3875 words
My boots sifted through the neatly trimmed grass, and Seonghwa's followed right next to me. I felt more comfortable now that I finally wore pants, along with a large grey coat with fur that lined the edges. Seonghwa wore a big fluffy jacket, and the hoodie clung snuggly to the top of his ebony hair.
The scenery was neat. Streaks of sunlight weaved through the grey clouds, the temperature was cold. Yet blue started to take over the sky, a sign that it'd get warmer later in the day.
Dew from a light morning shower scattered across the fields and bushes all the way into the garden. I could see it not too far away, I smiled at Seonghwa like an excited child. "We first met in the garden, remember?"
Seonghwa nodded, his eyes glimmered with a gentle excitement. "When were they planted?" I pondered his question, looking out into the distance.
"Years ago, I know that the trees have been here for decades. Many of them are dead, but I keep them. The people here would be cross with me, since many people believe that a fairy lives within the dead trees. She's said to bring us good luck." He hummed, a faint grin on his face.
"If I stay with you, will you let me tend to the garden?" He asked, and I perked up.
"Yes. Take everything you want, I don't mind at all." He chuckled at my eager reply. My feet and body swayed, I leaned in a little before tilting back, my walking pace slowed. "But I need background information, do you have-" My smile faltered, and my eyes widened, I turned around.
"What the hell are you doing?" Jongho's calm demeanor made him even scarier. "You can't be outside unsupervised, what if someone just ran up to you and murdered you? Assassinations have happened before." His eyebrows were set in a painfully frightening way. His shoulders were wrapped up in another cape, black this time. I didn't see any metal armor except for a shoulder piece and chain mail around his stomach. What are we in medieval times?
"Hongjoong told me that he needed to speak to Seonghwa this morning, but couldn't find him anywhere." Jongho's glare was now directed towards Seonghwa. "Were you, perhaps, in the royals room?"
Seonghwa avoided eye contact at all costs, he coughed a little. "Uh.. which royal?" My lips quivered and I looked down, I fought the urge to chuckle with all my will power.
"Y/n."
Seonghwa glanced at me, his eyes pleaded. I only looked back and forth between the two, a little grin on my face. "Yes, he stayed in my room, is that a problem?"
Jongho's eyes widened, "No, royal." He smiled slyly, much unlike his usual stoic expression. I laughed and turned around, I started to walk again.
"We're going to the garden," My head whipped around, my hair fell to one side of my shoulder, "care to join us.. sir Jongho?" I nudged Seonghwas side and gestured to his stupid chainmail. We both laughed and leaned into each other, I held onto his arm and tried to hold back my laughter with a cough. "You're looking awfully bulletproof this morning." I snorted and Seonghwa patted my arm to calm me down once he saw Jonghos expression.
"I was coming along anyways, but sure." Jongho walked casually to the left of me, as Seonghwa observed us from the right. "So Seonghwa," Jongho captured Seonghwa's attention, he leaned forward and looked pass me who was still trying not to laugh.
"Why didn't you punch him? San I mean." Seonghwa's mouth hung open a bit. Jongho laughed, in an evil sort of way, "I'm just kidding," Jongho at me, his eyes softened. He patted the top of my red head, I looked down at him with widened eyes.
Sometimes I wished I wasn't so tall, so that I wouldn't have to look down at the people I was around, but eye to eye. Or way down below, looking up to everyone would be preferable. At least I could look straight into Seonghwa's eyes, and that's all that really mattered anyways. But when I really thought about it, it didn't matter at all.
"Before you came here, what were you planning to do?" Jongho asked Seonghwa, who reacted with a serious expression.
"I was in school, for dance." I looked at him, eye to eye. I wasn't sure how to feel. Guilty, undeserving perhaps. Unexplainable emotions that I have no control of whatsoever. I also felt a deep love and adoration, that seemed to vibrate down my heartstrings, and played with me as they pleased. "I might go back." Seonghwa's head moved away before his eyes did, his face was mostly covered by his hoodie.
"So you want to be a performer," Jongho grinned, "I wish you luck, but who knows what you'll do now."
"He can do as he wishes, anything that pleases him pleases me." My eyes wandered to the garden as I spoke, we drew nearer, "and you'll have to dance for me sometime." My gaze returned to Seonghwa, he seemed flustered at my request.
"Maybe." He refused to look at me, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. I grinned and stifled a laugh, I let my mind wander after that. Random thoughts floated on the surface of my mind, but one stood out more than the others. The 3 stages were a lot more powerful than I thought. In the first stage, I felt so terrified of the pain. My body would hurl over just at the thought of him. Then when I finally got close to Seonghwa, I'd never felt so good. So blissful and lovestruck, I could barely handle being near him. Those emotions were frightening, almost like I wasn't even myself. Like something possessed my flesh, then left my body behind with an intense love for him. My soul felt back to normal again, no more pain. But I have yet to notice the effects of the second stage.
We soon arrived at the garden, the same path I walked along when I first met Seonghwa. Same emerald grass, and the same trees and bushes. The three of us chatted as we walked through, I kept quiet most of the time, however. The garden wasn't very organized, the trees and bushes were grown in random, perfect places. Pots and stakes were randomly scattered about, covered and hidden by leaves and petals. The garden was lush and wild, yet beyond worthy to be owned by the Capital.
While Jongho and Seonghwa were laughing away, (it seemed like they had already taken a liking to each other) I stopped by an orange tree. I looked up into the branches, reached up and picked one.
It was late-season for the orange tree's, I was glad I had got one before they were gone. My mind wandered, I felt very content and calm in the moment I was in. I admired the orange, and the thoughts in my head slowly slipped away. Then all I could hear was bubbly laughter and the chirping of birds. For a while, I spaced out and listened.
Warmth pressed against my back, then curled around my waist. Seonghwa's arm hooked around me, his breath burned my cheek. I held the fruit to my chest, nervous, surprised, and flustered, I felt all of it. "Are you okay Y/n?"
Heat rose in my cheeks, my neck, my stomach and hands, my everything. "Yes," I whispered, "isn't it weird that you're doing this in front of Jongho? I'm sure he'd feel like a third wheel with you all over me like this." I wanted to hold the hand that held my waist and push it away at the same time. So I didn't do anything, and kept my hands stuck to the orange.
"He left. He said that he forgot something and ran off, I hope he didn't forget something too dire.." Even though I couldn't see Seonghwa's face, I could imagine exactly what he looked like. His eyes would've suddenly widened and his lips would part, he'd have a worried expression plastered on his face. "Maybe I should check on him-" His grip on me loosened.
"No," I grabbed his arm, pulling him back around my waist. The orange fell from my grasp. "He'll manage on his own." I slowly let go of his arm, I watched his hand hover over my stomach. Like he was scared to touch me, nervous. I suppose he didn't know how to react. I grinned because he was so daring before, and we knew and that made me feel amused. I turned around to face him, eye to eye.
I was right, the sun did come out. During our walk the sun had emerged from the clouds, covering my land in it's bright brilliance. Then, as I stood before him, the sun was right above us, raining light. "Seonghwa.."
Who am I to you? Do I look okay to you? Do I make you nervous? Does your heart pound when I'm near? Do you want to stay with me? I want to know what you do. I want to see what you do, and feel it too. I want to understand you.
"Y/n?" His voice lilted, questioning me. My eyes focused on his lips, the corners lifted into a confused smile. He didn't understand, but I didn't expect him to either. My hands started at his stomach, pressing down softly, then glided by his ribs and intertwined behind his back. His smile disappeared, his full lips were open slightly, tranquilizing my mind further. "Y/n?" His voice wavered, I smiled. Maybe I did make him nervous, for some reason that made me happy. For some reason, it drove me insane.
In one quick movement I leaned in, my arms tensed and squeezed us together. My lips met his, for the first time. Too many thoughts to count, too many feelings to sort through.
He froze. I could feel his bottom lip twitch against mine.
His hand came, holding my jaw and neck. Closer, his lips moved, his hands pushed me closer than I've ever wanted to feel. That's all that mattered, that it's him I was close to. Nobody else, nobody to take me away.
In shock, my eyes shut tighter than before. I moved with him, muscle memory. Like I've kissed him all my life. I wasn't sure if it was the curse, but my body was on fire. Pushing me to my limits, I pulled away, panting to catch my breath. I could feel his rough breaths, too.
My arms were loose around him, I was tempted to let go and grab his face. "You really kissed me, didn't you?" The hand that held my face moved to his own, brushing against his pink lips. His innocent eyes bore into mine, he gazed at me in awe. As if he couldn't see the harsh, violent war that raged behind my stare. "I must've been your first," he chuckled, "I took some of your purity."
No, he didn't.
I tried not to cry, and I did well. Seonghwa didn't seem to notice my pain, and I was glad. The truck is to breath steadily, and quirk the corners of your mouth to give the illusion that you're trying not to smile. "You don't have purity?" I asked, and my heart sunk.
"No, I don't. I'm-" he hesitated, "I'm sure you have yours, right?"
I wanted to escape his embrace, escape the situation. No, I didn't have purity. It was taken away, stolen. I've been kissed and touched, though if I were different it would be fine. But I'm a woman, I'm the queen. They could steal whoever they desired, and others were shamed for it, at least in my world. The world I ruled.
I opened my mouth, even though I didn't plan to speak.
"Y/n?" An unexpected voice. I turned, letting go of Seonghwa immediately. Yeosang, dressed in a black suit as always, stared me down.
"Yes? Yeosang?"
"Alyss wants to have dinner with you and Seonghwa later this evening, I came to inform you. 7 PM, don't be late." His feline eyes were set aflame, seeing me and Seonghwa so intimate must have hurt him. However, in the moment, my heart was bound tight with confusion and chaos. I didn't spare a thought, I was too busy with my own conflicting emotions to be aware of Yeosang's own.
••••
I raised my hand and knocked on Seonghwa's door, the sound slightly echoed through the dim, empty hallway. Shortly later he opened the door, the sight of him made my heart clench. If that made sense. I could feel it in my chest. Especially when I heard his voice, my lungs did too. Imagine touching him, his skin. In that state, my body would've malfunctioned and I'd die off. I shivered, it was probably best if I didn't think about those things.
"You look beautiful as always," undeserving words came from perfect lips, "I don't understand."
"Understand what?" I asked, my curious, round eyes searched him for answers. He was wearing black pants, a tan coat this time, and big earrings. Pink shone from his right ear, the left gold. I experimented as well, I wore a suit that revealed too much cleavage than a queen probably should, but it wasn't like I was going out into public. I needed to wear something different, something to make me feel confident. Somehow, it did the opposite, every drop of courage was drained from my body.
A moment passed, our eyes explored each other before connecting once again. "Do you think you're beautiful?" Seonghwa's raven hair wove and curled down to his eyes. He mesmerized and terrified me at the same time. I wanted to hide and unveil all of my deepest secrets and pains at the same time. I wanted to display every wound and scar I've ever attained. I felt selfish. He deserved only to see beautiful things.
"I'm not sure what you mean. If you mean my body, then sure I look okay. I don't feel very feminine because of my height, and the scars I have from battle. I do have many bruises from training as well." My voice was quiet, drawn out into a soft, feeble mumble. "Inside, no. I don't think I'm beautiful." I didn't expect him to have anything to say. Sometimes, honesty is hard to respond to.
When he didn't answer, I understood. I walked with him to one of the dining rooms, then the next when I saw it was empty. As we walked in silence, I could tell he was thinking hard. I would occasionally glance at him, nonchalantly examining his face. His complexion was calm, and every muscle was at rest. Except for his lips. Seonghwa licked and bit at his bottom lip incessantly, my eyebrows knitted together.
"Stop abusing your lips," he looked at me, his eyebrows lifted. I smiled, softly. "What are you thinking so hard about?" His lips pursed and he looked away, pondering again. I gave him time, admiring his face all the while.
Our walking pace was languid, as if we were trying to get there as slowly as possible. "I'm trying to come up with an answer, for what you said," His fervent stare held me captive, "I'll answer you someday, I promise."
"Okay, I trust you." I gave him a grin, once again, and walked into yet another dining room. There she was, sitting down, drinking something from an ornate looking teacup. The dining room was like the others, very floral with vines and flowers. The colors were like sunset, oranges and yellows, pinks and dark blues. A very colorful room, it was. Two guards, both with orange capes draped over their shoulders, stood on each side of the open entrance. They bowed as I came in.
"Y/n, welcome." Alyss stood and bowed a little. "Hello Seonghwa." Her bright red hair, the same as mine, was wrapped up into an elegant bun. This time, she wore a very simple black dress and a huge shawl that drooped over both of her shoulders.
She sat back down, both me and Seonghwa sat on the opposite side of the large wooden table. Her eyes bore into mine, I tried to ignore it. "So Alyss, why did you want to see us?"
She didn't have much of a reaction, but her tongue clicked against the roof of her mouth. "Can't I request to see the youngest of the royals on a whim?" I didn't have the patience to pretend, my face was stone cold.
"The En Guerre tribes are revolting again, you, as the Overseer must have a plan?" I knew her answer, before she could even open her mouth.
"The root of the revolution is because of you, Queen. They don't want you as their leader, why not not give them what they want?"
"They don't want any of us royals as their leaders, and I agree, every human in my perspective is equal. Royal or not. There are more deserving people than me, of course, but just because I'm a royal I get to be queen. The only problem is, the En Guerre tribes used force and violence to communicate their opinions. I will never consider the opinions of those who use violence instead of their voice when I'm here to listen. It's useless, sometimes childish, but always inhumane."
Alyss took a sip of her drink once again, uninterested. "I suppose you don't agree? Since you're the Overseer, isn't plotting how and when to kill people your job?"
"I suppose so. Sometimes, Y/n, you have to fight, and kill to get what you desire most. I would get rid of the En Guerre tribes, it would make everything a lot simpler." She made sure that every word and syllable came out slowly. As if she stabbed me in the stomach, then grasped the end and pushed it further, tauntingly. Seonghwa stirred in his seat, I could feel his discomfort from the few inches away he was from me.
"So you're telling me you want to murder millions of people just because it would make things simpler?" My voice rose, my body heated with passion. A need and thirst for justice. I've always been that way, I couldn't stop myself. "Yes, you are a royal. But you can't play God and pick and choose who you want to live and perish. These are lives, these are real, living beings."
She changed, her eyes ignited. "Don't act so superior, perhaps I can't 'play god' but I can control you." She chuckled, her usually monotonous voice lilted up into a disturbing remark. "If you won't tell everyone the truth then I will. Maybe I'll even give you the easy way out by taking your life instead? Either way, your life is mine, I could easily tell Seonghwa everything right now," My heart panged against my chest, her hasty threats injected me with poison. I glanced at him, there was no emotion visible to the eye. "Imagine that, nobody would stay with an-"
"Excuse me, Alyss." I stood up, not bothering to take Seonghwa's hand. I was unprepared for his reaction, maybe he'd push me away if I were to reach out to him. I glared at her, my eyes were glazed over, emotional yet cold. My hands were balled into fists, they firmly swayed from side to side as I headed towards the exit. I bit my lip, cursing and yelling inside my brain.
After all of this, why aren't I angrier? It's shameful, pitiful that I'm scared. Out of all the emotions I could feel after hearing her say that, I feel terrified.
"Wait slow down!-" I could hear him call out, I heard clacks come from Seonghwa running towards me. I walked through the door, letting it shut close behind me. My chest rose and fell, my deep breaths rattled my body. "Why'd you close the door? You could hear me talking to you-" I turned around quickly, my hair swayed with my movement.
A tear rolled down my cheek, my jaw and chin were clenched. My shoulders rose and I stood tall, as if my stance would make me look less pathetic. Seonghwa looked shocked, his mouth closed tight, his eyes wide.
"Why are you following me? Tell me." I didn't mean to sound so angry, it was a facade to cover up the fear. A horrible, cowardly defense mechanism.
I waited for him to ask me what Alyss meant, or to ridicule me for shedding tears. "Let's- Let's go." He stuttered, but he spoke confidently nonetheless. He took my hand in his, and pulled me along with him. I wasn't sure if he knew where he was going, but I let him lead me.
I tried to choke back a sob, which resulted in a whimpering noise. I could feel Seonghwa's hand squeeze mine a bit. Guilt and secrets welled up over the years. Seonghwa was precious, the breaking point. I longed to let him see me, but I'd rather die then for him to hate me. That everytime he would look into my eyes he would see something pitiable and untouchable.
The walk back to my room was shorter than I hoped it would be. When we reached the door, he stopped and faced me.
My body wasn't tense anymore, more weak and frail from the settling emotion. Seonghwa didn't let go of my hand, I sniffed, and avoided eye contact.
"How do you feel?"
"Are you sure you want to know?" My voice wavered. "You don't have to ask if you don't care, I know you must have other questions."
"No, I want to know how you feel. You don't have to tell me, if it makes you uncomfortable." He was painfully soothing, everything about him was. From his voice to his words, and his smell, and how warm he made my hand get.
"I don't know," I sighed, "I feel angry, sad." I glanced at him, his gaze pulled the truth out of me. "I feel pathetic, I feel scared." His thumb skimmed over mine.
"Those are normal feelings, and I validate them. Do you know why you feel that way?"
"Yes, I do." I wiped away my tears in order to look away momentarily. "How do you feel?"
He took a second to think. Even in my mood, the way his eyebrows quirked and his eyes wandered off to the side made me lose my train of thought. "I feel concerned, and happy. Concerned for you, and happy that you opened up to me."
"I think you're beautiful, and I don't think your tears or emotions are pitiful. They're gorgeous, they're stunning, just like the rest of you." Warm, I felt so warm. My eyes were wide as I stared at him, I was on the verge of crying again.
"You're so difficult." I chuckled half-heartedly, "it bothers me how good you are at making me feel good. It's strange."
Seonghwa laughed, his eyes squinted. "I'm glad you feel that way." I huffed out a breath and grabbed his collar, I leaned in to steal a quick kiss before going inside. The first kiss was everything I thought it would be, but my guilt got in the way. Now, it felt different. Our lips connected, quickly, I went to back away when his hands trapped me again. He seemed to be good at that. The confidence I somehow managed to scrounge up suddenly disappeared, and left me quivering under Seonghwa's intense presence. We moved in unison, the sounds we made were unlike anything I ever heard before.
It was when I felt his tongue graze against my bottom lip was when I pulled away, startled and dazed. The look he had on his face was a sight I never thought I'd see. His eyes heavy and vibrant, and a smile that made me feel wanted.