RANSOM:
Evelyn stands completely still – like she is immobile.
I think she is too shocked to say or do anything – she was caught in the act of snooping.
She should be!
I'd like to know why she drove – with Jake of all people – to my mother's house, just to read my diary?
My fucking secret diary!
Or was she returning my diary? How long has she been holding onto my diary?
I decide not to press Evelyn as to why she is even in my old bedroom, reading my damn diary.
I'd prefer to wait until Evelyn can explain herself to me.
Unfortunately, Evelyn doesn't open her mouth to speak.
She just looks around the room.
Probably planning a way to escape the room, but she can't since I am blocking her only escape.
Unless she decides to jump out the window...
No! She won't! She's not stupid.
The truth is I want to reprimand Evelyn and interrogate her as to why she is even at my mother's house, but I need to find the right words to say...
If I say the wrong words which may lead to Evelyn possibly leaving me...I will regret it!
I sigh and I shift my feet, while leaning against the doorway.
I look at my watch and notice that Evelyn does not say anything for at least 15 minutes.
I decide that once Evelyn starts talking, I will interrupt her...
Finally, Evelyn's lips quivers. "I-I-I did-didn –"
I hold up my hand up to silence her. "Just get in the car." I instruct. "And that is my car that you will be getting into, not Jake's car." I add in case she decides to get cocky and get in that idiot's car.
She is not running away from this conversation...
Evelyn's breathing quickens. "B-Back t-to Harl –"
"We are not going back to Harlan's house. We are going home." I snarl.
Evelyn takes a step back. There's fear in her eyes.
Dammit! I'm too angry to control my temper!
"Evelyn so help me, if I have to drag you out of here while you kick and scream...I will." I warn, glaring at her.
Evelyn gulps and looks down. She grabs her bag with her trembling hands and she walks out the bedroom.
"I will meet you outside shortly." I say curtly.
Evelyn doesn't look at me as she walks toward the stairs.
"The car's unlocked." I inform her.
Evelyn halts for a few seconds and then proceeds to walk down the stairs.
I shouldn't be so hard on her.
I need to watch my temper around her. I cannot lose her!
Not again.
She means too much to me!
I make the smart move not to give her my car keys – because I have a feeling that she will drive off and leave me behind.
Just like that one time...and plus she feels guilty about what she just did.
She invaded my privacy!
I have never read from her diary before! That is a sacred book where she wrote what was on her mind.
I won't lie, there were times I wanted to read what she wrote about me in her diary...but I decided not to read it because it was sacred to her.
So why did she read mine?
I pick up my diary off the floor and I see that the diary entry is at that entry...Did Evelyn read this diary entry yet?
Which entry – or entries – has she read already?
I need to find out.
I place my diary in one of my draws, and I make sure that I lock the draw so Evelyn cannot freely read any of my diary entries whenever she wants to. If she tries to read my diary, she would need to get the key from me – and I will be hiding the key where she wouldn't think to find it.
I walk outside, expecting Evelyn to be in my car, but I see her speaking to Jake.
Why doesn't she listen to me?
"Get. In. My. Car. Evelyn." I say through gritted teeth.
"Don't speak to her like that you asshole! And where is your car? I don't see it." Jake remarks.
Fuck!
I am not in the mood for this idiot!
"You stay out of it! This is between me and Evelyn." I look at Evelyn. "My car is around the corner."
Evelyn looks at Jake, so I step between them so I am blocking her view of Jake.
Evelyn blinks and lowers her head as she walks toward my car.
I hear Jake babbling behind me, but I don't care what he is saying.
Frankly I don't give a shit what he is saying.
Ignoring Jake, I walk around the corner to my car and once Evelyn and I are in my beamer, I race off to my own house.
Evelyn doesn't speak to me the whole drive home.
I don't care. I am too angry to say anything to her.
Watch your temper!
I need to watch what I say to Evelyn however, because I don't want her to walk out on me.
I cannot lose Evelyn!
I'm angry with her, but I don't want her to leave.
She's too precious to me!
Once we arrive at my house, Evelyn runs in front of me and runs upstairs to the bedroom.
I hear Evelyn cursing as I follow her upstairs, and I know exactly where she is going.
She aims for the bathroom and slams the door shut.
"What?" I hear her say.
I open the bathroom door. "I took the key out the door." I half smile.
How did I know that she would try to hide away from me?
Evelyn groans, stepping back.
"You and I are going to talk about this. You are not going to running away from this conversation." I bark.
Evelyn stomps out of the bathroom and jumps onto the bed. She hugs her knees and puts a pillow over her knees – keeping a barrier between us.
I see Evelyn's attitude has changed.
She doesn't seem as afraid of me.
I stand at the edge of the bed because I cannot sit down right now. I am too angry to sit. "Why were you reading my diary when you know that my diary is sacred to me?" I start off.
I am not going to circle around this topic. I need to know why she thought it would be okay to just read my diary!
"I am –"
"You promised Evelyn!" I bellow.
Evelyn flinches.
"You made a promise to me that you would never read my secret diary! You promised me and you told me that you don't break promises." I place my hands at my sides, breathing faster this time.
Control your temper!
Evelyn doesn't speak. She doesn't even look at me.
Let me try another question instead.
"Which diary entries did you read?" I ask, afraid of the answer.
Evelyn bows her head onto the pillow, her hair falling over her face.
"Answer me." I grunt.
Evelyn holds up her one hand up and points three fingers up.
Three diary entries? Three too many!
"Which diary entries specifically?" my voice is trembling.
I need to control my anger toward Evelyn.
I see Evelyn's muscles tense up and she doesn't answer me.
I draw my eyebrows together. "Answer me." I demand.
Evelyn mumbles words, but I cannot hear what she is saying.
"Show me your face so I can see your mouth move because I cannot hear a word you are saying."
Evelyn slowly looks at me, her lips quivering. "W-W-What does it m-matter?" her voice is shaking rapidly, like she has a cold or fever. "Y-You are going t-to b-break up w-with me anyway!"
Break up with her?
I fall onto the bed, but I make sure that I am sitting opposite her.
She thinks I am going to break up with her? How can she think that?
"You think I am going to break up with you?" I ask, stunned.
Evelyn doesn't answer, and she doesn't take her eyes off me.
It's like she is trying to challenge me...
I take a breath. "That...is not even the last thing I would do."
I cannot lose you Evelyn! You complete me!
"It s-sounds like y-you are g-going t-to. Y-You are a-angry at m-me."
I am angry at her alright, but not angry enough to let her go – again.
I wait a second and then I answer. "Didn't I tell you earlier that I would never leave you? You know, when you saw the log I kept of your nightmares?" I ask rhetorically.
Evelyn opens her mouth, but then she retracts.
I sigh. "Yes I am angry with you, but that doesn't mean I am going to break up with you."
You are too important to me!
"You are l-livid with m-me." she stumbles on her words.
"I wouldn't say livid. That's too strong of a word. You are right that I am angry with you, but it's because you read my diary Evelyn! I told you that diary was sacred to me, just like your diary is sacred to you." I try to keep my voice neutral, but my voice is harsh, which makes Evelyn recoil even more.
I can see tears are forming in her eyes.
No!
"Which diary entries did you read?" I ask quickly before Evelyn starts to cry, because once she starts to cry, she won't be able to answer me.
Evelyn covers her face and leans against the headboard. If she could, she would merge with the headboard just to disappear.
She's trying to hide away from me, and wants this argument to be over.
But we are not done talking.
I move her hands away from her face.
That beautiful face!
"Tell me." I press.
Evelyn gulps and then takes a breath. "Th-The entry a-after our b-breakup. The on-one w-when we j-just finished our f-fifth date. You said I w-was b-beautiful a-and then the one b-before w-we met for the f-first ti-time after our breakup." Evelyn frets, tugging at her ear.
I lean back, completely flabbergasted.
Out of all three diary entries, she read one of the entries that were very personal to me!
I only wrote that diary entry about what I did after Evelyn broke up with me in detail because I knew that Evelyn wouldn't read that entry.
But clearly I was wrong.
Evelyn read the one diary entry that I poured my heart out to. That diary entry was close to my heart.
"Why Evelyn? Why did you have to read those entries from my diary, especially the one after our break up?" I rasp.
My blood is boiling because I am pissed.
Super pissed!
I really want to shout at Evelyn and tell her to get out of my sight because she has really pissed me off now...I can't however, because I am afraid that once I tell her to leave me alone, she will not return.
I need to try and stay calm!
"I'm sorry." Evelyn's voice is but a whisper.
I heavily sigh...
I guess the cat is out the bag now. She knows what I did after our break up – and how I couldn't fully commit to sleeping with those other women.
I dart my eyes at her and she quickly looks down.
I sigh. "Well I guess now you know the truth about what really happened after you broke up with me." I shrug my shoulders, but my voice is still raspy.
Evelyn frowns, still looking down.
"You know that I didn't sleep with Callie, I told you that I didn't, and now you know that I didn't actually sleep with those other women I saw. Well I didn't fully commit to sleeping with them." I don't take my eyes off Evelyn – who looks at me this time.
"I-I know that n-now. Y-You wrote it in your d-diary, so it must be real." Evelyn babbles.
I frown this time.
Is she serious?
"So let me get this straight...when I told you verbally that I didn't sleep with those women, you refused to believe me, but now that you read it in my diary, you now believe me?" I glower.
Evelyn inhales sharply and bites her lip, but she doesn't speak.
"So what? Must you read my diary in order for you to believe me?" I question, scrunching my face.
Evelyn flinches. "I'm so-"
"Sorry? You are sorry? If you were truly sorry then you would not have read my diary in the first place. You would have used your head and have known to not pick up the diary." I stand up.
I can't sit anymore! I am too angry.
I cannot show Evelyn my full rage toward her right now. If I do...she will leave this house and not come back – and I won't have my beamer anymore so I couldn't even drive after her.
"I-I don't know what I was thinking, reading your diary. I guess...I-I gue –"
"Yes you do! You wanted to read what I went through after our break up, and even though I told you what happened, you still refused to believe me. So what did you do? You read about it in my diary."
"You've lied to be before Ransom! To my face!" Evelyn snaps.
Finally! Evelyn speaks without stuttering!
"And you haven't?" I counter, arching my brows.
That shut Evelyn up. She hugs her knees into her chest, clenching her fingers into the pillow.
"That is my diary. There is a reason it is called a "secret diary". It's so that I can write in it without someone reading it." I huff. "I don't go and read your secret diary."
Evelyn raises a brow.
I roll my eyes. "Don't look at me like that! I haven't read your damn diary Evelyn!" I say through gritted teeth.
"Well...You made out with Callie just a few weeks ago! Explain that to me!" Evelyn seems to have found her confidence again.
I honestly couldn't take the babbling.
I purse my lips. She does have a point on this topic. I did kiss Callie and Evelyn caught us.
Well I guess I should tell her the truth. The whole truth, before she tries to read the diary entry I wrote about this topic.
"I was angry at you and I wanted to hurt you." I admit.
Evelyn opens her mouth and frowns.
"And if you read that diary entry, you would have seen that I wrote exactly that in my diary. I wanted to hurt you because you hurt me."
Evelyn covers her mouth, tears start running down her cheeks.
Shit! I am losing her!
I sigh. "But if you read the whole diary entry, you would have read that kissing Callie was a mistake because I...I needed you more. I probably wouldn't have gone through with what I had planned with Callie. I just wanted you to feel what I was feeling."
Evelyn drops her arms, dropping the pillow onto the bed. "You probably wouldn't have slept with that bitch?"
Bitch? Well Evelyn isn't wrong. Callie is a bitch.
"Out of all I just said, you only heard that part?" I arch a brow.
"How could you even think of sleeping with her when we were trying to get back together?"
She has a point – again.
"I probably wouldn't have."
"There you go again with 'probably'."
"Okay! I would not have gone through it. Are you happy now?"
Evelyn blows out her cheeks in frustration.
"And do you know why I would not have gone through with it?" I hold my finger up to stop Evelyn from talking. "The reason was because I wanted to be with you. After you left me, I wanted to go and get you back immediately."
"Then why didn't you?" Evelyn rebukes.
"I was afraid that you didn't want to see me."
"You got that right!" Evelyn scoffs.
Exactly why I didn't go to get her back immediately.
She probably would have set her dog on me.
I take a breath. "Look..." I need to tell her this...I need to still reassure her that I don't want to leave her. "I was scared...for those two weeks all I could think of was you. I did see Callie as well, but when I saw her again, I kicked her out my house and believe me when I tell you...I did not sleep with her."
Evelyn has already read what Callie did to me before she broke up with me the first time, so Evelyn knows that happened.
Evelyn looks at me and she seems to be studying me. Like she is trying to see if she can believe me.
It's a little scary.
I look at her lips, which she is biting.
I want nothing more than to have my lips covering her soft lips, but I am too angry to kiss her – even though I really want to.
Dammit!
Evelyn...is my safe zone as well as my unsafe zone.
She has seen the worst in me. My own family hasn't even seen the worst side of me.
Evelyn has seen me at my most vulnerable, and she still chose to stick by my side – even when my own family refused to.
But Evelyn went behind my back and read my diary...it's like she was opening the doors to the most vulnerable parts of my heart that I didn't want her – or anyone else – to see.
"Don't you think that I was scared too? Or should I say more heartbroken since you kissed another woman! And do not lie to me! You were going to sleep with her!" Evelyn croaks.
I look down and let out a breath.
So she still doesn't believe me...
While Evelyn glares at me, I think back to that day I kissed Callie...I remember her lips were dry and rough. I didn't like kissing Callie and yet I told her that I wanted more than just a kiss, but in all honesty, even if I did try to go through with that plan...it wouldn't have happened.
"Answer me!" Evelyn hisses.
I snap back to reality and blink. "I told you Evelyn...I probably would have tried to do more than kiss her..." I look into her eyes. "...but I wouldn't have succeeded. Do you want to know why?"
Evelyn crosses her arms.
I exhale. "All I could think of was you." I confess.
Evelyn pouts her lips and frowns. There are still tears forming at the corners of her eyes.
"Don't you see? Even if I tried to be intimate with Callie – or some other woman for that matter – I wouldn't have succeeded because of you. Evelyn, you are the only one for me." I confess.
Evelyn wipes her eyes.
I walk toward the bed. "I want to be with you. I want to feel my lips on your lips. I want to feel my skin against your skin and most of all..."I sit so close to Evelyn that I could kiss her. "I want to be intimate with you. Only you." I cup her head in my hands. "I feel alive when our bodies are intertwined." I rub her cheek with my thumb. "I want you to be my girlfriend, not some gold digger who is only after my money. Plus, you have seen the real me that my own family hasn't even seen. You can look past the asshole that I am. When you are with me, I feel that I can handle my family better. Can't you see? You are the woman I lo-like the most in the world." I exhale.
Shit! Shit! Shit! I nearly said the one word I swore I wouldn't say.
Evelyn looks up through her eyelashes. Her makeup is running down her cheeks.
It looks as if dark rain is falling from her cheeks.
And she still looks so beautiful!
"Ransom..." Evelyn chokes, her hands cover my hands. "D-Do you really mean a-all that?" Evelyn stutters again.
I make sure that I am looking at her in her beautiful blue eyes. "Yes, I do."
Evelyn caresses my hands with her fingers. "A-Are y-you still angry at m-me?" Evelyn asks, leaning slightly closer to my face.
"Yes. You are a stubborn woman who doesn't listen to me. What you did was wrong and it shouldn't happen again." I remind her.
Evelyn leans back again and looks down.
"But..." she looks back into my eyes. "Right now...I don't want to think about what you did." I look at her luscious lips. "I just want to think about your lips over mine." I purse my lips.
Evelyn tries to smile, but she ends up weeping.
I don't like to see her cry! It hurts me to see her cry, and it hurts even more seeing her cry because of me.
I lean forward and I gently pull her lips to mine. I make sure that I kiss her gently.
I can taste her tears.
It's salty, but sweet at the same time.
I pull Evelyn closer so that our bodies are touching. Evelyn throws the pillow aside and her hands crawl underneath my sweater.
Her hands are on my skin! It feels so fucking good!
I force my tongue into her mouth, and she allows me.
I place my hands underneath her dress and she moans against my lips.
Evelyn pushes me away and breathes quickly. "I...I want you n-now. I want t-to also forget. Even if it's just for a moment." she says softly.
"I thought that is what we were doing?" I ask, smiling.
Evelyn looks at me and half smiles.