we headed to school and that stop,was going to be the best part of the excursion.
My speculations were proven right when our buses pulled up in the parking lot of Lekki mall,causing uproars to erupt from the students it carried just as it came to a stop. In less than a split second,everyone rushed out of the bus despite Mr. Alabi's warnings that we had only but two hours to spend at the mall.
"What are you getting?" I questioned Daryl just as we walked through the doors of the mall and headed down the outrageously long aisle,having different restaurants and supermarkets at either sides.
"I really don't know,what about you?" He questioned back. "I was hoping to get inspiration from you" I smiled. "Ayy" he slurred with a smirk and a slight scrunch up of his nose,a gesture which I happened to love.
"Very wrong decision" he added with a chuckle. "Why?" I questioned back. "Because I'm very indecisive. I can stare at everything in this mall and get nothing because I wont be able to decide which I wanted more" he explained,causing me to let out a laugh.
"Wow" I commented. "Okay um...let's start with food. Are you hungry?" I questioned. "Not really..." he shrugged. "Ahah,but we haven't eaten since morning" I found myself protesting,earning only another shrug from him.
"Oya,come let's start with food" I instructed,my hands reflexively taking his as I pulled him with me into the nearest restaurant,Kilimanjaro.It was situated to the left corner of the aisle.
It did take a lot of convincing,contemplation and regression but in the long run,I finally got Daryl to agree to me placing a food order for us both. Walking towards the extreme end of the restaurant,we took a seat opposite each other on a vacant table,beside the glass walls of Kilimanjaro.
Thereafter,I took a while to observe the aesthetics of the building. Cream pristine tiles carefully lined the floors,chairs and tables as well as the logos of the restaurant coated in red and white,a few cushions to the left being cream and a step high rectangular demarcation was made with finely polished wood at a far end of the room,the regular Nigerian restaurant look.
"Jesus!" I exclaimed after looking back to Daryl and noticing he'd had me on camera the whole time,a grin playing over his lips as he watched me place a hand over my chest in shock.
"Awwn,you looked so cute" he cooed,tapping the screen of the phone in his hands to stop the filming. "I don't blame you,better delete it if its ugly oh" I warned with a slight smile,earning a light huff from him,his eyes remaining glued to his screen as he replayed the video again and again.
"How did you guys even manage to carry phones,like seriously" I commented as we walked back to the table after being called to the counter to get our food.
"Its really not that hard,this one is even Yomi's own" he told me,just as we settled back into our seats. That was basically the last thing we said to each other until we were done with our food. Sometimes the silence seemed relaxing,other times it felt like we wished to talk about so much but yet we couldn't.
Once we were done,we footed the bill and exited the restaurant hence the commencement of our looming around as we were yet to agree on where our next stop would be.
"Daryl!" Yomi's call had us both pausing in our tracks and turning to his direction as he jogged up to where we stood. I noticed Jade standing at a far corner as Daryl and Yomi conversed over matters best known to them.
"Let's go" Daryl beckoned as Yomi headed down the opposite path. We walked a bit more before we finally decided to make a stop at the Gemstone supermarket which seemed to be more or less situated at the middle of the enormous mall.
"Why cant you guys just talk it out or something? You and Jade,I mean" Daryl raised the topic again as we walked through the aisles of the supermarket,shopping for nothing in particular but hoping that something would light our interest.
"I actually don't know really...." I shrugged as I picked up a white mug from its rack. "You should try though,its weird seeing you guys like that" he opined. "Like how?...is this thing fine?" I directed two different questions at him simultaneously.
"Yeah it is,do you want to get it?" He questioned back. "Mhm...I don't know...should I get it?" The cycle of questions continued. "Its like you've forgotten I'm the indecisive one here" he reminded,causing me to chuckle.
"Like that,like...not talking all the time" he gave a reply to my first question as we walked on,into the stationary section.
"Its hard abeg" I gave a terse reply which seemed to suspend the topic as we got engrossed in picking out things that fancied us from the different racks of the mall. At our exit,a shopping bag hung from both our hands,consisting of majorly comestibles.
We settled into the side of the mall closest to the supermarket which had colourful seats and tables arranged to a corner. It was rather thoughtful if you'd asked me,because walking the hallway of the mall was an extremely tedious task and people of course would need a place to rest for a minute or two.
"You really bought this game pad oh" I chuckled,taking out the box which I'd adviced Daryl not to get but he insisted on getting not because he didn't have one,but because he wanted another. "Yes,you dont just understand how much I love games" he told me.
"As much as I like sharwama?" I questioned,placing the box back in its place. "If not more" he chuckled. "Remind me to get it for you before we go" he told me.
"Ahah,Daryl it's okay na,you've gotten almost everything I touched today,is it because I'm telling you?" I complained. I mean,whilst it made me strangely happy that he did get stuff even I wouldn't have gotten for myself for me,the expenses were too much already.
"Dont worry,this would be the last one" he chuckled yet again. "Based on people who have ATM cards on them" I hyped. "Yes,yes,based on who I am" he concurred,causing us both to laugh.
"Stop now,I said I'm okay. I don't want anything material from you again" I told him after my laughs had died down,my intention of specification well known within me.
"Okay,you dont want anything material,meaning you want something immaterial" he mused,though pointing out the exact thing I'd wanted him to.
"Actually yes. I want to ask you something." I pointed out,my tone turning serious at the thought of what I was about to ask for. I felt this would be the perfect place to hear it,away from the enclosing walls of our school and away from the people in it. I felt better,at least not as bitter as I felt a few hours ago,perhaps I could take on the information now.
"Okay" he shrugged,staring at me as he awaited my question but I simply darted my gaze to the table whilst picking at my nails.
"You...said you would tell me everything right?" I started rather lowly,my heart beat escalated at the question,why was I even asking this again. I felt bits of fear caress my bones,his hesitation to give a reply doing nothing to ameliorate the situation.
"And I would,if you want to hear it" he replied,causing me to avert my gaze to him. Emotions coursed through his face,hope being the most prevalent as he sat up in his place.
"Maybe....I do...maybe...I don't" I gave an ambiguous reply. Silence took its place between us once again and I contemplated shrugging off the topic. Asking him this only proved how much I'd started wishing to walk around this thing between us,but couldn't.
"Dunni and I...we actually,kind of had a thing around that SS2 side" he started,causing my ears to stand as I looked to him again. "But we never dated,it ended before we even got there" he explained,looking to me as well so our gazes remained transfixed on each other.
"Why not?" I found myself asking,despite the little pokes I was feeling within me from time to time. "I don't know...I just wasnt feeling it anymore so I broke it off" he shrugged in reply.
"Oh.." was all I said in my reply. "So basically...she's not over you...right?" I found myself questioning. It was rare,I was never this forward with anyone but I strangely chose to be in this minute,might as well hear all the hurtful stuff at once and get it past me.
"I thought she was,we actually didn't talk all through before midterm but then after...its like she just wants to find her way back into my life but there's nothing between us and there'll never be" he explained. I nodded in understanding,not finding a reply in head. I could believe him,I'd seen how he acted towards her all through harvest and it was obvious she was the one going all out for him but why did it still sting? It still hurt. It made me feel somewhat insecure.
"You're now quiet..." he started after silence had lingered between us for a while. "I dont have anything to say na" I gave off a pained laugh. Millions of thoughts had began to reel through my brain since he'd said I wasn't feeling it again. What if that became me someday?
"You do,but you dont just want to voice it out" he corrected,causing me to look away as a small smile continued to play on my lips. "Say what's on your mind Kainene" he urged.
"Theres no point" I shrugged. "To you, but to me there is so say it" he urged further. I stared down at my nails,picking at them as I dared to take his advice.
"So what makes me different?" I questioned lowly. "The fact that I was a game from the beginning?" A dry chuckle followed my question.
"I did some very sick things Kainene and I'll always admit it but what I'm sure about is how I feel about you" he told me,earning my gaze once again which practically urged him to expanciate on his statement as I didnt want to be left to my assumptions once again.
"I like you Kainene..." he trailing off as he gave off a chuckle, "...and its not the normal type of like...its the insane type of like,the type that makes me want to go all out for you" he stated plainly. Heat trailed up the skin of my ear,my blood pumping even harder through my veins as I took in the information. Not like I hadn't felt like he did,but I'd doubted him so much,especially after I found out about the bet,so much that I chose not to believe it anymore.
Hearing him say it didn't take away the doubt,but it sure had a tremendous effect on me. It was funny,because I'd heard the same words from Jawal but I didnt feel half the elation nor the shock I'd felt at that moment,infact I'd felt nothing at all.
"I know saying this doesnt change anything,but I felt like I had to tell you sooner or later,so I don't end up regretting anything" he concluded. He wasnt lying,his gaze was very unexpectant but why did that seem to hurt as well. As I'd been rendered dumbstruck,I simply sat in my place,holding his gaze and trying to control the surging emotions within me as well. He liked me,why wasn't that assuring?
It felt like we stayed that way for ages,neither talking or moving,not until Temi called out to us,that we were being rounded up so we could head back to school.
More and more arrays of thoughts continued to develop in my head during our drive back to school. I'd noticed he'd been down all this while,but I hadn't bothered to inquire why. But everytime he noticed something was wrong with me,he inquired,either directly or indirectly. I wanted to ask,I really did but I just didn't know how.
To make things worse,the little piece of information he'd shared with me had me in even deeper thought. Why did I suddenly have the urge to accept his feelings? It felt like I almost felt the same as he did,but just didn't want to accept it. Besides,what would it change if I did?
Omo,this chapter sha took like 2 to 3 weeks to finish😂😂. I'm just being stupidly lazy again. Actually no,I have exams. Plus,if you notice,there is kind of a major emotional shift in this chapter,it was a tad bit hard to handle and I dont even know if it came out as well as I wanted it to. That's why I really need your comments guys! Please and please do comment!
Sorry for the excessively long chapter,its actually almost 6k words and I still didnt finish what I'd wanted to get in here. Please do vote and comment guys!🤗 Thanks for reading🤗💕.